Howdie y'all! I Am Team Percy here, I'm not big on profiles but here are some funny Chuck Norris jokes. (And you guys thought I would actually put stuff about me!!! :P)

1. Chuck Norris sleeps with the lights on, not because he is afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of him.

2. Chuck Norris once ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and was served.

3. Chuck Norris died ten years ago but death doesn't have the courage to tell him.

4. Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed fifty people, then the grenade exploded.

5. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

6. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a man, in the soul.

7. Chuck Norris can read Lady Gaga's poker face.

8. Chuck Norris counted to infinite, twice.

9. Corners get backed into Chuck Norris.

10. Some magicians can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

11. Chuck Norris doesn't have to do anything for a Klondike Bar.

12. Global Warming is caused by Chuck Norris working out.

13. Milk never expires for Chuck Norris.

14. Chuck Norris doesn't get struck by lightning, lightning gets struck by Chuck Norris.

15. Chuck Norris doesn't get excited to get presents from Santa. Santa gets excited to give presents to Chuck Norris.

16. Chuck Norris can make an omelette without breaking any eggs.

17. Chuck Norris once ran a marathon backwards just to see what second place looked like.

18. Notice, there are no Chuck Norris video games. They would be way too easy.

19. Chuck Norris tells his GPS when he wants to turn.

20. Chuck Norris does not shave, his beard would cut through the steel blade.

21. Chuck Norris makes his own Girl Scout cookies using real Girl Scouts.

22. Chuck Norris=Winning

23. Chuck Norris keeps his house on a leash, to make sure it doesn't run away.

24. Chuck Norris once made a robot for his science class, we now know this robot as the Terminator.

25. Chuck Norris doesn't have to worry about keeping up with the Kardashians...he knows where they are at all times.

26. Bill Gates calls Chuck Norris for tech support.

27. When the boogyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

28. Dictionary definition for violence: Chuck Norris.

29. Chuck Norris's beard is worth 10x its weight in gold.

30. Chuck Norris knows you are reading this, he just lets you live.