Disclaimer- I do not own any of the Total Drama characters that I choose to torture—I mean put in the story! They are merely here for mine, and your amusement. No profit is being made off of this (No one would would stoop as low as to pay me for this anyway) I give all credit to the creators of Total Drama, as well as Johnny Depp, because...well, he's Johnny Depp!

Notes From The Depths of Vampirism-

Greetings readers! Now that summer has arrived I can finally try and get back into the swing of things! However, I have recently gotten off the couch and got a job! There's obvious pros and cons to this and it will likely affect updates to this story unfortunately (Because we sure needed that now didn't we?). The story won't be going anywhere but updates may take longer than I would like. Of course, it's still summer and I have lots more time on my hands, even with the addition of a job! Hopefully I can get a few more chapters out for you all before the school year returns and slows things down again. Now that that's out of the way, let's get on with the show!

Episode 23 – (Cruise of Lose 2)

"Are you serious?!" Duncan exclaimed. "How did this happen?"

Dave gulped nervously and tried not make eye contact.

"I'm gonna kill you!" The punk threatened, swinging at Dave.

Luckily for the wimp, Chef was there to grab Duncan and haul him down to the Boot of Shame.

"Dude..." Geoff gaped in utter shock.

Courtney beamed and high-fived Leshawna before turning to Sky and Bridgette and doing the same.

Despite being on Duncan's side, Scott was still quite pleased with the outcome. "That'll learn ya." He grinned.

"What?!" Harold stood up in shock. "Why am I being voted out for something I can't control?"

No one responded.

"Gosh, why do I always get teamed with a bunch of jerks." He pouted as he stormed off to the Boot of Shame.

Harold crossed his arms in irritation as he stood on the Red X. "Any last words that aren't about our faulty equipment?" Chris asked. Harold was about to open his mouth when the host pressed the button. "Just kidding! I don't care." He laughed as the boot swung down and kicked the nerd into the far beyond.

Team Sisikwew was on their way to the bonfire pit when suddenly the intercom screeched. "Attention all campers. We regret to inform you that Gwen has been medically evacuated from the game due to her injuries. Because of this, no elimination is need. You lucked out Team Sisikwew!" Chris announced.

"Yes!" Amy grinned, pumping a fist while Samey and Cody looked on disappointed.

"Wait, Gwen's leavin'" Leshawna gaped. "No way! Gah! This is all my fault!"

"No it's not Leshawna." Bridgette comforted her. "Let's go say goodbye."

The screen flipped forward to Gwen sitting in the boat of losers with her friends standing at the dock waving goodbye. "We're gonna miss you Gwen, ya here?" Leshawna called out.

"Bye Gwen!" Came Bridgette.

"Sorry." Sky frowned, waving goodbye.

Cody, Samey, Jasmine, and the rest of her friends all waved goodbye as the boat started up and began leaving the dock. "Bye Gwen! I'll win it for us!" Trent called out as he joined her friends in waving goodbye.

Gwen just smiled and waved to them until the boat was out of sight. Trent sighed and trudged off.

"And you! Idiot Farm Boy! You're on the chopping block for losin' for yer whole team, giving Chris an allergic reaction, and burnin' down mah kitchen!" Chef roared.

"So . . . who's going home?" Rodney gulped softly.

Chef clenched his fists as the veins in his neck and face popped. "WHO DO YOU THINK!? GET SORRY YER BUTT OFF MY ISLAND BEFORE I SERVE IT UP FOR TOMORROW'S BRUNCH SPECIAL!" he roared in the Farm Boy's face

"Aw man! I thought I had this one." he sighed.

"NOW SOLDIER, NOW!" Chef roared like a pitbull on steroids, chasing Rodney all the way down the docks and onto an ever ominous red X painted crudely on the docks. "Any last words before I send your sorry keister over the horizon and out of my life and kitchen?"

"Yes. I just wanted to say that...I was the one who got Ezekiel vote off! I switched the votes!" He announced. Bridgette's eyes widened and she gasped. Some others looked shocked, some didn't.

"How could you?!" Bridgette cried. "WHY?!"

"Because-" Before he could finish his answer, Chef pressed the button on Chris's remote control, sending the boot swinging down and nailing Rodney in the chest, sending him flying out into the lake.

"Iz-" Chris was cut off when Brick suddenly stood up form his seat.

"Wait!' he exclaimed. Everyone around the campfire gasped and looked back at the Army Cadet.

"So far during this season I've lied, and back-stabbed. That's not what the cadet code is about. It's about being truthful, never leaving a man behind, and welcoming all soldiers." Brick said. "And because I have not shown that, the guilt is eating away inside of me, so much so that I cannot stay here any longer." He hung his head solemnly.

Brick walked over to Izzy. "I'm giving my marshmallow to Izzy. I volunteer for the Boot of Shame, sir." Brick said, saluting Chris after handing his marshmallow to Izzy.

"Um...are you sure?" Chris asked, flicking the last marshmallow in his hand to Eva.

"Yes. This is my decision and I want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry to Jo, I'm sorry to Heather, and I'm sorry to everyone else left in the game. I wish you all good luck and-"

"Yeah, yeah, cut the sappy good-bye speech." Chris rolled his eyes. Pushing Brick towards the Boot of Shame.

"Any last words?" Chris asked. "Oh wait, you already gave your super long and boring speech." The host rolled his eyes.

"I hope I can right the wrongs I have committed!" Brick apologized. Jasmine, Izzy, Samey, Cody, Gwen, Trent, Harold and Eva all stood behind the Boot of Shame and gave Brick a salute. The cadet tearfully saluted back right before behind beaned in the chest by the boot, sending him flying out into the night sky, headed for the Cruise Ship in the distance.

xxx

Dear mom and dad I'm doin' fine;

You guys are on my mind!

You asked me what I wanted to be,

And now I think the answer is plain to see!

I wanna be...famous!

I wanna live close to the sun!

Well pack your bags 'cause I've already won!

Everything to prove nothin' in my way;

I'll get there one day!

'Cause I wanna be famous!

