It took ages, but life without Heracles eventually became livable. Even though it was like pulling teeth at first, Kiku agreed to start seeing Matthew for grief counseling. Somehow, it helped. Kiku was finally able to make some semblance of sense out of his feelings. He learned how to tell the stages of grief apart, how to manage them without having to choose between falling to pieces and pretending there was nothing wrong at all. He had only one regret: not doing this sooner.

Ludwig and Feliciano helped. Misery must truly love company, because them all having their own demons only brought them closer. Yao never left his side, and even his daunting Russian fiancé tried to help… Kiku mostly shied away from him, however. Once Kiku realized he had his friends, his family, his cat and his memories, he realized he would be okay. He was far from being perfect, but he could live with that.

Even though he had long accepted reality, Kiku could not help but feel that Heracles was with him. Some would call him desperate, others would simply deem him crazy, but he just knew. He knew because of the smallest signs- a cool gust of air that came from nowhere when he walked past his old room at the hospital, dreams that were a bit too realistic, even a gentle tug on his hand that disappeared the second he noticed it. Kiku did not dare tell anyone about this, of course. These little signs were just for him- just for him and Heracles.

Of course there were still bad days, but they grew to be shorter and farther between. Sometimes the smallest thing would happen that triggered the strongest grief, and Kiku would cry, scream, or on one occasion after too much to drink- lose consciousness. But he learned how to live through it. Usually he would take Larry and curl up in bed, whispering Heracles's name until he was able to breathe. Then, he would brush himself off and keep going.

Sometime after the one-year anniversary of meeting him, Kiku decided to follow the first piece of advice that Heracles ever gave him.

The cat shelter had not changed at all. Lili still worked there, memories were still engrained in the walls. Instead of losing his breath, Kiku smiled. "Hello, Lili," he said. "How are you doing today?"

Lili smiled back at him. "I'm doing fine. What brings you here today? Just visiting?"

Even though Kiku did visit frequently just because, he had a slightly different motive today. "Actually, no," he said. "I would like to adopt a cat. To keep Larry company."

"Oh! Okay!" Lili turned around and surveyed the cages. "What kind were you looking for? A Persian? Tabby? Mixed breed?"

"I had nothing specific in mind." Kiku turned in the same direction. As silly as it sounded, he planned to choose the cat that seemed to choose him. He looked into the pleading eyes of several and for a moment wished he could take them all. Maybe that part of Heracles had rubbed off on him. He continued to scan the cats with an absent gaze until he saw a set of pale eyes that almost seemed to stare through him. "Lili, what is that cat's name?"

Lili turned her attention to the same longhaired grey and white cat Kiku was transfixed by. "Oh, that one is new. He was a stray, doesn't have a name."

"Is that so?" Kiku continued to stare. He was certain he was going insane. Still… he could not seem to ignore that little tuft of hair that split into two sections and curled at the ends. "May I hold him?"

"Oh, of course!" Lili withdrew a key from her pocket and unlocked the door. "I'm surprised this one isn't sleeping. That's all he seems to do."

That was all it took. Kiku knew. He reached into the cage, took the cat into his arms and smiled when it purred. He traced the little spot of dark fur on its side, not able to help but notice it was shaped like a heart. He finally understood what he meant by 'everything is real.' He was filled with a blinding, unreasonable joy when everything suddenly fell into place and made sense. He could only whisper, "You just couldn't wait, could you?"

Lili tilted her head to the side. "I'm sorry?"

"Nothing," said Kiku quickly. He looked down at the cat and saw his green eyes had not moved from him once. "I think… I will take this one."

"Good choice. I always thought that one was cute." Lili scratched the cat behind the ears. "What do you think you'll name him?"

Several possibilities flew through Kiku's mind. He considered simply naming him Heracles or Karpusi, but he decided he wanted to keep those names exclusive to Heracles the person. Instead, he picked something he knew Heracles would be happy about. "I think I will call him Aristotle."

.

Five years later…

.

"I think Grandpa would have liked you, Kiku."

Unsure what else to say, Kiku simply nodded. He stood between Ludwig and Feliciano, hands folded respectfully in front of him as he gazed down at Roma Vargas's grave. This not an unusual occurrence, and it had no schedule either. They simply visited whenever it felt right to do. This was only the first part of the trip. While Kiku always paid his respects, he could not help but await the second part with somber anticipation.

