A/N Sorry for the gap in updating but I have been doing revision for exams and only writing when I've done enough revision each day. This chapter is set after episode 4.

Porthos was sat in Aramis' lodgings waiting for his friend to return from wherever he and Treville had gone. He knew Aramis had shot Marsac; he was worried about Aramis; between his grandfather becoming seriously ill last year, Adele choosing the Cardinal, the memories of Savoy and now Aramis having to kill Marsac to save Treville. Porthos knew it had taken Aramis a very long time to heal after the massacre and the year he spent at La Rochelle, he did not know how long, or if, Aramis would heal after killing a good friend. For Aramis that was the greatest betrayal he could ever commit to a friend.

Porthos looked forlornly out of the window and stared at the pouring rain, Aramis had been gone for two hours and he feared his friend catching a chill from the bad weather. He thought back on how Aramis had been acting once the Duke of Savoy's visit had been mentioned; Aramis had become withdrawn, hardly speaking to them at all, no doubt trapped in the memories of a cold forest on the border of Savoy. Aramis had been acting out of character for weeks so he wondered why he had been shocked to discover that Aramis had been hiding Marsac, shocked but not surprised. How could he be surprised when he knew Aramis still valued the friendship he had had with Marsac? Porthos had been prepared to drag Marsac to the garrison and have him punished for his desertion. He clenched his hands into fists just thinking about how Marsac had left Aramis alone and wounded in that forest. He turned at the sound of a shutting door, his eyes widened in sadness when he looked upon the bedraggled, slumped form of his best friend.

Porthos slowly rose from his chair, "Aramis"

Aramis' head shot up and he looked at Porthos in shock, "You're here?"

"Of course I'm here" responded Porthos, carefully masking his worry and trying not to frown at Aramis' question, "Where else would I be?"

"Anywhere away from someone who doubted Treville" stated Aramis, there was no emotion in his voice, it was as if he was just stating a fact.

"Aramis" whispered Porthos.

But Aramis continued speaking, "I mean why would you be here? I doubted Treville just as Marsac did, and you wanted nothing to do with him! You barely refrained from punching him! If at all possible you would go nowhere near him! So why would you be here?!" Aramis ran his hands shakily through his hair causing droplets of water to splatter on the floor. He turned away and stared at the fireplace, just watching the flames; slowly he stepped closer and held out his hands trying to warm them. But he felt no warmth, he began to outstretch his hands further but his hands were pulled back. He snapped his head up and found himself looking at Porthos' stern gaze.

"Put your hands any closer to the fire and you'll end up burning your hands" frowned Porthos,

Aramis stared back at Porthos with vacant eyes blinking slowly, "I'm cold"

"What?" questioned Porthos, he remembered Aramis' confession five years ago, the confession that he had felt cold since the massacre, even two months later. Not again! Oh please not again! Thought Porthos, Aramis barely survived the aftermath of the massacre!

"I've felt the cold creeping into my bones since the moment Treville said the Duke of Savoy was coming" added Aramis tiredly.

Porthos sighed and tried to push back the memories of Aramis' depression five years ago, "Well he has left now. Right take off your cloak and your wet outer layers and sit by the fire, I don't want you getting sick"

"What's the point?" murmured Aramis, as he allowed Porthos to take his cloak from around his shoulders and then slumped into a chair that sat beside the fireplace ignoring his other wet outer layers.

"The point? The point is to make sure you don't become ill" responded Porthos as he grabbed a towel and dropped it onto Aramis' head. Aramis seemed unaware of the towel draped over his head and eyes until Porthos pushed it back so he could look Aramis in the eye. "Aramis?"

"What have I done?" asked Aramis hoarsely as he looked down at his hands,

"You saved Treville's life that is what you have done" replied Porthos as he knelt in front of Aramis; he looked up sadly at the frowning face of his brother.

Aramis shook his head almost desperately, "I have blood on my hands" he paused drawing in a shaky breath, "the blood of my friend is on my hands"

Porthos looked closer with a cloth ready but saw no traces of blood on Aramis' hands, he said nothing as Aramis bowed his head, the towel dropping to the floor, and clenched his hands into fists.

"How could I do that?!" exclaimed Aramis angrily, "How could I kill a friend?!" he raised his hands to his head and began angrily pulling at his hair.

