Precious Jewels

Author's Disclaimer: No, I do not own Labyrinth. All rights go to their respectful owners. I just play with the characters and have fun. On deviantart, I was given a premium membership anonymously, and because of that, I was unable to thank the kind person properly. As a result, I wanted to write some fluff to show general gratitude. As I was shopping one day, I came across something in the store, which inspired this story. I'm calling it crackfic because that sounds about right for this. I hope you enjoy it!

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"Where are my socks?!"

In the three years that Sarah dated Jareth, this phrase soon replaced "It's not fair!" as Sarah's catch phrase to use around Jareth. Of course, it was the goblins' fault, but they always ran away before she could question them. That led to many of her greatest conversations starting off that way with him. Jareth started teasing Sarah that she loved her socks more than him. Sarah always proved him wrong on that account.

After a year of marriage to Jareth, Sarah had become quite familiar with Jareth and his odd quirks. However, she still had never found his socks. One day, while Jareth was out attending to a runner, Sarah decided to finally figure out why the goblins were obsessed with socks. Obviously, Jareth had some fine socks if all the goblins wanted to have and emulate them.

Sarah started by checking their shared bedroom, and then looked inside his walk-in closet. The fact that he had just as large a wardrobe as she did still surprised her. Alas, no socks were found.

Next, she used magic, using her own made-up spell that she used to find her socks when they disappeared. Still nothing. She couldn't ask Jareth, so that left her only one option: goblins.

Finding the clothes-washing goblins, Sarah asked them where he kept his socks.

One replied, "Me is no allow to tell you, Queen-Lady."

"Why is that, dear?"

"Because kingy say so. He say not to tell you, even if you say please or give us cookies."

Sarah huffed to herself. Bog dang it, Jareth. He knew her methods too well. Time for Plan B.

"What, exactly did Jareth tell you I wasn't allowed to know about? All his undergarments, or just his socks?"

The goblins blinked collectively, then conversed with one another, with some vigorous shaking of their heads. Finally, one turned around and answered, "Why does Queen-Lady want to know the location?"

"Well, as you know, Jareth's birthday is coming-"

"Yay! We is so excited! We have been practicing super special song just for him! Want to see?"

Before Sarah could reply back, she suddenly found herself subjected to the Jareth-inspired dancing (complete with gratuitous pelvic thrusts) of the goblins as they sang off-pitch:

None is like our king! For him do we sing.

His boots we do fear; his voice we will hear.

Great fun does he bring; to him shall we cling!

Once they finished those words and the corresponding dance moves, they stopped and looked expectantly at Sarah. "That all we have so far. Queen-Lady, what you think? Will kingy like it?"

Sarah paused, trying not to laugh as she made sense of what she had just seen. Finally, she said, "Considering how you tried to match his dancing, and said such nice things of him, I'm sure he will love it. However, there is one thing still lacking. It needs more glitter!"

At this, Sarah poofed some glitter over the heads of the goblins, who cheered and jumped, trying to grab the glitter.

"What is Queen-Lady doing for kingy birthday?"

"It's a surprise. That is why I need to know where his undergarments are, not his socks. Can you help me?"

"Okay! We help." Quickly, a goblin went back to the shared bedroom and went inside Jareth's walk-in closet. Sarah was intrigued.

Going to Jareth's boot rack (no less than twelve different pairs), the goblin touched the wall above the left portion of the rack. Then, the wall moved forward, showing Sarah exactly what she wanted to find. If she could find his underwear, his socks had to be close by.

"Thank you for your help. This is what I needed."

"Happy to, Queen-Lady." With that, the goblin disappeared, and Sarah sent some cookies to the clothes-washers in thanks. Searching along the walls and trying every trick she knew, she still could not find his socks. That left one option; they must be with the undergarments.

Rummaging through his underwear, Sarah saw nothing out of the ordinary (based on what she had seen him wear so far), until an off-white pair of briefs caught her eye. She had never seen that color, or material, as it turned out. Curious, she picked them up and inspected them. They definitely came from Aboveground, these briefs. With black, sparkly words and pictures of gems beneath, the back of the briefs said, "Keeper of the Precious Jewels".

