A/N Thanks everyone for all the reviews, favs and alerts as usual plus the response to my overly long author' note including the PMs. This reviewer makes a habit of making similar comments on pretty much every story that is Tony centric including mine when they dare to suggest that Tim might be less than god-like perfection. And for the record Anon, the following chapter contains extrapolation of McGee's and the rest of the teams' response which is by definition, fiction but I'm willing and able, using canon to justify how I've written my characters in this chapter, indeed for any chapter. Just because I ignore you doesn't mean I can't back up what I write.

Finally, this is definitely the last chapter of this little story and I hope you enjoy it. I see one of Tony's biggest flaws as his readiness to forgive abusive treatment from friends and family and the only way that I could see him not falling back into that behaviour trait was the spiritual death if you like, of Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo. I also couldn't resist giving one of my new favourite characters a voice in this chapter since he has been conspicuously absent until now. I must also give an enormous shout out to Arress for all her hard work as Beta and my writing buddy. She makes what can be a very lonely hobby great fun. I've tweaked this chapter a fair bit so any faux pas are my bad.

As mentioned last chapter, I have a response to a second reviewer at the end of the story that I wrote last chapter but decided to hold over until this one so for everyone that sent such supportive reviews and messages re my A/N bless you and know this second one was written prior to your messages of support. Know I am very appreciative and that goes double for the trusty Sundance crew. Sorry the A/N is so lengthy but feel free to skip it and I'll see some of you soon for Rising to the Bait and An Eye for an Eye.

Be Careful What You Wish For

Chapter 10

Nine months after Anthony DiNozzo's stroke:

Tom Morrow spied the bespectacled figure of Jimmy Palmer, Ducky's assistant and soon to be medical intern, sitting at a table with an empty seat. He also noted with a degree of satisfaction that there were quite a few personnel from Homeland Security in the audience of Ultramarine's Club, including two of Tony's new agents – Christopher Turlington and Heather James. Nodding to various people he knew, Morrow made his way to Jimmy's table, drink in hand.

"Do you mind if I join you, Jimmy?" He grinned as Jimmy gulped nervously, speechlessly shaking his head which Tom took to mean he didn't mind. When he parked his butt down on the chair, Jimmy looked so horrified he decided he might have made a mistake about his intention though.

They sat together silently listening as 'Strokin' the Blues' went through the first set of songs, consisting of their regular opening set. Later on tonight they were going to debut a new set that they'd been hard at work perfecting for several months now. One was an original song that Tony had written about his coma and journey back and there was another that was a collaboration. Jema had composed the music for it and Tony the lyrics, so the ensemble were quite nervous about performing them for the first time. Tom had promised Tony that he would come down and give them moral support.

He was pleased to see so many of Tony's colleagues had shown up as well. Tony was very popular with his co-workers, which wasn't surprising. His team all loved working with him. Tom had noticed, however, that he held himself back from connecting with anyone on anything more than a professional level. He still wasn't sure if it was a result of brain damage from the stroke or simply some sort of defence mechanism to protect himself because of the memory loss, which had been a difficult loss to come to terms with. The other possibility was it was the consequence of finding out that those people he worked with and had been told that he'd considered were family had treated him so poorly. He was still polite to his former team mates from NCIS, but only saw them occasionally, usually at their urging. It seemed Jimmy was the exception to that rule.

"Glad you could come to support him tonight, Jimmy."

"I'm happy to, Sir. Tony's a really good guy and I'm glad to see him doing so well. To be brutally honest, I didn't expect him to make it back given such a poor prognosis. He's done amazingly well. I know that the others are all disappointed that he's different now, but I don't care. Even if he doesn't remember me, he's still a great guy." He looked pensive.

"Actually, I'm kinda used to people not paying me much mind – and besides, I owe him." He confided. "He was so kind and supportive to me after that business with Michelle Lee, and really he always treated me as someone who had worth even if I wasn't a special agent." He suddenly seemed aware of who he was conversing with.

"Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry, Sir. Dr. Mallard reckons that I suffer from verbis fluxus," He babbled nervously. Seeing Morrow's confused expression he chuckled. "Well that's the Latin form, sometimes he uses its common medical term. Perhaps you might be familiar with it. Logorrhea?" He quizzed.

Tom shook his head, "Sorry Jimmy I have no idea what either term means, but I hope it isn't a serious condition."

The young man that went by a variety of monikers, but missed Black Lung and Gremlin most of all, chuckled even more. "Dr. Mallard would say that it is very serious, Sir, although it's commonly referred to as verbal diarrhoea."

Morrow chuckled. "I see. Well, don't worry about it, m'boy. It's actually rather refreshing to have someone forget who I am." And endearing, he finished silently. "Besides, I'm grateful to you for caring enough to forge a new friendship with Tony. Perhaps because you are prepared to let the past go and look to the future, or maybe it's because you don't have any regrets about what your old friendship was like," He mused. "It's good for him to have friends apart from his rehab buddies. He doesn't trust people easily any more, I'm afraid.

Palmer looked wistful. "He never did, he was always a really friendly guy, ready to help anyone who was hurt or in trouble, but he didn't make friends easily. I know what you mean though, he's even more guarded and suspicious about people's motives than ever, though you'd need to have known him before all of this happened to tell the difference."

He hesitated, seeming to be having a heated mental debate before apparently deciding to speak up.

"I'm really glad that you've been looking out for him, Sir. Agent Gibbs used to do that when I first started out at NCIS, even if his way of showing he cared totally sucked, but before Tony was hurt, he'd gone out of his way to make Tony's life a misery. Even if he doesn't remember it, I do." His thin good-natured features turned uncharacteristically sour as he contemplated the past. "And even if Tony doesn't say it, he's grateful for your support and I know he's fond of you. His eyes get a little sparkle when he talks to me about what you've done for him or he mentions something you've said. I think you really helped in his recovery." Jimmy finished up, embarrassed.

Morrow felt a little ill at ease himself with the topic of conversation, but nonetheless happy to hear that Tony appreciated his rather bumbling efforts to support him. He was trying to be a father figure to a man who had no experience in being a son, yet he had no experience as a father. As far as he was concerned, Tony's father didn't count, having dealt with the objectionable cur when he'd had the misfortune of notifying him of his son's life-threatening injury. So Jimmy's assessment was reassuring to say the least.

Changing the subject since both men were somewhat uncomfortable with the topic, he grinned roguishly." So, tell me about what's going on back at the old place, Jimmy. Is Abby still not talking to Gibbs? Does the MCRT have its fourth agent, or is Gibbs still insisting that Tony will return?"

Jimmy heaved a sigh of relief and chuckled nervously. "Yeah, they're talking again, but Abby's different around him these days. It's like he's a friend and co-worker, but none of the Gibbs walks on water and can do no wrong stuff anymore. Not her surrogate dad either, y'know? It's hinky, but at least McGee and Dr. Mallard don't have to interpret her forensic reports, which is a good thing all round." He chuckled again.

"Oh, and Gibbs picked a Probie and she's a Tony clone. She's a former cop and always cracking jokes – I like her!" He finished up defiantly.

Tom raised an eyebrow. "I take it the others don't?"

"Mmm – more like they are always trying to slap her down because she's just a cop."

Tom nodded sagely. "Ah, I see. So, competition is still very fierce on the team?"

"I'd say worse than ever, if that's possible. Ziva is peeved that the director appointed McGee as senior field agent instead of her. Says she is much better qualified and either undermines him or bosses him around. McGee hates Cameron because even though Trina's still a Probie, she's worked in Vice in New York and she shoots better than he does. Oh, and she's pretty dang handy with a computer, too, although not in Tim's league, so of course she's not like Tony in that regard." He concluded his account thoughtfully, before noting Morrow's sardonic smile.

"What, did I say something stupid?"

