Introduction

Hold your breath

Make a wish

Count to three

Come with me,

And you'll be,

In a world of pure imagination...

Willy Wonka, "Pure Imagination"

-I can also be found in these places, just in case you're curious:

-If I were to have a motto in terms of fanfiction, it would probably be 'if you want to read good fanfiction, write good fanfiction'.

-My fanfictions will either be funny, violent, or both. Talk about bipolar. There will probably be no fanfiction with genres like romance, friendship, or family.

-My fanfiction will never be rated above T. If it's rated T, it will always be due to violence and blood, never cursing or sex.

-My interests include Kingdom Hearts, Portal, Pokemon, Hetalia, Warriors, Guardians of Ga'Hoole, Wolves of the Beyond, Harry Potter, Spyro, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Disney, Maximum Ride, Seekers, Lion King, Minecraft, and animals in general. Will I write fanfiction on all these things? Probably not. Most of them? Umm... no.

-Fact: Whales are twice as intelligent and three times delicious as humans.

-Real fact: 100 million sharks are killed by people each year. The number of people killed by sharks each year? About 10.

-There is a difference between poisonous and venomous. A creature is poisonous when the toxin is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Poisonous creatures use their toxins for self-defense. A creature is venomous if the toxin is injected by means of fangs, spines, spurs, stingers, etc. Venomous creatures use their toxins for hunting and self-defense.

-Halloween is my favorite holiday.

-When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade! Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your d*#&% lemons, what am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give (Name here) lemons! Do you know who I am?! I'm the man/woman/boy/girl/other whose gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

-BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN! BURNING PEOPLE! That's what my OC's are all thinking!

-Science isn't about WHY, it's about WHY NOT! WHY is so much of our science dangerous?! Why don't you just marry safe science if you love it so much?! In fact, why not invent a special safety door that doesn't HIT YOU ON THE BUTT on the way out because YOU are FIRED!! Not you, profile reader, you're doing fine. Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.

-If I had a heart, this would be where I die of laughter... Heck, I do have a heart... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

-Look at me, still talking when there's science to do. When I look out there, it makes me GLaD I'm not you!

Potentially Up-and-Coming Fanfiction

This section is a way for me to keep track of any ideas I have. Feel free to PM about any of them. Generally, the ones closest to the top of the list are the most likely to be posted or posted first. It will also provide more in-depth summaries for these fics if they do come to light. Also, some of these titles are temporary placeholders.

Portal Pokémon Fic

From the Evil Lair

Pontifex Maximus (Maybe some other title)

Aperture Paranormal

Broken Wings - Oh, shut up. This isn't happening.

I've Been Researching Sharks

Needs a Title

Copy-and-Paste Stuff

-90% of teens today would die if Facebook had a system failure and was completely destroyed. If you are of the 10% that would die laughing, copy and paste this into your profile. Note that 100% of the human population dies.

-95% of America's girl teen population would cry, scream, and wail if Justin Beiber decided to throw himself off a skyscraper. Paste this on your profile if you're one of the 5% who would sit at the bottom of the skyscraper with popcorn and a camera yelling "DO A FLIP!"

-99% of the world's population is obsessed with the "Twilight" Sagas. If you're part of the 1% who isn't, paste this on your profile.

-Copy and paste if you totally agreed, 100%, with GLaDOS when she told you how she would torture Wheatley.

-Copy and paste if you were trying to drop Wheatley when: he was dissing GLaDOS in her chamber before you woke Her up; you were supposed to switch him with GLaDOS; you were both in space.

-Copy and paste if you didn't like Wheatley much after the escape plan.

-If you're against animal cruelty (horse slaughter, bear bating, dolphin hunting, chimp slavery, SHARK FINNING etc.) then copy this into your profile.

-If you are tomboy, enjoy being a tomboy, and think that tomboys will dominate preps and those snobs and pops, PLEASE copy and paste this to your profile.

-If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

-98 percent of the Internet population has a MySpace. If you're part of the 2 percent that can resist stupid fads, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you are crazy and/or insane and proud of it copy and paste this onto your profile.

-95 percent of people are concerned with being popular. If you are part of the five percent who couldn't care less, copy this to your profile.

-If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Proof of My Nerdiness

-Pi: 3.1415926535 8979323846 264338327 9502884197 1693993751 0582097494 4592307816 4062862089 9862803482 5342117067 9821480865...

Not rounded, 110 digits.

-The Element Song:

There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium,
And hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium,
And nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium,
And iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium,
Europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium,
And lanthanum and osmium and astatine and radium,
And gold and protactinium and indium and gallium, (gasp)
And iodine and thorium and thulium and thallium.