"Stop Aramis" Porthos gently ordered, he carefully pulled Aramis' hands away from his head, "You did what you had to"

"No I didn't" retorted Aramis, he stared past Porthos' shoulder and added, "Marsac wasn't even pointing his pistols directly at Treville or I once Treville explained what happened. He wasn't going to harm us, so why did I kill him?"

Porthos sighed and comfortingly squeezed Aramis' shoulders replacing the towel on his head hoping Aramis would dry his hair; in normal circumstances he would be livid that Marsac had even dared to point a pistol at Aramis. But there was no use in getting angry, Marsac was dead and Aramis did not need anger directed at dead friend he was grieving for. So Porthos said the only thing he could think of that he thought might give Aramis even a little bit of comfort instead of a cold silence.

"Maybe you knew deep down Marsac had really died in the forest five years ago. I could even see looking at him that he was not the same man we once knew; perhaps subconsciously you knew he was living with a constant agonising pain. What you did was not cruel or a betrayal to your friendship, what you did was an act of kindness, you allowed the pain to leave him, you are letting him rest in peace" Porthos looked up at Aramis with surety in his eyes.

Aramis continued to stare past him but Porthos could see emotions shifting in Aramis' eyes, "I'm surprised you said that. It is about the nicest thing you've said about Marsac in the years since the massacre. Especially considering your anger at Marsac for doubting Treville". Aramis did not say this sounding bitter, but rather he sounded as if he was making an observation.

Porthos bowed his head and cursed himself, the whole time he had been focused on his anger at Marsac for leaving Aramis behind. He had not considered how Aramis would be coping with all the memories of Savoy, a part of him had been angry with Aramis for believing Marsac that Treville had had something to do with the massacre. But looking back and looking at Aramis now, he could see that doubting Treville had not been easy for Aramis, he now remembered with clarity how tightly strung Aramis had become once Treville's name had been mentioned. Originally Porthos had thought it was because Aramis was angry at Treville for allegedly letting the massacre take place, but now Porthos realized it was because Aramis wanted to know the truth and at the same time not wanting to believe Treville had anything to do with the massacre. Treville was a father-figure for Aramis, someone who gave him a reason to live all those years ago, and Porthos again realized how Aramis would have had to deal with his conflicting emotions. Something he had to do alone, for neither Athos, himself nor even d'Artangan was prepared to even consider that Treville had anything to do with the massacre. They let Aramis go off alone to seek the truth for the horrific event that had had such an impact on Aramis' life. He recalled how they had tried to talk Aramis out of searching Treville's office telling him Treville had nothing to do with what happened. But what right had they to tell him that? None of them were there with Aramis; none of them watched twenty of their friends slaughtered, they had no right to control Aramis as he looked into the events. They should have stood by him as they swore they would do, that was the unspoken promise Athos and Porthos made when they found Aramis in that snow covered forest. And they had broken it.

Porthos sucked in a breath and looking up he asked, "What did Treville say?"

Aramis looked down at Porthos and then sharply rose to his feet, the towel sliding down his back to rest on the chair. "You didn't want to know before, why do you now?"

Porthos also got to his feet and sadly watched as Aramis paced the length of the room. "Because I want to help you"

"Oh now you want to help" snapped Aramis as he turned his anger filled gaze on Porthos, "You said how you would rather be on Treville's side instead of Marsac's. What about me?! I was stuck in the middle and none of you considered that I didn't want to believe Treville was involved!"

"I'm sorry" apologized Porthos, letting his mask slip allowing Aramis to see that he was serious.

Aramis sighed and slumped back against the wall angling his head up, "It doesn't matter"

"Yes it does!" argued Porthos as he strode across the room to stand in front of Aramis, "I didn't realize when it mattered the most, and I cannot express how very sorry I am for it. But I am on your side, I have always been."

Aramis looked at Porthos and sighed again closing his eyes to avoid seeing the look on Porthos' face when he told him what happened. "Treville was just following his orders, the King needed Savoy distracted so the Duchess, who is acting as spy for the King, would safe from being shown as a traitor to Savoy"

Porthos stood gaping for a moment and then shook himself, "Are you alright?"

"Fine." Shrugged Aramis, still with his eyes closed. "It is like I told Treville; we follow our orders no matter what. Five years ago he followed his orders and I followed mine, I could see that he did not want to do it." His hands shook as he swallowed, trying to appear calm and collected, "With Marsac buried, I'm alone, I am alone with the haunting memories of Savoy."

