Title: A Moment
Author: Singing Violin (Pearl on Gossamer)
Category: The X-Files, VA, UST
Rating: PG/K+
Summary: An extension of the scene in the stairwell in "Paperclip," just after Scully receives the bad news.
Disclaimer: The X-Files characters and universe are not mine.
Feedback: As long as you read the story first, I'd love to hear what you have to say.

She ran.

I barely had time to process that look she gave me, and she was already gone. A moment later, and I knew I had to go after her.

So I ran too.

I caught up to her quickly: she was in the stairwell. I called to her to stop, but she kept running.

I grabbed her, forced her to turn around. The pain in her face would have frozen me, if I hadn't just returned from the dead to fulfill my mission. As a result of my recent ordeal, I was resolute.

Still, she thought she could plead with me, reason with me. "I have to go there, Mulder," she insisted, and the desperation dripped from her voice like melting ice cream.

I had no words but, "You can't go." This I knew for certain.

And now, the thought I'd anticipated was at the root of her insistence, "That bullet was meant for me."

Even knowing what she knew, I flinched slightly. I was intimately familiar with this feeling: I should be dead. That feeling which allows a person to needlessly risk his life because it seems to be forfeit already. I'd have died more than once if it weren't for Scully, feeding me reason when my hope was lost. I owed her the same now. "If they're trying to kill you, that's the first place they'll look," I reminded her.

She knew I was right, but still the tears collected behind her eyelids. She looked down as she spoke, "Those bastards."

Good. She was replacing her deadly guilt with anger. It'd do, for now.

"We're going to call someone I think can help. The only thing you can do for her right now is try to crucify them." I hoped my words would redirect her, give her some focus away from the feeling that she ought to be the one lying in that hospital, and that as a result, her life was worthless.

Still, the tears collected behind her eyelids. She looked down again.

Suddenly, I wished I had taken the opportunity to hug her in the elevator right after I found her at gunpoint with Skinner in my apartment, but we were too busy just staring at each other and marveling in each other's presence. Even Frohike got a hug, and it didn't seem fair, but I simply hadn't thought of it at the time, and now, it would be presumptuous, and she'd probably resent me for it.

Still, I reached out, touched her face, used my thumb to gently wipe a tiny droplet from the corner of her eye. After the emotional rollercoaster she'd just ridden, with her standoff with Skinner, having her life threatened, my presumed death and reappearance, and now this, I sensed she was close to breaking down entirely, like she had after Donnie Pfaster, and I wanted nothing more than to hold her like I did then, to erase her pain and reassure her.

But I had neither the means nor the time. I couldn't tell her whether her sister was going to be okay, and I couldn't let her go and find out for herself, not knowing it would probably get her killed. Meanwhile, we had some leads to follow, and I had every reason to believe that the longer we waited, the more of their tracks would be covered, never to be seen again.

So instead of gathering her to me as I might have in another time or another place, I rested my other hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently as she continued to gaze at the floor. I felt her take a shuddering breath, try to calm herself.

I lowered my voice, but did not force her to look at me, as I knew that would be her undoing. "Do you need a moment?"

She hesitated, almost admitted her weakness, but then she twisted out of my grasp, and was Agent Scully again, at least on the surface. She turned away as she spoke, "I'm okay. Let's go."