Oh god, I haven't been putting disclaimers into these chapters. I don't own this stuff and I don't get paid to do this so don't sue me.

Read and enjoy.

xxxXxxx

Month Five Week Two: But Unfortunately My Life is a Farce

SCRIBBLE SCRIBBLE SCRIBBLE SCRIBBLE

"This echo is getting really annoying," Naruto muttered as he jotted down more notes, "Do you guys read in the shadows too?"

"Sometimes if we're bored," Samui replied in her usual, dry fashion.

A reply to which Naruto had no clue how to respond to because he can't if she's joking or not. "Hahaha?"

"Why are you laughing?"

Swing and miss, Naruto thought to himself as returned to his notes.

"Why were you laughing?"

"What?" Naruto asked, "Why do you care?"

Instead of answering his question she invaded his personal space and asked once again, "Why were you laughing?"

"You are way too close to me right now," Naruto said as he leaned away which only made her lean closer which only made him lean further away. This went on until Naruto was virtually horizontal to the chair. "S-Samui, the hell is your problem?"

"You were laughing," Samui answered.

Stupefied, Naruto could manage a lame, "Wha?" before it finally clicked, "That's your reasoning? You know for the stoic-type you're really petty!"

Naruto realized the comment would probably tick her off, but he didn't really care since she was being so damn obstinate over nothing. Samui, still stoic as ever, placed a finger on his forehead, "I suppose I am," and the she pushed.

THUMP

WHOOSH

Naruto could sigh as he watched the blond vanish into whatever dark corner she enjoyed. Honestly, he expected more over the top retribution from the capricious woman, for some reason she always picked on him whenever he screwed up. Still, her antics today had been more annoying than harmful, so he decided to drop it and get back to work.

Work.

He had just started his research, but he could tell that he had an arduous road ahead of him. He had been hoping that Kumo's hospitals would need some sort of reform, so he could weasel his way into just offering improvements while studying their books. Unfortunately, the hospitals here were solid they had problems sure, but nothing he could improve upon with his medical knowledge. Now he had to seriously think of some way to help with new sealing techniques alongside those he'd already offered.

He gazed at the two ideas scribbled out on his notes: sanitation and defibrillators. These two were serious problems for most hospitals in the Elemental Nations. Sanitizing a room for surgeries was extremely important considering how high it raised the percentage of survival for patients. Now, for most civilian hospitals sanitizing rooms for the next surgery wasn't much of problem, unless there was an emergency, but for ninja villages, emergencies were common affairs. He's read the journals and seen the statistics for kunoichi villages and after investigating at Kumo's hospital he had found that lack of sanitation was serious concern all the doctors shared. The second problem was the lack of defibrillators.

Now most probably thought because of Kumo's natural affinity for lightning style techniques, a lack of defibrillators would be a non-issue, but this was a misconception. Sure they had techniques to simulate a defibrillator, but only a handful of people could actually use the technique in such a stressful situation. Without well-tuned chakra control a person could easily fry the heart instead of restarting it.

With the knowledge gathered from his research he was now on the development stage of the sealing process. For the sanitation problem he first thought of using heat, but scrapped that immediately because it ran the risk of frying any medical equipment in the room. Wondering what else could clean a room Naruto remembered a device he had read about: a hermetically sealed chamber. The theory behind the technology was an environment drained of its oxygen could kill bacteria. Running with that idea he began to construct a seal that could drain the oxygen from a room. Seal were regularly used to, well, seal things, but he had never heard of one being used on oxygen so he had to start from scratch. He was a bit nervous about getting to the testing phase, considering what it would do, but he'd cross that bridge when he got there.

The seal for the defibrillators was coming much further along. If he could get this thing to work the village would have portable, easy-to-use defibrillators operable by anyone. He had already identified the components to use in the formula, but he was running into a few problems. For one, the seal needed to control duration and voltage released without the need for some complicated routine, in an emergency the simpler the better. It also had to turn off automatically because a manual switch would be too dangerous. He also had to figure out how to integrate the charging and battery formula with the chakra converter, so they didn't release the stored energy in one go or explode. These problem all boiled down to the trigger was the problem, turning it on was easy, but turning it off without touching, and figuring out how to start the conversion of raw chakra to electricity once the trigger was hit.

Maybe he could tie power into the trigger? But then the user would need some way to set the power on the seal like a slider of some sort, but if such a formula existed he didn't know it. It could be in the library, he would have to search for it later, but if it didn't exist he would need to have a backup method. Maybe…two triggers?

Wait, no, more triggers.

