Great. I love your writing - You present Sirius perfectly.

Well that's an awfully big decision for an eleven year old to have to make! Poor guy didn't even get as many presents as Harry his first year of school. I did think at some point he might feel guilty or sad not to be around Regulus for the holiday, though as you said he never fit in with his family, maybe Regulus didn't mind the parties as much.

This was really different from all the other fics from the House Cup. And I love it for being unique. This was a lot easier to get through than some of the other fics (don't tell them I said that - LOL), so thank you for that.

I do love this story. It's great and wow I just can't this is soo amazing. But I don't really think it's deserving of the angst genre. Why? Because it's quite light-hearted, especially the characters, it ends on a light tone, it's quite upbeat save for Sirius's occasional sad thoughts. I'm not saying it's not worth enough, I just don't think angst quite fits this. It's more...Friendship/Family, I'd say. Family as in his friends. XD

I love the double meaning of the title. Yes, a Black Christmas - as in, the family of Blacks. But also, yes, a black Christmas - what Sirius imagined that Christmas would be. It's a nice touch. :)

James was the slightest bit stiff, I think. Not really anything big, it's just that he seemed a bit distant to the story in general. Also, Peter not saying anything. You'd think he'd be a bigger part of the conversation in the beginning. Peter was kind of omitted from the story, really.

Anyway, other than that, I loved this story! It had the slightest undertones of Sirius's not-so-happy past, but it was complemented by the overall hopeful feel to the story. Sirius realizing where he could go with his life, realizing what he could do, how he's not bound to his family and is free to choose his life, having already broken through the Slytherin label and become a Gryffindor.

I never actually thought about when Sirius decided to go against his family, or if he decided to at all and if it was maybe subconscious - but you've made this a headcanon of mine. It makes total sense that this is the moment he decides to get away from the Blacks - he wouldn't leap away immediately, it's his family after all - but obviously something must have happened early on during his time at Hogwarts that pushed him away.

This was truly brilliant and I thank you for the beautiful piece.

Lumosify

I love this too much!

First of all your dialogue was on point. Sometimes I find that when people write dialogue it can make their characters sound whack, but I absolutely adored yours. I can paint a picture of your scene because of your words, so kudos to you.

It must be lonely being all hulled up in that massive castle. I only feel sorry for Sirius because it wasn't his fault he was sorted into Slytherin, how detrimental can that be to the boy. Ugh I hate the blacks (except for all of the blacks because I love them as well!)

James is such a sweet friend. Even though, he is sneaky and arrogant and a bully (later obviously) he is still a true, loyal friend and I think you portrayed that really well. It is a kind of parallel as well to Harry. Like Godfather like godson. Sirius won't be alone next Christmas!

This was a really sweet fic and I enjoyed it very much!

OMG SIRIUS MY LOVE

I love, adore, worship and want babies with this. Honestly. It's fantabulous!
Sirius is my favourite character across fandoms, of all time, and nothing makes me giggle a bit before reading than when I see it's about Sirius, so I got hooked on immediately. I like how you talked about the boys as close and having cutesy conversations before sleeping.

I really appreciate that you didn't include Peter in the deep bond shared by them; the snivelly effer.

It's very bittersweet, and just like a cup of tiramisu icecream, imo-slightly bitter, with sweetness and a soul-pleasing effect. I am amazed at how you've written Sirius.
He's not the casual prankster that most people portray him to be. He's thoughtful, and learning to stand up for himself. It's nice to read about Sirius beginning to stand up for himself after all those fics where he is already 17-ish and a rebel for a long time.

Man, do Pureblood societies shatter childhoods.

Moving on, the grammar, characterisation and spellings were perfect, WELL DONE I LOVE PROPERLY WRITTEN FICS

One teeny-tiny nitpick:
"..James-along with Remus and Peter-were gone." should be "..James-along with Remus and Peter-was gone." as the word depends on whom the sentence was based on; in this case, a single person(James), therefore it should be 'was'.

James and Sirius are the perfect BFFs and I love that you didn't make this a slash, so thank you! It broke my heart whenever Sirius pretended to be okay and James just looked doubtful. Honestly, it did.

That letter is perfectly in sync with how I'd imagined James to be with Sirius. I found myself identifying on every count with Sirius(only I'm not a Pureblood, heh?) so the fact that I could relate with him made me sigh contentedly. It's quite realistic.

