It's a shame you stopped writing this. I hope you someday come back to it.
Hope all is well in your world.

Awww

So cute :)
Bloodsucking terms, nice one!

Although it isn't jam packed like most, I like it, it gives me more to look forward to with each chapter, I hope you can return to this story soon and continue to give your readers a good story. :)

O.o They're being stalked!

I like this version of the Kurumu encounter better!
Honestly, with the number of differences in brain chemistry that humanity has nowadays (E.G. mental disorders, homosexuality, etc...) I don't see how a Succubus' charm could work on all men!

I like this version better than the original in some ways!

Wow, blood mates. And quite quickly at that :D

Love it so far :)

Instantaneous transmogrification.

The schizophrenia makes my head hurt!
4 minds into 2 people just make all the conversation build-ups go to nowhere.

Aside from that I find this pretty amusing!
Good job!

Hmm, are they ooc? Not really sure. You have created a bit of a personality shift on Tsukune, and Kurumu does feel a little ooc.

while i dont mind humoring you with the Inner/outer Tsukune dateing inner/outer moka im having a lot of problems getting into this story because your killing the chapters way too soon could you try to make last a bit longer its barely a tease and by the time im getting ready to get into the chapter it ends and i cant help but feel disappointed because of the short length

Hmm just wondering if Tsukune has always been a vampire how come he has never had to drink blood before? I haven't read the other 5 chapters yet nut i am hoping there is an explanation.

You can still make it interesting. Lots of writers here at FF, on the TV and in books don't really go past the teasing love interest stage. So I can understand why you think that others would not be interested in it.

However you would be wrong. That teasing love stage is only half of it. Once the guy gets the girl you can really start to pull in the readers. Instead of teasing scenes use love scenes. Focus on describing intimate moments between Moka and Tsukune in great detail. Like them kissing, drinking each others blood holding each other, more heated kissing and if you're daring and have had practice maybe even a sex scene. (Some can write it others can't, it's just one of those things. Like Physics. So have a go first and share it with someone on the site or someone you trust.)

All these intimate moments are what readers crave, believe me I know. So make them a regular but fleeting event with plenty of descriptive language. So that when it ends readers are dying for more. Then there are the emotions from both lovers, the jealously, rage, love, absolute devotion. You can use these and many more to play with them and other characters to strengthen or weaken their relationship. Both are really good for stories but be sure not to take it to far.

I do like the romantic bits if you haven't already noticed. But keeping their relationship the same is boring. You either need to make it step forward or back every now and then to make it interesting.

Good luck writing, I really like your story and hope you continue. Take my advice or not, they are just suggestions there to help you if you want to use them to help with the writers block you spoke of you had.
A fellow writer
Silverwing

great story line but needs more chapters and thry need to be longer