He could tie the battery to multiply triggers which have preset amp settings. It could work, but he still had to figure out the on/off situation. It seems like no one ever thought there would be a need for an automatic switch, at least no one in Kumo, so he started to take the trigger formula apart to see if he could engineer the automatic function into. Creating a new formula, however, was proving to be a major pain. In the past week he studied the parts that handled off and on so thoroughly he could draw them blindfolded, but he hadn't figured out how to make it do what he wanted. "It's just cause and effect I just need a way to…trigger it. I am a fucking idiot."

A secondary trigger formula with a different set of parameters within the initial formula could, potentially, solve the problem. The question was what to tie it to? The only option he could think of was the charge in the battery seal. No, that wouldn't work because he'd have to drain the whole battery. "Then there wouldn't be a point to the seal. Maybe, more batteries with a smaller charge? No then the whole thing would become too messy. Wait, what am I thinking, I should just use a time delay!"

Paper bombs had time delays to activate, what's to say he couldn't just use it in reverse, "Right, then I just voltage into the trigger parameters. Each one would be a different voltage and they'd all be tied to the one main battery. The conversion process should happen while the battery charges, so there is no delay. Yeah, this could work, but there would have to be a back and front to the seal to direct the flow of energy. And an indicator, so no gets-"

"Are-"

"Wha!" Naruto yelped as he fell out of his seat.

"You hungry?"

"Damn it, Samui, stop sneaking up on me!" Naruto exclaimed as his heart tried to beat its way out.

"I called you twice before you screamed," Samui replied.

"I yelled, I didn't screamed," Naruto replied as he finally managed to calm down. Standing, he checked the floor for any notes he might have knocked over, "So what did you ask me?"

"Are you hungry?"

"Kind of early for me to be taking a break from work isn't it?"

"You have been in here for hours," Samui replied, "Didn't you notice?"

"Hours," Naruto looked through the small windows of the library to see more than a few stars in the sky. "Whoa, talk about time flying."

After acknowledging the time he finally noticed the painful emptiness of his stomach. "You know what? I'll take you up on that offer. Let me just grab my things and we can go."

He gathered up his belongings and picked up the books, each one needed to be taken back to the librarian and placed under lock and key. He didn't need a team of kunoichi kicking down his door in the middle of the night. Again.

His ass still kind of tickled from last time.

Naruto asked where they were going to eat as the trotted to the front desk. Samui, instead of offering a name, gave him a bevy of restaurants which catered to plenty of different and exotic tastes, some only found in Kumo.

"Goat? You guys eat goat meat up here?" Naruto asked. Goat cheese and milk didn't seem like far out concepts to him, but goat meat struck him, unexplainably, as unusual.

"They're one of the few animals that can be raised as livestock this far up," Samui answered, "Plus, they're very tasty."

"Well, if you vouch for it I'll give it a try," Naruto said as they made it to the gate that separated the special books section from the rest of the library. As per the terms of his agreement Naruto handed over the books and his notes. What they didn't know was that he would draw notes and formulas that interested him from memory into a journal, a journal that was currently stored in seal drawn on the back of his head. Thankfully for him most people didn't think to shave a person when searching him.

Which was precisely the next step in in the terms of their agreement. Naruto handed over his bag, removed his brown jacket, and turned out all of his pockets. Samui stepped back as the librarian walked around her desk.

"Spread'em."

"I really wish you'd stop saying that," Naruto muttered as he stretched his arms and legs out. "and why do you whisper it like that?"

The pat down proceeded with no funny business, so Naruto decided to continue his conversation with Samui, "So where is this goat place of yours?"

"…"

"Samui?" Naruto asked again. The woman said nothing she just kept staring at him.

"…"

"Samui~?"

"…"

"Samui!"

"Hmm? Yes what?" Samui asked, somewhat startled, maybe, Naruto couldn't tell.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes," Samui replied, before addressing her colleague, "I believe he has been thoroughly searched."

"Hey, she's right, this is the third time you've been up my leg," Naruto said before a grin broke out on his face, "Am I going to have to start charging?"

They left without further incident, and Naruto had gotten so used to the abnormal ritual involved in leaving the library that he didn't mutter any complaints. "Thanks for that."

"For what?"

"Helping me out back there. Those two can get a bit handsy and I appreciate you nudging them along for me," Naruto said.

"Who says I did it for you?"

"If not me, then why?"

But Samui didn't respond. Instead she guided him through the Kumo's slowly rising nightlife. A mysterious glint in her eye.

xxxXxxx

This is a pretty stupid idea.

Was the thought that should have been running through Narurto's head at the moment. Instead all he could wonder about were the really, really nice things Samui's tongue was doing in his mouth. It was a month since she had taken him out for some genuine Kumo cuisine and he had decided that goats were surprisingly savory with some salt.

