Obligatory Marriage Fic I

"Let me get this straight... You want me, Harry Potter, the-man-who-won, last scion and Lord of not only the ancient and noble house of Potter, but also of Black, last descendent of the Peverell brothers of legend, heir to Godric Gryffindor himself, to take a permanent gender-bending potion... so that I can bear Malfoy's children?"

"Well... Yes."

"The arrogant blonde piss-stain of a disgrace to Slytherin house, with no guile nor cunning to speak of, who's catch-phrase and action of choice is to run whimpering to his father?"

"Yes."

"Even though I can claim the headship of four houses, and yet another through conquest, whereas he is heir to just one, and a lowly, disgraced house at that. To mimic his own bigoted parlance, why should I sully my noble blood and lauded, distinguished heritage with his befouled and infamous ichor?"

"Now see here, the Malfoy family-"

"The family of 'bad faith', as it translates in French, lost much of their influence and gold both, after the patriarch was found guilty of sucking the cock of an insane half-blood dark wizard with delusion of grandeur. Again. Why should I break off with my lovely fiance, my future Lady Potter, with the wedding date already set, to appease a disgraced family's wounded ego? Tell the Malfoy family that they're free to depart and engage in acts of self- and/or intra-familial fornication."

The solicitor was gaping. "But... the law..."

"I'll make this as simple as possible then. No, and tell the collective Malfoy family to go fuck themselves. If you try enfore this sham of a law, I will hex you. If you send aurors, I will hex them. If you send minister Shacklebolt him-fucking-self, I will hex him so thoroughly that you'll be looking for a new minister. And if I don't, my fiance, Hermione brightest-witch-of-her-age Granger will. You might recall her as being the one beside me as we killed the delusional fool that took the false moniker of 'Lord Voldemort'."

Feel free to insert character of choice in Hermione's place, but I found that it worked for this snippet.

The standard 'Malfoy is a Male Veela' fic

"So... You're telling me that Draco Malfoy, the scion of the pureblood house of Mafloy... Isn't actually a pureblood?"

"What? No, he's a pureblood, but he's also a Veela."

"There are no Veela in the Black lineage, I should know, I've seen the tapestry, and Lucius Malfoy exhibits no signs of a Veela Heritage himself. So either Draco isn't a Malfoy, isn't a Black, or isn't a Veela."

"So... You're telling me that Draco Malfoy, the scion of the pureblood house of Malfoy... Is actually a girl? My apologies Ms. Malfoy, for my mistaken assumption. I do hope that my inadvertent insults, made from ignorance rather than malice, can one day be redeemed."

"What? No Scarhead, I'm a Male Veela."

Harry laughed. "You remember Fleur Delacour, right? You know, the known and confirmed Veela? I had a chance to talk to her about Veela over the summer Holidays, and there's no such thing as a male Veela."

"So... You're telling me that Draco Malfoy, the scion of the pureblood house of Mafloy... Is somehow, despite neither of his parents being one, a Male Veela..."

"Yes."

"And you want me to marry him."

"Yes."

"Even though I don't swing that way."

"Yes."

"And have hated Malfoy since day one."

"Yes."

"And that any such marriage would be a) in name only, and b) result in one of us in Azkaban and the other on a mortuary slab."

"Not so much."

Well if one Veela can lay a claim, so can another...

"So... You're telling me that Draco Malfoy, the scion of the pureblood house of Mafloy... Is somehow, despite neither of his parents being one, a Male Veela..."

"Yes."

"And you want me to marry him."

"Yes. You, my boy, are his Mate, and the law of creature inheritances decrees that you two will be wed."

"Ah. Thought we might run into a problem right about here."

"What problem?"

"You recall that creature inheritances require licensing through said races' authority, right?"

"We can do that on the day of the ceremony."

"No, what I'm saying is that you might have a bit of trouble getting that licence."

"And why might that be?"

"Well... Gabrielle Delacour... You know, small, blond, pulled out of a lake by yours truly... Veela... Got there first. Quite literally the only way for you to get a license would be for her to swear, of her own free will, without outside influence through spell, potion, or coercion, to renounce her prior claim on me."

"So... You're telling me that Draco Malfoy, the scion of the pureblood house of Mafloy... Is somehow, despite neither of his parents being one, a Male Veela..."

"Yes."

"And you want me to marry him."

"Yes. You, my boy, are his Mate, and the law of creature inheritances decrees that you too will be wed."

"Ah. Thought we might run into a problem right about here."

"What problem?"

"I can't be Draco's Mate. I've already been claimed as a Mate by another Veela. And quite frankly, I'd much prefer her to Draco." Without warning, Harry strode to the Floo. grabbing a handful of the emerald green powder. "Delacour Mansion. It's Harry. Tell Gabby that I accept."