A/N: I don't expect this to be a hit; but being the creative person that I am, I just had to get this out. Anyhow, this is a parody of the web video series Cinemasins and I do not own Star vs the Forces of Evil.
Everything Wrong With: Star vs the Forces of Evil
Episode 1
Spoilers
(duh)
Opening theme song begins.
This theme is just too damn catchy. Yes, it's a sin (ding).
Star: Far, far away, in a magical land called Mewni…
Narration (ding).
Star: Rail slide! (Crashes into a vase).
Princess Anna and Princess Star should really meet up one day and exchange ideas on how to properly come down the stairs (ding).
Star: Some people have called me reckless and irresponsible…
Well whatever gave them that idea? (ding).
Star: I tame wild unicorns (leaps down onto said creature).
Falling from that height, your pelvis should be shattered (ding).
(King and Queen wait for Star's arrival)
Wait, how can the queen's neck support that much hair on her head? (Mr. Bean: Magic.) (ding).
Queen Butterfly: This wand is a big responsibility. If it falls into the hands of evil forces, the universe could be destroyed.
I know it's tradition, but I still have to ask: why would you then knowingly give it to someone, someone you have raised for these past fourteen years mind you, who causes mayhem to everything she touches? (ding).
Star: *Excited gasp* Don't worry mom, I can handle it.
(Mayhem and destruction ensue, with Star looking both nervous and guilty)
King and Queen Butterfly: *Looking through binoculars* She can't handle it.
Giligan Cut (ding).
Star: NOOOOOOOO! I can be good! Please! Don't send me to St. Olga's Reform School for Wayward Princesses *Comedic pleading sobs*
(cut to..)
Star: *Moving on a conveyor belt while thunder and lightning crash* AAAAHHHHHHHHH!
There's nothing wrong with this scene. This scene is gold.
King Butterfly: We're sending you to train in a safer dimension. A place called: Earth.
What's wrong with Mars? (ding).
Star: Goodbye Mewni.
Okay, that face is adorable. Gotta subtract a sin (reverse ding).
(Kid walks up close and takes a photo of the beasts pulling the carriage)
Sure kid, that's what you do to animals that are bigger than you and have teeth (ding).
Star: And you said there was no magic on Earth.
Fish out of water (ding).
(King Butterfly pulls out a treasure chest full of gold and jewels)
Principal Skeeves: She is gonna love it here!
(Abridged Seto Kaiba: Screw the rules, I have money.) (ding).
Principal Skeeves: Now I'm off to the ice cream shop; daddy's getting all 52 flavors!
Yeah, because I'm sure wherever you're going to exchange all that treasure will have enough cash on hand (ding).
Marco: I don't know where people get the idea I'm so safe – oh, watch your step: loose tile.
Well whatever gave them that idea? (ding).
Marco: You wear a helmet in the gym shower ONE time and you're labeled for life.
I want a fanfiction on this; right now (ding).
Marco: What the heck was that?!
Dude, your eyes are covering at least 50% of your face. I'm more worried about you (ding).
Star: Bye new friend! See you tomorrow!
(School starts setting on fire)
Funny, but schools aren't made of wood writers (ding).
Star: Sparkle Glitter Bomb Expand!
With the way she strung those words together, I half-expected half of the house to be blown up (ding).
(Star's new castle-like stone-built room appears)
I don't care if it was made with magic, the Diaz's house should not be able to support that structure (ding).
Marco: Suck? SUCK?! Why was the word 'suck' in that spell?!
Be careful what you wish for Marco (ding).
Also, those puppies have hearts covering their butt holes. Not a sin, just thought I'd point it out.
Marco: Luckily the cactuses broke my fall.
Dude, I know people who have fallen on (what I'm assuming to be) Saguaro cactuses before. You should be screaming (ding).
Star: Do you need any help?
Marco: I'm fine, just leave me alone!
"Are you okay" and "Leave me alone" cliché (ding).
(Marco standing in front of a convenience store)
Discount 7-11 (ding).
Star: I'll….I'll find another family to live with.
Uhh….I…I…I got something in my eye. Hang on while I subtract a sin (reverse ding).
Marco: HYYYAAHHH! YAH!
Okay, Marco kicking some ass is worth at least another two sin subtractions (reverse ding, reverse ding).
Ludo: You said she was unguarded!
Well that's what happens when you don't expect the unexpected Ludo (ding).
Buff Frog: Whoa, what is happening?
Acid trip (ding).
Ludo: I'll get you Star Butter-*gack*
"I'll get you next time" cliché (ding).
Star: Marco's Super Awesome Nachos!
I'm sorry, but the cheese to chip ratio is not equal (ding).
Marco: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Jesus Christ that face (ding).
Princess Ponyhead: Are you ready to make some bad choices?
Peer pressure (ding).
(Princess Ponyhead squints her eyes and looks side to side)
Looks like Homer Simpsons was right about no one suspecting the shifty eyed dog, or in this case: pony (ding).
(Series of Photo booth photos)
Duckface photo. Two sins because two of the participants are doing them (ding, ding).
*Super Kawaii*
Random Japanese (ding).
Marco: Star, Ponyhead threatened to-. (Princess Ponyhead pushes him towards the cloud's edge)
Jealous best friend (ding).
Princess Ponyhead: No way girl! I'm gettin' my dance on!
Not-so-subtle rape imagery there animators (ding).
Princess Ponyhead: Yes, I knew you would like it here. This place is full of squares.
Squares: *Nerdy Groan*
There's nothing wrong with this scene. This scene is gold.
Star: Look, Lance Lance Revolution!
Discount Dance Dance Revolution (ding).
Square: Ooh, let's see. Do I want to pointy one or the pointier one – oh, it's so hard to choose.
Indecisive customer (ding).
(Star and Princess Ponyhead arrive at a club called The Scum Bucket).
Wow Disney, you must've been focusing on something else to miss that (ding).
Star: He's the best turd I've ever known.
Damn. Marco, you'd better not get on her bad side. As for me, I'll be subtracting a sin (reverse ding).
Lead Truant Officer: Not talking eh? What if I do…THIS! (Flickers lamp light on and off rapidly)
Discount Jack Bauer Interrogation Technique (ding).
Princess Ponyhead: Hold out your hand. *Bleh*
Eww, that thing's been in her mouth; who knows where it's been (ding).
Princess Ponyhead: Out of the way Squares!
Squares: *Nerdy Yell*
Discount Tetris Music (ding).
(Truant Officers bust through the wall of Squares)
Aw come on guys; you ruined my game (ding).
Princess Ponyhead: Woo-hoo! I feel so ALIVE!
I think you just dislocated your jaw there princess (ding).
King Ponyhead: It's reform school cupcake, not jail. Although admittedly it is a lot like jail.
"No, except yes" cliché (ding).
Ending theme song begins.
Damn it, this song is catchy (ding).
These are the most nonsensical lyrics I've ever listened to (ding).
Okay, that snail needs to be on a t-shirt. Someone go tell Disney that, now (ding).
Episode 1 Sin Tally: …..
BONUS ROUND
Every mention of the word 'Turd'.
Go!
+1
+1
+1
+1
+1
Episode 1 Sin Tally: 47
Sentence: Enrollment at St. Olga's Reform School for Wayward Princesses