So I finally got around to catching up on this and while I'm still not completely on board for the Imperial Japan stuff on the Earth side, I'm really enjoying the shitstorm taking place on the Zootopia side. I especially liked the way you portrayed Nick's reaction to what's going on and how the polar bears are handling the situation.

If sending transmissions, objects and people through the portal demands so much energy, then surely the rest of the World would become aware of the actions of the Chinese and Japanese due to the massive unexplained energy readings. This could perhaps lead to the discovery of the actions of the Japanese, prompting a PLA/NATO force to retake the facility and possibly invade the Zootopian side after they discover that a stray human has found his way there. It’d be quite interesting to see Zootopia getting invaded with a full blow of human military might, and what the reaction of the Zootopian citizens would be to this.

Okay, this was a pretty confusing chapter in some ways. The initial conflict on the Zootopian side, the crippling energy crisis that made Bogo's father/grandad greenlight the whole ZERB- Helium 3 project, seems to have been handily resolved without any further mention. Did the Zootopians cross their borders and build nuclear plants, like it was hinted at the end of the first chapter? A bit more explanation there would be welcome.

The way both operations are conducted on either side swings from paranoid (as they should be) to sloppily amateurish. A monitoring young engineer is promoted to head the whole project because he spotted a number? That was incredibly odd, not to mention dangerous. Wouldn't ICED Nations have a collective say on who leads the project, or any change of leadership, considering the mind-boggling amount of resources invested in the project?

On the Zootopian side, it seems the movie's plot is still moving along. I liked the descriptions on Lionheart and how his arrogance came through. I'm guessing he wasn't called on site once the transparency started rising because ZERB, as he fears, is operating on its own? That, and being arrested, of course.

Anyway, Taylor the panther's character sounds like a mammal full of contradictions: we're introduced to him as a soldier, then he becomes project head or supervisor on his side - but Doctor Strummer is still alive, and old? Wouldn't he be the one to initiate contact on the computer, rather than Taylor.

Moreover, a lot of information was freely given on both sides - a token of trust, I assume - but I wonder, will the nature of both parties - as in, that they're humans and animals - be discussed in the interim?

Back to Taylor, it says that he can't even tell his wife what they're doing and it seems he doesn't agree with many decisions, but then he switches to nonchalantly thinking about "recruiting" volunteers to send through.

On another note, I'd suggest you check the percentages of transparency across the text as well as the time jumps. Regarding the percentages, at first you say that radio can pass as soon as 35% and organic 75%, but then radio becomes 65%, and yet at that same percentage a computer is sent through. Weird.

Overall, despite the points I raised, I did enjoy reading the chapter in places. It was very heavy on descriptions, and some action-consequences sequences were confusing, but there's a lot of raw potential there.

Sincerely,
Alexeij

And here we have the human equivalent of the previous chapter. Makes sense, and I liked the attention that put it at about 10 years before the "movie-time", as it usually takes that long to build and activate a nuclear plant.

Anyway, the first scene, up to the first "time-skip", is the strongest of the chapter, and the less info-dumpy - which albeit necessary, gets a bit hard to digest and repetitive in the last scene. The only flaw I can see in the first scene, besides a couple of typos and ellipses longer than 3 points, is that there isn't a real POV character to filter and ground all the information. You seem to be foreshadowing Shunsun as a presence in the story's future: putting the first scene from his perspective, rather than referring to the " diplomats" as a blob entity, would improve the scene drastically, I believe, and introduce a recurring character. Xi would also be an option, and he does have some POV moments, but he's an arrogant, clownish fool in many ways. Could be interesting, but since the main topic of the chapter is international politics, maybe someone like Shusun would be better.

Anyway, onto the international politics. The whole take is more than a bit idealistic, though it seems the energy crisis is a much stronger factor here. Still, despite the magnitude of the discovery, it seems everyone's going along a bit too easily, though they did have months to smooth out things, so it's fair enough. I'm assuming some in the private sector know or suspect a great deal, since all the equipment must have been built by someone, not to mention the various senates and chambers voted in many countries, and we all know how politics and private companies work.

As for the "time skip tags", they break the flow quite a bit and could be easily integrated at the paragraph's beginning with sentences like " Sixteen hours later, Premier Xi and the other diplomats were..." or "By the end of the week, Premier Xi.." etc.

As the scenes become more exposition heavy (looking at you, President), the pacing slows. The last scene pretty much consists in a few blocks of one-way dialogue, which really take off from the narration without some reaction from the POV character, or break. The President is, after all, revealing more earth shattering information, but Xi is like a statue. By comparison, him regretting his volunteering and his trouble sleeping tell us much more about the character.

One of the tricks to make exposition palatable is to make it important to the characters, which in return helps to show more about them. It's a symbiotic relationship. Keeping some mystery is another nice method.