Sarah tried not to laugh at what they said, and failed miserably. She could certainly vouch for the truth contained in that phrase. So very precious to her they were indeed. When she had wiped the tears from her face, she left the room, taking the briefs with her for later.

When Jareth came back in time for dessert, he greeted his wife with a smile.

"Eating without me, Precious? Very naughty. I'll just have to take what I can."

With that, he leaned in to kiss Sarah as she finished chewing her last bite of dinner.

"My favorite, goblin stew. Thank you for sharing with me."

Sarah glared at him for several moments before smiling back and patting his chair next to her. "Come and join me for dessert. I think you will enjoy it."

"Gladly. How was your day, Sarah?"

"Pleasant, and most enlightening."

"Oh? Do tell."

"Later, dear, when we are alone."

"Easily done." With a blink, they were alone in their bedroom with their desserts.

Kissing his cheek, Sarah whispered to Jareth, "Why is it that my socks are always taken, but never yours? And why aren't I allowed to know where your socks are?"

"Just a precaution, Precious."

"Are you scared of what I will do to them?"

"Never. I'm not afraid. I would simply prefer for you not to take your revenge on me for your socks via mine. I'd rather you give it to me personally, no matter what it is."

"So you don't trust me."

"I trust you as far as I can throw you on this bed. Shall we test that theory presently?"

If Jareth was trying to distract Sarah, he had the right idea. Lying next to her while kissing her neck felt wonderful after craning her neck so much. Alas, the neck's pain was what reminded her of her mission.

"Not yet, Jareth. Soon, though. First, I have to show you something else I found."

"Which is?"

"Something I found among your underwear."

"Why were you there, and how did you find them?"

"Well, you forbid the goblins from showing me where your socks were, so I thought I'd check your undergarments. They are allowed to be seen, so the goblins helped me."

Jareth's eyebrows lifted briefly before he put on a mask of indifference. "I can't imagine there was much of anything interesting in there, Sarah. You know my preferences from our explorations."

"Indeed I do, Jareth. However, there was one unexpected pair in there that I thoroughly enjoyed. Where did you get these, and what possessed you to get them?"

Jareth stared at the small briefs before saying, "They come from Above. That is all I know. They were a wedding gift from your brother."

Sarah snorted at that confession. "Ah, Toby, my little college brother. It makes sense now."

"Yes. He gave them to me at the bachelor's party, telling me to 'use them well'."

"Remind me to thank him later for them."

"I will. Perhaps now is a good time to use them?" The playful look on Jareth's face was unmistakable.

"I think so. A little variety is good. Especially considering I have now seen all your underwear."

"I wouldn't say that quite yet, Precious."

"I looked through your whole drawer."

"I never said they were all in there. Do you really think I'd let everything be seen by our goblins?"

"That depends on what else there is."

"I'll have to show you sometime soon. I think you'll like them, based on what else you like me to wear."

"Does it involve leather?"

Jareth smiled predatorily. "Maybe."

"What else could there be?"

"Don't you remember the time we went to that Renaissance festival? You seemed enraptured by them then."

"You mean?" Sarah did a double take.

"Oh yes, I do. Chainmail."

"I definitely want to see you wear those right now. Next you'll be telling me that you bought a kilt as well."

"Sarah."

"You did, didn't you? Oh, you wonderful husband you!"

Seeing as Sarah was kissing him a great deal after that, Jareth felt no need to tell her more.

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Author's Notes: That's all folks! I'll let you use your imagination to figure out what happens after. :D As I mentioned before, this little bit of crackfic is a big "Thank You!" story. The giver is still anonymous, but if the person was willing to come forward, I would be happy to write something else to show more thanks.

This story is inspired by a similar pair of briefs I saw in a store one day. The only difference is that this pair said "The Family Jewels Keeper". Also, I have been to a couple Renaissance festivals, and seen those things for sale. Apparently, chainmail does not chafe and is quite comfortable. Thanks so much for being such great people and for reading!