I had read this story awhile ago..and I really like your idea of Draco taking care of the baby..sorry to see you haven't updated, hope you haven't forgotten about it..looking forward to future chapters:)

Alright, now that I'm back online... where's the rest of this awesome story? Please please please update soon, with sugar on top?

This story looks promising...

I'll be waiting for another update :)

The D/Hr Dialogue in the second half of the chapter was definitely my fav. part of the whole story! I can't wait to see what happens next! p.s.-congrats on 'Malfoy Gets A Puppy' being nominated at the He Had It Coming Dramione Awards.

i honestly loved the story until the part where Pansy came in. no offence but she completely ruined it all. however i do like your writing style. i hope you keep up with it.

i love it! update!

hi i like ur book its really gud, but could u make them a little longer? and update more frequently? ilove the plot and everything, the mystery,the hermione-malfoy angle. its great! keep it up, just a bit faster?

prettyflower

Woohoo! That chapter was great! I really like Cassie...I think she's adorable. Plus, I'm dying to see her interact with Draco. The idea of a little chameleon baby softening his heart is just delightful. Plus, Hermione oh-so-conveniently happens to be around as well, which makes things even better. *grins* I love it!

Right, so I have no criticism for this chapter. Except for one thing...Pansy and Draco were screwing. Um, Nabila? Eww. Pansy and young child should not be on the same premises...ever. Unless Cassies plans on mocking her somehow...I imagine her gifts will make that rather easy once she learns to control them. *cue evil laughter*

Great fic! Thanks for letting me know about it!

Update Soon!

~May

PS- Hehe, you thought the hand-up-shirt moment in my fic was 'hot', eh? *grins* Thanks, because I was pretty sure the effect would be lost amidst all the ridiculous humour. Glad to know there is some tangible romantic tension on the reader's end. :D lol.

AHA! I KNEW IT! You ARE killer at writing dialogue! This chapter started out way better than the first one. Right from the start you had my attention, and your characters seemed real. It all flowed quite naturally. I'm talking about that conversation between Molly, Ginny, and Hermione. Whatever you did there...do it all the time! hehe.

Same goes for the second segment of the chapter, at the meeting about Tonks and Lupin. That was also awesome. It's weird...I swear, you have practically no bad habits when it comes to writing in this chapter. Maybe you just have trouble writing Draco scenes?

Yeah...whoa, okay. Just finished the chapter. So all of a sudden I am convinced that you already instinctively know everything I mentioned in my review of your firt chapter. This makes me feel better about being critical. Smarten up! ;) hehe, just kidding.

I really enjoyed this chapter.

Reading on...

Hey Nabila! This is May here, aka Dreaming One. You were an absolute doll and left me an awesome review, and let me in on the little tidbit that you yourself have some fanfic on the go...and here I am! :) Unfortuately for you, you also asked for advice...*winces*...and I've been known to give it, on an almost purely do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do basis, lol. This is because I tend to write poorly, because I am lazy. You have been warned. Now, I'll start reading...

Okay.

The first thing that struck me about your writing was, oddly, that it reminded me of the way I like to write when I'm feeling comical. lol.

You've totally got that art of overstatement-understatement down pat. ("Draco Malfoy was not having a good day" - understatement. . ."his large, antique, luxurious Malfoy bed was comfortable enough to send an insomniac into blissful rest." -overstatement, lol.) I love that. Always makes me grin. It's possible to use it too much though, thereby frustrating or boring readers (*cough*speakingfromexperience*cough*...this is a bad habit of mine), so be careful. It's a danger because your first task is to catch the reader's attention with the plot, and the language has to take a backseat until they are sufficiently hooked, or until an opportune moment arises. Do I make sense? *blinks* I'm not sure I make sense. Anyway...

I laughed when I read that your Draco has a house elf named Freaky. HA! Freaky? That's classic.

"Draco continued to stare at her stonily. In stony silence. Perhaps he looked stoned, too." Repetition is good too. You know when you're being funny. I'm not quite sure why you chose that moment to be funny, lol, but I'm sure you did it on purpose.

I love that you're not afraid to describe things. I get really, really sick of authors who don't describe things. However, I'd be careful sometimes that you only describe the important things, and only use a word if it serves a very distinct purpose. At one point you had Hermione gasp, before Draco knew it was Hermione, and the word 'gasp' totally threw me off, because it seemed...wrong for the occasion. Ah hell, I'll copy it:

"“Malfoy, just shut up for a minute!” the woman gasped." -There it is. Her words were annoyed and demanding, but 'gasp' is more of a startled, vulnerable, or occasionally flustered (*wink*) word to use. It seemed more like she should have been snapping or something. Choose words wisely. *nods sagely*

"Draco loosened his grip in complete surprise. Her voice was familiar. And she... she dared speak to him on so personal a level? Did she know him then? On a more personal level, and not just as that son of the deatheater who everyone feared?" - Aha, here's a mistake I can help you with, having struggled with it myself. (Erm...okay, so I still can't get this one right, but I know what it looks like. lol.) Here, you're revealing too much, too soon. It's too fast. You've jumped to having Draco reveal his insecurities, and you've also made him jump to a conclusion that is not entirely realistic. The part about everybody fearing him...makes him sound overly sensitive and whiney, and the fact that he immediately looks to Hermione as being potentially 'different', makes him seem desperate for friends.

Yes, all that in a sentence or two. I know that later when he finds out who it is he goes back to 'normal', but for the reader, the damage has been done. Let the characters keep up their delusions, even in the narration. Your readers would rather have to read between the lines and examine the character's actions to figure these things out, rather than have you make it obvious. There is also a way to divulge a character's thoughts without directly divulging their secrets...I think that's a practice thing. I can't do that yet, either. I'm working on it. ;)

Not that that bit I copies was that bad, you understand. It's just something to watch for. Oh, and if you ~aren't~ repeating a word with a specific intent...don't repeat it. (ie: "personal")

Dialogue is DEFINITELY one of your strengths! Your writing began to flow better and the story became more interesting once Draco and Hermione began to speak, which tells me that you're more comfortable advancing plot and developing characters through dialogue. You should totally take advantage of this. Don't stop narrating, but know that you write dialogue really well.

As for the plot, I definitely like it, and I think that just maybe, you should have introduced it earlier in the chapter. The bits of narration in the beginning kind of leave your readers wondering what they're reading. It's not immediately engaging, and doesn't tell them anything about Draco's circumstances that you couldn't put in later, in bits in pieces, etc. All the stuff about Draco's mother and father, for instance...you could have held that information ransom, in a manner of speaking, and had the readers wondering just what had happened to make Draco so crazy...know what I mean? :)

Alright, now that I feel guilty for being overly critical, time to go to the next chapter!

Absolutely loving it! Welcome to the world of being a favourite. Update soon.

just read the first three chapters and i gotta say very original and entertaining update soon

Great post, please post again soon. Thanks.

Excellant chapter! Please update soon, until then,

~Kaydotsidot~

I really like this story so far! It has a unique premise, which is what originally caught my eye, and it's well-written to boot! Keep up the good work and keep updating :)