Last Updated: As you are reading...

21, Male Yes, I am one of the 20 percent of male Fan Fiction writers!

I DO accept emails!

Addicted to: ANY Science Fiction!

Who: Scotsman, no kilt, no sporran, no bagpipes over my shoulder (they're in the cupboard). Jet black hair. Eyes? 2, brown. Tall (compared to average for age) & mature looking.

What: Artemis Fowl, Harry Potter, Issac Asimov, Arthur C Clark, Greg Bear. Reading. Writing. Swimming. Pasta. Nigirisushi. Makisushi. HAGGIS!

Why: That is the question...

Occupation: Part-time Bond villain; part-time student.

Studying: Computing (Current Stream Choice: Web Systems Development) Currently in Year: 4

Quote: "I am the machine that reveals the world to you as only I alone am able to see it" - Dziga Vertov

Unsure which Artemis Fowl pairing you'd like to see? Try this: Read Artemis Fowl and the Lost Colony while listening to Snow Patrol's Signal Fire. You'll know...

(SF) Books for your consideration: 'Eon', 'Blood Music' & 'Darwin's Radio' by Greg Bear... 'Dune' Novels by Frank Herbert (and derivative works by his son)... The 'Foundation' Series by Isaac Asimov...

(F) Books for your consideration: 'Magician' series by Raymond E. Feist... '(The) Catcher in the Rye' by J.D. Salinger (there are also a lot of his short stories available online)... the Collected works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle & 'The Once and Future King' by T.H. White (King Arthur and his knights of the Round Table... ring any bells?)

(Music) For your consideration: 'I do' - Ilaria Graziano, 'Imaginary' - Evanescence, 'How to save a life' - The Fray, 'No Poetry' - Gary Joules, 'Adiemus' - (Orchestral), 'Bad Day' - Daniel Powter, 'I Never Promised You A Rose Garden' - Lynn Anderson & 'Have You Ever Seen The Rain' - (Various/Rod Stewart)

Enjoy!

(My) Stories:

Latent Image; Centred around the first temporal jaunt that Artemis took with the demon... as he moves through time and relative dimensions... an image of himself and his companion appears in a mirror at the hospital Artemis was born in... as the Fowl midwife tucks young Artemis in a blanket. OneShot.

Artemis Fowl and the Ultimate Sacrifice; Set after TLC... Artemis returns from Hybras but is kidnapped by an unscrupulous CEO who knows too much about Arty's adventures and has the evidence to prove to the world that humans share this world with underground creatures... but of course... Arty has a plan to save the fairies but it will involve starting WWIII... with mere hours to go before the Fairy Bible is released to the world at large and an old adversary planning the destruction of civilisation as we know it can Arty complete his most grandiose plan yet... when he knows what he must sacrifice. Work In Progress.

Title subject to change (If I come up with a better one or I receive a good suggestion; current suggestions: AF: Worlds Apart, AF: The Four Treasures, AF: Sacrifice, etc.)

Drabble Bank;

- Temperature; An A/H piece relating to the nature of their defining personalities.

- Lifetime; A clinical look at the life lost in those iconic three years...

- A Due; Left open to interpretation... it could be A/H or it could be A/M... although just to be clear (someone asked) this fic has nothing to do with musical instruments...

- Agnostic; I'm Atheist!(I don't believe in a 'Higher Power' a.k.a. God(s)) I didn't write this fic to cause offence... it just came to me when I speed-read The Lost Colony and that line stuck out at me. (Plus mentioning the word 'God' in a book full of Demons struck me as odd) However if anyone has serious issue with this fic PM (or email) me.

- Nursery; Sorry, couldn't resist! Nursery is (I think) equivalent to pre-school or is it kindergarten? Age: 4~.

- Night Watch; We all know Arty's love of classical painting (and forgery thereof) so while the over intelligent teen is reproducing the famous Night Watch by Rembrandt his nagging thoughts of Holly bleed through and instead of rapiers he paints the infamous Neutrino...

- To the Virgins; A mother's memory holds many such pearls of wisdom. Angelina was young too once...

- Art Appreciation; A/H. I like a bit of art me. During (another) art reproduction Arty can't keep his thoughts from wondering to Holly. Butler is at hand to serve as council.

