Name: Jase Andrews

Birthday: July 22nd (Send me a card.)

Location: I wish I could tell you, but that would prove that I actually exist.

Hey, just a writer here who likes to share his stories with people! I love getting feedback; great to let me know what's good and what isn't.

I've written a lot of stories, but haven't published many on here...I particularly enjoy writing about magic and fantasy. I've written a few Haunted Mansion stories and Harry Potter fanfics.

A great Harry Potter Christmas story, a comedy play that I've written, can be found here: http:///viewstory.php?sid=2403.

Here is my account: http://www.fictionpress.info/~jaseandrews.

I've also collaborated with the author Aquarian Wolf. Find our stuff here: http://www.fanfiction.ws/u/899325/.

Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy my work!

My dogs have been sleeping in my bed...which means I don't get any sleep. They're little bed nazis.

-Aquarian Wolf, fanfiction.net author.

"Hi diddly ho! Is this a Pre-Rapture Party?"

"No Flanders, it's a...Gay witches for abortion meeting! Go away."

-The Simpsons

"We've strayed into a zone with a high magical index," Rincewind said. "Don't ask me how. Once upon a time a really powerful magic field must have been generated here, and we're feeling the aftereffects."

"Precisely," said a passing bush.

-The Color of Magic by Terry Pratchett

Then she snapped her fingers and the three of them were seated at the breakfast table in the kitchen of their Victorian house. Happy-face pancakes grinned up at Sabrina.

Sabrina stared down at the pancakes, picked up her fork, then put it back down again. She said, "This is cool, but I'm not really hungry."

Hilda cut into her pancake, which said, "Have a nice day."

"Thank you," Hilda replied, and popped it into her mouth. "They're very delicious, Sabrina. And courteous, too."

-Sabrina the Teenage Witch: Spying Eyes, by Nancy Holder

To avoid confusion and legal suits, I have found the lyrics to The Pirates of the Caribbean theme song in standard English. Hopefully this will be a big help to everyone.

The Pirates of the Caribbean Theme Song in Standard English

We steal, steal, go through things, and steal,
Finish your drink happy fellow, hooray.
We relocate people and hold them against their will, molest, and pollute
Finish your drink happy fellow, hooray.

We demand protection money and steal, we steal and steal,
Finish your drink happy fellow, hooray.
Create wanton destruction, steal from our employers, and will even go so far as to take vehicles which do not belong to us,
Finish your drink happy fellow, hooray.

Hooray, hooray, I prefer piracy as a profession.

We prepare to set things on fire, burn them a little, burn them completely, and set them on fire,
Finish your drink happy fellow, hooray.
We completely burn down cities and look scary,
Finish your drink happy fellow, hooray.

We’re friends of Alfalfa and untrustworthy, we are bad guys and jacks
Finish your drink happy fellow, hooray.
We’re mythological creatures from the underworld and have dark wool, we’re a spoiled picnic food,
Finish your drink happy fellow, hooray.

We ask for money for nothing and are generally held in low esteem and are irresponsible people without honor,
Finish your drink happy fellow, hooray.
And yet our parents still love us for some inexplicable reason
Finish your drink happy fellow, hooray.

Hooray, hooray, I prefer piracy as a profession.

-

They rounded the foot of the Quentulus Quazgar Mountains, and there was the Message written in blazing letters along the crest of the mountain. There was a little observation vantage point with a rail built along the top of a large rock facing it, from which you could get a good view. It had a little pay telescope for looking at the letters in detail, but no one would ever use it because the letters burned with the divine brilliance of the heavens and would, if seen through a telescope, have severely damaged the retina and optic nerve.
They gazed at God's Final Message to His Creation in wonderment, and were slowly and ineffably filled with a great sense of peace, and of final and complete understanding.
Fenchurch sighed. "Yes," she said, "That was it."

They had been staring at it for fully ten minutes before they became aware that Marvin, hanging between their shoulders, was in difficulties. The robot could no longer lift his head, had not read the message. They lifted his head, but he complained that his vision circuits had almost gone.
They found a coin and helped him to the telescope. He complained and insulted them, but they helped him look at each individual letter in turn. The first letter was a "w," the second an "e." Then there was a gap. An "a" followed, then a "p," an "o," and an "l."
Marvin paused for a rest.

After a few moments they resumed and let him see the "o," the "g," the "i," the "z," and the "e."
The next two words were "for" and "the." The last one was a long one, and Marvin needed another rest before he could tackle it. It started with "i," then "n," then "c." Next came an "o" and an "n," followed by a "v," an "e," another "n," and an "i."
After a final pause, Marvin gathered his strength for the last stretch.
He read the "e," the "n," the "c," and at last the final "e," and staggered back into their arms.
"I think, he murmered at last from deep within his coroding, rattling thorax, "I feel good about it." The lights went out in his eyes for absolutely the very last time ever.

Luckily, there was a stall nearby where you could rent scooters from guys with green wings.

-The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: So Long, and Thanks For All The Fish by Douglas Adams