Summary: It wasn't his fault...is what he kept telling himself. It was Haru's fault for ignoring him, for never noticing him...for not accepting his feelings. And he was going to pay for that. Wait, no no, he was going to make Haru understand. Understand just how much he actually loved him.

Pairing: MakoHaru

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: abuse, unstable emotions and general insanity, irrational thinking, abstractness/weirdness

Author's notes: this will contain some chapters...as many chapters as I feel inspired enough to write. In a twisted way, I relate to this story on a deep, emotional level...everything I am going to convey here is actually how I feel sometimes myself, muuuch leeeeess extreme of course, but the general feelings and thoughts are very familiar to me. So, if there is any problem with my description, I apologize beforehand. I am just trying to convey my own thoughts.

This story will not contain non-con themes, I will say this upfront so as not to disappoint(?) anyone. The reason for that will be explained within the fic.

Without further ado, here is the result of my sick mind.

Disclaimer: I do not own Free!

Epilogue

The cool night air was rustling at his hair, but he didn't notice it. The cold ocean waves were hitting his feet, soaking them wet...but he didn't notice it.

The brunet was staring forward into the ocean, as if beyond the horizon, not a single thought running through his head.

He was tired, exhausted in fact. But more than that, he was numb. Numb enough to feel absolutely nothing.

That is why he was not at all bothered by the cold this night had brought about. His deep blue eyes didn't hold a single spark of emotion indicating he was at all bothered by anything, more so than usual for he hardly ever showed any emotions. It was as if he was completely detached from the world.

And indeed he was...he was pushing it away, rejecting it completely.

But...was he pushing the world away from himself, or himself away from this world..?

It didn't matter...in fact, nothing at all could ever matter anymore.

The sound of waves crushing filled his ears...and he finally closed his eyes, before opening them again, raising his head to look at a few stars visible in the sky.

It was dark...everything was...completely black.

He had no sense of time anymore. He wasn't sure how long he stood there, but his thoughts were slowly returning to him. The events of the past month hit his mind with a sharp pang...and he wished he didn't have the ability to think.

It was all so twisted...too twisted...Makoto was-

Oh, Makoto...his former best friend.

Of course, there was no way said male wouldn't enter his thoughts. But even though in the past bright thoughts would fill his mind, this time...he had nothing to offer. Nothing at all.

Because Makoto...he breached his trust. He destroyed everything they had or could have had.

And it all happened so suddenly... Haru didn't see it coming whatsoever. It was as if he snapped, something clicked in his mind and the brunet paid the price.

At first, he wondered why it was happening to him...but those thoughts stopped too. Because he realized it didn't matter 'why'...it was too late for 'why' when he was bound by the chains, thrown into a dark room with four walls and no light...and a dark, silky voice whispering into his ear, asking him questions...and any wrong answer, no matter how minimal, would result in a punishment.

A severe...painful punishment.

He had to find a way to get out of that place...but the longer he stayed there, the faster his wish to escape disappeared. He was accepting his fate. He was giving into the crazy or...maybe...he was losing his mind himself.

The abuse...he started to like it at one point. He could distinguish between when Makoto was being kind to him and when he was beyond angry...depending on how much the hits hurt.

And he couldn't do anything about any of it. He was cuffed and bound.

He asked him so many...many things...and even though Haru was truthful with every reply...because he had no sense, reason or strength to lie anymore...

Makoto never believed him.

Not a single time.

He talked about love...how much he longed after Haru and couldn't bare watch him with anyone else...how he rather see him dead than giving any other person a single glance, no matter how small.

But Makoto couldn't kill him because he wanted him all to himself. Haru realized he was lucky in that aspect. Very lucky.

But...as days, hours, he had no idea, flew by...the thought that he couldn't take the pain anymore, that he much rather be dead...never once left his thoughts.

But he wasn't allowed such a luxury.

Because he was a liar. Because he couldn't love Makoto back.

Even though he did.

Irony right there...Makoto didn't believe him. He had no idea the taller male had such a low self-esteem...that Haru apparently caused with disdain.

He has always been ignoring Makoto...and he hasn't realized it.

The more he listened...the more he found out the things he never knew, never thought about.

Haru started to think of himself as a monster. He ruined Makoto so much...such a kind, caring and always-happy person...completely shattered and reduced to this state...

Makoto blamed him for everything. Haruka accepted every single blame in the end.

And started blaming himself too.

He succumbed to his fate.

"Do you love me?"

"Yes."

"...Liar."

Bang.

"Do you love me?"

"No."

"...why, Haru-chan?"

Bang.

It was a full circle.

No end.

No escape.

And he kept repeating the same things over and over...the same questions were also uttered for the entire month...like a broken record. How Haruka endured it...he had no idea.

But then...there were times Makoto was back to his normal self...during those times, he treated Haru's wounds, talked about minor silly things, fed and bathed him...

Being so generally caring...as if they were lovers.

Isn't that what they should have been...if they both loved each other..?

Those short-lasting times made Haruka happy. He learned to appreciate small, simple things...because they wouldn't last long. He knew the same wounds were going to be split open again...but he was glad about one single thing...

Makoto wasn't completely ruined by him.

Even though he wasn't sure which one was the real Makoto in the end.

Not anymore.

...he still managed to escape in the end. Makoto...made a mistake. Because Haru was so tame, he released him from the chains.

A few days. A few days, that's all it took.

Haru had no idea where he found enough strength.

But because he was allowed to go outside the room now...

It was easy.

It was easy to find a knife in the kitchen.

It was easy to catch Makoto off-guard.

It was much easier to kill him than he expected.

The cooped up emotions he had for an entire month...all of the hurt, hate, agony, pain...it all slipped out at that single second.

His killing was brutal...he kept stabbing until he couldn't recognize the body at all. Until there was nothing but a bloody mess of bones and flesh left.

He felt content, absolute bliss for the first few moments.

But it soon turned into nothingness.

He felt nothing.

He killed the one he loved...the one who claimed he loved him back at that. In a sickeningly twisted way...but he couldn't deny it...he could somehow understand his feelings.

He and Makoto...could they have been the same..?

Haruka started thinking similarly in the end...

Because as he left the decapitated body in his own dark house...he realized one single truth.

He was euphoric no one was going to look at Makoto again.

His entire body was beyond recognition.

So Makoto was completely his, alone...for the rest of eternity.

Haru found his way to the ocean...a place he and his best friend spent a lot of time at...a place Makoto has always hated, loathed, resented...was afraid of. It brought a slight peace to Haru's being.

It was his perfect place to escape to.

His parents...his friends...

Did they know what had become of him..?

Haru had no clue what Makoto did to make them not realize his absence for an entire month, but...

The same thought crossed his mind again.

It didn't matter.

Nothing mattered anymore.

And as he stepped further and further into the depths of the dark, he smiled ever so slightly.

It was over. He didn't have to feel or think anymore.

The water...soothing as always.

His home...

His life.

After a month of his cell...

One last thought had crossed his mind...

One last and most important thought than any other.

No one could get him. No one would find him.

Makoto belonged to him, but till the end...he didn't belong to Makoto.

He didn't belong to anyone.

And he never would.

Not now...and never.

Because...that's what he was...

That's all he was...

He was free.