A/N: Well here it is – the last chapter of the story. Thankyou to everyone who supported this story with their reviews, PMs, faves and follows and to all the people who have read it. This story is dedicated to cancer survivors and those who have fallen while fighting it. I have nothing but admiration for you all having watched several family members deal with this disease.

Warning: Extreme sucrose alert of the tooth rotting variety. Have outdone myself in this fiction – shipping, a wedding and cuteness – all things I usually avoid like the plague.

I'm so sorry to keep you all waiting for this epilogue for such a long time but but I've been off line for almost a month with 'issues' related to multiple abortive attempts to download Windows Ten on my computer – which I don't want and didn't ask for – and has been chewing up my limited internet allowance. To say I'm furious about it is an understatement.

I Shouldn't Have To

Chapter 31

Epilogue

Three Months Later: 3rd January 2017

Selected Excerpts of the Journal of Anthony DiNozzo

To our twins,

I decided I'd start journaling again just in case the worst should happen and I'm not around to watch you grow into the amazing adults I have no doubt you'll be. That way, you'll be in no doubt whatsoever that I loved and wanted you both, even if I'm terrified out of my mind at the thought of screwing up as a parent. When I become too frantic thinking that I might be a bad father and scar you for life, I remind myself that there's really no such thing as a perfect parent. Which is really good because I'm so very far from perfect that it isn't funny. Yet when I ask myself what I think is most important attributes of being a father, I keep coming up with three common qualities that I hope I can fulfil successfully.

I want to ensure you'll never have to wonder if you are loved and I hope to be able to tell both of you in person how much I love you, every single day.

I'll also try to the absolute best of my abilities not to make promises to you that I can't keep. I know that it isn't realistic not to disappoint you at some point in your lives – remember that I'm not perfect but if I make you a promise I want you to know that I did my utmost to keep it.

And finally I want for you grow up knowing that I desire you to follow your dreams, not mine and no matter what path you decide to take in life I will love you and be so proud of you.

In case you're wondering, your mom and I are waiting to meet you although we do have a few ultrasound photos of you already. In four weeks you're due to make your grand entrance into the world and I'll get to hold you both for the first time. I offered to record your birth for posterity however your sainted mother has ruled out that idea since I'm going to be too busy playing cheerleader and possibly receiving!

Have to tell you guys I'm nervous since I've never had much to do with babies – well except for the fact I was one myself.

So my two little treasures,

Always remember that your Daddy loves you with his whole being. XXX OOO

~o0o~

8th January 2017

To Baby girl and Baby boy DiNozzo,

Well my two very impatient little ones, it seems you decided to make your entry into the world more than three weeks early. You were born 12 hours ago after the doctors decided to induce your mother, since her preeclampsia was becoming too difficult to manage. So here you are, lying here in your cribs, safe and sound and your mother is sleeping, recovering from your birth. All three of you are healthy and for that I'm indescribably grateful.

I just have to say that I'm in awe of how perfect you both are, even though you are so tiny and helpless. Which leaves me feeing rather confused because on the one hand, I'm frightened that you might break when I hold you in my arms but on the other hand, you're so fragile I want to bundle you up and protect you from all the bad in the world. Crazy huh?

When they told us you were going to be born almost a month premature I'm not sure what I was expecting – that you'd be not quite done yet – maybe missing nails and hair but yet here you are. Perfect! You both have a shock of hair – really dark and how did that happen? And perfectly formed, tiny little finger nails that I can't help kissing. (Sappy much?) I guess you're just smaller than average but they say you'll catch up in time.

Everyone agrees that you are exceptionally beautiful babies – well with the exception of your Uncle Brad and Aunty Lara who still think that Brandon was the most gorgeous child ever. Just between the three of us though, he was all scrunched up and tomato red in the face. Okay so it was because he screamed so much with colic but still he didn't hold a candle to either of you, I solemnly swear on my beloved Buckeyes.

If you want confirmation I posted a photo of you both a little while ago and your honorary aunts and uncles have declared that you are the most beautiful babies ever.

I'm hoping that we're ready for you at home. Arriving over three weeks early kind of threw our plans into disarray and of course your mom has been confined to bed for the last two weeks before you were born trying to keep her blood pressure down. So things might be a bit disorganised when we take you home. Bear with us and remember that we're trying hard.

To our very special little twins – know that your Mommy and Daddy love you to the moon and back.

Hugs and kisses.

Daddy

11th January 2017

Welcome to the world Holly Ava and Jason Eric DiNozzo

Yep we finally decided on your names. So no more Baby girl and boy DiNozzo or Dewie and Louie for our precious tiny twins. Oh wait… I never told you about that, did I? Well no biggie – it's just what we used to call you before you were born since we couldn't agree on names for you.

