You keep giving me more and more reasons to find this series. I think I’ll have to add it to my reading list. Anyway, onto the actual story. You are able to portray very clearly the distinct personalities of these two regions and the young lovers who represent them. You were very easily able to draw me into this world and give me a clear taste of high fantasy that I enjoyed very much. I think you were able to incorporate the prompt well enough to show us how impressions and views can change in people. Very nicely done!

Best,
Zad

Hi there, here from the WA forum challenge, so I'm reading this fandom-blind.

Opening: The set sentence fit in nicely, working naturally with the rest of the paragraph, which sets up an immediate bit of conflict and mystery to hook us in.

And we quickly get a feel for what the characters are like, Dorian with his concern and courtesy, perhaps a bit sentimental, and Annoura with her pride and force of will to keep going despite obvious weakness. And it seems she (and her family) have that whole air of superiority thing going!

[But we never find out what that "illness" was about? Was that something from canon?]

And then we have the royal dinner, and meet the king and queen. Politics and food, heh heh. But Dorian has magical fey senses and sees something in the "ice princess"?

A walk in the garden... ending with a kiss? Wow, that was fast, Dorian! :) Though if he isn't under a spell, and not doing it for the political alliance, I'm not completely sold on what he sees in her, unless he's the type to fall for any pretty face.

But the next day she's cold again, hmm. And it seems Dorian has some pride to be angry at her coldness, too.

Ah, and so he confesses to having magic and does a live demonstration. Nice callback to the opening line! Well, that seemed to turn things around for them as a couple...

Awww, they get married. Love the closing line, lol! Annoura definitely not giving up her air of superiority just because she got married!

Good luck with the challenge!
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Nitpicks and SPAG:
Maybe cut one or two of the redundant speech tags, for example in the second paragraph, no need for "she asked", just a "She reminded him..." would be enough after the question. And I would keep the following sentence ("The princess avoided...") as part of the same paragraph. I had a moment of confusion where I thought "the woman" was a different person from "The princess" because it was a separate line/paragraph.

[how proud the she was] - typo - "how proud she was"

[worse than had before] - missing a "she"

[more too her] - "to her"

Coming in from the WA forum to read and review. I'm not at all familiar with this series of books, so I read the story as a stand-alone fantasy tale, and it works well on that basis. I didn't feel fandom blindness to be a disadvantage, apart from the references to spirit weaves, which took me a while to work out.

You've created an interesting courtship tale from the random opener. Dorian is a sympathetic POV character. I found Annoura hard to warm to even when she treated her suitor more kindly. The change in her behaviour from cold to warm and back again was perhaps a little too abrupt, and not really justified by the narrative; and Dorian's early concerns about whether Annoura was ill or just tired were never actually addressed. Setting that aside, however, you had a nice clear narrative structure with a satisfactory end point, and I enjoyed it.

Totally fandom blind, though for this story that wasn’t a hindrance. I’m always a sucker for romance stories, and I was glad to see as the story progressed that Dorian stopped being so entranced by the princess’s beauty and worked to know her on a better level. Unfortunately, as a reader, I didn’t get a chance to really see what makes her such a good person to the point of wanting to marry her after such a short time period, other than she was accepting and tolerated his magic. At the start, we do get a good look at her moods, and her parents trying to leverage her like prized cattle was appropriately unsettling. But, while we got a better look at Dorian’s development and his wants, I personally didn’t get a good picture of her vulnerability outside of that one section where she didn’t want to appear happy in front of her parents while they listened to music. She definitely didn’t need to become suddenly open and warm, but it would be welcome to see a bit more of their interactions over the weeks, especially contrasting how she is when they are alone vs in front of other people, to help see her as Dorian does.

Towards the end of the first section: [and Dorian had already realized how proud the she was] an extra ‘the’.

End of 1st section: [with her silky silvery blonde hair] I believe there should be a comma after silky due to the adjectives being in list form.

[If only she would let him lay eyes on her face again.] Sounds a bit strange in the wording, since the opening describes her eyes narrowing and cold face because she dislikes his show of concern. It makes it sound like he hasn’t gotten a good look at it just a few minutes before, even if she is trying to avoid his looks after the opening.

[the soft smell of lilac filling their nostrils] This is probably a me thing, but when I think romantic walks, I don’t think nostrils. Maybe just ‘noses’ or that the smell was all around them?

[He inhaled the lilac blossoms surrounding them] Again, probably a me thing, but the wording makes me thinks he’s snorting them or at least stopping to sniff a flower individually even though all the flowers seem to be implied, instead of just taking in the scent on the air, if that is what was intended.

