Wilkommen, bienvenue, welcome to SPECTACULAR SPECTACULAR PART ONE, the FIRST MUSICAL INTERLUDE of the critically acclaimed epic FANTABULOUS LEGGOSITY!
Please note the above sentance was only 2/3 true. This is not critically acclaimed. :( BUT, it is a MUSICAL EPPIE! And it is called SPECTACULAR SPECTACULAR! And there will be a FOLLOW-UP! A PART TWO! RIght, now, on to business.
Since this, as aforely mentioned, is a MUSICAL episode, there are lyrics. Lots and lots of bothersome, irksome lyrics, present just like they are in SERIOUS Legomances (then again, how serious can a Legolance be?). BUT, lyrics alone often don't convey the sense of MUSIC all that well. Therefore, I've listed the songs and the artists/movies/shows they are from in the order they appear in this episode, so if you have the inclination or the means to download them, you can, and therefore listen to them instead of /reading/ them. Some of the lyrics are changed in some of the songs but the tunes 'n' stuff are still the same.
--Da List For Part One--
-"He's Everything You Want" by Vertical Horizon (Legolas' song)
-"My Little Runaway" by Del Shannon (Studlymanus' song)
-"My Boyfriend's Back" by the Angels (Annuninomincirthwenniron's song)
A note: ff.net document uploading thing was evil. It kept screwing up my formatting. Ergo, now it's all spaced out like this. (so it looks much longer than it really is, bwahahah!) I think it's because of the lyrics. I think it will only be for this time. We go!
FANTABULOUS LEGGOSITY
Partie Cinq
~mUsIcAl InTeRlUdE~
When Legolas recovered from his shock-induced catatonic state many hours later, Studlymanus and Annuninomincirthwenniron had predictably departed. Also unsurprisingly, Studlymanus's horse Hotey was puttering about uselessly in the shrubbery, having been left saddled and bridled and generally completely forgotten about. And, with the choice between spouting a lengthy paragraph of self-loathe and angst or giving the ASPCA a solid reason to not enter the storyline, Legolas chose to do both at the same time.
"Ah, donkey," Legolas said mournfully, approaching the animal that was very clearly a horse.
"Horse," the horse corrected tiredly.
"Donkey," Legolas repeated stubbornly. "Aaah, donkey. Does thou knowest the reason for Annuninomincirthwenniron's sure lack of interest in mine sexy bod? Even if thou didst know, thou couldst not answer me, for thou is only a poor dumb beast, lacking in the knowledge of phonics and speech communication skills."
"Hey, I'm talking here, aren't I?" Hotey objected. "Plus, /my/ name is a clever pun. Yours sounds like a breakfast waffle."
"Alas," Legolas lamented, ignoring the fact that Hotey was most likely the wisest living thing in the whole story (with the exception of the plaster bust of Elrond in the foyer, which had once recited the Gettysburg address backwards in Kurdish). "Why doth she lust Studlymanus, when she could lust me?"
Legolas looked in the most melancholy manner he could muster at the sky, and suddenly extremely non-canonical guitar strains began wafting out of nowhere.
"Shite," Hotey commented reasonably. "I do believe a musical interlude is looming."
And thus Legolas began.
///Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why
But under skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why
You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say
But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for
Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return
I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why
And I don't know why
Why
I don't know///
Legolas' song ended just in time to prevent Hotey from succumbing to a bad case of Forced Insertion Of Modern Unneeded Crap (FIOMUC). The mystical guitars and other non-existent instruments faded back into the mystery of the Rivendell night, which by now had lasted approximately 19.613 hours.
***
Meanwhile, Studlymanus and Annuninomincirthwenniron were flouncing aimlessly through the corridors of infernal Rivendell night. Annuninomincirthwenniron was very vaguely worried about Legolas, whom they had left standing in the courtyard, frozen like something that doesn't move a whole lot.
"Poor Legolas," she commented. "I doth believe I hath confused him."