Tom shook his head, "No, it's just that when it was only Tony and Gibbs, who do you think did the basic run of the mill stuff like computer searches and basic tech work for the MCRT?"

"Um… I guess I just thought it was Abby, Sir."

"Well, yes, she did all the complex stuff, but she has plenty of other forensic work to do for Gibbs and the other teams, too. So she didn't have time to do the run of the mill stuff as well. Let's just say that Tony isn't quite as clueless when it comes to computers and technology as he likes people to think. Even when Todd joined the team, for example, I remember that Tony calibrated and operated ground penetrating radar. He also wired a wireless router into the telephone line so they could triangulate the direction of a rogue sniper, and he used to set up their computer networks when they were on cases away from the office." He grinned wickedly. "After coming to work for Gibbs, he took a speed typing course in self defense to deal with all his paper work, too."

Jimmy looked amazed and Tom guffawed, amused to have shocked Ducky's young assistant so easily. "How do you think that he managed to get all his own paperwork and reports done and Jethro's extra stuff finished in a timely fashion and still have time to play games on his computer? Despite fancying themselves as hotshot investigators, they never did figure out the reason why Gibbs didn't kill him for mucking around was because he'd already gotten his work completed and he was engaging in problem solving in his own rather unique fashion."

Jimmy looked confused, "Why keep it a secret, though?"

Tom shrugged, "You know what? I really have no idea why, but then again, why let them all think that he had just done Phys. Ed. at college? Perhaps he didn't want to show up Jethro who is a notorious techno dinosaur, or maybe he wanted to make McGee feel like his computer skills were his speciality on the team, or boost his Probie's self-esteem when he joined the MCRT."

"Well, what a colossal waste of time, if that really was his intention," Jimmy commented sardonically. Seeing the Assistant Director's confusion he explained, "While he might appear lacking in confidence, even in his first year Tim was convinced he was better than Tony and there wasn't anything that he could teach him. Like when he refused to listen to him when Tony tried to warn him about poison ivy at a crime scene and he end up covered in it, even his privates." Jimmy shook his head in a combination of amusement and scorn.

Tom sniggered. "I always wondered about that. I just assumed that Tony must have been pulling a prank. I never could understand how a scoutmaster could get caught out by poison ivy, twice." He exchanged a grin with Palmer. "Frankly, I was always disappointed that that incident never made it into his Agent McGregor books. It would have been very funny."

Be Careful What You Wish For

Gibbs barged into the Director's Office without bothering to knock, since he never did. Not for Jenny, not for Leon, and sometimes not even for Morrow, and he grabbed the remote control and switched the television to ZNN, turning up the volume. It showed Homeland Security Assistant Director Tom Morrow fronting a press conference to announce his newest team had broken a terrorist cell hiding out in DC and targeting the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Although they held back that particular detail from the press, simply stating that they had thwarted an attack on a high profile target after some brilliant investigative work by his newest team leader and his agents. Gibbs muted the sound and gave Vance his death ray stare while Leon chewed away on his toothpick impassively.

"This connects somehow to one of your cases, Gibbs?"

"Nope."

"So why are you bringing it to my attention?"

"Because, Leon, Tom gave me a heads up earlier. That new team leader, it's DiNozzo and his team."

Leon just glared at him unblinkingly his eyes reminding him of a reptilian stare, cold blooded. "And so… your point would be…" He was interrupted by his private line ringing.

"Hello, Leon."

"Hello, Philip," he greeted the SecNav.

"Were you watching Tom Morrow's presser, Leon?"

"Yes, we were." He answered his superior cautiously.

"Well, Morrow rang me to brag about their coup and he just happened to mention that his agent that is responsible for their stunning success used to work for us before you and yours hounded him out of NCIS. He thanked me for tossing him aside – said our loss was their gain." He paused and Vance debated whether to speak. Before he could decide, Philip Davenport effectively cut him off.