There's yttrium, ytterbium, actinium, rubidium,
And boron, gadolinium, niobium, iridium,
And strontium and silicon and silver and samarium,
And bismuth, bromine, lithium, beryllium, and barium.

There's holmium and helium and hafnium and erbium,
And phosphorus and francium and fluorine and terbium,
And manganese and mercury, molybdenum, magnesium,
Dysprosium and scandium and cerium and cesium.
And lead, praseodymium and platinum, plutonium,
Palladium, promethium, potassium, polonium,
And tantalum, technetium, titanium, tellurium, (gasp)
And cadmium and calcium and chromium and curium.

There's sulfur, californium and fermium, berkelium,
And also mendelevium, einsteinium, nobelium,
And argon, krypton, neon, radon, xenon, zinc and rhodium,
And chlorine, carbon, cobalt, copper, tungsten, tin and sodium.

Those are the only ones of which the news has come to Harvard,

And there may be many others but they haven't been discovered!

Elements not included in this song (in order): Lawrencium, Rutherfordium, Dubnium, Seaborgium, Bohrium, Hassium, Meitnerium, Darmstadtium, Roentgenium, Copernicium, Ununtrium, Ununquadium, Ununpentium, Ununhexium, Ununseptium, Ununoctium

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...

You talk to yourself a lot.

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself.

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else.

After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs...'

You live off of sugar and caffeine

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.

You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.

You tend to collect Bic Stics off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.

Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.

People think you have A.D.D.

You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.

You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason

Your friends stopped looking at you funny when you laugh for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.

-Okay, so I didn't fail English 101. I'm too much of a grammar nazi, and my parents would kill me if I failed anything (ARG I MUST BE PERFECT IN SCHOOL OR DIEEEEE). That doesn't mean that I didn't shirk my work when I felt the teacher's demands were unreasonable. My last english teacher was nice, but her class always ticked me off.

Random Paradoxes

-The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.

-New mission: Refuse this mission!

-THIS. STATEMENT. IS. FALSE! (don'tthinkaboutitdon'tthinkaboutit)

-Does a set of all sets contain itself?

-Does a portal that leads to all portals lead to itself?

-A girl goes into the past and kills her grandmother. Because of that, the girl was never born. Thus, she never killed her grandmother.

-On the subject of time travel, what if you built a time machine, went into the past-the point before you started designing the machine-and gave yourself the plans for the time machine?

-It is 0 degrees outside today. The weatherman says that it will be twice as cold tomorrow. What will the temperature be tomorrow?

-What would happen if you were in a car driving at the speed of light and you turned the headlights on?

-Answer truthfully with yes or no: Will your answer be 'no'?

-PM me if you don't read this.

-Nobody goes to that restaurant; it's too crowded.

-Can God build a fence he cannot jump?

-I'm nobody. Nobody's perfect. Therefore, I'm perfect!

-A kidnapper steals a child and promises to return him if the mother can correctly guess what the kidnapper will do to the child. The mother guesses that the child will not be returned. What now, kidnapper?

-Let's say 'Bob' states that everything 'Sue' says is a lie. Then Sue says that everything Bob says is true. Hmm...

-Pinocchio: "My nose will grow now!"

-Let's say that there's a pilot who flies dangerous missions. Pilots weren't allowed to fly missions if they were crazy. However, a pilot would be crazy to fly such deadly missions, and sane if he didn't. However, if he was sane he would have to fly missions and if he was crazy he couldn't.

-What's better: Eternal happiness or cake? Well, nothing is better than eternal happiness, and cake is better than nothing. Therefore, cake is better than eternal happiness!

-Everyone is afraid of Dracula. Dracula is only afraid of me. Therefore, I am Dracula!

-A long time ago in a galaxy far away, there was a place in which all of the inhabitants were either 'knights', who always told the truth, or 'knaves', who always lied. Suppose a person in this place said, "either I am a knave, or 2 plus 2 equals 5".

-Still in the land of Knights and Knaves, someone tells you "You will never know that I am a knight".

-While taking a group of benefactors on a tour through the new aviary they had just helped to build, a noted ornithologist commented, "And here we have two of the finest examples of ravens that I have ever seen. Notice the lustrous black plumage for which all ravens are famous." The ornithologist continued his lecture, commenting on the corvine feeding and nesting habits as well as on the birds' legendary role as harbingers of ill fortune.

When the ornithologist had finished, a young man said, "Sir, excuse me, but did you say that 'All ravens are black'?"

"I don't know if I said exactly that, but it's true. All ravens are black."

"But, how do you know that - for certain, I mean?" asked the young man.

"Well, I've seen a few hundred ravens in my day and every one of them has been black."

"Yes, but a few hundred are not all. How many ravens are there, anyway?"