"Well, you've confused me too," Studlymanus said, pointedly using contractions and a determinably American accent.
"However for why did I doth do that?" Annuninomincirthwenniron exclaimed, causing Studlymanus's brain to temporarily shut down. When he recovered, he merely stated,
"You left the kingdom of Fancifulfruityphonypsuedonyms, unexpectedly and unexplained! In the middle of the night! With only a few crates of make-up and a few thousand outfits! And without ME!"
"Oh, Studly," Annuninomincirthwenniron sighed. "I only needed to get out on mine own for a short bit-eth. Unfortunately, due to a warping of time, space, and all matter in between, I didst wind myself up in Mirkwood, where I had not intended to go, and was consequently attacked by the most foul beings in existence."
"Orcs?" Studlymanus guessed.
"MENSA members," Annuninomincirthwenniron corrected with a shudder. "Luckily, I was able to beat them back by flinging my lacy dresses at them. They were all ruined, of course," she sniffed. "And then, I was attacked by Orcs, and Legolas save-ed me from a most untimely demise."
"Yes, by why did you leave in the first place?" Studlymanus pressed. "I was ever so sad without you…"
At this key phrase, musical strains floated out of the nearest potted plant, and Studlymanus took Annuninomincirthwenniron's hands seriously in true Broadway musical fashion.
"Ooh, how womantic," Annuninomincirthwenniron sighed as Studlymanus began his own mad musical stylin'z.
///As I walk along I wonder a-what went wrong
With our love, a love that was so strong
And as I still walk on, I think of the things we've done
together, a-while our hearts were young
I'm a-walkin' in the rain
Tears are fallin' and I feel the pain
Wishin' you were here by me
To end this misery
And I wonder
I wa-wa-wa-wa-wonder
Why
Ah-why-why-why-why-why she ran away
And I wonder where she will stay
My little runaway, run-run-run-run-runaway ////
At this point the musitron solo sprang up and Studlymanus, with no other ideas for improvisation, cued up his ViewMaster data projector and spent the next 27 seconds whirling them through whimsical images of them together in happier days in the fantastic land of Fancifulfruityphonypsuedonyms. Then, his theme song lyrics began again.
///I'm a-walkin' in the rain
Tears are fallin' and I feel the pain
Wishin' you were here by me
To end this misery
And I wonder
I wa-wa-wa-wa-wonder
Why
Ah-why-why-why-why-why she ran away
And I wonder where she will stay
My little runaway, run-run-run-run-runaway
A-run-run-run-run-runaway///
"Ooh, Studly. But it's not raining," Annuninomincirthwenniron pouted. At that moment, a conveniently timed drainpipe cracked just above their heads, and a deluge of rather greenish, rather stagnant water poured down like thick rain upon them.
"Thou is so romantic," Annuninomincirthwenniron said joyfully, hugging him.
"Thou smells of pond-water," Studlymanus replied, rather put out.
***
The next morning, Legolas spied Annuninomincirthwenniron gliding, Elf-like, through the golden sunbeam mote illuminated gardens of Rivendell, humming sweetly to herself and smelling the hemlock thoughtfully.
Dare I approach? Legolas thought to himself.
Dare! shouted one part of his brain.
D.A.R.E.! cried another. Legolas blinked at the sudden anti-drug movement present in his sappish romance, but decided it would be for the greater good to simply ignore it.
"Annuninomincirthwenniron!" Legolas called, silently congratulating himself on his new-found ability to say her name in 14 seconds flat. She turned, her black hair- that was as dark as vacuumed velvet wedged down a drainpipe and buried ten feet underground- shining in the sun.
"Legolas!" she exclaimed, rather surprised.
"Aye, 'tis me, fair Lady Annuninomincirthwenniron," Legolas said. He took her lovely, white, white, white, really really white, white, white hand, and kissed it.