"Are you out of your mind, Leon? What were you thinking?" He ranted, as Leon tried in vain to interject. "NCIS is just a pissant little agency. We can ill afford to be losing gifted agents like DiNozzo to our sister agencies when we do manage to recruit them. Bad enough that they attract so many talented agents already. We don't have to give them our MVPs too. FIX IT, Leon. Fix it NOW!"

Leon gritted his teeth. "And how am I supposed to do that, Sir?"

The SecNav snorted. "You know what? I don't care. Do whatever you have to, to make it happen. Offer him his own team, offer him a deputy directorship in Europe. Hell, offer him your own damned job if you have to, but get him back." And with that parting shot, Philip Davenport slammed down the phone - hard.

Looking up in irritation he realised that Gibbs was still there watching and listening with that annoying half smile on his face. Damn him!

"You still here? Gloating, Gibbs?"

"Been waiting a long time for this. Just wanted to say I told ya so, Leon. You were always biased when it came to DiNozzo, but he's damned good."

"As if you can talk, he left because of you, Gibbs."

"Yeah, but even when I started to take him for granted, I always knew just how good he was. You could never see it."

Vance scowled. "SecNav has ordered me to get him back."

Gibbs looked sad, although not for his boss' sake. "He won't come back, Director. YOU let him go and now we've lost him for good. Gonna have to live with the consequences, we both will." He strode off, furious.

Be Careful What You Wish For

Gibbs exited Vance's office and briefly thought about going back to the bullpen, but decided to go and get a fresh round of coffee instead. Being in the bullpen these days was akin to torture in his opinion. It had always been like being around a bunch of kids on a playground, but since DiNozzo's departure, all the playful good humour had been sucked out of the place. Now it was just constant mean-spirited bickering and backstabbing. He'd hoped when Trina Cameron joined the team that her sense of humour would take the edge off the nastiness. Unfortunately, it hadn't worked out all that well, possibly because she was just too much like DiNozzo.

Vance had insisted that McGee be promoted to senior field agent and Ziver was pissed. Of course, there was no way that a Mossad Liaison Officer could possibly be appointed as SFA, but he could see why she resented being ordered around by Tim, whose field experience was far inferior to her own. Unlike DiNozzo's cop training, McGee's MIT background meant he would always lag behind Ziva out in the field, and for that reason she would never respect him in the position. She'd barely tolerated Tony, who was more than capable, so what chance did the 'Elf Lord' have?

He'd tried to explain to Leon when Tony first resigned that McGee might be ready to be an SFA, but that didn't mean he was ready to be Gibbs' SFA. Of course, Vance thought he knew better! And so the tension rose as Ziva and McGee snarked back and forth, and when the new Probie, Trina, tried to diffuse the pressure, they'd turned on her so viciously that she'd simply stopped bothering. He figured that it was just a matter of time before Cameron requested a transfer. She might share certain qualities with DiNozzo, but not his sense of loyalty. He was just starting to realise exactly what he'd lost… what they'd all lost.

Abby, with all the new age crap that she blathered on with, had always claimed that Tony was the heart and soul of the team, the glue that held them all together. But it looked as if she'd been one hundred percent correct, even if he had poo-pooed the idea when she said it. And it wasn't until now that he noticed just how intolerant and superior Ziver was or how smug and sulky Elf Lord was, either. Maybe it was due to the presence of the Probie that he saw them from a fresh perspective, but it wasn't entirely flattering.

McGee, meanwhile, whined about all the extra paperwork, insisting that DiNozzo had never worked this hard as SFA, so he'd acquainted him with the hag-dragons down in the Administrative, Accounting and HR departments, who gave him a fast education about the amount of paperwork required of a senior field agent at NCIS. Then Gibbs gave him a brutal education about what was expected of HIS senior field agent and handed over a good portion of his own crap that he considered to be particularly trivial and made him bad-tempered – well, more bad-tempered. Tony had offered to do it for the well-being of the team, and he'd become accustomed to not having to bother with it. No way was he going to go back to doing it now. He'd already lost DiNozzo – why should he suffer any more pain?

