Yo mama is so ugly that when she went to a beautician it took 12 hours... to get a quote!
Yo mama is so ugly that she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.
Yo mama is so ugly that people go as her for Halloween.
Yo mama is so ugly that she turned Medusa to stone!
Yo mama is so ugly that the government moved Halloween to her birthday!
Yo mama is so ugly that she scares the roaches away.
Yo mama is so ugly that... well... look at you!
Yo mama is so ugly that when she looks in the mirror, the reflection looks back and shakes its head.
Yo mama is so ugly that she looks like she's been in a dryer filled with rocks.
Yo mama is so ugly that she makes blind children cry.
Yo mama is so ugly that she climbed the ugly ladder and didn't miss a step.
Yo mama is so ugly that the last time I saw something that looked like her, I pinned a tail on it.
Yo mama is so ugly that we put her in the kennel when we go on vacation.
Yo mama is so ugly that her shadow ran away from her.
Yo mama is so ugly that she could scare the flies off a shit wagon.
Yo mama is so ugly that her birth certificate contained an apology letter from the condom factory.
Yo mama is so ugly that that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
Yo mama is so ugly that she tried to take a bath and the water jumped out!
Yo mama is so ugly that when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?"
Yo mama is so ugly that her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.
Yo mama is so ugly that when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras.
Yo mama is so ugly that they didn't give her a costume when she auditioned for Star Wars.
Yo mama is so ugly that even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
Yo mama is so ugly that when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."
Yo mama is so ugly that that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.
Yo mama is so ugly that they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints
Yo mama is so ugly that you have to tie a steak around her neck so the dog will play with her!
Yo mama is so ugly that just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."
Yo mama is so ugly that she made an onion cry!
Yo mama is so ugly that when I last saw a mouth like hers, it had a hook in it.
Yo mama is so ugly that she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween!
Yo mama is so ugly that they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
Yo mama is so ugly that when she goes to the therapist, he makes her lie on the couch face down.
Yo mama is so ugly that she gives Freddy Kreuger nightmares.
Yo mama is so ugly that when she walks in the kitchen, the rats jump on the table and start screaming.
Yo mama is so ugly that even Bill Clinton wouldn't sleep with her.
Yo mama is so ugly that when she was born, the doctor slapped her AND her parents!
Yo mama is so ugly that she didn't get hit with the ugly stick, she got hit by the whole damn tree.
Yo mama is so ugly that she has 7 years bad luck just trying to look at herself in the mirror.
Yo mama is so ugly that she practices birth control by leaving the lights on.
Yo mama is so ugly that she threw a boomerang and it wouldn't even come back.
Yo mama is so ugly that she'd scare the monster out of Loch Ness.
Yo mama is so ugly that it looks like she's been bobbing for french fries.
Yo mama is so ugly that her pillow cries at night.
Yo mama is so ugly that people at the circus pay money not to see her.
Yo mama is so ugly that when she looks in the mirror it says "viewer discretion is advised."
Yo mama is so ugly that she can look up a camel's butt and scare the hump off of it.
Yo mama is so ugly that when she moved into the projects, all her neighbors chipped in for curtains.
Yo mama is so ugly that people hang her picture in their cars so their radios don't get stolen.
Yo mama is so ugly that I took her to a haunted house and she came out with a job application.
Yo mama is so ugly that if she was a scarecrow, the corn would run away.
Yo mama is so ugly that she could be the poster child for birth control.
Yo mama is so ugly that I took her to the zoo, guy at the door said "Thanks for bringing her back."
Yo mama is so ugly that when she went to Taco Bell everyone ran for the border.
Yo mama is so ugly that she's never seen herself 'cause the mirrors keep breaking.
Yo mama is so ugly that it looks like someone did the stanky leg dance on her face.
Yo mama is so ugly that when she was born she was put in an incubator with tinted windows.
Yo mama is so ugly that she put the Boogie Man out of business!
Yo mama is so ugly that she made Barack Obama lose hope!
Yo mama was such an ugly baby that her parents had to feed her with a slingshot.

The Wild Tokay Game

I have always loved to play video games. I started with a Sega, then a 64, then slowly acquired more and more systems and more games to my growing collection. I've kept many of the games that I've had since I was younger and most of them work well with only a few having to be disposed of. Some of my favorites have been the Legend of Zelda series, especially Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask since I really enjoy a relatively open world. Though I also had the Zelda games that weren't quite as free reign, like the ones on the Gameboy and Gameboy color. Honestly, while I have older games, I'm not exactly head over heels in love with the older games that lacked any sort of extra gameplay, like extra quests and such.