In that month he and Samui had inched ever closer to one another until they had wound up where the were at this very moment. His back pressed up against a bookcase, hands on her ass as she ravaged her tongue.

Now that was all well and good for Naruto because he was completely lost in the moment, so he wasn't considering why this was in fact a very dumb idea. Among the few blatant reason the one that stood out the most was the fact that Samui was in charge of watching his every movement and dictating where he could and couldn't go.

Normally he would think about these things, but he was much too excited to care. Excitement not only caused by the way she ripped his shirt off, but because after a month of hard work he had finally made the last breakthrough for his new seal to work. In his excitement Naruto had kissed Samui and she responded by pinning him to bookcase which had lead to their current position. Said position was currently on the ground with her on top hiking up her skirt as he fished a hard erection out of his pants.

If he had been thinking straight Naruto would have pushed Samui away and explained why they shouldn't rut in the library like animals. Unfortunately, like many men before him and plenty that would come after Naruto wasn't thinking with the right head.

It was only after as he laid in a hot, sweaty, mess curled around a content Samui that he realized the potential clusterfuck he had just stepped into.

"You are a fucking idiot."

xxxXxxx

"You remember what I said yesterday? Forget that because now you're just plain unlucky."

'You aren't helping' Naruto said as he gently massaged the Raikage's stomach. This particular addition to his schedule had started about two weeks ago when he had noticed A rubbing her neck after she set her dumbbell down. When he inquired she said her shoulder stung a bit, but it turned she pulled a muscle. He knew A was physically tough, but he didn't think someone like her would be dumb enough to overexercise. After informing Kamui about her master's foolishness he advised that A stop exercising for a while and to have someone look at her shoulder.

That someone should have been a trusted physical therapist thoroughly vetted by the Raikage's organization. Instead Naruto found himself visiting the Raikage at her personal residence checking her body and giving her massages. Normally no man would complain much about being asked to massage a beautiful woman. However, this wasn't just any woman. This was a woman who was in charge of a hundren other women, innumberable resourses, and jurisdiction over an entire country. Needless to say he was on eggshells around A.

"Hmm, that tickles," A said with a throaty chuckle which caused certain assets to move about. That was another problem A he had found out about. She was incredibly prideful of her body and never wasted an oppurtunity to flaunt it. Their first session hadn't been so bad she only ever covered up with a small towel, but they only stuck to her back. He was dropped into a minefield during their third session when she had complained of abdominal pain.

"A-Apologies," Naruto said as his hand softly glided against her sculpted abs while he did his best not to look up.

"You know I've started feeling some pain here," A said rubbing the area around her left shoulder.

"O-Oh really?" Naruto nearly wheezed as he just watched. Old naked ladies, old naked ladies, old naked ladies, old naked ladies.

"Take a look at will you?"

"Of course," Naruto said as the old naked ladies did the trick. He took his time finishing up her stomach, so he could calm things down. "I'm going to move your arm like this just relax."

Naruto dug into the shoulder making sure to keep his eyes and fingers off the more tantalizing parts of A's body. "It's a littler lower," A said.

"Alright," Naruto responded as he moved his hand a fraction lower.

"A little lower," she said and Naruto responded in kind. "There it is. Ohh~"

Naruto took one long, slow breath as he ignored the noises coming from A. Thankfully, his constant battle to keep things professional and above board ended shortly without incident. "I think I got," Naruto said as he began to remove his hand.

"Wait, doctor," A said as she grasped his hand. "I do have another ache for you too look at."

"Really where is it?" Naruto asked trying to not notice how warm and soft her hand was.

"Here," A said taking his hand in hers, "Its quite tender, but I think you can take care of it."

Naruto's breath caught in his throat as she slowly his hand to her breast. "I-I think this falls outside my job description."

"Really?" A said as she sat up and gently pulled him closer. "Isn't a doctor supposed to care for his patients?"

Naruto really didn't know how to reply. It would be incredibly stupid to involve himself with a military dictator he was serving, but it might also be stupid not to do what the dictator wanted.

"You know I've had my eye on you for quite a while," A said as she gently brushed his cheek, "I know you've been sneaking peek, but it's okay you're just my type, so how about we stop dancing around each other?"

"Lady A I-"

SLAM!

"Lady Raikage! We've had a break...in."

Naruto and A were frozen solid on the spot as the stared at their equally shocked intruder.

Oh come on, Naruto thought as he stared into the increasingly cold eyes of Samui.

"Actually let's just go back to fucking idiot."

xxxXxxx

Thanks for reading. Announcement: I'll keep trying to update, but full time work is my priority at the moment. Thanks to everyone who has stuck to this story and came back.