Welcome to NHS

By Swifty Li, as told to Keza: Queen of Procrastination

AN: HOLY CRAP IT'S AN UPDATE! That's all I have to say. -beams-

+

It was a bright, sunny afternoon when I came strolling back to my house, report card in hand. The sun was out, the sky was blue, and my whistling was especially cheery and on tune. Despite the fact that I might lose my school before the year ended, I was, to put it lightly, in a good mood.

Then I entered my house.

The first scene to greet me was the kitchen, where both my parents sat, grim expressions on their faces. My whistling stopped mid note. Even the dog looked upset - and I could hear Mandy giggling from another room. This did not look good.

"You're in trouble, Mister," my dad said quietly. I dropped my bags and took a seat, trembling but not really understanding. They hadn't even seen my report card yet! Unless the x-ray vision rumor about parents was true…

"Did you have fun last Friday?" My mother asked coldly.

What was last Friday? Lute's party? Haha, that's right.

"Yep!" I answered with a hopeful smile. "It was a blast."

My parents just stared, a mixture of disbelief and disgust.

"You were grounded last Friday," my mom said. My face fell.

"Oh… right… well, those books, whoo, that's fun stuff there! Did you know that in the end Gandalf defeats the Balrog?"

"I'm not amused. You are in big trouble." Yeah, as if I needed that fact to be reinstated. "Grounded for a week," my dad continued. "I'll drive you to school, you can take the bus home."

"NO! NOT THE BUS! SADISTS!"

"You will take the bus home," he repeated. I cringed. "You will also baby-sit Mandy without pay, computer, television, and phone are off limits, and you're not to leave this house for anything except school."

"And helping me grocery shop."

"Yes, and that."

My eyes were wide and my mouth was resting on the table. I've heard of harsh, but this!? I couldn't think of a worse punishment - and how the hell had they found out? I was discreet coming back in, no one had said a word until today!

Hotshot came out of the kitchen, Mandy and Hotshot's little sister in tow. I had forgotten she'd be stopping by, she carpooled a few kids in the elementary school home, Mandy included.

"Can I, erm, walk H- Brooke to the car?" I asked hopefully. Hotshot shot me a strange look, my parents shrugged.

"I guess he can have contact with humanity one last time," my dad said seriously. I gulped and followed Hotshot and her sister outside.

"Did you, uhm, talk to my parents today?" I asked while she got back into her car.

"Yeah, actually. Nice people."

"What about?"

Another strange look. I motioned with my hand.

"Well?!"

"Well… they just ask me what I had been up to," she said with a shrug.

"And then you said…"

"Nothing much, homework, friends, a few parties."

A chill ran through my blood.

"Did you mention Lute's party?"

"Yeah, I also mentioned that you were there, but judging from the look on your face that wasn't a good idea. Heh heh… er… sorry!"

Hotshot closed the door and drove off quickly, leaving me in a cloud of exhaust and frustration.

"She's gone, now get back in here!" My mom shouted from the doorway. Heaving an overly dramatic sigh, I obeyed commands and retreated to my room.

+

"I'm serious Pie, concentrate for like two seconds, they're coming up to take my phone away soon."

"Hey, we've already gone over this. You're grounded, it sucks, I'm sorry!"

"But the favor, I have a favor to ask!"

He groaned. "I don't want to hear it! For the last time, NO, I will not get Chameleon to move to Alaska!"

"Never mind Operation Juno. I need you to take over writing something for me."

"Writing? Aw, come on, I can't write. You know that! Ask Lyr or someone, she'll do a better job."

"No, you're my best friend-" I paused, waiting for conformation.

"What? Oh, right, friends, yep, continue."

"So only you can fill in. See, with this whole school disaster in the works, I've been keeping a journal kind of thing-"

There was a snort from the other end, I ignored it.

"And now that I'll be stuck at home, I need you to continue it. Just write down whatever happens."

"For a week?"

"Well… maybe less? If I can talk to my parents. You know, run the whole thing about social classes and how if I didn't go to the party I'd be an outcast, peer pressure, etc, etc…"

"Oh yeah, man, that's a good one, works every time with me."

I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not.

"You'll do it then."

"I guess… do I have to start now?"

"Well, it'd be-"

+

Only a dial tone met my question. I blinked at the phone a few times, then shrugged to myself and hung it up, went back to searching under my bed for valve oil. I always found it amusing when Swifty, really a model citizen, was grounded. His parents gave him very little breathing room, but they were nice people, always giving me cookies or muffins when I went over, so sometimes I found it hard to be on Swifty's side.

I mean, he never gave me muffins.

But he was my best friend, so that's why I had to take this 'journal kind of thing' job. I wasn't exactly enthusiastic about the whole thing, but it didn't matter.

Ah-HAH! I grabbed the valve oil and threw it into my trombone case, then waded through the marsh that was my room and stumbled out to the hallway. I forced my door closed with some effort and made my way downstairs, where my mum was in the middle of preparing a chicken pot pie. Yum.

"Hey sweetie," she said. "Well done on the report card."

"Thanks," I said and helped myself to some chips, then grabbed a jar of pickles from the fridge.

"I'm going to go visit Lexa, ok?"

"She still not feeling well?"

Shortie was our neighbor, and her parents were close friends of my mum. I shrugged.

"She's doing alright. I think there are some other kids there to help cheer her up anyway."

"Ok, be back within the hour for the pie."