Still, it wasn't just the paperwork. McGee actually expected him to take him into his confidence during cases and tell him what he was thinking, but that was never gonna happen. DiNozzo never needed him whispering in his ear, telling him what was what. He knew what Gibbs was thinking and would guide the rest of the agents on the team in the right direction, but McGee would simply sit pouting at his computer like when he was a junior agent or arguing Hell for Leather with Ziva.

He remembered when Caitlyn Todd had labelled McGee passive aggressive. He'd felt a strong sense of empathy with the young agent since his last wife had told him as she was leaving that he was an annoying SOB and she couldn't live with someone who was a passive aggressive anymore. That was just before she whacked him over the head with a baseball bat. But any sense of kinship with McGee's passive aggressiveness quickly drained away when he had to deal with it on a daily basis. DiNozzo would call him out when he became too obsessed or drove the team too hard and it threatened the team, or he'd question decisions that Gibbs had made that he felt couldn't be let go. He doubted that Tim could overcome his nature sufficiently to confront him when he needed it.

Let's face it, the young agent hadn't even been able to stand up to his baby sister when she bullied him into not reporting her involvement in the death of a US Sailor, even though Tim was a federal agent and he was breaking the law. God knows, he'd been guilty over the years of protecting friends and family, but it had been a conscious decision on his part, not one he'd been bullied into. Not being able to stand up for yourself was a serious impediment to being an effective SFA – even Abby and Ziva knew that they could bully McGee into doing what they wanted, or in the case of the Israeli, scare him into doing it. And that made it difficult for people to trust or respect him professionally.

Which was precisely why Tim wasn't ready to fill DiNozzo's shoes, might never be, but then the MIT grad had never bothered to learn from him while he had the opportunity. Convinced that a mere cop with a Phys. Ed. degree would never be able to teach an MIT grad anything of consequence, he'd stubbornly gone his own way, looking to outshine his superior whenever possible.

Stopping at the coffee cart, Gibbs purchased three extra strong coffees and sat down on a nearby bench to drink at least one, hoping it would fortify him for his return to the bullpen. Thinking about Leon's extreme discomfort following SecNav's phone call, he couldn't stop grinning, and he really didn't want to since Leon deserved it. Davenport had been loud enough for Gibbs to hear most of what he had to say. He felt a malicious sense of satisfaction that Leon was now between a rock and a hard place; it couldn't happen to a more deserving idiot.

The truth was that he blamed Vance for the whole damned mess. Sure, he'd been a bastard and had driven DiNozzo away, but if Vance had insisted that Tony work out his notice instead of being in such a hurry to show him the door, Gibbs would have been able to talk him around. He always could – he knew Tony's most secret insecurities and vulnerabilities and used them to get what him to do what he wanted. All he had to say was that he needed him and the man would give his life for him if he demanded it. Well, he could always talk him around… before his coma. Now, Tony didn't know him from Adam and any ability to manipulate or even influence him was nonexistent.

Honestly, it had been the ultimate irony when Tony had finally woken up. Gibbs was determined to reclaim what was his and he'd done what he swore never to do. He apologised, in order to get DiNozzo back on the team and watching his six. And then he'd realised the great cosmic joke that had been played on them all when Tony had barely even blinked. He'd accepted the apology calmly and politely, but without the falling to the ground in shock that Gibbs had expected. And the irony was that Tony had no idea of the enormity of the gift he'd offered him, since he had no idea who the Hell Gibbs was. No idea who any of them were.

The tragedy was he'd left the apology far too long to offer, and now it was too late for either of them to reap any benefit from his remorse. In a real sense, it was almost as if Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo had ceased to exist, as had any friendship that existed between them, and Gibbs was devastated. He didn't really have many friends, certainly not enough that he could afford to lose such a loyal one as Anthony DiNozzo. Yet he'd throw aside his loyal St. Bernard and now he had lost him…if the quacks were right, forever

Oh, sure, DiNozzo might still be alive, and he'd always be grateful for that fact, but he'd paid a huge price for his actions, they both had. Having temporarily lost his own memory, he knew the sense of isolation, the disorientation, and the emptiness, so a tiny part of him still wasn't prepared to accept that Tony's memory loss was permanent. He couldn't because to admit that to himself would be to admit that he had destroyed a friendship; no, not just one, but several, and that guilt on top of everything else would crush him.