I did find Dorian a bit petulant when he met her before dinner and she was dismissive of him. While she wasn’t nice, she wasn’t nasty either, just aloof, and it felt more like he was throwing a minor tantrum because she wouldn’t take up his invitation. They’ve only been together a few days, and every other day has been pleasant. I get the frustration, but he didn’t seem princely in that section or patient enough to woo someone like her.

[As Dorian’s lips landed on her ears,] I’m a bit lost as to how he got there. He had put the ring on and began kissing her, but this feels out of place with all the other places he could be kissing. Along with the proceeding line [covered her with sweet kisses] I’m not sure if he’s kissing all exposed flesh, through her clothes, that kind of thing.

When Dorian mentions that he came two months ago on business for his father, did his parents send him with agenda? How do they feel about him marrying a woman from a land that even his father thought poorly of? Are they far separated, as it seems strange to not have his family at the ceremony, even if quickly planned, especially since it seems like he is far closer to his family than she is to hers? It’s almost like both would have preferred to have had the wedding in Celieria (a land she’s never been to), so it’s confusing why they wouldn’t have unless there’s a reason she had to be married to leave.

I hope this doesn’t sound overly negative as I did enjoy reading this, and liked that Annoura kept her pride and had to edge in that last word. Fun to read overall, nice work! :)

Hi Sara! Here from the challenge, natch. XD Fandom-blind, for the record, but I don't think it hindered me even without the asterisked notes you provided at the end. I suppose the only thing that tripped me up is Dorian referring to a "level one spirit weave". That might be canon, in which case ignore me of course; it just felt like a game mechanic to me, and not something a person would actually refer to in that way. If nothing else, I think 'low level' might feel more natural.

I was confused right along with Dorian regarding Annoura's behavior, but in a good way, you know? It encouraged me to keep reading rather than sit here re-reading any particular instance to try and make sense of what was going on. I think the reveal (if that's the correct word in this instance) was done in a gradual way that works. I am still curious about what actually happened to affect Annoura's appearance the way it did, but I don't see her revealing it to Dorian, so I suppose that's okay. :)

On the other hand, the switch Dorian makes between the scene where he calls out Annoura (making it seem like he's giving up on the whole courting thing, or maybe that's just my flawed reading) and the scene where he debates making himself vulnerable seems a little too abrupt. Indicating a little more length in his thinking on the subject or more of an internal debate I think would help.

A few SPaG things I noticed:
[Truly, was there anythign worse that Dorian could have said to her than, "You look unwell?"] - I think the question mark should be outside of the quotations, since I assume this wasn't phrased as a question when he first spoke.
["I assure you, prince, that I am fine,"] - Should 'prince' be capitalized here, since it's used in place of a name? This rule always trips me up, but that's what I recall. I see you capitalize 'Princess' later in a similar instance, so I assume this is a typo. :)
[Her well - being?] - I'm pretty sure there don't need to be spaces around the hyphen in this instance, where a word is hyphenated together.
["It looks" - he took a deep breath] - Given the action beat here, I think an ellipses after 'looks' might help this read better?
[Violin and cello's] - I think you want the plural, not the possessive, so the apostrophe should be removed and 'violin' should also be pluralized in that case.

I liked the ending. I don't know what exactly it was about Annoura's choice in speech - or maybe it's just the fact that she got the last word as I'm sure she'd want - but it works well. Good read overall, and best of luck with the challenge! :D

I'm coming in fandom blind here but since I am a sucker for a good love story this was an effortless read for me. I didn't need to know the characters because you described them so well.
Ok I admit I did not find Annoura an appealing character because she seemed so haughty and arrogant - and I just don't like those kinds of people. But good on Dorian for digging deeper to find out why - nasty parents - and trying to draw out the best in her. I did like at the end that she was humble enough to give up her own titles and entitlements.
Dorian seemed sweet and I hope Annoura will be as giving in the relationship as he is. After all being beautiful only takes you so far in a relationship. I did like that he was a bit tongue-tied at the start and blurted out the wrong things to say.

Lovely little story.

Hi there! I am stopping by from the WA Random Opener challenge. I’m fandom blind to this series but that really wasn’t an issue since this is a very charming little fairytale. I love the way you weave the prompt into the opening because it sets the tone for much of the piece (with her flipping between hot and cold). Annoura doesn’t appreciate her looking unwell called into the open by this stranger brought there simply to further her parents personal agenda. The servant also being aghast at Dorian’s bold statement and subsequent shaking of their heads gives clear indication that he’s made a critical faux pas.