Let me spend a few more words on POV with the first scene. A scene should in general be from a single character's POV, rather than jump around among characters and back to 3rd person omniscient narration, like with the cinematic shots or describing group actions in general rather than how a character would perceive them. The idea is to get into a character's head - though less than with 1st Person POV - and experience actions and events through their senses, which doesn't really happen here save for a few paragraphs and in the last scene. For example, you describe Xi's cough as comical a few times but from what you show of the character (overly proud, sardonic, kind of a self-important asshole with a lot of power), it stands to reason that he'd never think of himself or his actions in such a way. The adjective comical feels a lot like your (the author's) direct opinion, which takes the reader out of the narration and makes it harder to relate with the characters.

All in all, it was a goodish chapter despite the issues, and flowed relatively well. I think it suffered a bit from the repetition and analogy of some events, but I'm eager to see what happens next.

Sincerely
Alexeij

There's a lot to process in this chapter. An energy crisis being the inciting incident for the whole story immediately lends a tone of sobriety to the whole plot and setting, as such issues belong to a dimension outside of that portrayed in the movie. Moreover, the time stamps at the beginning of the chapter already suggest a level of human involvement, later on. It's curious that the AD would be so early, but I assume it was humana who burned the petroleum reserves in the first place, either by consuming them or sabotage. I'm tending towards the former, considering how the scientist speaks of "inheritance". The term also implies a certain awareness that someone else came before them (and may still be lingering out of the borders).

With Bogo as mayor, I'd say this takes place some years after the movie, at least. You deliver his tension and anxiety fairly well, if by beating the audience on the head with " this is the last chance" and similar expressions throughout the first half of the chapter. As the main POV character, he's the most developed, though I would suggest removing verbs like "he saw; he could hear" etc as they remove immersion. You also express his thoughts in two different, direct manners: like normal dialogue as he enters the facility, and later once in bolded. Pick one, possibly different from normal dialogue, and stick to it.

The other characters are pretty two-dimensional and in the background, which isn't that bad considering most are there for only a scene. The only exception is Dr. Strumer: considering he's the director of the wormhole project, his introduction is a bit weak, especially considering we get his name only halfway through his scene, and no description of him (I think) at all.

What the aftermath of the whole incident implies isn't very reassuring for Zootopia: Bogo is a broken man, and he's been replaced by someone who's either ineffective or corrupt, as Dr. Strumer's team seems to have total control over the project, and the clout and influence to keep the project secret yet founded for over 50 years.

I'm a bit confused towards the end. The cabinet's reticence and Bogo's own hesitation at suggesting they get the uranium "beyond the borders" implies a lot, but how are they going to stopgap the energy situation otherwise?

It was a bold choice not to include July and Nick from the get go, considering how hugely popular they seem to be. I wonder if they'll be involved in the time shenanigans, since by the time the E14 new project is concluded, they should be pretty much dead. I also really liked Bogo's comment on the short-term memory of animals. It repaints some events in the movie inna certain light.

Lastly, some paragraph in the story jump out 3rd person close and into 3rd omniscient, as in the narrating voice stops being the character's and becomes the disembodied author. This alternation plays a bit of havoc with immersion and makes it harder to relate to the characters, as we don't read and experience their doubts, fears, or emotions in general, but are given a few general foreboding or explanatory statements by an out-of-sight voice. It's a pretty big example of show vs tell.

Tl; Dr: a very interesting premise with plenty of implications and foreshadowing for the setting and a good POV character, but the narration gets confusing towards the end, the "villain" has a weak presentation, and the universal narrator here and there detracts from immersion.

Sincerely,
Alexeij

Just keeps getting better :)

hay apastelasos dale judi a nick como se le ocurre justo ahora que estan en donde estan

: )

Bueno, Tyler está muerto.

Finalmente Judy y Chris encontraron a Nick.
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Well, Tyler is dead.

Finally Judy and Chris found Nick.

An interesting and complex story yo got here. I hope you let Judy, Chris, and Samantha, are able save Nick. Also hope they all put an end to ZERB for good. Looking forward to reading more.

Just finally got to read I was busy all day :) cant wait till the next 1!

Judy y Chris deben rescatar a Nick.

Pobre Tyler.
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Judy and Chris must rescue Nick.

Poor Tyler.

¿Qué le va a suceder a Nick?
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What's going to happen to Nick?

Remnant Imperial Japan
Nigga what.

You're really stretching my suspension of disbelief at this point, the CCP allowing international cooperation of this is one thing, but a small group of old guard imperial japs trying to bring back the empire? Even after all the shame the war brought to the country and the people?

I'll stay on this ride for now, but I really feel like it would have been better if Japan was behind this simply to deny it to China, this whole imperial revival thing feels like too much.

寫得好精彩!難得一見係Ff遇見香港人，一閱難忘!
今章有關解放軍同黨中央部分見到你有用心做背景研究，特別係東風版悍馬軍車，作為半個軍迷，我印象好深刻。希望以後多多交流!