I do admit I read this because of the House Cup thingy, but I could not feel any gladder that this was among the stories chosen. Thank you for writing this beautiful, beautiful fic. I could not have imagined this to be more perfect than it is.

-Ana

First off, nice hook. Always good to start with a bit of dialogue to spark interest. I like the "under the weather" inference as well, it was a nice little detail.

At the throwing dirty socks part I started getting a little confused about who was doing what, I had to read it a couple times to figure it out. Also, the transition from the night before to present was a little confusing as well.

This made me feel for Sirius. It was nice to see the struggle, he was not naturally born without any affection towards his family, as he is too often portrayed as. It's a challenge to accept difference especially from family and if it causes shunning, I think you did really well encapsulating that. Also, awww poor Sirius, dealing with the abuse.

Yay! James! The relationship between Sirius and him was really precious.

Overall, a good story, very little SpaG, my one note would be to watch for commas. Well done!

-Rena

I like a bit of dialogue to get things started. It drags me in, who's not going home for Christmas?

I already like your characterisation of all three marauders. James' narrow-minded way of totally not understanding why someone wouldn't want to go home for Christmas, Sirius not really wanting to talk about it and losing patience a bit, Remus vaguely trying to keep the peace. Also loved the way you slipped in the bit about him looking under the weather. Smooth.

Your narration is really easy to read, and flows nicely. Same for the dialogue. Nice and smooth, not too flowery or too plain. Good balance.

I really liked the way the whole scene unfolded with Sirius stood at the top of the steps bidding his friends goodbye. You really captured his emotions well I think, from trying to fake a casual attitude, and then seeming lost once his friends are gone. The contrast between Sirius standing frozen at the top of the steps with all the excited students streaming past him was perfect.

Typo: "and he hadn't sat gotten to sit in one yet" doesn't need that "sat".

I actually don't think I've ever read anything before from the POV of the marauders around this time, where really they've only just met and they don't have lots of daring adventures to their names and shared experiences tying them together. It's nice to get a piece of Sirius before he really became the man we know him as; when he's still young, and indecisive, at a pivotal point where he hasn't yet thrown off his parents' influence. It makes for a really interesting read.

Another typo I think, you have "made good on his promise wreck some havoc on Filch and his cat" which I think should be "to wreak".

Overall, I really liked this piece. It was such a key moment in Sirius' life, and I thought you captured it really well. I liked the way events unfolded, and you carefully lead us through the thoughts he had leading up to that life-changing decision.

If I was going to con-crit at all, I would say that I like your narrative style but I thought in a few places you could have tightened it up a bit. You had, just for example, the same word or phrase used in quite close succession a few times which broke the flow a bit for me. Generally though I thought your flow and sentence structure was great. This would just help to polish it up a bit.

All round, a really good job :) Great characterisation, dialogue, descriptions, plot - you've got the lot really! Thanks for a good read.

Did I stutter James? Right off the bat I was sad for a second for Sirius, but then I was chuckling. Just taking a guess that this is their first year at the school since James seems surprised that Sirius isn't going home and Sirius is noticing that Remus looks a bit ill and doesn't automatically think something furry problem related.

There should be a new paragraph after Sirius says that a Black family Xmas is more for the adults than the kids. Pretty sure you start a new paragraph when someone is done talking.

Ewww dirty sock fight. Nice visual of boys being boys. Ahh I see I'm right about the year. And they sent him a Howler for getting sorted into the wrong house. Pffft purebloods. *rolls eyes.

I like how you have Sirius putting on a brave face for the guys. James is so sweet with Sirius, telling him he'd write to him everyday if he wanted. Awww sad little background bit there with Sirius and his shoulder. :( I like how you give us a big look into the unseen bits of his life with just that one sentence. The part where he responds to Dumbles perfectly without thinking about it does the same thing.

The whole bit where he's getting comfy and thinking about what he won't have to do this xmas is great. You really get into his head nicely. I love the last bit as he's deciding he can be happy and make his own life if he wants to. That's great. I think this is the first Sirius fic I've read where he's not already protesting and arguing with his parents before even coming to Hogwarts. Great story, I really enjoyed it.

Little first year Marauders, they’re just so young and squishy.

Poor James has a lot to learn about Sirius’ home life, doesn’t he? I like how innocent and naïve he is. It’s also a bit sad, because James’ own son (although James doesn’t know it yet), only goes ‘home’ for Christmas in his fifth and sixth years. Before that Harry had nowhere to go.

