There's a certain amount of fresh appreciation of life that one acquires after a near death experience.

Although Mutant X has long since departed our silver screens (except possibly in reruns), I have since moved on to other things, as should be. Glowing embers still warm my soul when I reflect on that once-upon-a-time distant memory with a great deal of thankfulness.

I wrote these fanfics at a time when I was seriously ill and wondered if I was to survive. So yes, people, should you choose to read my work, be aware that you'll be exposed the the soul dump of a very sick person. Seriously though, I immediately loved the show for its premise of Mutants (aka us gifted folks) helping the world. I also saw a kindred spirit in the Mason Eckhart 'villain' character for his ruthless perseverence despite his serious health crisis and followed him, and of course, MutantX, through the series with great anticipation. I also want to acknowledge a fellow forum and Fanfiction member who reached out to me when I was weak and sad. I will always remember you, Xiphan, for reaching out to so many of us lost souls and for your friendliness to this stranger (Bethesda3) on the now defunct Mutant X forum. Here's my contribution to original creative thought -ha:

For Mason...

Oh lonely soul, forsaken
At the side of the bustling road, Passed by the holy, following code
Can't choose the path less taken.

Trying to express your self
Ignored, discarded—looming doubt,
Unshed tears burn inside out.
Abandoned plaything on the shelf.

Your silent cry my heart can feel
Oh fragile, fading presence.
Your keen gaze consumes my essence.
I take your hand; you make me real.

For Xiphan...

I give you "The Game".

To Mutant X...

I dedicate REM's "Man on the Moon". Adam, save a dance for me.

As a result of my newly found inspiration, I realized that I had nothing to lose and decided to take up Karate at a local school, if they would have me. Thank God for second chances. It took a couple years to throw off the physical conditions that had been sucking the life out of me and few years later, I am with God's grace, pursuing my 2nd degree Black Belt in Tai Kwan Do despite other physical setbacks and with heartfelt thanks to the kindness, encouragement and perseverance of my Teacher and his assistant instructors.

Maybe I'm too introspective but it is truly amazing how things come together in life. I can look back at every bad thing that ever happened to me like losing my Dad, leaving a job that I loved, or every time I have felt like my heart has been broken or wrenched out of my chest. Over time, looking back, I realize how these things are life lessons. Among many things, I am learning to let people know how much I esteem and love them in my clumsy, verbal way instead of keeping it to myself and hoping that they can figure it out.

I've run into some great songs old and new; a few of which I'll share here. If you're interested, maybe you all can find them on Rhapsody or iTunes: missing pages by 7th day slumber; everything i own by bread; like a song by U2; tomorrow by U2.

I am working slowly in my ever dwindling spare time on a couple of fictions that I might post someday on Fanstory, but it will be a long time before I post them if I ever do. As much as I love it, I've found that writing drains me like a vampyre. I'm drawn to it by nature, but alas, am in serious energy drain after a few sessions of intense writing, thus my procrastination. And speaking of energy, you know how you see people glow with happiness or glower with darkened countenance? Or bump into the ones who seem to have forcefields around them? I'm conducting a textbook research on the latter, having met a couple individuals, one at my doctor's office and one at Karate who seem to throw forcefields from several feet away. So what should I say? Ma'am, Sir, I perceived an invisible wall of energy around you that nearly knocked me off my feet? LOL. Enough fun for now. I love messing with your minds!

Before I forget, look me up on Runescape if you play the game. If we're lucky we can chat. I jump in for an hour or two every couple of weeks. I might be there either as myself or my second, Chanling1.

January 2009- Today, I am grateful for the support of my family and friends. Although I am reeling from yet another personal loss,... "is there nothing left?"... I will let time fill the gaping wound in my soul, be thankful for the time our paths crossed, and know that everything is in God's hands and will work out. Whether I sustain an injury or learn something new, gain or lose friends and loved ones, these experiences has over the years opened up my mind and heart to matters of Faith and Mystery. I am compelled to turn to God at almost every turn so despite good or evil, I'm never alone now.

Life is full of joy when you love what you do. Believe in the person that God created in you. Never give up. Never surrender. Go for the impossible! BELIEVE!