- A Pattern Emerges; More A/H (or at least implied A/H...) A pattern emerges when the flaws in Arty's paintings begin to paint a picture of their own.

- An eye for Art; sometimes puns get the better of me... Anyway; a cutting critique of Artemis's painting skills by Juliet: Why? Because Arty can't tear his imagination away from Holly long enough to complete a masterpiece... he adds Holly's blue eye to the famous portrait of Cecilia Gallerani by Da Vinci

- Lapsus Calami; Latin for 'a slip of the pen'... Arty and his mother are playing chess... now Arty is a chess prodigy so his mother has got no chance. Until, that is, she catches him off-guard with another painting error... After meticulously reproducing the work... Arty let his guard down and signed the masterpiece; 'H.S.' Check and mate Arty.

- Myles; Myles notices Arty's odd behaviour but it bugs him; he must know why Arty is suddenly acting this way... he couldn't ask, that would make him look stupid... What to do?... Then Beckett shows up.

- Beckett; Seeking help to locate his pilfered paints; Myles offers his assistance in return for a small favour... to ask a simple question. Of course Beckett realises, a second too late, that the question is not quite that simple but returns with the answer in any case.

- Give and Take; An A/H Holly piece, she is telling Arty to clean up his ways and then maybe, just maybe if he shows he has a heart... she will open hers to him.

- High Stakes; Always bet high and NEVER BLUFF when love is in the kitty... An Arty piece... it's ambiguous as to whether this is a poker game or not... full of clever wit and double meaning... a must read!

- Perspective; A Holly... Colfer chose an eye... of all things an eye and I wondered why.

- Point of View; An Arty... another way of looking at perspective... although I originally meant 'more' as in more often... I didn't realise till after I posted it the second meaning in that one...

- Post; Turns out... Arty used the same address for his pseudonames...

- Realisation; Arty: It had been three years! And the world had moved on... all but this bedroom. His bedroom.

- Burn Baby Burn; Opal fic! A small sample of insanity courtesy of Koboi industries... Inspiration: TTP hardback pg 294: " 'I bet,' said Mulch. 'That you would set the world on fire, just to watch it burn.' "

- Chase; An Arty on his pursuit of Holly... or is it? Could there be another pair... one on the side of justice and another who flaunts is as regularly as his bum-flap?

- The End of the Chase; A Holly... Will arty make the catch? Or will Holly tell him she's tired of chasing him?

- Mirror (Pt 1); Arty's reflection. Artemis looks at himself and is disturbed by what be sees... what he once aspired to compared to what he has become. Can he bear it?

- Reflection (Pt 2); Holly sees his reflection and comes to a decision.

- Last Chance; Can you hear wedding bells?

- My Move; Opal plots her next move.

- Jade Artist; Irked by Artemis's refusal to aknowlege his fellings for Holly, Juliet decides to confront him with the truth... armed with scissors and glue she creates a revealing image from the 'flaws' in Artemis's previous attempts. Making it clear that Artemis should tell Holly about his feelings for her... or Juliet will on his behalf.

- Worlds Apart; All the other would need is a promise that if they took the chance, the other would be there to catch them.

- Cold Hands (Black Magic); A musically inspired fic from Holly on Arty's inevitably Cold Hands.

-(Needs a name); Another painting drabble! When is a flawless forgery not quite so flawless?

Future Drabbles: (quite a few more linked drabbles here...)

- The Rejection Series; 4 linked drabbles... A/H shippers may not like this one but... it isn't A/M or H/T it's just no ship.

- Many many more... if I get time to put them to paper (or screen)!

Irony; Quite dark... I have been told I'm too strict with my ratings and warnings and that the fic isn't that bad but I'm overprotective of young impressionable minds... seeing as I have one... Anyway... SELF-HARM! Okay Arty is cutting his wrist... After TLC so the magic heals it... May be considered OOC but... would it be that OOC if he knew he would heal anyway? Deals with the various reactions of other characters to said cutting.

Reviews: I've never asked for reviews and I never will... that's not to say I don't love to hear from you... whether it be to say: 'Excellent piece... can't wait for more' OR 'Don't give up your day job' I'm just a big supporter of Free Will...