I like your characterization of James and Sirius in this. There’s a lot going through Sirius’ head about not wanting to go home, and lying to his friends to make them feel less guilty about leaving him alone. I can relate a bit to Sirius in this. Not that I’ve ever spent Christmas by myself, but the lying and pretending to be looking forward to something when you’re just doing it for the sake of your friends. That moment when he parted ways with them! Poor Sirius!

I can also see James, who’s been spoiled by dotting parents all his life, being confused why Sirius isn’t going home and then not wanting to leave his friend alone for the holidays.

It’s nice to see that Sirius sorta of questions not being a Slytherin. It must have been really hard those first few years, before he stopped caring as much.

Aww, James and his friends sent him presents, and I’m not too surprised that the Potters plan on taking Sirius next year for Christmas. Actually, he’s probably going to be spending most breaks with them from now. That whole ending felt very warm after a depressing start.

Great job!

I love your characterization of these two right from the start. I've always been partial to both James and Sirius, but I love how James is the nagging friend that won't stop pushing. I really like your portrayal of Sirius throwing socks at them while they try to pack! It made me giggle and sounds like something he would do. Love the mention of getting a Howler, too.

One small spelling error: "first year students" should be first-year students.

Aww, Sirius' disappoint is sad, even if he put a brave face on. D: I couldn't help but laugh at the idea of him tormenting Filch and his cat! I was going to say "poor Filch," but he deserves it.

I love the way you describe Sirius not wanting to stay and how he felt watching his friends (and everyone else) leave for Christmas. It was both heartbreaking and well-done.

Aww, he got presents! It melted my heart. I love the way that you describe his low expectations and build him up to not be disappointed only to have him surprised to get gifts! Aww, and the letter from James inviting him to Christmas next year! There are just too many "aw" moments here. My heart feels all melty. D:

I really like how you ended it, with Sirius deciding that he could be free (I love that word especially in this context) instead of feeling burdened by his family and what they wanted for him.

I love this! It was a beautiful look into Sirius' first Christmas at Hogwarts!

Clearly this is before they know about Remus...or at least I'm assuming by that statement that it is. Lol I love this pushy young James...he seems like he doesn't take social cues too well and is very pushy. I like this representation because it fits with what we know, but it's a different type of pushy, like he just really wants to understand why his friend would prefer staying at Hogwarts to going home. The more I hear about how Sirius used to spend his holiday the sadder I feel for him. I mean, no presents? No Christmas excitement? That's so depressing. Oh, well, I got my answer. They are first years, that makes sense. The description of the boys packing was cute. I love how well you have pulled off all of their characters. I love that Sirius tried to pretend he was fine and James saw right through it. It sets a great foundation for how they became so close, and also helps explain how James started bringing Sirius home with him for holidays and stuff. I love how this time alone has allowed you to have Sirius explore his doubts. I bet with his friends around all the time he is so busy he never has time to worry about what being a Gryffindor and going against his family will mean, but being alone at Christmas has allowed for that chance. I also love how you have James as this guiding light for him, for lack of better term. He is giving his friend the strength to fight against his family and he doesn't even realize it. You did a great job of showing the different sides of both of these characters. When Sirius is talking about the seats near the fire place you say, "he hadn't sat gotten to sit..." I think you probably started to write it one way and then decided to go another but forgot to delete the extra word. I really love how Sirius' Christmas morning was reminiscent of Harry's, wherein he doesn't expect any presents but is surprised to find that his friends have sent him some. That last line was beautifully sad in that it sort of foreshadows the fact that there will be a time when Sirius is once again imprisoned and it reminds me of the moment he stepped outside in PoA and it was like he was breathing again for the first time in 12 years. Anyway, this was wonderfully done and I really enjoyed reading it.

Oooh, I liked this exploration into Sirius' conflicted feelings about his heritage, coupled with being sorted into Gryffindor. It was quite interesting to read a fic that placed less emphasis on this notion that Sirius has always been rebellious, but looked at how that might have come about.

I think it's very believable that to start with Sirius might not have liked his family traditions and how they operated, but still tried his best to follow those principles. I guess what you focused on here is more that internal battle and putting on a brave face. It really makes Sirius seem quite vulnerable and brings forward a lot more depth to his character.

Typo: 'sat gotten to sit' - Might read better with 'he hadn't yet sat in one' or 'he hadn't had the chance to sit in one yet'

I think in some places you could maybe add some commas, but this is probably more of a stylistic suggestion.