"Oh, Legolas," Annuninomincirthwenniron blushed. "But thou dost know that thou cannost be mine boyfriend, does thou not? For Studlymanus, my hunky slab of man, hath return-ed to me."
"No," Legolas said, feeling rather imbittered. "No, I do not know. Why dost-ent thou sing a modern song about it?"
"I believe I will!" Annuninomincirthwenniron exclaimed happily, as music began to waft from the mouths of all the statues in the garden, and they temporarily became animate in order to sing do-wop backup.
"Shite," Hotey commented from his stall.
/// I went away and you came around
And bothered me every night
And when I wouldn't go out with you
You said things that weren't very nice
My boyfriend's back and you're gonna be in trouble
(Hey-la, hey-la, my boyfriend's back)
When you see him coming, better cut out on the double
(Hey-la, hey-la, my boyfriend's back)
You been spreading lies that I was untrue
(Hey-la, hey-la, my boyfriend's back)
So look out now 'cause he's coming after you
(Hey-la, hey-la, my boyfriend's back)
Hey, he knows what you been trying
And he knows that you been lying
He's been gone for such a long time
(Hey-la, hey-la, my boyfriend's back)
Now he's back and things'll be fine
(Hey-la, hey-la, my boyfriend's back)
You're gonna be sorry you were ever born
(Hey-la, hey-la, my boyfriend's back)
'Cause he's kinda big and he's awful strong
(Hey-la, hey-la, my boyfriend's back)
Hey, he knows I wasn't cheating
Now you're gonna get a beating
What made you think he'd believe all your lies?
(Aah-ooh, aah-ooh)
You're a big man now but he'll cut you down to size
(Aah-ooh)
Wait and see!
My boyfriend's back, he's gonna save my reputation
(Hey-la, hey-la, my boyfriend's back)
If I were you, I'd take a permanent vacation
(Hey-la, hey-la, my boyfriend's back)
Hey, I can see him coming
Now you better start a'running
(Aah-ooh, aah-ooh)
(Aah-ooh)
Wait and see!
My boyfriend's back, he's gonna save my reputation
(Hey-la, hey-la, my boyfriend's back)
Yeah, my boyfriend's back
Well look out now, my boyfriend's back
Well, I can see him comin' so you better get a'running a'right now
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah////
"I don't think Studlymanus would dare try give me a beating!" Legolas exclaimed indignantly when the statues had resumed their original state of Inanimatecy. "For I am Legolas Greenleaf! Prince of Mirkwood! The Sultan of Swing! The Raja of Rumb-"
And that was as far as he got before the large stick thwapped him in the back of the head.
"Easier than I thought," Studlymanus commented, holstering the large stick and observing Legolas, prince-of-down-for-the-count, now on the ground. "My motto: speak softly and carry a big stick, and /use/ that big stick while your nemesis is expanding his ego."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*giggles like mad* Oh, but that was fun, was not it? Dost thou thinkest so as well? *giggles again*
Urg I hate lyrics! URG URG URG! Shootenzie the songfics! SHOOTENZIE!! They make the story all...UNFLOWY! Anyway. They were kinda fun. My first, last, and only (line of defense) songfic. MIB homage, what?
Hey look, and there's even about and hour and 15 min. left to Friday! Time to go work on TTT, CoS, MOAMEM, LOTRWS, AEP, FEA, BOTLMD...acrocronyms yeah! *cackles*
Weekend update plan:
Saturday: TTT and/or MOAMEM
Sunday: Cos and/or Battles (Yes, BATTLES! Hoom! Treebeard and Willow eppie is pretty much done. *cheer*)
Joy to all! Second musical partie of FL coming I have no idea when. But we shall be introducing a new concept...a MUSICAL Council of Elrond! (I told you /everybody/ sings. And I MEANT everybody. AHAHAHHA!!)
Oh yeah. Kudos for guessing: What's Hotey's clever pun name? (note Studlymanus calls him a donkey.) Whee!