Minerva: Not against her... will even write A/M but in my heart they don't go... They have no... 'spark'...

Holly:Love her to bits... will NOT write H/T... Trouble hasn't been fleshed out enough... and I don't remember Holly ever finding him attractive in the books... A/H will write (with a passion) In my mind which ever way you look at it: if your basis is maturity Arty is 80 anyhoo... if it is physical need I say size doesn't matter? If it's chronology... Arty is technically legal (after TLC at any rate...) although all that is if your planing a physical relationship... I mostly write romance...

Slash/Femslash: Will read... can't write... doesn't come out well when I write... I go to Uni and I'm friends with males and females who are not heterosexual but I can't put that form of relationship into words, of course, the lack of male characters in the AF canon prevents me from pairing Artemis or Butler so no biggie there... but for fairies it just isn't practical (population size verses 20year reproduction cycle... hmmm... that's worse than a Vulcan... it would be 'highly illogical') P.S It didn't stop the Star Trek fandom... KirkSpock... and Spock also outlived Kirk! I'm seeing a president!) Live long and Prosper!

I won't tell you how or what to write (Freedom of speech and all that) just Please:

1. Include a disclaimer (easy to forget I know... I've done it and I've only written tiny amounts...)

2. Get a beta. A family member will do... it's just humans suffer from the affliction of seeing what they want to see (a perfectly written masterpiece) instead of what is really there (grammatically incorrect plotless drivel). This is not to say that all fics that remain unbeta'd are terrible... it's just polish doesn't improve the concept it just makes the fic easier to read and hence more enjoyable. If desperate you may send me your grammatically incorrect plotless drivel (but you may not get a perfectly written masterpiece back...) but I will do my best... bearing in mind I too am only human...

3. (AF fandom only) Do not stick Arty in school... he is a genius... he only goes to school to enact psychological warfare on his teachers/psychiatrists... he will not fall in love with a girl from his class... regardless of how ever much her name resembles that of a deity... (This is a request only)

4. Stay as close as you possibly can to in-character characters... the character you have borrowed for your fic was pain-stakingly constructed by the author you admire for his/her creation... your OOC fics destroy this image and is painful to read... Justifiable OOCness is acceptable as long as reasonable justification is given for this change in character.

5. When in doubt ask. (General Life Rule) Ask someone, anyone!

6. Write what you know! If you touch any serious themes makes sure you know what you are writing is accurate...

7. Research! Research! Research! If you don't know... look it up. Law... Physics... Psychology... there are technical details out there people if you include or want to include in your fics (to make them more interesting/believable) look for it... Google it if need be...

8. Shun overcomplicated language in order to circumvent perplexing readers and making them click that dreaded back button! Particularly in anything which is even remotely considered an ACTION fic...

9. No Sues (Male or Female)... need I say more...

10. Simple short fics can be great... I have had the pleasure of reading many such pieces on this site. HOWEVER: If you decide upon a long multi-chapter plot ridden fic... PLAN IT! (My notes on AF:US cover several sheets of A4...) Make notes... keep things fluid.

11. We are all human even (in most cases) your character but all sentient beings will react in certain ways... close your eyes and put yourself in the position of your character... what would you do? how would you react? how would you feel? Now write.

12. (Optional) If thou planeth Shakespearean dialogue thou shoust 'ave it checked 'fore posting. Lest the proletarian elements revolt upon thy language skills!

13. Artemis Fowl is NOT American... end of.

14. (REQUIREMENT regardless of genre, fandom or anything) Enjoy writing... for me it's a therapeutic, relaxing experience to let my mind wander and create entire worlds of my own imaginings. Everyone is different...

15. Learn from Reviewers... they may not always say what you want to hear but like a painting... what is seen is different for every person who looks upon it... everyone's perspective is different. Respect that and move on... bypass your ego and think: what they have written has merit... (You will get the occasional flame... that is unavoidable)

16. Rate accordingly! I came across a T rated fic that was pure, unrefined dirt! This site has a wonderful rating system: Use it!

17. (AF fandom only) Cross overs are fine... crossovers with Harry Potter on the other hand... okay... both include (somewhere in their respective books) the word 'magic' that being said... they are two completly different forms of magic! Then there's Trolls to consider... You might better understand my point when the AF movie comes out...