(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa!)

I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous!

I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous!

(Whistling)

xxx

"Welcome to the second installment of the Cruise of Lose!" Mike welcomed the audience as the episode opened on the deck of the hulking Cruise Ship that drifted along the lake.

"The poor grammar of that title still bothers me." Cameron remarked.

"I still think "losers" isn't very nice." Zoey added.

"This episode, we'll be interviewing some of the recently ousted campers, catch up with some old favorites, and a special surprise towards the end!" Mike continued.

The host walked over to B who was sitting at a tiki bar by the pool. The inventor was fiddling with some metal and bolts in his hand and it appeared he was working on a new creation.

"What'cha working on there?" Mike pondered, getting in for a closer look, however he was stopped by B who put his hand up to keep him away while he shielded his work with his other arm.

"Oh, it's a surprise?" Mike guessed.

B nodded with excitement and quickly got back to work.

"Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?" Unfortunately B didn't seem to be in the mood to talk (as usual) and was busy with his work.

Mike observed as B tightened a bolt on something before tapping a little service bell on the counter of the bar. All of a sudden, an amalgamation of a left-over Chris-bot and a prosthetic arm popped up from behind the counter.

As B got back to work, the Chris-bot got to work on making a banana smoothie. When it was done, it rolled over and held the drink out for the inventor. Not taking his eyes off of his project, B took a satisfactory sip from the drink and allowed the robot to leave him be.

"Wow! That was amazing!" Mike exclaimed. He'd been in the game with B before and he'd seen what he could do from a distance, but never had he seen it right in front of him. It was spectacular! "So uh, how's it feel to be here instead of in the game?" He tried asking.

B just gave a shrug and squinted as he used a screwdriver to tighten something small. Suddenly, with great, silent enthusiasm, B revealed his invention.

The Chris-bot came by and transformed its arm into a megaphone and pronounced a "ta-da" music sting before going off to make more smoothies.

On the counter in front of B was a tiny robot with arms and legs as thin as toothpicks. A single puny antenna stuck out from its metallic head. Altogether it probably stood only about four inches tall.

B clapped his hands and on cue, the antenna on the robot's head produced a tiny disco ball that spun around, flashing colorful lights all over the countertop. Some disco music accompanied the light show while the robot began break dancing.

"It's a dancing robot!" Mike laughed. "Brilliant!'

B nodded, proud of his entertaining creation. "Well, it's been fun B but I should go find someone else to interview." Mike waved goodbye, receiving one back from the inventor.

"Hmm..." the former MPD looked around for someone to interview before eyeing Brick and Jo just outside the weight room. "Hey Brick! Hey Jo!"

"What do you want? Can't you see we're busy?" Jo questioned. The jock wasn't the busy one, considering she was standing on top of Brick as the cadet struggled to do a series of push-ups.

"So uh... have you two made up after Brick betrayed you?" Mike wondered, slightly afraid to ask.

"You could say that." Jo nodded. "Right now I'm whipping him into shape. I'm gonna make him a man!"

Brick let out a wheeze before falling flat on the court, knocking Jo off her balance and sending her falling to the ground with a "Whoa!"

The jock glared at her partner. "That's 20 more push-ups for you!" She narrowed her eyes.

"Please no!" Brick begged.

"How about you take a quick break while I interview you, then you can get back to the drills." Mike suggested.

"Sounds good to me." Jo shrugged.

"So Brick, do you feel ashamed to have quit the game? You're one of only 4 people to ever quit the game." Mike told him.

"Not one bit." Brick shook his head before taking a swig of water while Jo put a wet towel around his neck. "I feel more ashamed for how I played the game this season than for quitting. Hopefully I've righted the wrongs that I committed."

"Speaking of which, we're already seeing you and Jo getting along better, what about Heather? You lied to her and got her eliminated." Mike reminded him.

Brick nodded in recollection. "I apologized to her but I think the money means more to her than any form of 'sorry' so I can only hope she's forgiven me." Brick shrugged. "I don't expect forgiveness after what I did."

"Oh don't be so hard on yourself." Mike assured him. "I think lots of people were happy to see her get eliminated."

"Yeah, I suppose so. It just felt wrong to stoop to her level of lying and deceit." He said. "Now all I can hope for is that my other cadets can forgive my actions!" He gulped.

"And that's why we're getting you in shape. That way, if they don't forgive you, you can just beat them all up!" Jo grinned maliciously.

"Uh..."

xxx

Zoey wandered around the main deck of the Cruise Ship. There was tons of action going on around her, but she was only interested in finding the recently ousted campers. She spotted Gwen sitting on one of the beach chairs with Dakota nearby and quickly rushed over.

"Hey Gwen! It's been a while!" The Indie girl smiled.

"Oh! Hey Zoey!" Gwen smiled, seeming quite happy despite her injury.

"How's the leg?" Zoey asked her.

"Eh, it still hurts from time to time but the doctors have done wonders for it." Gwen gave a relaxed smile.

"Must be nice to have a real doctor on the scene instead of Chef." Zoey guessed.

"You bet." Gwen nodded. "I'm definitely a little sad to be taken out of the game the way I was, but now that I'm here, I don't miss that crappy island one bit!" She laughed.

"And Trent?" Zoey questioned with a hinting grin.

"Of course I miss him! I hope he's doing well without me. Although judging by Duncan's surprise appearance, I'd say he's either in trouble, or he turned the tables on him." Gwen remarked.

"So are you two like, back together?" Dakota asked from two chairs away, lifting up her sunglasses as she tanned.

"Well, I left kind of suddenly so I'm not totally sure, but I think we might be." She smiled coolly. "We're definitely friends again though, that's for sure."

"Good to hear!" Zoey said happily. "So, besides Trent, who are you rooting for in the game?"

"Definitely Cody or Samey. Those two are so cute together and they deserve each other!" Gwen said firmly. "I still haven't gotten to see Cody's reaction to the painting I left him but I hope he likes it."

"I'm sure he did." Zoey nodded.

