If you're this hard-up for reading, then listen carefully: Go outside. Stand on the sidewalk and hold up your hand, and when a taxi pulls into the curb, get in. Give him the address of the nearest bookstore. Don't complain about the radio. Just pay the man and shut the door, and go inside. Pick up Ginsberg or something. Thank me later.

On the off chance you aren't killing time and you're actually interested in my biography, you should know that I really am a decent person. You should know that when I wake up tomorrow morning, I'll probably take one look at this whole Bio and hit "delete" and then pray to God no one saw it. So before I come to my senses, take advantage of this limited-time offer.

Satisfaction guaranteed, or your money back.

Act now and get a free complimentary gift.

Sex: Female
Age: 20
Height: 5'3"
Weight: 98 lbs
Poison of choice: Cheap Rye. It has soul.
Name: I'll answer to pretty much everything.
Major(s): Biology and English.
Minors(s): Chemistry and Physical Science.
Credit Card Number: Don't you wish.

If you're still reading, there's a good chance your quality of life would improve if you joined a club or something. Still, I love you for paying attention to me.