"I would guess several million. As for your question, many other scientists, and non-scientists for that matter, have observed ravens over thousands of years and so far the birds have all been black. At least, I don't know of a single instance in which someone has produced a non-black raven."

"That's true, but it's still not all - just most."

"True, but there is other evidence. For example, take all these lovely multicolored birds we have seen today - the parrots, toucans, the peacocks -"

"They're lovely, but what do they have to do with your claim that all ravens are black?"

"Don't you see?" asked the ornithologist.

"No, I don't see. Please explain."

"Well, you accept the idea that every new instance of another black raven that is observed adds to the support of the generalization that all ravens are black?"

"Yes, of course."

"Well then, the statement 'All ravens are black' is logically equivalent to the statement 'All non-black things are non-ravens.' This being so and because whatever confirms a statement also confirms any logically equivalent statement, it's clear that any non-black non-raven supports the generalization 'All ravens are black.' Hence, all these colorful, non-black non-ravens also support the generalization."

"That's ridiculous," chided the young man. "In that case you might as well say that your blue jacket and gray pants also confirm the statement 'All ravens are black.' After all, they're also non-black non-ravens."

"That's correct," said the ornithologist. "Now you're beginning to think like a true scientist."

Who is reasoning correctly, the ornithologist or the young man?

The Guide to Maintaining a Healthy Level of Insanity as a Test Subject

AKA: The Guide to Being a Very Annoying Test Subject

Basic Level of Insanity

1. Whenever possible, skip instead of walk.

2. Wave enthusiastically at every camera you see

3. Jump up and down on the buttons

4. Randomly burst out laughing in the middle of a test

5. Laugh hysterically at almost everything GLaDOS says

6. Whenever you see something shiny, thoroughly investigate it for at least 10 minutes

7. Stare blankly into space for a little while, then jerk like you just came back to reality and politely ask GLaDOS to repeat what she just said… even if she didn’t say anything

8. End almost all of your sentences with “in accordance to science”

9. Dodge roll to avoid turrets

10. If GLaDOS ever asks you why you are doing any of these things, reply in a very childish voice, “Because it’s fuuuun!”

Secondary Level of Insanity

1. Whenever you see one of the smaller buttons that are on a pedestal, turn you back to whatever it activates and repeatedly press it saying, “It’s not working!!”

2. Randomly burst into song while testing – songs that are completely random or Disney songs are recommended

3. Whenever you are soaring through the air, like with faith plates or flinging, do flips. If you are uncomfortable with flipping, strike superhero poses

4. Strike superhero poses or run in slow motion whenever you are in an excursion funnel

5. Salute the cameras and refer to GLaDOS as ‘comrade’ in a very serious tone

6. Randomly start dancing, preferably in front of a camera (this works best if you have a testing partner)

7. Ask GLaDOS what gender she is. During her long explanation, nod and look serious. After she’s done, laugh hysterically

8. Repeatedly ask GLaDOS where the bathroom is. Explain that you do not have to go to the bathroom (unless you do have to go, that is), but think that it’s location is crucial to your mission

9. Randomly speak in different accents

10. Whenever GLaDOS orders you to do something, salute and say “Yes, sir!” and march while you do it

Tertiary Level of Insanity:

1. About the bathroom one in the previous level: Keep doing that, but explain that you want to know where the bathroom is so you can hunt the kraken

2. Whenever possible, stand beside a turret, just out of its line of sight, and try to have a civil conversation with it

3. Whenever possible, instead of killing it, put a turret’s face against the wall, pat it and say, “Be a good turret, now!” (do this after #2)

4. If you obtain a companion cube, look at it seriously and say, “I shall call him Cubie and he shall be mine. And he shall be my Cubie.”

5. Complain about the way the regular cubes treat you

6. Go through an entire test chamber in slow motion. After that chamber is completed, proceed normally like nothing happened

7. Strike a random pose in front of a camera and stay as still as possible for as long as you can

8. Tell GLaDOS that you’re fairly certain you got here by falling down a rabbit hole

9. Give everything completely random and unfitting nicknames (for example, start calling cubes ‘magic school buses’ or something) and call them these things out loud

10. And now, the absolutely most insane way to be healthily insane: Escape from the testing track and go straight to the Central AI Chamber. Once you’re there, look at GLaDOS very seriously and say, “Just so you know, a test subject escaped.” If possible, leave the chamber and return to the testing track. Keep testing like nothing happened.

Note: Remember that when you reach a level of insanity, you do everything in that level as well as everything in the previous levels. You probably already figured this out, but just in case someone didn't.

If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it

Anything you want to, do it

Wanna change the world?

There's nothing to it

Willy Wonka, "Pure Imagination"

I just love that song... Now that I'm getting more into writing fantasy, it might become my theme song.