Suddenly, Gwen's stomach grumbled. "Man, I guess I haven't eaten much today." She realized. "And that buffet smells so good."

"Oh, do you need help?" Zoey quickly asked. "I can get you some food or walk you there."

"Nah, thanks for the offer though." Gwen turned her down. "B already beat you to it." Zoey gave a curious look so Gwen elaborated. "When I got here, he got right to work on making me this awesome chair. He just took a beach chair and turned it into a super high-tech wheelchair."

To show off its capabilities, Gwen pressed a button on one of the arms and suddenly four wheels popped out on the bottom. Without even having to command it to do anything else, the chair moved forward at a steady pace and stopped at the buffet. The chair lifted off the ground high enough so Gwen could see all the delectable options that the buffet had to offer.

The Chris-bot from the tiki bar rolled over with a plate. "I'll take two hot dogs, some mashed potatoes and . . . oh what the heck, how about a slice of cheesecake." Gwen ordered.

The robot collected all of the food items and delivered them to Gwen. "Thank you." Gwen thanked the robot and it went off to tend to the bar again. "And that's the only thing Chris has ever been good for." She joked, earning a chuckle from Zoey.

"Wow! It seems like B has done a lot for you!" The redhead observed. "Glad to see you're in good spirits!"

"Yeah, I'm definitely rooting for Trent, but I don't think I'd be heartbroken to see him arrive here. Most of my friends are in the game still." She frowned. "It sounds totally selfish but I almost hope one of them gets eliminated so I have some company."

Suddenly Shawn dropped down from above and crashed right through one of the chairs next to Gwen. "Gah!" She cried, looking over to see the zombie nut getting up and brushing himself off.

"Sorry about that, I was surveying the lake from above to make sure there are no drowned zombies anywhere." Shawn explained. "And then out of nowhere a seagull comes by and knocks me off my spot!"

"Are you okay?" Gwen asked. "That was a pretty big fall."

"I'm fine. I've had worse." Shawn assured her. "At least I've got all of my limbs, unlike Rob from 'The Shuffling Dead'." He remarked. [1]

"No way, you watch that show?" Gwen exclaimed. "That's my favorite show! Well, besides 'Canadian Horror Story'."

"Do I watch it? Of course I do! I've seen every episode ten times over! I use that show to study how to survive the apocalypse for crying out loud!" Shawn exclaimed. "I've also watched every zombie movie out there, even the bad ones!"

"Wow, you're dedicated." Gwen said, quite impressed.

"It's the only way to prep for the impending apocalypse! With my knowledge, me and Jasmine are gonna outlast those undead freaks and start a new world." Shawn told her.

"Sounds fun." She nodded. Gwen loved the idea of zombies and all the entertainment surrounding them, but she wasn't the slightest bit worried about any of it being real. That's where she and Shawn differed. Still though, he seemed pretty okay.

"Well if you excuse me, I've gotta go get another angle. I think I saw something ripple in the water earlier." Shawn said, making his exit.

"It was probably just a fish." Harold decided as he came up to Zoey, Gwen and Dakota. "Or one of Chris's sharks that got loose."

"Oh hey Harold!" Zoey greeted the dweeb. "I was meaning to interview you!"

"Be my guest." Harold bowed.

"So how does it feel to get betrayed by Duncan? And what's it like now that he's here on the ship?" Zoey held the mic up to him.

"Man, it sucked! I even almost won the challenge but he goes and backstabs me and gets me voted off!" Harold ranted. "What ever happened to the alliance? I'm glad he got voted off but I'm probably gonna avoid him or he might kick my butt."

"Yeah, he sure does have a temper, doesn't he?" Zoey nodded in understanding.

"I can't believe I dated him." Gwen shivered. "I know my relationship with Courtney has been rocky, but I've gotta thank her for showing me what a jerk he is." She clenched her fists.

"What's your opinion on Courtney?" Zoey pondered. "She did have a hand in your elimination after all."

"Well obviously I don't like her for getting me voted off, but at least I'd expect that from her." He said. "Duncan straight up lied to me! And I bet Courtney did it for game-play reasons and roped in Duncan because he'll do whatever she says."

"Well it seems she didn't need him anymore because it looks like she voted him out last ceremony!" Zoey told them, reading from a note.

"I wonder if she's going to get with Scott." Gwen thought. "Those two were both fighting for her love." She laughed. "I bet she was having fun with that."

"Ugh, all I know is that stupid dirt farmer is dumber than a bag of rocks. And he's annoying too!" Harold griped. "Clearly he's never played a video game in his life!"

"Oh! Was it tough arriving her after getting voted out only to be brought right back onto the same team for the next challenge and then sent back here?" Zoey asked him.

"Well sure I was a little annoyed with it all and I wasn't happy to see the team that just voted me out, but all that didn't matter because that was the coolest experience ever!" The nerd exclaimed.

"It sure sounds like it!" Zoey smiled. "Well it's been nice catching up with you all! Sorry to bother you guys!"

"Oh it was no problem." Gwen assured her.

"Yeah, I like getting interviewed. It allows me to get my feelings and opinions out." Harold agreed.

xxx

"Hey Rodney, how's it been after your elimination?" Cameron wondered as he walked up to the farm boy. However, the beefy teen didn't hear him, he was too busy listening to one of Staci's stories about some distant relative who invented chlorine.

"...So yeah after he accidentally killed a bunch of people he realized he could use it safely in pools!" Staci explained. "Before that people just swam in lakes and died from brain eating amoeba!"

"Hello?" Cameron wondered, waving his hand in front of Rodney's face. When he still didn't respond, Cameron realized he was starring lovingly into her eyes.

Slightly grossed out, Cameron took a step back. "Uh, okay... I guess I'll go find someone else. You two enjoy each other's company . . ."

(Cruise Ship Confessional – Back at it again!)

Rodney- "After getting booted off I felt pretty bummed. Ezekiel yelled at me a bunch for switching the votes on him so I felt even worse." He frowned. "But then Staci started following me and told me a bunch of amazing stories about her family! I can't believe they did all those things! She could use a bit of work in the looks department but she's got me hooked!" He exclaimed.

