SPARROWS 14

I will not regret it, how can I when my body still thrills at the thought of his hands! When Hew claimed his marriage due, it was as if he punished me for his need. Any pleasure that came my way was soon crushed from me with curses and blows. But this...this is as if the empty years have faded into nothing.

So, here I am unbound, loose in a world I do not know, the lordling will go his way, I mine, never will we again meet. He will take back his son, live in his fine home,find a pliable woman to keep him warm at night...and I? I will live on.

Hmm, I must wash, men are such dirty beasts.

It was morn; the sun not yet risen, but the sounds of people about the business of the day, edged out the disquieting thoughts.

A warm, comfortable cage of muscular limbs held Haddie, she was loath to free herself from its luxury, but inevitability that he would wake, curse his mistakes, perhaps even name her whore to all, made up her mind.

She moved with care, sliding free of him, found her shift, and brushed the brown, work-a-day kirtle clean, shrugged them over her head. Careful though she was, with limbs so stiff, her cunny raw and stinging, movement cost her. It seemed to Haddie that he had mounted her a dozen times, played such games with her senses that she hardly knew what they had done. Oh, and in his bullish way had, most assuredly, shown her Heaven. Now he lay naked on his belly, deep in sleep, red scratches on his back, raised gouges on his buttocks. She had marked him well, a day's ride would cost that arse dear.

Her hand flew to her mouth, stifling a soft laugh at the thought. To you sir knight, to you!

Mood lightened, she stepped lightly out into her day.

###

"Well, 'in't you looking fine on it?' The castle's laundress, mistress Jennet, greeted her with a knowing grin.

Haddie blushed, turned sheepishly. Hadall heard them?

The washerwoman smirked. "Be needin' a good scrub I'd say. All that 'eaving 'an scrapping about the floor, leaves a person powerful mucky." Jennet winked, nodding toward the barn. "Mind 'is face were a pretty picture."

"Who's face?" Haddie feigned ignorance.

"Yer knight, who else? When that filthy lout grab ye, 'yer man looked fair fit t' bust. Then you kisses 'im an' runs off, thought he were gonna do murder, I did."

Haddie bit back a smile; the thought of his outrage pleased her.

The two women grinned at each other, shared their scorn at the buffoonery of men and their lust.

In a corner curtained by dripping sheets, Haddie stripped and washed herself. Cold water stung her grazed flesh. She wiped between her legs, he had spilled in her. Men!

But Haddie knew she would not conceive. In all her years with Hew only once had a child brewed in her womb.

Thoughts of the babe who followed his father to the grave swung her back to closer matters. Andreas le Pierre would pay for his evil, she would have her vengeance and his life. Find him, kill him; sink a blade into his malignant heart. The thoughts warmed her as she plaited her hair.

A plan, she had to have a plan.

###

The morning was advancing, less important wedding guests still slept about the place in nooks and crannies. Dogs fought over scraps of forgotten meats, cats lapped delicately at spilled niceties. At Lauds confusion ruled, by the sext bells, the sun was at its height and chaos was moulded, once more, into order. Servants would eat bread and cheese and return to their habitual duties, all evidence of the riotous wedding feasting would be gone.

###

Sir Robert shrugged his battered leather jerkin over his shirt, the straw covered finery carefully dusted and stowed by Piers. Now all that was left was the stowing of the cart for their return to London...and the woman.

She had kindled something in him he thought extinguished, the notion of surrendering her left him more irritable that was usual.

'Twas not the futtering alone he would miss, but all of her. The stinging provocation in her looks and words teased his gut, and now he knew the full promise of her body, to give it up seemed foolish indeed. He was sure a place could be found for her in his hall, mayhap as his son's nurse, or dairy work. She could glean in his fields, he smirk at the joke. It was all but settled in his mind, somewhere could be found for her and her son, and he would have her when needed. She would, of course, be suitably grateful; all would fall into place, and be well.

Brother William was seated on the back of the cart. The old friar looked up at the advancing knight and gave him a censorious look. Rob had forgotten his employer, and the friar. He knew the bishop would chide him, but a chaste man himself, he was a cleric who understood that at times a man needed a woman. Did he not rule the stews of Southwark with a fair and liberal hand? But his duty was at an end, a scolding at his licentious behaviour putting the commission at risk would be his only reprimand. Brother William was another matter, he would lecture, and lament of the cursed future such wanton conduct would command. Sir Robert braced himself for reproach.