The weaving of the love story is truly quite magical. Annoura doesn’t make it easy for Dorian. Of course, she can’t make it easy for him since she knows that this match is what her parents want. It benefits them more than it does her. We see their disinterest and disregard in her at the dinner when they’re more focused on what an alliance between their countries will bring them. It’s little wonder why Annoura flips hot and cold. She’s spent her whole life having her feelings, wants, thoughts and desires ignored. Dorian sees through that and sets out to win her heart and show that she matters to him.

This is a beautiful story that incorporates the prompt well. Good luck in the challenge!

Very nice addition to the series. It's nice, if not bittersweet to read things from their point of view and when their love was still young. Hope to read more from you soon!

Hey, Sara. I'm really trying to get to all the Random Opener pieces before the end of the month since I often don’t get a chance to sit down and sift through a lot of entries.

Never heard of Tairen Soul, but it sounds interesting – has a fantasy feel to it, which is my preferred genre, anyway. :)

In the opening section I wasn't sure who the narrator/POV character was until the end of paragraph four. If you can clarify Dorian's standing as narrator in paragraph one, I feel like it would strengthen the piece.

When Annoura shows Dorian the music room, we've got some filtering.
- Example: Dorian nodded as his eyes landed on beautiful harps, flutes, and sitars all waiting to be played.
- Adjustment: Dorian nodded. Beautiful harps, flutes, and sitars waited to be played.

With Dorian as our POV character, if he describes something, readers assume he saw it. No need to state it.

Another filter here:
- Example: Dorian felt his heartbeat faster and faster at the feelings coursing through him.
- Adjustment: Describe that sensation of a pounding heart. Show us how he feels. Is he tense? Electrified with anticipation? Or is he terrified he won't say the right thing?

When Dorian kisses Annoura, he describes her lips as tasting sweet, which is a cliche. Using another metaphor, or crafting a description with original roots will elevate the moment.

There's a line of Dorian's that felt awkward, "That is, what I mean to say is that I'm partially Fey."
The way it reads now, it's almost like he's this weird-looking patched-together being, which I'm sure isn't what was meant based on the rest of the piece.

Possible adjustment: "That is... what I meant to say... I'm of Fey blood."
Or something else that might dignify his tone to match the rest of the story.

The description of the kiss after Dorian's proposal struck me as odd in light of the rest of the prose. "As Dorian's lips landed on her ears, he soared even higher at the sound of her moans." I just don't see this.

I really like how you kept the opening sentence present throughout the piece and circled around to it at the end. In fact, the ending was my favorite part of the piece as it solidified everything.

I'd love to see this turned into a novel-length piece, or three. You've got enough material here to where I think it would be doable.

Good luck in the contest and happy writing,
dtill359

Hi Sara, here from the Random Opener Challenge and still fandom-blind, but you write this in a very accessible way, so that wasn't really an issue. I like that you actually work in Dorian's poor conversation starter, and the opening scene did a very smooth job at introducing them as the princess of one kingdom, the prince of another, the circumstances of his visit, her proud, haughty personality, etc. The only thing that tripped me up in that section was the final line "lay eyes on her face again" - for a second, I was like, what, is she wearing a mask?

You also do a good job at creating antagonism for her parents, despite them not being in the story that much. I think their behavior does a lot to explain Annoura's coldness and builds some nice curiosity about whether Dorian will be able to win her hand or not. Her shifts in personality made me curious too, especially the scene of them in the garden vs. the others. Is it just mood changes, or is something more going on with her? Dorian rubs me the wrong way at times, but it becomes touching that he seems more concerned for her than anyone else. Even his "You look unwell" comment, while not the best opener, was made out of concern.

"his Fey heritage was speaking to {him?} now"

Their romance in the second part of the story did feel a little rushed, but having a couple fall in love in a oneshot can be difficult to pace. I do love the final line for how it shows that after falling in love with Dorian, her attitude to him hasn't completely changed. Good luck in the contest!

What a lovely story you shared.
I am fandom blind, but it wasn't an obstacle at all; in fact, I think that the notes you left at the end would not be so necessary to understand the story.
Your characters are well recognizable and I appreciated your remarks to the princess pride all along the story.
I liked the way you developed the given opening line in that first short scene, and how you used it again in the middle of the story.
On a technical note, you may should pay attention to a few repetition along the way, but anyway, I think the story reads well.
Good job and good luck with the contest.