Staci- "Like, Rodney's great! He sits there and listens to all my stories like no one else has! He's real handsome too!" She blushed. "He reminds me of my uncle Tom who invented tractors! Before him, people just rode around on cows and horses!"

"Hey Katie! How are things with you and Sadie?" Cameron asked the BFFFL, hoping to get a response this time.

"Like, I was so sad when I got eliminated but then when I saw Sadie I was like EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" She squealed, causing Cameron to wince and cover his ears.

Sadie joined in with the squeals for a while before the two stopped. The best friends were currently wading in one of the hot tubs together.

"So how was your experience this time compared to your first time?" Cameron inquired.

"It was so much more fun!" Katie answered, followed by a nod from Sadie. "We both got to stay longer this time and got to show Heather who's boss!"

"It was like, so sad without you here!" Sadie told her friend.

"OMG it was even worse without you! I started acting like Noah, can you believe it?" Katie laughed.

"I was meaning to ask you about that, by the way." Cameron remembered. "What was that all about anyway?"

"I'm not sure, I guess without Sadie I had no one to bounce off of." Katie shrugged.

"Interesting." Cameron nodded. "Well you two enjoy your time together!"

"We will! Bye Cam!" They both waved.

Now Cameron had to find Duncan, aka the last person he had to interview. "Why do I always have to get the scary ones." He whimpered. As much as he didn't want to do it, he knew right where he could find the punk.

Cameron walked into the weight room and sure enough, Duncan was there punching the snot out of a punching bag.

"Uh...hi Duncan. I was wondering if I could-"

"What do you want you little twerp!" The bully snapped, cutting the bubble boy off.

"I was just wondering if you could answer a few questions for me." Cameron gulped, shrinking back.

Duncan narrowed his eyes. "Fine."

"So uh, how did it feel to get blindsided like that?"

"What do you think? Of course it sucked! That little /censored/ Dave screwed everything up! He doomed himself and everyone else in the alliance!"

"Alright, second question. What's your opinion on Courtney now?" Cameron raised an eyebrow.

Duncan frowned. This was the question he was hoping wouldn't be asked. "I don't know," He muttered, "She voted me off so there's that."

"Are you mad about it?"

"Of course I'm mad! But...I don't know. I still like her but man she creases me some times." He grumbled, taking a swing at the punching-bag in front of him.

Cameron yelped and jumped back as the bag flung past him.

"Uh...I guess that's all the questions. Bye!" The bubble boy said, quickly exiting the gym.

"Has anyone seen Sugar?" Zoey asked the collective bunch at the pool. "We haven't seen her for a while and they want us to interview her."

"I'm afraid I have not been able to locate her." Leonard said, stirring one of the smaller hot tubs like a cauldron with his staff. "A dash of dragon scales..." The wizard said, dumping a fistful of scales into the water.

"Hey! What's goin' on here!" Ezekiel grumbled, popping out from the hot tub. "Find another cooking pot, eh! This one's taken!"

"Haven't seen her." Beth shrugged from the pool.

"Can't say I have either." Justin added. "Although I hope she stays lost. Last time she saw me she wouldn't get off of me." The pretty boy shivered.

"Last time I saw her she was raiding the kitchen's fridge. But that was like, a week ago." Sam chimed in, not taking his eyes off his hand-held console. "Alright! Level up!" He cheered.

The Chris robot rolled by and extended a smoothie down for the gamer. Sam leaned to the side and took a sip as he continued to play.

"Hmm..." Zoey pondered what to do. "I guess we report her missing."

"Wait, who's missing?" Lindsay wondered.

"Sugar, Lindsay." Zoey told her.

"I'm not missing, I'm right here!" The dumb blond said, gesturing to herself.

"Not you! I was just addressing—you know what never mind." Zoey waved it off, deciding it wasn't worth the trouble.

"Don't worry babe, you got me." Tyler grinned, going in for a smooch.

Lindsay looked at him with a confused look. "Um... what are you doing?"

"I was gonna kiss you?" Tyler raised an eyebrow. "Is something wrong?"

"Wait, I thought you were my cousin." Lindsay said.

"Lindsay, what would your cousin be doing here..." Tyler frowned.

"Sunbathing with me, duh!" Lindsay beamed. "But you're Troyzan, right?" [2]

"Eh, close enough." Tyler shrugged before kissing Lindsay to shut up her confusion.

"Alright everyone, it's time for that surprise I mentioned earlier!" Mike announced, arriving on the scene. Most of the Cruise Ship's occupants were now gathered around the pool.

"Move on over buddy, it's my turn at the limelight!" Topher grinned, running up and bumping Mike off to the side, stealing his microphone in the process.

"That's right folks, the fabulous Topher will be hosting the the first ever Cruise of Lose challenge!" The host wannabe grinned.

Zoey helped Mike back up. "We decided to let him host this portion so maybe he'd stop bugging us about it." Zoey whispered to him.

"Are we gonna get a chance to get back in the game?" Sierra exclaimed. "I can see Cody-kins again!" She squealed.

"I can show that pipsqueak Dave who's boss!" Duncan grinned, cracking his knuckles.

"I could see Jasmine again!" Shawn exclaimed.

"No no no!" Topher snapped. "No one is getting back in the game!"

"Then are we going to vote someone out of the game like in the first season?" Harold wondered.

"Nope! For this challenge, you'll be pairing up on a race around the ship!" Topher explained. "The winners will not get back into the game or vote someone off. Instead, they'll be able to win an advantage for someone left in the game."

"Oooh!" There was a collective look of excitement.

"Well don't just stand there looking pretty, what's the advantage?" Beth demanded.

"I'm afraid we cannot disclose that information." Topher shook his head.

"Not even when we win it?"

"Nope! It's a surprise!"

"Well that's lame." Duncan rolled his eyes.

"No it's not! It's cool!" Topher protested. "It's suspenseful! The audience eats this kind of thing up!"

"Ugh, you really do sound like Chris." Heather said with disgust.