18. Do not follow canons constantly... like in the 24 tv series (canons are not perpetual motion machines... they need time to eat and drink and 'freshen up' you don't have to describe this just leave for a few scenes then come back and continue... think of them as actors...)

19. Remember there is only 24 hours in the day... even the fictional one... so it will get dark eventually even in your fic! Also... most people occasionally like to sleep once every 24 of the aforementioned hours... (adjust to your chosen fandom... some planets in Star Trek do not have 24hr days, etc...)

20. If writing ANYTHING involving time travel whether it be Dr. Who in the TARDIS to a ship traveling at relativistic velocity to take advantage of time dilation to Arty & Holly taking a naked trip through a Time Tunnel... PLAN IT OUT! Time paradi are the most incorrectly written subject in history... it is true that we have no idea what would happen if someone went back and killed their grandfather before their father was conceived... but we can use logic to solve most temporal paradi... please do so.

21. Oh and one last thing... suspense is good... if used correctly it can improve a fic to no end but cliff-hanger after cliff-hanger is unbearable... attempt to avoid.

IF YOU:

"If a person told you every morning, what to wear that day. Would you listen?"

"No? Then why listen when they tell you which gender to sleep with?"

If you believe every child deserves a chance to grow up and go to school, copy and paste this into your profile

If you want world peace, a brighter future, and more chocolate, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you want the planet to become more sustainable, copy and paste this into your profile, then go recycle something.

If you want the actors and celebrities of Hollywood to be smarter and better role models, copy and paste this into your profile.

Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular and fitting in, the other five percent are liars. Asking me to define this statement, I answered: NO one is NOT concerned about fitting in. Everyone, in the back of their minds, needs companionship, and would like as much as possible. Even emos and goths are like that because they didn't get enough attention in the first place, so they decided to withdraw themselves from average society. Everyone wants to fit in, so give your best friend a hug today, give a stranger a pat on the back, and tell your parents you appreciate them. Everyone deserves to be loved, so give a little bit. Believe me, you'll get a lot in return. Copy and paste this if you believe this.

I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, which I am, but I'm also random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile

92 percent of American teens would die if Abecrombie or Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this into your bio if you would be in the 8 percent laughing at them OR don't live in America.

If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all: I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool! If you could read that put it in your profile!

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying 'Damn! That was fun!'

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself. So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you recycled something this week, buy yourself something and copy and paste this into your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone.

Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile

98 percent of the teenage population has tried smoking pot. If you are one of the two percent who hasn't, copy and paste this into your profile.

Ninety-Five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list, Queen S of Randomness 016, Queen B of Randomness 016, AnimieKittyCaffe, The Gypsy Pirate Queen, That Bloody Demon, The Astrology Nerd, Shadow929, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Yavie Aelienel, Hyperactively Bored, Spymaster E, Shanny-Boo, Gem W, Brown-eyed angelofmuisc, piratesswriter/fairy to be, Bara-Minamoto, Em Quagmire, Buffy the Mary-Sue Slayer, Harry's Girl 01031992, WanderingTeen, Erik's Muse, comix-freak, Nickywa321, Academician

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile

My best friend is insane! If you agree, or if you have an insane friend, then copy this to your profile. If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile. (I nearly died of shame when I laughed during the Omen...)

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism

--I dare you not to cry!:

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had.

I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it

'homo' from the greek '(the) same' 'phobia-' prefix meaning irrational fear of' homophobia literal translation; fear of those who are similar to oneself...

But even taken with a pinch of salt... any man who is afraid of another man because that man sleeps with men is a total wimp... in my opinion...

Some straight men think gay men are 'less masculine' than straight men (the words 'sissy' and 'queen' spring to mind...) but... personally I can think of nothing more masculine than two men having sex... but maybe that's just me...

I'm arachnophobic... I don't hit spiders... despite the fact i'm afraid of them...

Typical (childish) male behaviour towards females they are attracted to is to inadvertantly alienates the female (refer to childhood experiences; hair pulling; general attention-seeking behaviour, etc.) in the hopes of attracting attention of the female... good or bad... when we applied this to the behaviour of homophobic individuals we discovered some facinating results...