"Ho there brother, a fair morn is it not?"

"Aye, it was when we prayed for your soul at Lauds." The friar ceased the task of mending his sandal, looked up towards the drying yard. Women laughed as they hung lengths of white linen to dry in the sun.

Rob looked too, Haddie was carrying a heavy basket, washing still steaming from the boil, the child Tom, traipsing after her. She was a fine looking woman, skinny about the arms perhaps, but there was abundant flesh where he needed it. He felt a flush grow in him, and he blushed like a beardless lad.

"Ye may well feel shame my son, now what will become of her? All will know of it, the boy knows of it, God knows of it!" Brother Williams's mouth pinched, but sorrow rounded his eyes. He had prayed for a decent, God fearing life for the woman and her child, now that seemed a forlorn hope.

"She'll come with home with me. I will have need of a nursemaid for my son. She and her boy will be safe, have a home. What more could she need?"

"She needs to repent her mortal sin, accept Christ's grace, and get a lawful husband. Not to live a life as your leman!"

"Brother I shall see her right, never fear." Robert was not prepared to argue the point.

"Have you asked her if it is her wish?" the friar looked at him sternly.

Robert grinned, shook his head, not a little sheepishly. "Nay, but she'll agree. 'Tis a better life I offer them, better than she'd see if the likes of le Pierre finds her."

Even Brother William knew this to be true, though he liked it not. For a woman like mistress Hadwise, the snare of whoredom would always be waiting. He was not blind to the attraction she brought with her; it was a dark song that echoed even in his godly soul. Closing his eyes he offered a plea to the queen of mothers.

"Will you then advise her to take my offer?" Robert asked.

"I may be a man of God, but I know the world does not deal kindly with poor widows. If she freely agrees to this...arrangement," he sighed. "I can but pray for her."

Robert's mood was further lightened. "Well, I want to be on our way afore noon. The king will be in London for only a short while, but a week will get us there in time." He was firm now; things were at last going his way. Of course the woman would agree, how could she not?

Striding toward the rows of billowing sheets, he felt a confidence usually reserved for the strength in his sword arm. "Ho, woman I would speak with you!"

Haddie ignored him, she knew she was 'woman', but it irked her, he knew her name well enough.

Tom stepped away, wary of the stern lord.

"Mistress Hadwise, I do needs speak with you." He was met with a silent stare "You were not so sullen last night, madam."

The snarling tone elicited a small quirked lip, she removed a cloths peg from her mouth. "Last night is gone, today is work. I have no time for your jabber...sir."

Even he knew that this should be handled prudently. "I have an...arrangement to suggest, one beneficial to us both." He gestured to a corner empty of those that might eavesdrop, and stepped that way.

Haddie followed, signed to Tom to stay. "What do you want of me now?"

"Hush woman, no need for all to hear." Rob was not eager for all to know his business. He nudged her ungainly, but not unkindly, against a wall. "I have given some thought to your future...I have a manor, there is a hall, 'tis a moderate place, but I have plans afoot to rebuild, and..."

"Why should that interest me?" She knew his intent, was plain as the nose on his face.

"I would have you come there, live there..." he shrugged as if it were an afterthought, "mayhap work in the dairy."

"A dairymaid, you want me as a dairymaid?"

He drew back, almost offended. "Well, some useful work, if something more to your liking could be found, why then..."

"So you do not want me to warm your bed then, keep your yard occupied of a night?" She was not a woman to use such crude language, but he'd pushed her too far.

"I offer you a good place, a home for you, and the boy. My son will need the overseeing of a motherly woman, and I a..."

"And you, an unpaid whore!"

###

Once again the fates decide against my design, how can I seek out the wicked la Pierre, if I am to play 'fair dairymaid' to my lordling's 'bold cowherd'?

Heaven but he tries me so.

Can I take Tom upon the road, give him no home, no safety, all for my greed for revenge?

Though what of my greed for the man, for truly he is but a man? I feel it even as he talks close to me, the heat of his breath as he bends to speak soft. I want to pull him to me, kiss those maddening lips.

I needs have time to think, to...but I cannot think with him so close.

Damn his eyes, does a woman have no choice at all?