Porthos reached out and squeezed Aramis' hand, "I may not have been there. I may not be haunted by the same memories as you. But you are not alone."

Aramis turned to look Porthos in the eyes and nodded slowly accepting that while he was now the sole survivor of the Savoy massacre, with Porthos, Athos and d'Artangan by his side he was not alone.

As he and Porthos sat beside the fire he removed his wet outer layers and sat back against the chair, he thought back on all the friends he had lost and now knowing why the massacre had happened it seemed to have made their deaths mean something. He wondered what would have become of the friends he lost, Alexandre would undoubtedly be helping him in caring for the wounded and moaning at d'Artangan for all the bruises and cuts he gained from training. Raoul would still be trying to drink Athos under the table and with Gilbert and Tristan, would most likely showing d'Artangan all the best ways to annoy Athos and Treville without getting into much trouble when caught. Aramis had been teaching Gilbert how to shoot better with a musket, so after five years Gilbert's shooting would have improved drastically, especially after the promise he had shown before the massacre. Aramis might even have had actual competition in the Regiment.

He sighed when he thought of Francis, when the Duke of Savoy's visit had been announced Aramis had gone to see Susanne and Elisabeth. He still went to visit them and felt sadness when he thought of how much Francis had missed in watching Elisabeth grow up, Elisabeth was the spitting image of her father. When learning to talk Elisabeth had called him 'papa', hastily he had taught her to call him 'Uncle Aramis', while he may have been looking after Elisabeth like a father would, he was not going to be called 'papa' or 'father' he was not going to take that away from Francis.

The last time he had seen them Elisabeth had been chasing after a bully waving around a stick trying to fight with it as if it was a sword, Aramis chuckled just thinking about the stubborn five year old. Before Susanne could admonish Elisabeth for her behaviour, he had stepped in and had taken Elisabeth to a small grassy area just down the street and had taught her some proper fighting stances and moves, but before leaving had told her to act as if he had told her off for her behaviour. Elisabeth had grinned up at him with green eyes filled with mischief, he had sighed thinking of how he was doing Francis' job. He settled further into his chair and relaxed, blocking out the horrors of the massacre with images of him playing with Elisabeth and all the good times he had had with his friends.

Porthos looked across as Aramis who was now sleeping in the chair. He again admonished himself for stating that he would rather be on Treville's side than Marsac's, there hadn't been sides, but if there had been he should have been on Aramis'. He recalled, after Aramis had gone alone back to the garrison to check Treville's records, a short conversation he had had with Marsac.

Porthos shoved Marsac into d'Artangan's room and glared at the other man until Marsac took the hint and backed away to sit down on the bed. D'Artangan entered the room behind him and began tying Marsac to the bed.

Marsac looked up at Porthos, "We used to be friends and respected each other"

Porthos frowned deeply and growled, "My respect and friendship to you vanished five years ago when you left Aramis alone wounded and freezing in a snow covered forest." Porthos had then turned and stormed out of the room, with images of finding Aramis lying still in the forest with his horse Isabella standing guard over him. He had pulled himself out of his thoughts and walked to the Palace beside Athos wondering how Aramis was going to look at the records and not get caught.

Thinking about the day he found Aramis in the forest he came to the conclusion that the only reason why he found Aramis alive was because of Isabella. Aramis had been alone with the dead, until Isabella had come and stood beside him, Aramis had told him that he had felt comforted by Isabella's presence knowing that he wasn't alone. So Porthos knew that he had Isabella to thank for Aramis sleeping in front of him now, he vowed that he would find a juicy apple and give it to Isabella the next morning as a belated thank you.

He decided that Aramis sleeping all night in the chair would do him no good; so he gently lifted Aramis out of the chair and carried him to the bed. It showed how exhausted Aramis was that he didn't wake. Porthos settled beside his brother and took one of Aramis' wrists and with his fingers pressed down on Aramis' pulse. Much like Aramis five years ago had done to reassure himself that he was back in Paris and Porthos was alive beside him as he went to sleep, Porthos now found himself drawing comfort from the same gesture only this time the roles were reversed.

"You are not alone Aramis, you never will be. Remember that above everything else" Porthos murmured before he drifted off to sleep.

A/N Thank you all for sticking with this story, it has really meant a lot! At some point I will be writing more Musketeers stories. I am thinking of writing an AU verse story but I am undecided whether I should, a friend has told me that I should write it and post it but we will see, I do have another story idea that is in the works as well. So thanks again for reading!