In 1833, an anonymous English-language writer wrote a poetic defence of Captain Nicholas Nicholls, who had been sentenced to death in London for sodomy:

Whence spring these inclinations, rank and strong? And harming no one, wherefore call them wrong?

Seen the movie 300? Well you may (or may not) be surprised to know there is evidence the Spartan army was made up entirely of homosexual males. Their shields were emblasoned with a lambda symbol... which is now a LGBT symbol due to it's conotations.

Quotes:

Robert Frost (1874–1963)

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Shakespeare's sonnet XVIII: Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May And summer's lease hath all too short a date.

(Reads) "Drink Responsibly"

"'Responsibly'? What's that then, a beer or something?"

The name's Justin, Justin Thyme.

The funny thing is... we are ALL born blind...

"Is it better to have nothing to loose or to have nothing worth keeping?"

"I used to think I was indecisive… but now I’m not so sure…" ?

"I can honestly say, with my hand on my heart, that I am not a compulsive liar..."

"Everything I say is a lie and I am lying."

"Honesty... it's overated..."

"Seriously, have you ever seen a web of lies?"

"Give a child a kitten and an apple. The child will instinctively eat the apple and play with the kitten, not the other way around. We are born vegetarians. Think about it, if you had to raise, kill, prepare and cook the cow, would you eat beef?" ?

"Wisdom has no nationality." - My Russian friend.

"I love people, not what's between their legs." - My Russian friend.

Aye? 'I' is a pronoun... and 'u' is a moron. - To a Ned

I can show you my dreams. The worlds of my own creation. And although you may envy me in my position as the creator of these fantastical realms know this; I envy you. You can put the book down when you are fininshed...

"Do you ever get the feeling that the world outside this six millimeter thick shell of calcium phosphate (taps forehead) is completly INSANE?"

"All the time..."

--Convo--

"It's rated eighteen for a reason..."

"Really? Why's that?"

"It's reviewed by a regulations committee, to keep young people away from violence and sex."

"You are telling this to someone who just read an article on a thirteen year old gun wielding nutter."

"Point taken."

'Nothing is ever as it seems. With appropriate equations I can prove this.' - Norma Cenva (Fictional character from the Dune novels)

"Where does reality stop. And the game begin?" - Existenz tag line.

Free will is obviously not a big factor in this little world of ours. - Ted

It's like real life. There's just enough to make it interesting. - Allegra

Individuality? It's the ultimate paradox... the thing which makes us all different is the very thing which makes us all the same. Essentially we are all individuals; which is a similarity negating true individuality. In other words; a paradox. - Academician

"It was your stupid idea." Thor, Small Victories. (SG-1)

Society evolves, individuals don’t - Anon

"Give me a place to stand, and I will move the Earth." - Archimedes

"The whole is greater than the sum of it's parts." - Aristotle

"Trust me. I haven't been wrong yet." - Artemis Fowl

"At the risk of sounding cliched, I've been expecting you." - Artemis Fowl

"I don't like lollipops." - Artemis Fowl

"I never tell anybody exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared." - Artemis Fowl

"Believe me, he is not here. If he were, there would be a lot of screaming." - Artemis Fowl

"Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?" - Artemis Fowl

"A CD. How quaint. We have these in museums." - Holly Short

"The miracle of modern science. The LEP pours millions into your department, Foaly, and all you can do is send Mud Boys to the toilet." - Holly Short

"Now before we get into anything, ladies, no scratching, no spitting and no tattling to mummy." - Butler

"Argh? Pathetic and inarticulate. Nice combination. Your mothers must be so proud." - Butler

"Right, enough talk. I think it's time Mister Vassikin was introduced to my friend, Mister Fist." - Butler

"Could you feel it on the other side of the road?" - Butler

"Holly, I wish you wouldn't appear like that. I'm a bodyguard. I get jumpy." - Butler

"I'm right there with you, darlin'. Unless you step on a landmine, in which case I'm way back in the Operations Room." - Foaly

"No. This is not the commander. This is Foaly, the centaur. Is this the kidnapping lowlife human?" - Foaly

"Caveman glasses off. Cool voice, by the way. Doh ray me and all that." - Juliet

"OK, gentlemen; Barney says go to sleep." - Juliet

"Naughty naughty. No one beats Foaly but me." - Root

"Don't call me Julius! You always do that before you disobey me!" - Root

"I think I'm speaking for the whole room here, Foaly, when I say that all I see is lines and squiggles. Doubtless it makes sense to a smart pony like yourself, but the rest of us are going to need some plain Gnommish." - Root

"Oh. So if you paint a kitchen, then you get a tattoo?" - Mulch

Oh, brilliant. I must write that one down in my witty retorts book." - Mulch

If Love is blind then so am I...