"Of course he would have, Feliciano! If he liked my brother, I'm guessing his standards weren't too high." Gilbert slung his arm around Ludwig's shoulders and grinned. If it were anyone else, this kind of speech in a cemetery would have been frowned upon. Gilbert always seemed to be an exception to everything, especially since he was so happy these days.

Ludwig rolled his eyes, but there was no denying that faint smile tracing his lips. "He was a good man, so maybe he would have tolerated you, Gilbert."

Gilbert just laughed. Feliciano laughed with him, Kiku only smiled, and Ludwig continued to pretend he wasn't. "We don't see each other nearly enough, Gil," said Feliciano. "Is Matthew doing okay? He still works at the hospital, right?"

"Yeah, he does. He's doing awesome." Gilbert's eyes fell to his ring finger, which housed a white-gold wedding band. His arrogant grin faded into a subtle smile. "God, we're doing great."

Feliciano took Ludwig by the hand. "Let's all have dinner after this! That sounds fun, doesn't it?" His eyes widened as if he had not meant to say that, and he immediately looked at Kiku. "You want to come with, Kiku? You can bring anyone you want!"

"Oh, that is fine." Kiku waved his hand dismissively. It was not as if he was seeing anyone. Besides, he already had a date that night. It was a bit unconventional, but there was no place he would rather spend his time. "You guys go ahead."

Feliciano looked apologetic. "Are you sure? We could come with you if you want, we always come with you, I'll feel bad if we just left!"

"Feli," interrupted Ludwig. "I think Kiku will be just fine. Remember we are all attending Roderich's dinner party this weekend."

"Oh, of course, I can't believe I forgot about that, you're going to that right, Kiku?"

Kiku nodded. "I would not miss it."

Ludwig placed his hand on the small of Feliciano's back and glanced quickly at Kiku. "I suppose we should get going, then. See you later, Kiku."

"Bye, Kiku!" said Feliciano. Ludwig led him off and he launched into an excited stream of sentences about where they should go to eat, Gilbert chuckling to himself not far behind. Kiku smiled to himself as he watched them go. He had spent the past several years watching their lives fall to pieces, come back together and change completely, usually for the better. Right now they were happy and healthy, and Kiku could not be happier for them.

Once they were too far away to be seen, Kiku bowed once more in front of Roma's grave and headed off to the place he had been waiting to visit all along. Two years after the fact, Kiku finally decided to bury the urn along with the urns of Heracles's parents, which he had to have delivered from Greece. It was hard, but it felt like the right thing to do. Once he reached the headstone, his breath caught and his stomach turned cold just like always. Certain things never got any easier.

"Hello, Heracles." After placing a solitary rose in front of it, Kiku sat cross-legged on the ground and faced the grave. He was glad that this was at least getting more natural. The first time had felt strange if not gut wrenching and he had left immediately. Now it was second nature, even if he did feel he would be closer to Heracles if he simply went home and picked up Aristotle. This was the first place he went to after a bad day or needed to clear his mind, even if this was more symbolic than anything. It felt as necessary as a beating heart.

He never said much during these visits. He spent more time reflecting, remembering. Sometimes he cried, sometimes he laughed, sometimes he showed no emotion at all. Still, the occasional thing would pass his lips, like, "I miss you." Maybe it was ridiculous, spending years grieving for someone who was only in his life for a fleeting, breath taking time. Kiku could not help it and he did not fight it, either. Those six months were the most world altering and fulfilling of his life. He would never forget them, and he would never stop feeling the effects.

Some time passed in the quiet- maybe it was minutes, maybe it was hours- before Kiku realized with a pang of reluctance that he should probably get home and feed the cats. There was only one thing left to do. Kiku shifted forward, wiped a tear from his eye and placed a solitary kiss on the marble gravestone. It was only then, only when he was alone that he could repeat the same words he had said a hundred times in this very spot, the same words he would say hundreds more.

"I love you, Heracles." Not loved, love- because Kiku would always love Heracles, no matter how many years passed or whom he met. He would always remember the sparkle of life in his eyes, always remember the gentleness in his voice and the color he brought to the world Kiku once thought was grey.

Love, not loved. For Kiku, it would always be in the present tense.

The End.

.

Preparing for launch…

"You seem nervous."

"Oh. I do apologize."

3…

"You say you're sorry a lot. It seems…familiar."

"That is strange."

2…

"Oh well. Are you ready?"

"Yes."

1…

"Can you hold my hand?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"For steadiness."

"…For steadiness."

Lift off.

The Beginning.

Thank you everyone for reading! I'm sad to see this end, but rest assured, this is certainly not the end of the hospital series. :)