He'd recovered his own memories, after all, and Tony had survived against the odds, this time and in the past, so he had to believe DiNozzo would get his memory back in the end. He had to admit, though, that it wasn't only Tony who was badly affected by his memory loss, it had impacted on many of them. Even though he knew that DiNozzo hadn't been hurt or had a stroke and lost his memory deliberately, it still hurt to have been forgotten after all they'd been through together over the years. It felt like they weren't important enough to be remembered, and it made him understand just how much his own amnesia must have affected everyone around him, too. But he clung to the maxim that Ducky often quoted that 'hope was the poor man's bread'. To give up hope was tantamount to admitting that the old DiNozzo was as good as dead, which he would never do.

And meanwhile, although his former SFA was clearly uncomfortable with them all at the moment, Gibbs still had high hopes that Tony's forgiving nature would allow him to make amends and they could reconnect again, even if that did mean starting anew. His former agent wasn't capable of bearing a grudge, no matter how badly he was treated. Although he wanted the old Tony back, complete with his memories of the last eight years, he'd settle for the new version if he had to. He'd even made it his business to ensure that Morrow and every damned one of the agents on DiNozzo's team had copies of the files on each and every dirtbag that Tony had pissed off and/or put in prison, along with their mug shots, over the past eight years he'd worked at NCIS (and there'd been a Hell of a lot of them) since DiNozzo couldn't remember them if they came after him. While some might think that it wasn't a good idea for him to be working in the field when he couldn't remember, Gibbs knew in reality it would be even more dangerous for Tony if he was a civilian and didn't have people watching his six. At least this way his team could keep their eyes and ears open for trouble.

Thinking of the last few months, he hadn't realised just how much he would miss Tony's admiration and acceptance, not until he didn't have it anymore, but it couldn't be gone for good. Palmer was already making progress, reconnecting with him, and his success gave Jethro hope, as well as encouraged him that his success would make it easier for Gibbs.

He was willing to concede that perhaps he'd lost Tony as his senior field agent because he had taken him for granted for far too long. But if he was really being honest with himself for once, it was also because as an extremely alpha personality, he'd subconsciously viewed DiNozzo as a potential rival since his hiatus, mostly because the guy was just that good. His success over at Homeland Security amply bore that out, and on a subconscious level the former Marine had recognised his potential for what it represented – a rival - even if DiNozzo didn't know just how good he really was. In the back of his mind, he'd secretly been scared that Tony would show him up, usurp him, so he'd made sure to keep him firmly in his place. And if the two junior agents took their cues from him and used DiNozzo for target practise as well, that was all to the good.

As Gibbs sat there on the bench sipping on his second cup of coffee, dreading returning to the bull pen, a place he used to think of as his second home, he thought back to what had started this whole mess, and he realized he had gotten exactly what he wished for all those months ago. Tony had definitely gotten an attitude adjustment, and not in a way that he'd envisaged. For his vanity, his hubris and his paranoia, he had paid a very costly price.

~The End~

Author's Notes:

I've developed a much thicker skin over the last 23 months I've been writing and posting stories here, but I admit from time to time people still catch me unawares, getting past my defences. One I addressed last chapter and the second one while praising the chapter, informed me that I have too many stories unfinished and should think hard about how many is too many. I talked to a friend to see if I had taken it the wrong way and their take was that the reviewer was channelilng Gibbs. In their words, "Wrapping up a compliment in an insult is such a very Gibbs thing to do." For the record I usually have three ongoing stories that are updated on a regular basis. All my chapters are quite lengthy – between 3000 – 13 000 words which is not the average chapter length for most stories AND each one is generally updated at least once a month – often far more frequently than many authors. I also have 3 stories open that are episode based, but which can all stand alone as each one is a vignette and doesn't affect those before or after it. Realistically, the Angel series: Cate and Paula will never be finished –not until after the show ends. Right now though… well I have decided to mark Agent Anthony Afloat complete since it seems to be such an issue and I seriously feel tempted to do the same with the Angels because I don't need to deal with the angst.