It was a normal day when 'the event' occurred and I was alone in my room and quite bored. I decided to clean up a bit and was going through my closet when I found an old box of games that I had neglected for quite a while. Once going through it I noticed that there was one game that I particularly liked and was sure I lost; Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages. It was for the Gameboy Color, a system I haven't had for a while, and so I decided to use my old Gameboy Advance to play the game.

My afternoon was empty, I never beat the game, so I was determined to get far. I even started the game over with a file labeled 'Link' while the old one was labeled 'AAAAAA', the handiwork of a younger me who had an obsession with constantly naming save files as such. The game started normally, I began to play through at a steady pace, and I was having the time of my life.

Then something went wrong.

I was in the Wing Dungeon, pretty far into the game and had invested much time into such, when something odd happened. I was in a simple room where I was walking around a block to the next door when, suddenly, a message appeared on the screen. Nobody was around, there weren't any signs, so I was taken off-guard by the question it posed.

Would you like to play the Wild Tokay game?

I didn't particularly remember the Wild Tokay game, but realized that it wasn't in this dungeon as I never saw it before. I went to 'no', as I was in the middle of a dungeon, and the question dropped. I continued through the dungeon and pushed the event off as nothing. However, right before finishing the level, I'd say I was now seventy-five percent finished, the box appeared again when I was slicing at a bat for health. Everything paused, as before, Link stopped in mid-swing, and the question was again presented.

Would you like to play the Wild Tokay game?

Once again, I went directly to 'no', and the game resumed along as normal. The bat didn't drop health like expected, but I found some in a jar a little later on, and I continued until right before the boss fight. I was low on everything, save health, and once again the question presented itself upon the screen. The music played normally, Link paused, and I could see the clearly printed question.

Would you like to play the Wild Tokay game?

This time I decided that perhaps this game was a bonus of some kind that I could use to my advantage. So I went to 'yes' and promptly after the game changed. The music stopped and let out a hum that signaled the game freezing, nothing would work, and for some reason my health and sword seemed to glitch at the top of the screen. I waited, a few numbers appeared, and I realized the game had certainly frozen. I shut the Gameboy Advance off and turned it back on to where the game started normally.

On the save file screen I noticed that 'AAAAAA' was absent and assumed that the freezing erased it; not too implausible. I started the 'Link' file and hoped that I saved recently. However, the Wing dungeon wasn't where the game started; I was instead in a room. Suddenly there were words appearing, explaining how to play the Wild Tokay Game and I just assumed that by saying 'yes' I had seriously confused the game. Still, I played the game, and the Tokay creatures went down by the room while I threw them meat from the ceiling. The speed was quite quick and after a few seconds I let a one get passed and failed. The screen went dark and a small speech box appeared, saying;

"I'm hungry."

Then the screen opened once again in the same room, but now something was definitely wrong. One of the Tokay creatures was standing to the right of Link and whenever I moved him, the Tokay would follow in the same position. Another glitch came to mind, and soon I found myself having to play the Wild Tokay game again. I actually did pretty well for a while, but there was no timer and after a good two minutes I let another Tokay slip by. The screen went black once again and I noticed that this time it the speech box said;

"Starving."

It was like it continued from the last failure and I hoped that they'd give me an option to stop. Instead, the scene appeared again, and now there was another Tokay right above the other that stood my Link, standing as close as possible to the top right. I also noticed that the Tokays, both of them, looked different that they had before this. They looked green before and now they looked a bit browner in color.

The other Tokays looked normal and I, again, started to play the game. Now, though, it was much quicker than before, like the Tokays were double speed, and I knew I'd fail. I expected the black screen, but was confused about this weird humming noise I could now here and thought the game was, again, freezing. Soon I was met with another box of speech that clearly said;

"We need nourishment."

This was ridiculous; I would've stopped, but I noticed yet another Tokay, now right above Link. The Tokays were now dark brown and I could see a bit of texture, like the Redeads of Ocarina of Time, and so I became morbidly curious. It was just a game, I convinced myself. I wanted to see what would happen if I kept playing and so I started yet another round of the Wild Tokay game.

Now the meat, that was previously orange, was a deeper maroon color and fell much farther apart than previously. I'm very competitive, I was determined to beat the game, no matter what, and continued to struggle until yet another got by. The screen got a few streaks through it with numbers, like it was freezing, and I swore I saw the Tokays around Link move a little bit before the screen went black again. Another message, this one didn't surprise me in the slightest.

"We need meat."

