Alright, Peeps! It's been six months, and this chapter is a gift to my sister, I'vebeenLOKI'Dyetagain, for her very special birthday!

In case you didn't read the author notes in the last chapter (but for some reason decided to read this one) This fic is a collection of SILLY gift chapters for a very AU story world we made up when we were baking cookies (which is why it's called Cookie Stories). In this AU world, all our favorite characters are KIDS/TEENAGERS, but this is NOT A DE-AGEING FIC! It has no real plot, it has no real purpose, and it has a LOT of inside jokes. Like, a lot. If you don't get something, it's okay.

Also, I do NOT take requests, unlike in my other story, THS. (But, hey, who's going to read this long, bold author note? Let's just get to the story already!)

Disclaimer: I can get money from selling cookies, but I don't get any money from writing this for y'all to read, because I don't own the characters.

Two small figures streaked through the empty hall, skidding a sharp corner and dashing up a set of stairs.

"THOOOOOOOR! LOOOKIIIIII!"

"Hurry!" hissed the black-haired one as he helped the other up after he tripped on a step, fear evident in the way his voice trembled slightly. "We can't let him catch us!"

"STOP! I ORDER YOU TO STOP!"

"Don't stop!" the second, slightly taller child pleaded. He slid between two servants, his blond hair only barely dusting the underside of the large dish carried between them, with his green-clad brother right behind him.

"AS YOUR KING, AND YOUR FATHER, I—ACK!"

Their pursuer crashed into the tray that the servants were holding, causing a large and decorated cake to slap his face. Yet they had no time to laugh, because that would surely be their downfall.

"GUARDS! YOU THERE! STOP THEM!"

Too late, they saw the warrior in front of them, and when they tried to change course, the yellow-caped guard grabbed them by the backs of their shirts and lifted them so that their feet dangled above the ground.

Both boys gulped in fear as the man who had been chasing them stalked forward, an angry scowl on his caked face. "You two..." he began menacingly, "ARE GOING TO WEAR TIES, LIKE IT OR NOT!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Loki and Thor wailed together, their distressed voices combining to pound in their poor captor's eardrums. When Odin pulled out the hideous striped ties that he had been trying to get on his sons, Thor began to sob hysterically while Loki screamed, "HELP US! SOMEBODY, PLEASE, HELP US!"

Odin grabbed Thor from the wincing guard and struggled to wrap the tie around the sobbing boy's neck. "Stay still!" he ordered, a command that fell on deaf ears.

By the time the two servants had cleaned up the fallen cake, Odin had wrestled a blue and red tie onto his older son in a horrible knot just a tad loose enough to not choke him. Then he forced another tie onto Loki, who was only slightly more cooperative only because he knew that as soon as Odin left, he could get the ties off them both.

Stepping back, Odin admired his handiwork was a nod of satisfaction and walked off, leaving the guard to hurry away and the two boys to dispose of the fabric around their necks, Loki's bursting into flames and Thor's ripped apart by his abnormal (even for his age) strength.

They left, leaving behind only ashes and torn threads, with revenge on their minds.

The feast was magnificent, as all Asgardian feasts were (in Odin's not-so-esteemed opinion). Despite the splendor, Odin couldn't help but continually glance at the two empty seats, one on his left, the other on Frigga's right.

True, Thor and Loki often arrived late to events like this, but that was usually because they were planning some kind of prank, which understandably worried him. So he steeled himself and waited for the inevitable explosion or whatever the boys had planned next.

Surprisingly, though, no explosions came. Nor did anything implode, collapse, combust, nor anything of the sort.

Time passed, and Odin began to hope that maybe, just maybe, they wouldn't prank anyone this time.

That's when his mental alarms went off, screeching bloody murder inside his head.

Ignoring the fact that he probably looked silly walking out of a banquet before dessert had even arrived, he stood and strode from the hall, rushing towards his room as fast as he could.

He didn't make it in time.

When he pushed open his door, the first thing he noticed was Thor and Loki laughing with triumphant evilness. Then he realized that his room was filled with thick, gray smoke, which was originating from a box. And that's when he realized exactly which box it was just what was inside it and he finally got furious.

"HOW DARE YOU?! DISRESPECTFUL CHILDREN! OUT! OUT!"

Instead of looking cowed or guilty as Odin was hoping, they continued to laugh as the two of them ran out the door. He turned back to the scorched metal box with its almost unreadable cardboard sign that read: TIES.

"I swear," Odin said solemnly, "that I will avenge you, my glorious ties! ...And then I will buy more."

He rested a hand on the box regretfully, then pulled it back with a yell of pain—he had forgotten that the metal box was hot.

Meanwhile, Thor and Loki were walking at a more sedate pace through the halls, still giggling over their exhilarating victory. Thor wondered aloud, "What should we do now? The feast won't be over for a while, since the grown-ups always talk afterwards... Do you think we could grab some dessert before it all gets eaten?"

Loki frowned thoughtfully. "Most of the good stuff is probably already gone," he said, "but there might be something in the kitchens..."

The two rounded a corner, before hastily jumping back to avoid running into a guard who was laden down with multiple pies. Thankfully, he didn't seem to notice the princes as he brooded, intently muttering, "Stupid stableboys... think that they can make us guards do their jobs just because they don't get paid as much as we do..."

Silently, Loki pointed at the discontent man with a raised eyebrow and an expectant grin. Thor replied with an expression that could only be described as playfully evil, and the two began to follow their quarry with footsteps that were masked by the heavy clunks and shffs of the guard's metal and cloth uniform.