In the time I have been active on this site I have posted 11 complete stories out of 15 counting this one – most of which have been long stories of 10 or more chapters and usually more than 40 000 words. As I said, I've posted regularly and, I have tried to ensure that they are well written, proofed (thanks to an awesome group of beta readers who selflessly offer their valuable services and without them I wouldn't be posting) and I research my stories and try to make sure they have believable plots and are fresh. I have no desire to write formulaic stories (repeating what I have done before) or plagiarise what others have done. I don't owe anyone this explanation but I am going to offer it in the optimistic belief that the reviewer didn't mean to be patronising by offering me that piece of advice, just insensitive. BUT… words can and do wound and when it comes to the creative process we authors can be sensitive perhaps. But speaking on behalf of my fellow writers and their betas, please think before you speak and chose your word carefully if you have what you think is concrit to offer. We don't get paid to put up with abusive or hurtful comments and no one is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to read our work!

So explanation…It may have escaped people's notice but in the two years I have been writing and posting on the site, I have thankfully, never suffered a real case of writers block, unlike so many other authors and here is why. I write mostly every day. If not for work then I try to write fiction and when I inevitably get stuck on something I switch stories and work on a fresh chapter and that helps me regain my rhythm which is really important when I write. My episodic based stories are for when I am in between stories or I have become seriously blocked as I can usually force something out that permits me to regain my flow. Mmm sounds a bit analogous to maintaining good bowel health and not that far fetched either – what with my writing philosophy of 'use it or lose it.' Might not work for everyone but IT WORKS FOR ME and I have no intention of changing my approach. What I am questioning is whether it is worth the angst of continuing to post here.

Honestly, I have seen lots of good and exceptional writers chased off and I am beginning to understand why. I have a wonderful group of friends and an absolutely strong core of supporters who have been nothing other than encouraging and I would have no qualms in giving them private access to my work. As previously stated, we don't get paid for what we do, the only remuneration received is reviews and usually the number received by a writer versus the number of hits is extremely low, which means we are very badly paid. Minimum wage is something only to be dreamed about! LOL Just to give non writers an insight into the facts of life for a fan fic writer, for example chapter 8 received approximately 10 000 hits and generated 18 reviews, many of which were from the same group of people that always leave reviews and have done so from my first story. THEY are awesome!

I have never held my stories hostage for reviews and like to think I have treated readers with respect. I think Arress who has worked with me the longest as a beta will back me when I say that I am more than happy to take on board concrit when I feel it is warranted and have done so frequently in the past. I have never not finished a story and I hope that with each new one I have improved or brought something fresh to the table. I strive to entertain but also educate, which is why I like writing about Tony so much. He is such a flawed character, with his history of abuse and neglect which is such rich picking for a writer. And for some unfathomable reason, seems to attract an inexplicable degree of scorn and hatred from a certain quarter who seem incapable of seeing his behaviour in light of his developmental history. Yet they are more than ready to grant hero and victim status to others with a far less damaging childhoods. Perhaps because he grew up in wealth, there is a degree of avarice there, but to have had two parents who were alcoholics which by definition results in neglect, a lack of socialisation and arrested development, Tony could very easily have turned out as a sociopath. Yet he is probably the one most likely not to have a chip on his shoulder as well as the one that is most caring and aware of others. He may act like an ass and be inappropriate at times, and given his upbringing why the Hell wouldn't he, but he is never malicious and would give his life in a heartbeat for a friend or an innocent. There is much to be admired in someone who essentially raised himself. My Tony stories are dedicated to those children out there like him who don't have a voice.