"Thank you!" Topher grinned proudly.

"I can't believe you still idolize him after he duped you." Alejandro shook his head. "You sad, sad little man."

"So how will the teams be decided?" Harold questioned.

"By you!" Topher answered. "There will only be 4 teams so the first four will be playing for the advantage!"

Everyone looked at each other.

Most of the cast didn't appear to want to play. They'd much rather forget about the game and enjoy their time in luxury.

"I'll play, but I need a partner." Harold said.

"Ooh! Me! Me! Me!" Sierra shouted, jumping up and down with her hand raised. "But only if we're on team Cody!"

"Of course!" Harold nodded. "He's the most noble one after all. I'll always be on team Cody."

"We have our first team!" Topher announced with great enthusiasm.

Brick looked at Jo. "You wanna do it?" He asked.

"What's the point? I don't care about anyone left in the game. I don't give a flying flamingo who it goes to." Jo pouted.

"Come on, we can do it just for fun." Brick suggested. "Unless you're chicken." He grinned, knowing he'd get her on board with that remark.

Jo glared at him, knowing exactly what he was pulling. "Fine." She grumbled. "You know me too well."

"That's two teams! We just need two more folks!" Topher declared. "Let's go people we're on a time crunch!" He waited a few moments for someone to volunteer but after the crickets started chirping he was fed up. "Alright, fine! Since no one's volunteered I'll pick the last two teams." He grinned menacingly.

"Man, he really is a Chris clone." Gwen shuddered from her chair.

"How about..." Topher tapped his chin in thought, "Alejandro and Heather!"

"No." Heather responded on a whim.

"I second that notion." Alejandro nodded. "If it's not a second chance at the game then I don't care."

"Well too bad, it's in your contracts—probably—so step on up!" Topher waved them to stand next to Sierra & Harold and Jo & Brick.

Begrudgingly, the two villains did so, leaving one spot open. "And for the last team...Ezekiel and Rodney." Topher grinned. "That'll be sure to bring the drama."

"Oh you've gotta be kidding me, eh!" Ezekiel groaned. "I thought being on this ship meant we didn't have to compete in lame challenges with people we don't like!"

"For once I agree with home-school's ideals." Heather added.

"Come on guys! It's for one episode!" Topher protested. "Just suck it up and compete!"

Rodney bit his lip as he took a step next to Ezekiel, who refused to look at him.

"Can we go back to sun-bathing now?" Dakota asked.

"Yeah sure, whatever." Topher rolled his eyes. "If you wanna be lame! Otherwise you can stay and cheer on one of the teams." However, Dakota had already made a break for the beach chairs.

"Alight then, let's go over the route." Topher said as Cameron struggled to roll in a flat-screen TV on a cart. The monitor flickered to life and showed an aerial layout of the cruise ship. A large red X by the pool signified their starting location.

"So you'll first make your way along the deck to the weight-room. Inside, you'll have to square off against one of four opponents but its first come first serve on who gets to decide what they're fighting." Topher explained. "If you can get any part of your opponent out of the ring, you can move on."

"Some good old fashioned wrestling?" Jo raised an eyebrow. "Now I'm interested."

"Next, you will race to the spa where you'll all be forced to wear everyone's favorite Penalty Parka!" Topher continued. "Chef sure enjoyed that one!" He snickered. "Once your parka is on, you'll need to make your way through the sauna room. If you can make it to the other door, you can exit and take off your parka and continue racing."

"EEEEEE! Can I have the one Chef wore?" Sierra bit her lip in anticipation.

"I don't know which ones are which." Topher shrugged. "Then after you survive the spa, you'll make your way over to the kitchen where you'll have to eat an entire plate of brownies baked by DJ!"

"Eh, that doesn't sound so bad." Ezekiel brightened.

"Yeah, DJ's an awesome cook!"

"Aw, you guys are too much!" DJ blushed modestly.

"After you've licked the plate clean, you'll race back here to the pool and climb up the water slide to the finish line above!" The host finished.

"Man, what a workout!" Jo grinned, now excited for the challenge ahead.

"Any questions?" Topher asked. Several people raised their hands but he ignored them. "If there are no questions, then let's get started!"

(Cruise Ship Confessional – 2 in one episode!)

Alejandro- "It is becoming shockingly disturbing at how closely he resembled everyone's least favorite host." He frowned.

Topher- "Yes! I've finally gotten my chance in the limelight! It feels so good!" He cheered. "And I've already gotten plenty of compliments about how much I act like Chris!"

The four teams were lined up at the starting line by the edge of the pool. "On your mark, get set, RACE!" Topher declared, waving a checkered flag.

The competitors dashed along the deck towards the weight-room.

Not ten seconds in and Harold already tripped over a beach chair. "Come on Harold! Get it together, we've gotta win this for Cody!" Sierra snapped at him, grabbing him by the back of his shirt and pulling him along as she ran by.

Being the most athletic of the four teams, Jo and Brick took the lead and arrived first at the weight-room. Inside, the usual weights and bars were moved out of the way so four small boxing rings could fit inside.

At one ring stood Sasquatchanakwa, cracking his knuckles as he waited for his opponent. A second ring had a Grizzly Bear sitting on a stool, reading a newspaper. The third ring had none other than Fang while in the fourth ring sat the baby seal.

"So which one do we wanna take on?" Jo asked. "That baby seal looks easy enough."

"Trust me, it's not." Brick gulped now that he'd seen the array of competition.

"Then the bear. I know I'm tough but not tough enough to fight the Sasquatch or that messed up shark." Jo said. With that, the two went over to the bear's ring and grabbed their boxing gloves.

Sierra and Harold were next to arrive and opted for the Seal, as much as they were afraid of it.

Ezekiel and Rodney came next and decided to fight Fang. Alejandro and Heather were close behind but still last to arrive.

"The Sasquatch? Really?!" Heather exclaimed. "Nope, I'm out." She turned on her heel to leave.

"Mi amour," Alejandro said, getting in her way, "Would you like to hit the hot tub?" He wiggled his eyebrows.

