Hello there, reader.

I like my chapters short and my protagonist shorter. The talented artist Karl Johnsson (profile KalleJ) has done a spectacular job illustrating the stories. The pictures can also be seen on his blog in a larger and better format. It all started with Lily-Lee. I never really knew what she looked like before he gave her a face. A funny, uglycute face. Also at Deviantart.

I like to get my mistakes concerning TOS and TNG facts pointed out (I have replaced "replicator" with "food synthesizer"). Lily-Lee is my own creation and property, while any members of the Star Trek universe are, of course, not. This is just parody.

The first story I wrote (The Four-nostriled Creature) seems to be all over the place. First humor, then sex, drama, humor, as-you-know-bob, and more sex. I wrapped it up in chapter 9 and made an ending of it. Karl Johnsson's picture shows Lily-Lee nude, because she had not been issued a uniform yet.

Second story (Changing Horses) contains no sex but a bit more drama. Khan's reaction underscores that Lily-Lee is NOT an attractive heroine. Also toilet humor, very classy.

Third story (Scotty's Ferret) is mostly humor. It's full of dirty jokes and a description of a holodeck porn setting, but T-rated. I know TOS didn't have a holodeck. There were plans to have one in season three but they didn't have the budget. Hence the "prototype". Karl Johnsson had to borrow the black squares from the next generation.

Fourth story (Party time! Excellent!). Humor at first, but gets indecent in chapter four and five. If you know some old mythology, you may recognise chapter 3-4 as a parody of the story when Skade choose Njord as her husband. Writing a sequence of unfinshed thoughts to make up a sex scene is something I picked up from Dorothy Sayers. The title is from Waynes world, really highbrow. And did you spot the quote from Lesley Gore's pop hit, and Pete Seeger's?

Fifth story (Getting Medieval on Your Ape). My protagonist puts her clumsy feet down between Spock and Kirk and has to make amends. Adventure/humor with sex in it. Readers can keep playing "spot the quote", this time it's from Pulp fiction, Bugs Bunny and Scooby-Doo.

Sixth story (Captain Cook of the HMS Endeavour) is darker. I realised that the "primitive aboard the ship" is a very old and very sad story really. I had to face that. But hey, sex too! (The best part is that we get to see the trio in wigs.)

Seventh story (Stolen Memories and Black Market Marrowbone). Lily-Lee keeps bringing up the captain and Spock needs to get clean after he gets himself dirty. First two chapters were once a short story (Stolen Dirty Memory) but is now part a a larger thing. (Don't we all wish we could be?) The picture shows Spock wearing only his pants... in the text he doesn't even have that. Both KalleJ and I know that, but we agreed to keep it semi-decent. You creative perverts will just have to use your imagination.

Eighth story (They Have a Sniffer On Board?) This was intended to be a sentimental piece with tears and musings over the brevity of life. That didn't last long. Pretty soon it was full of dirty jokes and sillyness. Oh well, that's life, I suppose. After all, that is the moral of the story.