Hiya peeps!

Funny (Yet Random) Things!! (COPY AND PASTE TO YOUR PROFILE AND ADD SOMETHING TO THE LIST!)

I call you squishy and you shall be mine. You will be my squishy!

When life gives you lemons throw the back and demand vodka.

Evening news is where they say, "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it's not.

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can!

Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it...

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.

They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep-- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

"God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman." - Adela Rodgers St. Johns

"Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door,"- Unknown

“When there's a will, I want to be in it.” – Unknown

When I was younger, my parents encouraged me to walk and talk. Now, all they want me to do is sit down and shut up!

Don't think of your self as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."

Shit fire and save matches (ha ha!!)

Hippopotomonstrousaequipodaliophobic - Fear of long words.

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen.

Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.

If two wrongs dont make a right, try three.

Borrow money from pessimists- they dont expect to get it back!

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that cant.

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything that you say will be misquoted and distorted, and then used against you.

A friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend laughs, trips you again, and laughs harder.

The Ferret bird exists right?

"Boys are fragile. They can easily break." - My Mom.

Some rules are meant to be broken. Jaywalking is not one of them.

When life gets difficult, SUCK IT UP!

Don't let the ice cream truck get away.

When you are playing poker, and you look around for the sucker, you ARE the sucker.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, Battleground Heart, Kaity the Chameleon, xX-Arianna-hime-Xx,Lillith Black, Darkness Sierra, AutobotGirl6, Whitedino, EVRyderWriter, BFSF,supergirlprime, qtgirl33, Psyche102, mathinscience

Advice for guys

When she acts shy...
-Say I Love You

When she runs away from you...
-Chase her

When she puts her face near yours...
-Kiss her

When she kicks and punches you...
- Hold her tight

When she is silent...
-Shes thinking of how to say I Love You

When she ignores you...
-She wants all your attention

When she pulls away...
- Grab her by the waist and never let go

When you see her at her worst...
- Tell her she's BEAUTIFUL

When she screams at you...
- Tell her you love her, you have to mean it

When you see her walking...
- Sneak up behind her and grab her by the waist and give her a kiss

When she's scared...
- Hold her and tell her everything will be okay cause she's with you

When she looks like somethings the matter...
-Kiss her and tell her not to worry

While she holds your hand...
- Play with her fingers

Girls

- You really don't need any tips just be your flawless selves and let the boy do the work for once!

Ways to annoy others on an elevator:

1) Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2) Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4) Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) Meow occasionally.

6) Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) Say -DING at each floor.

8) Say "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.

9) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

16) Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18) Drop a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

19) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20) Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.

21) Swat at flies that don't exist.

22) Call out "Group hug" then enforce it.

15 Things to do when your in Walmart!

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

15.Grap alot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go!"

1. At Lunch Time, Sit in Your Parked Car with Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer at Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf in The Coffee Maker for 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write “For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don’t use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're not in the Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling, "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. “Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...

POST THIS!

6 Truths of Life

1. You cannot touch all of your teeth with your tongue

2.All idiots after reading this will try it

3. The first truth is a lie.

are now laughing at your own stupididty

5. you will put this on your profile

6. you still have a stupid smile on your face