Heather glanced back at the other teams behind her. "Get bent." She rolled her eyes, shoving past the shocked Latino. "That means yes." She whispered to him soon after, dragging him out the door with her.

The Sasquatchanakwa frowned and trudged over to the door on the opposite side of the room.

The remaining three teams prepared to square up against their respected opponents.

"I'll pin him down, you drag him out of the ring, got it?" Jo instructed as a bell sounded.

The bear yawned and put down its newspaper before turning to them and growling angrily. Jo wasted no time and let out a cry as she lunged at the hairy animal, taking it to the ground.

"I got it! Pull him out!" Jo hollered as Brick quickly ran up to aid her. The Army Cadet grabbed one of its large paws, bigger than his head, and tried to pull the heavy critter out of the ring.

"I can't…move him!" Brick huffed as he struggled to move Jo and the Bear.

"Weakling! Let me do it!" She grumbled, getting off the bear.

Of course, this was a mistake, as the bear was now free. It let out an angry roar and swatted at the two athletes, taking them both down in one swipe. What ensued was a large cloud of dust and limbs as the three tussled.

"Gah! It's got my leg!" Brick cried, looking back to see the bear gnawing on his calf.

"Don't worry, I've got this." Jo assured him. She had the bear in a headlock and was now slowly inching her way over to the edge of the ring with the bear still in her possession.

"And…gotcha!" She grinned triumphantly as she moved the bear's paw out of the ring. A bell sounded signifying their win.

The bear let go of Brick's leg and stood up, accepting is defeat. Without too much care, he picked up his newspaper and strolled off.

As the two ran off to the next challenge, Harold was being attacked by the baby seal. "Ahh! It's got my arm! It's got my arm!" Harold shouted, waving his arm frantically in an effort to remove the seal that had its jaw tightly clenched on his skin.

Sierra stood back, not sure what to do.

"Help!" Harold cried.

The seal bit down harder on Harold's arm before looking up and spotting a familiar face passing by the gym.

DJ, who was presumably on his way to the kitchen, didn't have a chance to react before the seal lunged at him and began clawing at him.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" The Mama's boy screamed as the seal attacked him.

"We should help him!" Harold said, nursing his bitten arm.

"I feel bad for him but we're in a race! It left the ring so we're good to go!" Sierra said, grabbing Harold by the arm again and pulling him after Brick and Jo. "FOR CODY!" She declared.

The last team left was Ezekiel and Rodney, neither of which knew how to take on Fang who was leaning against the railing of the ring with a bored expression.

"Maybe we just grab him by the gills?" Ezekiel wondered.

"I saw this in a show once," Rodney said, "We just gotta keep his mouth shut."

Fang gave a toothy smile as Rodney came forward, finally ready to challenge him. The mutated shark came at the farm boy but Rodney was ready. He took his burly arms and clamped down Fang's jaws, holding them in place.

The shark tried to wriggle free but Rodney's strength was superior to that of Fang's jaw muscles.

With his main weapons of choice out of commission, Fang decided to improvise. He dropped to the floor, taking Rodney with him and began to roll back and forth furiously.

"Whoa! Wah! Gah!" Rodney cried as he was taken for a spin, all while trying to hold down on Fang's mouth.

Ezekiel grabbed Fang's tail but ended up getting caught in the skirmish too. As the amphibious shark rolled on top of Rodney, Ezekiel tried to hang on to the end of his tail and thanks to one good yank, the tip of Fang's tail was caught outside the ring.

The bell sounded and Fang stopped rolling. He growled angrily in defeat and stormed off.

"We did it, eh!" Ezekiel brightened.

"Yeah, all thanks to me!" Rodney grinned proudly.

"Yeah right! I'm the one who got him out of the ring!" Ezekiel snapped. "It was a team effort!"

"Oh."

"Come on, let's get out of here, we've still got two more challenges to do." The prairie boy grumbled as he headed in the direction the other teams went.

xxx

Jo and Brick arrived first at the Sauna. "So we gotta put these on?" Jo wondered, picking up one of the eight parkas laying on the ground outside the Sauna door.

"Affirmative." Brick nodded, already putting his on.

By the time the two were fully suited, Sierra and Harold arrived.

Sierra picked two up and sniffed both of them. "This is it!" She squealed. "Chef's penalty parka!" She quickly began putting it on.

"You know after all this time they probably washed it." Harold pointed out.

"I can dream!" Sierra returned angrily before relishing in it once more.

In front of them, Jo opened the door to the Sauna and she and Brick stepped in. They were immediately hit with a wave of humidity and sweat already began dripping from their foreheads.

"Now this is what I call a workout!" Jo huffed as she trudged across the vast room. "I'll bet when we get past this I'll have sweated off five pounds!"

Brick was too exhausted already to say anything.

On either side of the room was a set of wood benches to sit on. In fact, on the far left near the exit sat Lindsay and the Sasquatchanakwa, talking things out.

"I'm sure Helen and Alexander didn't mean to be rude." Lindsay consoled the beast next to her. "I think they were just a little cranky because their make-out session got interrupted, that's all."

The yeti smiled at her and picked her up for a hug. In the corner above them, Tyler sat pouting.

(Cruise Ship Confessional – It's not what it looks like!)

Tyler- "You've gotta be kidding me! The sasquatch stole my girl!" He threw his hands up in exasperation. "What does he have that I don't have? A lot of hair?" He wondered.

Sierra and Harold were now ready to enter the sauna and when they did, they both immediately collapsed to the ground.

"It's…so….hot!" Sierra groaned.

"It's so hot, my hair can be used as a mop!" Harold remarked, his long orange hair flopping over his glasses and covering his face.

"It's so hot, my skin is melting…" Sierra panted.

"It's so hot, I'm sweating!"

"It's so hot my tears evaporate before they leave my eyeballs!" Sierra wailed.

"It's so hot…I'm sweating…" Harold said, too tired to come up with anything else. [3]

The two groaned and stopped crawling, laying face first on the sauna floor.

"We…can do it…Sierra…" Harold tried to encourage his teammate. "We're almost there!"