Of course they needed meat, that's what I was feeding them. I waited and felt a little unnerved when another Tokay appeared on the top left of Link. Now, along with the dark brown skin, there was small white niches sticking up from the mouth area like protruding teeth, but it wasn't too noticeable. Not as noticeable as when the meat fell and began to leave residue behind. Wherever the meat landed, a dark red spot was left, and I wondered if it was supposed to be blood. I couldn't believe this was in a children's game and was absolutely horrified. Yet, absolutely intrigued, because I couldn't look away. It was just so bizarre that I had to see more to assure that I was really seeing this.

I attempted to win the level, but Link was now slower, like he was tired and sluggish. The Tokays still moved fast, the normal looking ones that scrolled down the screen wanting the dripping meat, and soon I failed yet again. The screen shifted for a second, with the top and bottom portions of the screen suddenly not matching right, and then it went dark again. The next words were read in pure disbelief.

"We need fresh meat."

Something about the sentence was more creepy than the other changes, something just was ominous, and now I noticed that there was a Tokay to the left of Link now too, almost completely incasing around him, and I knew that this was certainly not good. The Tokay's now had a red line around the teeth and mouth, like the same coming from the meat, and I noticed that Link had red on his form from the meat he had picked up under my direction. It was absolutely disturbing, the spots on the floor were still there as well, and I attempted to beat the level again.

I knew I would fail, I wanted to stop, and so I turned the Game Boy Advanced off. The screen didn't go dark and the game continued on as though I never tried to turn it off. I didn't try to play the Wild Tokay Game and instead tried to pause and quit. The game wouldn't pause or do anything other than go black as I had failed yet again. I knew it was coming, and more words appeared before me.

"Feed us!"

I dreaded seeing the screen come back on and knew it would be worse. Another Tokay, now at the bottom left of Link, joined the others that stood around him. By now the world had contorted and all of the walls and the floor looked to be colored in the redness from the meat. Splattered across everything, and as I moved Link he moved even slower than before. I tried for my sword, but it had been removed when I started the game, along with everything else.

The Wild Tokay game seemed virtually impossible with Link's speed and the Tokays moving quicker. The meat was also not appearing fast enough to feed the ravenous creatures. I actually dropped the game on my lap and covered my eyes briefly before gaining enough courage to see a flash of the message that occurred during the dark screen.

"We shall feed from your flesh!"

My heart felt like it was beating out of my chest and I was breathing faster, uncontrollably, and couldn't calm the slightest. The screen came back and now another Tokay was on the bottom right of Link, now only leaving a space before him empty. The Tokays' eyes were like black holes and they seemed to stare at me as I gripped the game to finish the ordeal I had started. The meat fell from above and the other Tokays ran by, now looking like the ones surrounding Link, and I was too stunned to put up a fight.

Suddenly Link fell down, like a 'game over', and the screen went dark. This time there were no words,

I really liked this oneshot. Pretty rare to find stories from Ganon's POV that are well-written. If I have any criticism of this, then it would be that the word 'stallion' does not have to be capitalized. Not a serious mistake, but it did kinda bug me. :) Secondly, the word 'desert' when talking about a hot, sandy place does not have two of the letter 's' in it, unless you are talking about the food that you eat at the end of a meal. Other than those two errors, this whole thing was really good.

I have read this story like three or four times now. I love it!

I always like reading from Ganondorf's perspective, and this was very well done! Though at the end, like you state, it does feel a little too rushed.

Hello! I'm reviewing as part of the Comfort Zone challenge, sorry it's taken so long!

I think the storyline is really interesting, but it seemed a little rushed (yes, I know you mentioned it at the end) or jumping around at times. The jump from just meeting her to having her as second-in-command was, I felt, a bit messy, and it wasn't clear that some time had passed before this happened.

I did find one typo: "But what wealth could be found in the dessert?"

Also, I'm not quite sure if this was done on purpose or not, but I felt that the use of the word 'shoved' wasn't very romantic for a kiss: "I shoved my face against her's in a short, yet passionate, kiss." Maybe 'pressed' would be better?

Overall this was a nice effort on the romance genre, I just thought it was a little messy at times.

I actually thought this story was good, even though I don't know who these people are. It only seemed a little rushed. Over all, it was very good :) -Lally 3

I really enjoyed this piece. You did a wonderful job expressing Ganondorf's personality. I, too, believe that Ganondorf once had a caring heart, but threw it away in his quest for power. Well done!

To be honest, the end of the story didn't sound rushed until you added Koume and Kotake and their brainwashing spells. If I were you, I would simply take that out (or add instead something like, "Though I care for her, I will need to retain my power; I wonder if there is any way to sway her mind...?") Adding Koume and Kotake when they don't seem relevant is not necessary.

Besides that, nice writing! I look forward to more of your work!