I grinned and saluted before walking out and across the street to Shortie's house. Several cars were already parked there, and I met Aura on the way in.

"Hey kid," she said, a smile rising to her face. "See that car?"

I looked over and almost tripped in awe.

"Wipe the drool," she said with a laugh. But the convertible (black and shining like new) was just too much for me. I felt like I had to sit down. Or worship it.

"It's the new kid's," she continued, now in a dreamy tone. "Dominic's."

Now I just wanted to kick it. Even Polecat was in awe of this 'new kid' and it was starting to bug me. I could see why Swifty was getting so disgusted with him now.

"It's gross," I told her. She laughed and opened the door for me.

"More kids?" Shortie's dad sounded distraught. "Please tell me you have plans for dinner! There's only so many noodles in the world!"

"Don't worry, Mr. L, I'm set," I said and Aura nodded in agreement.

"We're just here to visit, not mooch," she assured him. He sagged in relief and pointed us the right way.

Quite a crowd of kids were present. Shortie was curled up in a chair, covered in a fleece blanket and chicken noodle soup cooling on a table nearby. Besides 'Dominic,' Poet, Echo, Classic, and Lefty were stationed at various points in the room. Shortie didn't even look up as I entered, apparently she (and all the other girls there) were engrossed in some story that 'Dominic' was telling. I sidled up to Lefty and motioned over to them.

"What's going on?" I asked. He shrugged and sighed.

"They've been like this the whole time. I'd have left an hour ago except I have to give Echo a ride home." He glared at the said girl and then pointed to a self nearby. "Look, the new kid brought Shortie pickles. She's been in love ever since."

"What? No way! I brought her pickles too!"

"Maybe you can distract her then," Lefty said hopefully. "And I can grab Echo and run. Or just attack… what's-his-name."

"Right-o." I approached the danger zone.

"Shortie? Hey, Shorts? I brought you something."

She looked a little annoyed at having her attention directed elsewhere. "What? Oh, hey Pie."

"Pickles?" I said hopefully. "I got you some pickles?"

"Oh, ok thanks," she said absentmindedly, then turned to the new kid. "You were saying?"

"That's it, I'm keeping them," I said. No answer. I felt like crying.

"I'm going home," I told Lefty.

"Lucky bastard."

"Does this kid have a nickname yet?"

"Not that I know of. 'Nothing is good enough,' says Classic. It sickens me."

"Nothing is evil and disgusting enough is more like it," I sighed. "Call him Bumlets!" I said suddenly.

"Excuse me?"

Where had that come from?

"It's one of Swifty's words… you know how he is."

Lefty shrugged. "Good enough. The new kid is Bumlets." He chuckled evilly. "I like it, it has a certain ring to it. Better start spreading it tomorrow."

"Sounds good," I said, waved a goodbye to the girls (it was ignored) and tromped back downstairs.

+

"Grounded? Oh, you poor baby!" Chameleon was, as usual, sitting next to Swifty and fussing over him. Only she seemed unaffected by this 'new kid' (oh right, Bumlets). I realized this and smiled, only Swifty could have that kind of luck.

"I'm fine," he told her. "It won't be too long."

"Do you think your parents will let me visit?"

"NO! I mean… I'm not really allowed to have social contact…"

"Well… ok then."

I continued to eat away at my leftover pie and glanced around the lunchroom. There was a mass of orange-red hair weaving our way. Poet appeared and sat on the other side of Swifty, bouncing excitedly, a pencil and notepad in her hands.

"Is it true?" She squealed. "The highway rumor! Is it true?"

Swifty looked glad for a distraction. "Yeah," he said as he bit into an apple. "It's true alright."

"Wait 'til Davey hears about this…" Somehow, this news was like Christmas for Poet.

"Urm, what's going on?" Chameleon asked, not wanting to be left out.

"Lit Mag!" Poet squealed. "This is gonna be hot news." '

"Ooh!"

"I just passed David near the salad cart," Adele, our exchange student, told Poet and promptly took her seat. "Just kidding," she added when Poet was out of earshot. Mondie snickered from where she was sitting, hiding with us to avoid Mush, as usual.

"Hey Mondie - that Jake thing…" Dragonfly nudged her. "Hmm? Is it true?"

Mondie blushed.

"It is!" Dragonfly shouted gleefully. All the girls of the table erupted into giggles. Us boys just exchanged glances, oblivious as usual.

"I don't get it," Swifty said bluntly.

Dodger rolled her eyes. "Honestly," she muttered. "It's a wonder you guys know where you are."

"What, this isn't chem lab?"

"Ha. But, I mean, isn't it obvious?"

"Uh, no," I cut in. "No, it's really not."

"Mondie's going out with Jake!"

"Oh!" Swifty said brightly. "Congrats then. Mush is going to be crushed!"

Mondie shrugged indifferently. "Jake has nice calves," she told us.

"Mush has nice calves too," Dodger said.

"Maybe, but you should really see Jake's. It's amazing."

I looked helplessly to Swifty, he was shaking his head.

"I like Mush's arms," Dragonfly told us.

"Mush is an asshole," Mondie said, and rolled her eyes. "You guys don't believe me, but maybe he'll start following one of you around instead. Gawd, it's annoying."

"I wouldn't mind Mush following me around," Adele admitted.

"Yeah, me neither," I said, received some strange looks, and then was ignored again.

Luckily the lunch bell rang and I escaped to English.