"If it's all the same to you, I'm just gonna take a quick break, go on without me, I'll catch up later…" Sierra assured him, not even looking up to face Harold.

"But we've gotta do this now, for Cody! Remember?" He reminded her.

Sierra suddenly sprang up from the floor. "You're right! We're gonna with this, FOR CODY!" She cried again, picking up Harold and hauling his sweaty body over her shoulder.

"Blech, you stink." She turned her nose away from the nerd and waved her hand to clear the air.

"You're not…much better…yourself." Harold panted as they reached the door at about the same time as Jo and Brick.

Sierra yanked the door open and the two teams clambered out. "Sweet, sweet air conditioning!" Harold praised.

"That's harder than anything we had to do at boot camp…" Brick huffed, dumping his parka and wiping a bead of sweat from his forehead.

"Oh please, I've got more hair than all of you!" Sierra snapped, her ponytail hanging like a clump of limp noodles; virtually every strand of hair was out of place.

Once all four teens had discarded their sweat-soaked parkas, they made their way to the kitchen at an equal pace.

Behind them, Rodney and Ezekiel were just beginning the sauna challenge. They both had their parkas on and were slowly trekking across the sauna.

"Man, the farm gets hot sometimes but it's never felt like this before!" Rodney exclaimed.

"Quit talking, it takes energy!" Ezekiel snapped, already beginning to huff.

"I bet you could fry eggs in here!" Rodney thought. "All you'd need was the eggs and a pan and they'd just start frying!"

"What did I say, eh?" Ezekiel whipped around. "Great, now you've got me talking!"

The two finally reached the end, surprisingly quicker than the other two teams had done it. "Now we get to eat some of DJ's delicious brownies! I can't wait!" Rodney licked his lips.

"We're eating them to be fast, not to taste, got it?" Ezekiel glared at him. He had had enough of Rodney's stupidity and wanted nothing more than to be as far away from the cheater as possible.

When Ezekiel and Rodney arrived at the kitchen, the other two teams were there waiting for their plate of brownies. "Great! Now all the teams are here." Jo grumbled.

As soon as she said this, DJ burst through a pair of doors holding two plates of brownies. On his shoulder sat none other than the seal, holding a third plate.

"Enjoy!" DJ beamed, setting out the plates in front of all three teams.

"I thought that seal hated you." Sierra raised an eyebrow.

"We worked things out." DJ explained. "Turns out he knows his way around the kitchen!"

The seal gave a cheery smile and held up a wooden spoon.

"Alright, let's get to it, eh!" Ezekiel said, grabbing a brownie and stuffing it into his mouth.

"Go!" Jo retaliated, quickly grabbing two of the delicious treats and shoveling them into her gullet.

All three teams were digging away at their plate of brownies. "Man, these brownies are so good!" Rodney gushed as he stuck another one between his teeth. His face was covered in chocolate and brownie crumbs.

"How many times do I gotta tell ya, shut it and eat!" Ezekiel glared at his partner as he swallowed a brownie whole.

"I was just complimenting DJ and the seal on their expert cooking!" Rodney protested.

"Come on Brick, step up your game!" Jo snapped. "You've gotta eat two at once!"

"I can't…" Brick groaned, his stomach gurgling. "I think my throat is getting a little…dry!" He coughed out. "Agh!" The Army cadet gagged. "My throat is so . . . itchy!"

"Suck it up you-" Jo couldn't finish her sentence because she too began coughing violently. "What the hell is in these things?!" She hacked.

"Nothing! All I added was Mama's secret spice!" DJ exclaimed, horrified as the other two teams began falling ill as well.

"I can't scratch it!" Harold coughed. "It's unbearable!"

(Cruise Ship Confessional – Seal Sabotage?)

Topher- The host cackled maniacally. "I knew DJ wasn't going to add anything bad to his brownies so I took the liberty of doing it myself." He chuckled, holding up a can of itching powder. "Just couple shakes of itching powder and instant laughs! I'm still open for a hosting gig by the way, better start calling before it's too late!" He grinned proudly.

"This is worse than that time I accidentally inhaled a lock of Cody's hair!" Sierra gagged.

"Clearly somebody put itching powder in the brownies!" Jo grumbled between coughs.

DJ eyed his seal friend who quickly shook his head and put a flipper over his heart. "Man, I'm really sorry…" DJ scratched his head. "I don't know what happened!"

"Come on brick, we've only got a few left! Push through and finish like a man!" Jo instructed, grabbing a fist-full of mashed brownie and stuffing it into her mouth.

Brick did so and soon enough they were able to clean the plate. "Alright, let's go!" Jo cheered before launching into another fit of violent coughing.

Brick quickly ran over to the kitchen sink and turned it on as he stuck his head under. He drunk as much water as possible and then spit it all out in an attempt to wash out some of the itching powder.

"Good idea, you've got some brains in you yet." Jo grinned, doing the same once Brick was finished.

"Let's roll out!" Brick declared and the two were off.

Shortly after, Sierra and Harold finished their platter and washed out their mouths just the same. Ezekiel ate the last brownie moments later and the two teams were off.

With Jo and Brick in the lead, all three teams headed toward the pool.

"So who are we gonna give the prize to anyway?" Rodney wondered as he and Ezekiel trailed behind Team Cody. "I was thinking Bridgette. She and I were super close and I bet she'd love to know I was fighting for her. I'd be like her knight in shining armor."

"You don't get it do you?" Ezekiel said, stopping his tracks.

"What? Of course I do, Bridgette's my fair maiden." Rodney answered.

"NO SHE'S NOT!" Ezekiel screamed. "She has a BOYFRIEND!"

"I know, it's me!" Rodney answered. "It'll be hard breaking it to all the other girls who've fallen for me but I think Bridgette's the one and it'd be wrong not to give the advantage to her."

Now Ezekiel had lost it. He tore at his hair in frustration and began growling rabidly. His skin paled and his eyes went yellow. He snarled at Rodney and leaped at him.

