I love stories. I love to read them from books, I love to listen to books on tape and I love reading the fan fiction here. When I was little my sisters asked me to tell them bedtime stories. It was part of being the older sister and I enjoyed it. In elementary school I told stories for “Show and Tell” and discovered I could make other kids laugh. My first big written story was for a ninth grade class assignment. It was fun to write, got laughs from my classmates and a good grade from the teacher. (And, contrary to my niece’s belief, I did not chisel it on a rock by the light of a cave fire!)

Other than the advertising copy I wrote to pay the rent, I haven’t written stories for a long time, but I thought I might start again. This site looks like a great place to begin, lots of nice company here. I am hoping to tap into the insight and advice of the writers and readers here to become a good story teller.

I have lived long enough to find out these things:

One: ‘What goes around, comes around’…Not necessarily

Two: ‘The meek will inherit the earth’…Not unless their lawyer is a pit-bull

Three: ‘If I’d known when I was younger that old bodies ache, regardless of previous good care, I’d have taken more chances when I was younger.

Hypothesis: The fastest way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

Conclusion: The fastest way to a man's heart is the fourth intercostal space between the ribs with force sufficient to penetrate three inches with whatever object you have in your hand.

Experiment Notes:

A TV remote control device requires more force than a kitchen knife, but less force than a Callaway driver--that object being more effective inserted into an orifice anyway. These findings have been confined to a single case study.

Attempts at repeated trials have failed as I am having difficulty obtaining further test subjects. Contrary to commonly held opinion, there are some things you can’t dare a drunk-off-his-ass college student to try, apparently. However, word of my experiment has spread to female relatives and has generated some interest in further clinical trials.