Jason, never believe anyone if they try to tell you you're named after Jason Bourne in the Bourne Identity – so not true. You're named after your mom's father, your grandpa Karl Jason Ingham who was a civil engineer. I wish you had a chance to know him. He sounds like someone to look up to.

And Holly, when you're old enough I'm sure your mom will share with you how we got engaged – very Breakfast At Tiffany's. You may not know this but back in 2012 the US Library of Congress decided this movie was 'culturally, historically or aesthetically significant' and they selected it to be preserved in the National Film Registry. Such a good choice as far as I'm concerned but I digress. Audrey Hepburn is one of my favourite actresses and in Breakfast at Tiffany's she played a girl called Holly Golightly, who you are named after.

Your middle names we picked because we liked them and they sounded good with your first and last names. Hope that we haven't ruined your lives with our choice of names but just be grateful you weren't named Apple, Hash-Tag, Moon Zappa or something equally outrageous.

Anyway Jason and Holly, not only did we finally decide on your names today, the other big highlight was that we also brought you home from the hospital. You'd think that between a big bad federal agent and a super smart nurse we'd be able to figure out how to get your baby capsules buckled safely into our car, wouldn't you? But after half an hour we had to call your Uncle Brad to come and show us how to do it. He's never going to let us live it down.

Just one thing Holly and Jase, I cannot emphasise how important this is – while Uncle Brad is a good man, if he ever tries to corrupt you over to the dark side with invitations to become Wolverines – run away as fast as you can and tell someone immediately. He's been known to suffer from Chronic Buckeye Envy. A wretched but serious disease that is problematic to treat since suffers don't understand how truly ill they are and will deny that they require treatment.

Anyway, after we finally got you both home and changed your diapers and then we fed you – okay your mom fed you, we put you down in your own cribs and left the baby monitor on so we could hear you if you wake up. We decided to grab a cat nap since you sleep for only a couple of hour between changes and feeds (more high maintenance than a super model kiddos) and yet I caught your mom creeping back in to check on you. I know this to be a fact only because I was sneaking back in for exactly the same reason. We're both terrified that you might stop breathing, I guess. You're just so little and vulnerable, such little defenceless miracles.

Right now I'm on two weeks parental leave and I'm wondering how I'm going to ever be able to tear myself away from you and go back to work.

Never forget my precious little ones, how much your Daddy loves you. XOX.

~o0o~

8th July 2017

Well my adorable babies, it's time for me to chronicle your six month milestones as I have done for every month since your birth. Of course since you were born almost one month premature I haven't been able to get any of the docs to agree if you are really six months old now or five months since you weren't fully baked when you were born.

Anyway, you are both able to roll over now – if you're are on your back you can flip over onto your belly and then roll over onto your back again. Definitely not turtles then! Jason, you are able to sit up unassisted and Holly you're nearly there too, little one. Any day now I'm sure.

Both of you have started eating solids. You ate baked pumpkin from our vegetable garden the other night and ended up with more of it in your hair than in your mouths. Don't worry, I took lots of embarrassing videos and pictures for you to see when you're bigger. You can thank me later!

Let's see – you are both babbling non-stop and your Uncle Brad claims that you have inherited my gift of the gab. We should be so lucky! So far you have managed to utter single syllable consonants like - d, m, g, and b although you are really fluent when babbling in vowels. Not a huge vocabulary, I'll grant you but you both seem to make it work for you.

You hold the most amazing conversations with each other and anyone else who'll cooperate because now you understand that you have to take turns talking and listening – it's really cute.

As I'm sure I've mentioned before, when you were first born you both had a shock of dark, almost black hair which was a bit of a surprise since your mom is a honey blonde and I had blonde hair too when I was a child. People told us that it would probably all fall out and they were right. You were bald as badgers for several months before growing your current crop of blonde locks.

Holly, your mom has a whole bunch of these little headbands that she matches with your outfits. I don't think she can wait until you grow enough hair for her to be able to tie it up with ribbons. Guess I'm going to have to practise making braids for when you get a bit bigger, Sweetie. Jase, don't worry I promise to throw away any sailor suits that any misguided people might give you, thinking it's cute.

According to my baby chart that lists baby milestones which are divided up into three categories that are 'mastered skills' - that most six months old babies can do, 'emerging skills' – that half of six months olds are able to do and 'advanced skills' - that a few babies can do, you're bang on target. A lot of what you can already do is in the 'emerging skills category – eating solids, sitting unassisted (way to go son) and reaching for things and being able to put them in your mouths. Actually that last skill is a bit gross in my book, but I guess it's building up your immunity, although your mom is obsessed with sterilising everything. Hey what do you expect – she's a nurse!

So you guys are doing just great by all accounts, especially since you got taken out of the oven before you were finished baking. Just kidding! Anyway bottom line, you're both healthy and happy and that's all that matters.

Okay where was I?

