Paste your favorite quote in your profile!:

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
-unknown

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
-unkown

You laugh because I'm different...
I laugh cause I just farted!
-unknown

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
- Maryon Pearson

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'
-unknown

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."
- Douglas Adams

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
-unknown

He who laughs last didn't get it.
-unknown

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
-unknown

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
-unknown

I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my boyfriend to go swimming.
-unknown

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
-Robin Williams.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
-David Letterman.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?
-Steven Wright

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
-Emo Philips

"Special Pick-Up Lines"

Baby did you fart, 'cause you blow me away!

Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?