"Wah!" Rodney cried as Ezekiel picked him up with super-human strength and hurled him off the side of the ship. "AAAH! Help! I can't swim!" He cried, floundering around in the still water below.

Ezekiel let out a roar and began shaking his head violently, trying to shake off his feral identity.

"HELP!" Rodney wailed.

Ezekiel blinked a couple of times, his eyes returning to their normal color. "Huh?" He looked around before hearing Rodney scream again. Ezekiel looked overboard to see the farm boy flailing about. "Oh shoot! I'm sorry!" He cried, starting to panic.

(Cruise Ship Confessional - Are you fe-real?)

Ezekiel- "The Doc said I was mostly cured of my feral problems when I went in before the season started," He explained, "I guess I'm a little like Dakota now, eh. I change back when I get really angry. Hopefully when this stupid show's over I can finally be back to normal again." He said, shivering at the thought of going feral again.

The prairie boy looked around for something to help and spotted a life-preserver on the wall behind him. He grabbed it and tossed it out for Rodney to grab on to.

"Grab on, eh!" Ezekiel shouted.

Rodney stopped flailing for a moment and did as he was told. With all the strength that he could muster, Ezekiel tried to pull Rodney back up onto the ship.

"Why are you…so…heavy!?" He grumbled.

"You picked me up and threw me down here earlier didn't you?" Rodney wondered.

Once the farm boy was up far enough, he was able to climb back over the side and on to the deck where he landed with a wet thud.

"Are you okay? I'm so sorry!" Ezekiel bit his lip.

"I'm the one that should be sorry." Rodney frowned. "I switched the votes on you and got you eliminated."

"I already knew that, eh." Ezekiel deadpanned.

"Oh, well sorry for stealing Bridgette from you…"

Ezekiel sighed and face-palmed. "That's not it at all! She was never my girlfriend. She's with Geoff, how can you not see that?" Ezekiel glared at him. "She's amazing and kind and beautiful, but she's taken and you need to respect that." Ezekiel stuck a finger in the farm boy's face.

"I think I get it now." Rodney nodded solemnly. "And all those other girls…?"

"Nope." Ezekiel shook his head. "It takes more than a glance to be love. They have to get to know you, they have to like you, they have to say they like you!" He threw his hands up.

"Oh…" Rodney frowned. "So, I don't have a girlfriend?"

"Well I wouldn't say that eh, you and Staci have been getting pretty close lately. She seems to really like you." Ezekiel told him. "But you should make sure of it first before you call her your girlfriend." He noted.

Rodney nodded. "Thanks man, I think I finally get it now." He nodded. "Sorry about costing us the challenge…"

"Nah, it's my fault, eh." Ezekiel assured him. "I'll take the blame for this one."

"I wonder who won anyway."

xxx

Jo and Brick arrived at the pool where the other losers on the cruise ship awaited, cheering. Brick spotted Topher standing at the top of the water slide. "Up there!" He said.

Unfortunately for the two athletes, they forgot one very important rule when at the pool. No running. The two slipped on the wet floor and fell right onto their backs with a hard thud.

This opening allowed Sierra and Harold to slowly make their way past them, being careful not to make the same mistake.

Jo rubbed her head and groaned. "Hey! They're getting away!" She grabbed Brick and ran after them, slipping and sliding all the way.

"Come on! We just gotta get up the slide!" Sierra shouted, starting to climb.

Water was still running down the slide so they had to get their footing on the sides.

"Incoming!" Sadie shouted, squealing with joy as she suddenly came rushing down the slide.

Sierra squawked and quickly moved to one side and let Sadie pass. Harold saw this and did the same but unfortunately for Jo she didn't see it coming and was taken out by the larger teen.

"Hehe, sorry Jo." Sadie giggled as the two surfaced in the pool. Jo just grit her teeth and swam back toward the slide.

"Waaah! This was involuntary!" Sam cried as he was pushed down the slide. Sierra and Harold managed to dodge the gamer again and so did Brick.

Jo recoiled at the splash as Sam landed in the water. "How many more of you are there?!" She griped.

"Sha-move outta my way!" Lightning shouted as he came down, taking out Harold in the process.

Beardo made a slide-whistle noise as he descended. Brick managed to move out of the way, but Beardo's massive hairdo did him in and pulled him down into the pool.

"Almost…there!" Sierra cried as she reached the very top of the slide where all the water gushed out, splattering her in the face.

"And Sierra has done it!" Topher declared as she reached the top.

"Yaaay! Cody!" She cheered, hopping up and down happily.

"Don't both members of the team have to make it up?" Jo recalled, moving a lock of wet hair from her face.

"Eh, we're on a time crunch." Topher shrugged. "And judging by the rest of your performances, we'd be here for a while."

"EEEE what did I win for Cody?" Sierra squealed.

"Can't tell you, remember?" Topher grinned, "But I can assure you its being delivered right now!"

"Really?"

"No, it'll be delivered tonight when they're all sleeping." Topher corrected himself.

"Oh."

"Well that's all for this episode of the Cruise of Lose!" Mike declared.

"Tune in next time to find out which losers arrive here next!" Topher butted in.

~A/N~ Well there we have it! I hope you guys enjoyed this Cruise of Lose. It was pretty fun to write even if I had some troubles here and there. The challenge was one reason why it took a bit longer to get this one out. I finished about the first 20 or so pages in no time (Which is about as long as the first COL) but then I wanted to have the challenge so it ended up getting extended a bit further! (I'm sure you don't mind!)

Not much else to say but the next episode will be coming . . . eventually. Which do you think is worse, the hiatus between my chapters, or the hiatus between new episodes of Steven Universe?

…

[1]- A reference to Bob from the Walking Dead who sadly gets his leg eaten by cannibals (Only for them to soon realize he was bitten by a walker).

[2]- I needed an alternate name for Lindsay to call Tyler and for some reason Troyzan from Survivor: One World came to mind.

[3]- A Sort of reverse version of the 'It's so cold' gag from "Survival of the Idiots" from Spongebob.

…

Next: Tell them what they've won, Bob!