What is so wrong with today’s society that we prefer to see two men holding guns than holding hands?

Can a blind person be racist?

I can say, with a mediocrity of certainty, that on the last page in the book of my life, the last words will not read ‘The End’ but ‘To Be Continued…’

How do animals see Rainbows? (Animals have different visual capabilities)

‘The past is but the beginning of a beginning, and all that is and has been is but the twilight of the dawn.’ H. G. Wells (1866-1946)

In one of his comedy routines, George Carlin admits to thinking about what a curse bisexuality must be: "Could you imagine wanting to have sex with everybody you meet? Think of all the phone numbers you'd accumulate! You might as well just walk around with the White Pages under your arms."

Winston Churchill: "I am ready to meet my maker. Whether my maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."

Konstantin Tsiolkovsky: "The Earth is the cradle of mankind, but mankind can't stay in the cradle forever."

Ripley (Alien Resurrection): "No human being is that humane." What does this say to YOU?

"A bisexual is a person who reaches down the front of somebody's pants and is satisfied with whatever they find." -- Dana Carvey as The Church Lady, Saturday Night Live.

‘To see a World in a Grain of Sand

And Heaven in a Wild Flower,

Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand

And Eternity in an hour.’

William Blake Auguries of Innocence

'A moment in a stifling lecture hall can seem like an hour. An hour with a beautiful woman can seem like a moment. THAT is relativity.' - Albert Einstein

Many people admire Einstein, many people look past the fact he worked on the Manhattan Project, that he contributed to the construction of possibly the most destructive device conceived by Man. That his legacy has killed more than a quarter of a million people. And continues to kill to this day. Many people admire this man.

Just to be clear... I admire Einstein... he advanced the boundaries of science so far that is almost impossible not to admire the man. I simply want to point out that people can forget that he was involved in the Manhattan Project. Though it is true that he did what he did so as to prevent a long drawn out war with Japan and supported a nuclear deterrent over nuclear monopoly. P.S. He was a vegetarian! Woo Hoo! Plus anyone who gets a wiki page dedicated to their brain is worthy of a bit of admiration in my book... seriously check it out: Einstein's brain

The ever-helpful Top Ten Tips on how to cure writer's block!

1. Don't stare at a bit of paper/screen... words will not appear magically. Instead relax. Go watch TV, listen to music, meditate OR (heavens forbid...) read a book.

2. This one works for me EVERY TIME: Do something completely different from what you'd normally do. Go somewhere new, do something you've never done before. Cook something, etc. As long as it's outside your normal mode of behaviour... it will break your mind out of routine. Which is good... it stimulates old/unused synapses.

3. Try a writing schedule... (doesn't work for me... always busy) but if you can... try to write at the same time every day/week...

4. Avoid sugar and caffeine (don't look so shocked!) Get rest... it's hard to think/write coherently when you're exhausted.

5. Take a break. 5 mins or 5 days. You are not a machine... eventually you will burn out.

6. Write... (I know you have writer's block but I mean...) write the first thing that comes into your mind. Even nonsense... doesn't matter. Your engine just needs a kickstart. (I did this once and no living thing shall ever see what was written)

7. Find a living thing (parent, dog, goldfish) and tell it a story... maybe not even the story you're going to write... just tell them what you did today or what your future plans are... Writers, by nature are solitary creatures... a little social interaction with the non-fictional world can help to no end.

8. Collect objects. A twig. A glass of water. A rock. A photograph. Etc. Concentrate on these object and think about giving them a story.

9. Google image search: Inspiration

10. Try to think about anything BUT writing. (This occasionally does help... strangely)

So... here we are at last... the End... at least of this story...