Oh yeah! Today is my birthday and your mom is throwing me a birthday party and has invited our friends over tonight, which means that you'll have plenty of people who you can both wow with your amazing feats of co-ordination. Your Aunty Lisle and Uncle Dane can't wait to meet you in the flesh and will probably overwhelm you with their constant undivided attention. They were supposed to come to DC before now to see you but cases came up.

They sent me a message before they boarded their flight to let me know they are on their way. Your Aunty Jodhi is meeting them at the airport soon and bringing them here. They're going to stay with us for the weekend, so I'll expect you two to be on your best behaviour and no colicky crying at 0330 in the morning.

You two - our precious little treasures are never ever going to know how it feels not to celebrate your birthdays – trust me on that – and yep that's a promise! You're going to have such wonderful birthdays – not the over the top, throw a bucket load of money and invite lots of important people sort of parties. The sort where you invite some kids from your class or from the neighbourhood and you play pass the parcel and eat fairy bread and birthday cake. Or we'll go to a theme park with your best friends or go bowling and a ton of other normal fun stuff that I never got to do when I was growing up.

So anyway, dear ones, for most of my life I never celebrated my birthday but since your mom came into my life, she makes sure that it's a really special day for me, even if we have to work. Trust me – it's the little things that make it special, not the over-the-top extravagances.

This year - with our new house and your safe arrival she's going all out for this one with a party, since we have so much to celebrate. She sent out invitations almost six weeks ago so no one would have an excuse not to be here including invitations sent to the old team from New York, who you don't know yet. Sidebar – I was born in New York and you were conceived there, so I'm sure you'll have a spiritual connection to the place and its people. Too much information? Sorry!

So where were we? Ah yes, party guests… there's my new team here in DC - Marc and his family, Ellie and Jake and Jodhi with her latest guy, Pete I think. Actually now I come to think about it, you have met one of my old NY team because Aunty Jodhi was in New York with me before we came to DC. She's looking forward to seeing her old team mates as much as I am. And last but not least, your godparents the Pitts with Brandon, the Palmers and Victoria who thinks you two are real live dolls and Grandpa Ducky. No doubt he'll regale you with lots of stories –that is, if he can even get near you tonight. I predict lots of snuggling in your future but then again seeing I'm the birthday boy, I may just try to monopolise you both for myself.

Post Script:

Thought you might like to know how the party went last night my precious little cherub-bubs. Officially, I'm baby-sitting because your mom got called in to work an emergency shift for another nurse who wrapped her car around a tree. Unofficially, it's hard if not downright impossible to get near you, between Lisle and Jodhi – who also stayed here last night. Slept on the couch. Although Aunty Jodhi has her own apartment, she claimed to have drunk too much to drive home last night.

Truthfully, I think she wanted to stay here because she didn't want to waste a minute being with Lisle and Dane before they head back to New York this afternoon. And then there is the fact that both of them were awfully clucky with you two at the party last night – you stole the show as they say but then again you're totally cute, so no surprise.

Anyway, Lisle and Jodhi have decided that we should take you two little sponges to the zoo today so I have loaded up the car with your gear – how is it that two small people need so much stuff? Then when you two wake up and we get you fed and changed we'll head off to Rock Creek Park to the National Zoo because they have a Kids Zoo with miniature donkeys alpacas, goats, pigs and all the usual suspects. As if I don't spend enough time at Rock Creek Park already but never mind – I'm sure we'll have a wonderful time. Must remember to apply baby sunscreen – to you two as well!

But back to the party – You guys were the stars. When they could snatch you away from Lisle and Jodhi, everyone spoiled you rotten. Holly, you managed to sit up unassisted last night. I knew it wouldn't be long til you followed your brother. Everyone clapped and cheered when you did it and you got the biggest grin on your face and chuckled and babbled. You two are so close to stringing multiple sounds together, I swear.

Jason you created a stir when we were cutting my birthday cake. I didn't really want one since I don't eat cake but your Aunty Lara made this amazing cake that was made without processed foods especially for me, just so I could have a tiny taste. She's a sweetie.

Anyway when she lit the candles on the cake and they were singing Happy Birthday, you frightened the heck out of your Aunty Lisle who was holding you up to watch. You were mesmerised by the candles I guess, or you wanted to face plant the cake so you could put it into your mouth because of your oral fixation. Well at any rate, you made this surprise lunge forward toward the cake and she nearly dropped you. Lisle turned white as a sheet and had to sit down but your mom and I got really excited since lunging forward is an advanced skill that only a few six months old babies can do. I think it means that you might start crawling early too. [Note to self to baby proof the house next weekend.]

Just so you know, you both had a taste of birthday cake – it was a yummy zucchini cake by the way, even if you spat most of it out. Your Aunty Lara was most offended.

Right now I can hear you waking up via the baby monitor. Time to get you changed and fed so we can get out of the house.

Until next time and never forget how much your Daddy loves you.

Hugs and kisses.

The End