The ending made me wonder whether Sirius actually became braver and more confident in his assertions to be someone different by spending time with the Potters. To see another pureblood family that didn't behave like the Blacks and to know that he was accepted could've been the turning point he needed.

You brought out Sirius' internal dialogue and voice really well in this fic. Considering there was not much dialogue, it still captured my attention throughout. I really enjoyed reading this! Great job!

I love the line "Did I stutter James?" at the beginning of this story - it gives it a very human aspect, especially as I read it as an insinuation that Sirius stutters when he laughs, which is something not many people can think of XD because, after all, not even a Black can lie seamlessly (unless he's a psychopath, and I doubt Sirius is anything like that).

And the little nod to Remus's 'furry little problem' too! YES THAT'S GREAT THANK YOU FOR INCLUDING THAT AS WELL even though it was only a line long it made all the difference, trust me.

Poor Sirius… His friends are so nice, but none of them thought to invite him-

I scratch that because James admitted that openly AND apologised. No hard feelings Jamesy boy.

ENTER DUMBLEDORE, PURSUED BY A BEAR!

Also thanks for adding Peter in there too. The number of people that pretend he doesn't exist. Honestly.

And presents… XD

Ellie xxx

I've looked forward to reading this from what I've heard, and I have not been disappointed!
Your dialogue, and particularly the use of italics, has, from the start, been spot on. For example, when James says "really" I can picture him saying it as a child. As such, all of them are in character, especially given the young age (which is a refreshing take on it). Remus is very helpful, and I like how Sirius would of course just grin and bear it, hiding his pain as he was taught.
The boys all seemed typical clueless boys, especially when you alluded to Remus being a werewolf (although they probably wouldn't have guessed it anyway) and them easily believing him. I just wanted to shout at them haha
One tiny critique I have is the use of 'Sirius' from the part where they go outside and onwards- it is just a minor thing I picked up on, and is probably only because I've realised it's a weakness I have in my own writing (not saying it is your weakness) but it sort of stood out to me when reading as you repeat it a lot instead of 'he' etc (I hope I'm not being too picky, the story still flows very well :) )
Back to characterisation and realisticness, you've managed to add in many little things that make the story so believable. For example, little things like: the boys procrastinating when packing, dirty socks (ew smelly I imagine) and the way the Blacks had less comfy furniture than Gryffindor common room (in that last bit alone you managed to give a deep insight to how formal the family is, tied in well with the earlier mention of their balls/ dances).
I really felt sorry for Sirius in this (points for emotional impact), especially as he flinches because of his father's rough touch (again, further insight into his home life without unnecessary detail).
I'm glad James did realise after all, and it was cute at the end! I like too that he is more of the best friend than Remus and Peter, in that they have a sort of bond that makes sense in the books with the awarding of godfather.
"Relieve his protesting bladder" more great description, especially that line.
I like how Dumbledore is portrayed well as looking after his students and knowing them, as not many fics choose to show that side of him.
But the thing that most stood out to me was how you made Sirius question his choices. Of course he would not just all of a sudden decide to go against tradition and his family- he may be a rebel, but you made it realistic in that yes, he would be lonely at Christmas at eleven without his family (caring or not) and yes, he would be worried and think at times if he really was doing the right thing, especially with the mention that he would behave so as to avoid punishment.
Really, this fic was a pleasure to read, and honestly, it is one of the greatest Christmas themed works I've read to date, well done! :)

An excellent one-shot detailing Sirius' first Christmas alone at Hogwarts.
Sirirus is probably one of my favourite characters and has such an interesting story to tell. His relationship with his family is full of interesting possibilities and you use them to good effect in this one-shot (connected as it might be to 'Causalities of the Coming War, which is a great story). I like how you paid attention to the turmoil Sirius’ decision caused him, and how it plays into the man he will become. Little details like how his father treated him and the boring Black dinner parties were spot on to how I imagine the Black family.
On another note, stylistically I did think a few sections could have been more carefully separated when you jumped forward in time/space, but it’s sort of my fault as I read quite quickly. I am, however, still a fan of line breaks. It did not detract from the good quality of the writing and the story.
As usual from ‘Casualties’ your dialogue and characterization of the different Marauders was good, while you paid attention to how early it was in their friendship and didn’t overemphasize their camaraderie. I look forward to reading more in your multi-chapter. Cheers!