You need A LOT of work on grammar, characterization, and spelling.

But I have to admit... You scored some points in predicting Demetri WAS Janis's baby daddy.

...:(...:((...

That's fin. You're doing a great job with the story so I don't mind it. :)

I can't believe Janis wouldn't accept it! She should believe it coz she and Demetri belong together! Anyways, yay, Demetri is gonna visit Janis! So exciting!

Ooh! I've always wanted Demetri to be the father of Janis' baby! I love it so far! Keep it up! Go Janis/Demetri!

I'm so sorry to read that you decided to quit the story - I think it had potential :) But I understand.

VERY interesting! I find the idea of Demetri & Janis very intriguing. Demetri is my favorite FF character. I am working on a FF/Mentalist story LOL but it's slash.

That's a bummer, but totally fine. You're the writer, and you have to decide what to do yourself. :) If you'd like me to look over any of your other stuff (or even if you don't), let me know. I've been waiting to hear back from you.

Aw( S'okay though. I've abandoned more than my fair share of stories in the past, which is why my main focus is one shots... Well... FlashForward one shot?

~Cookie

The point of fanfiction is to make up your own plot lines and add to the story thats already in place. I think that you should probably just go for it now, but I do see where you're coming from.

Can you please just get a beta or something to help with grammer and stuff?

I totally understand about not having a spellchecker. That stinks. Anyway, if you don't have time to edit yourself, you could send me your stuff and I could check it over and fix any mistakes and have it back you on the same day. You dont' have to, though; I'm just trying to be helpful. :) Keep on writing.

I like what you have so far, but I have a first suggestions. First, you could try to make your chapters a little longer. Second, your grammar and formatting needs some work. I'd be happy to beta for you if you'd like, or you can find someone else to do it.

I really love this concept. There's all kinds of inherent potential conflict here, and I hope you follow through with that.

That said, the abysmal grammar turns me off completely, and I won't read further if that's not addressed.

Well, here's number three! Interesting start, but not very well edited.

Interesting. Curious to see what happens.