I own very little! I certainly don't own Artemis Fowl or any other characters created by Eoin Colfer. However unfortunate.

---Four Years Previous---

"So from the soil samples, we can at least postulate that Mars held an atmosphere capable of sustaining life. Complex life too, though it is unlikely that it held the atmosphere long enough for complex life forms to evolve. We know it was near this time that the core of Mars cooled to a solid mass."

The Dutch tones filled the large hall, filled with prominent scientist and university professors with more than a few glazed expressions donning the learned gentlemen's faces. There was, however, a young man sitting near the rear of the hall though still close enough to hear the lecturer quite clearly. He was a pale youth sat aside a veritable mountain of muscle.

A quite unlikely couple, the youth sat absorbed in the lecture with rapt attention, whereas the Eurasian man sat almost imperceptibly scanning each and every exit and vantage point that had even the remote chance of a clear shot at their current location.

"Butler, though I would never directly instruct you to relax, since I know it one of the very few things you are physically incapable of doing. Know this," the youth began without removing his gaze from the man on the lecture stage below, "the most likely location for any kind of assault is the skylight at three o'clock and forty seven degrees inclination."

"Oh really?" Of course the bodyguard had anticipated this though he thought the curtain behind the lecture stage which had access to a backstage exit would be prime for a sniper. Or the projector room to their right has a tinted screen which would be ideal if the attacker wished at remain anonymous, which they often do.

"The skylight has access to the roof, for an easy, unhindered getaway and from there to a waiting vehicle. It is doubtful that anyone would expect a shot from above and so the element of surprise and lastly the would-be sniper has the best possible shot from such a vantage point. Indeed the only possible hindrance that the aforementioned sniper may encounter is the proficiency with which you do your job," Artemis finished.

"You are right, of course. However, with your permission, I will assume they are not the best at what they do and have an I Q significantly less than yours and prepare for all possible occurrences."

"That, old friend, is your prerogative."

"...between one hundred and twenty and one hundred and thirty million years ago..."

---Present Day---

Twins!

Butler hit the last digit of Fowl manor's telephone number and the handset rung in his ear.

Artemis Fowl's mind processed the new information and reacted swiftly.

"Butler wait!"

Butler's smile faltered, "Artemis!"

"You have my word, old friend, I will meet my parents and explain everything," Artemis said quickly. The phone rang again in Butler's ear.

"Tell my parents that you have hear word of my whereabouts in South America and you are leaving immediately to investigate," Artemis instructed. Butler stared directly into his -former- employer's eyes. Then his resolve broke, he'd been taking orders from this particular Fowl for as long as their relationship had existed and he wasn't going to stop anytime soon, it also didn't help that Artemis had once saved his life.

The phone was answered by Angeline Fowl.

"Hello?"

"Mrs Fowl, Butler here. I've heard word about Artemis's whereabouts. Now, I don't want to get your hopes up but I'm calling to tell you that I'm heading to South America to investigate the claim."

"Butler, we've heard so many rumours over the years…"

"This came from a very reliable source, ma'am."

"Very well, I'll inform the family. And Butler, you know you have the full support of the Fowl estate if you need it."

"Thank you, ma'am. Please inform Minerva for me."

"Certainly and good luck Butler."

Butler didn't look at his charge as he put the phone down.

"I'm sorry Butler but there is just one more thing I need to do. Give me three days, that's all I ask."

"Certainly Artemis," Butler said still not meeting his employer's eye.