In hindsight, Odin should have gone straight back to the feast after he discovered the cruel murder of his ties, but he couldn't just leave the ashes there—if the box fell over, the dust could get tossed into the air, where it would stay for several hours before layering itself on everything, and then Frigga would make him clean it up.

His solution: take the remains of his ties outside.

Unfortunately, that was easier said than done.

He tried to pick the box up again after he had deemed enough time had passed for the metal to grow cool, but it still burnt him. Only after many failed attempts did Odin consider that Loki may have bewitched the box to burn anything placed inside, with the side effect of the box always being hot. To test his theory, he dropped the nearest wooden object into it... only to realize that the object had been his wife's favorite hair comb.

On the bright side, he was right about the box—the moment the intricately designed hair comb hit the bottom it burst into bright flame. Now, though, he had to get rid of the box and the evidence, or else he could not just claim that the hair decoration had simply been misplaced.

Which led back to his problem of not being able to touch the box.

Odin was officially stumped. Oh, what was a wise, all-knowing king to do?

He called his gatekeeper.

"Heimdall!" he roared into his cellphone. "How do I move a box that I cannot touch?"

Way far away at the end of the Bifrost, Heimdall was silent. The way he saw it, he could say, "The Midgardians invented things called 'oven mitts' to solve that problem hundreds of years ago, the cooks in your own kitchens found the answer thousands of years ago, and you're stuck? What in the nine realms would you do without me? Why haven't I gotten a pay raise yet?!"

Or, of course, he could say, "Use gloves."

With a sigh, he went with the second option.

Without bothering to thank his savior, Odin hung up.

Heimdall sighed.

Meanwhile, Thor and Loki were practicing their awesome stealth skills as they followed the guard. They walked several steps behind the rattling and clanking figure, waving their arms and making funny faces just because they could. Oblivious, the man continued to stride out of the castle, through the gardens, and out to the royal stable, which was by far the largest and grandest of all the other stables in Asgard.

Walking inside, the guard seemed rather nervous as he walked up to the largest door and tossed the pies through a rectangular hole, then hurried away quickly without so much as glancing at Thor and Loki. Almost immediately, there were some very loud thumps, a delighted sounding neigh, and chewing.

"What do you think is inside?" Thor whispered to his brother.

Loki grinned back. "Let's find out!" he said, running to the door and throwing it wide open before Thor could tell him not to.

The two princes found themselves faced with a horse.

A very large horse with eight legs.

A large, frightening, eight-legged horse that was bouncing and had apple pie smudged across its mouth.

Silence.

"So that's why the the ceiling in this stable is so high," Thor noticed as the horse nearly hit the huge barn roof.

"Thor!" Loki said excitedly. "This is Father's horse, Sleipnir!"

Responding to his name, Sleipnir bounced right out of his stall and pranced awkwardly around them, whinnying happily.

Thor looked over at Loki as the younger let out an evil sounding chortle, and said, "Thor, how do you feel about taking a ride?"

Odin was feeling like he might not get in trouble with Frigga until he stepped out into a more abandoned part of the gardens and saw Sleipnir bouncing high up into the sky.

Jaw dropping open, he dropped the enchanted box on his foot, where it landed upside down and caused his shoes to catch on fire. Swearing and coughing from the ash now in the air, Odin could just barely make out the familiar laughter of his two sons as they rode on his horse's back.

Angry and in pain, the only thing Odin could get himself to say was, "AAAARRRGGGLLBLAAAAARGH!"

Boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing...

Heimdall watched Sleipnir bounce down the long Bifrost.

Boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing...

By now, Sleipnir was almost to his observatory.

Boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, BOING.

Heimdall looked up as Sleipnir jumped straight over the golden dome.

"Good day, Heimdall!" Loki called cheerfully as they disappeared in a whirlwind of time and space that was compressed into a faint pop! and reappeared in another realm.

Heimdall really hated Sleipnir's ability to teleport.

After a moment, he pulled out a pen and added a new rule to his sign: 4. SLEIPNIR IS NOT ALLOWED ON THE BIFROST.

Nodding in satisfaction, he put the marker away and looked for Thor and Loki, but found himself troubled when he realized that they were beyond his sight. He sighed and went back to watching the stars.

Teleporting on Sleipnir wasn't as dramatic as falling off the Bifrost. Instead, Loki felt as if he had blinked and suddenly appeared somewhere else. Behind him, Thor let out a surprised yell as the starry skies of Asgard were replaced with wispy clouds of a light violet and below them fertile fields stretched out in every direction, dark shades of red and orange mixed in among the green.

But Sleipnir obviously hadn't gotten to use his realm-hopping abilities recently, because with another pop! the scene changed again, this time revealing a wasteland blanketed in gray stones and cliffs and a red sky. Thor gave a violent shudder at his back when they saw a skeletal hand poking just above the ground.

Pop! Another wasteland, but this one was vastly different. Instead of deserted land that went on seemingly forever, they found themselves in a dark void of space, where living ships swam in the zero gravity around rocky formations filled with strange creatures with ashen gray skin and masks to cover their faces, which Loki was quite sure were grotesque and ugly.

"Stop, trespassers!" a loud voice commanded, and Sleipnir bounced around curiously to face the speaker.

The man—no, not a man. The male figure was tall and had a wrinkled purple face with bright blue eyes sunken into his skull.

"I am Thanos," the person announced with an air of arrogance. "Why are you here, Asgardians?"

"EEEK! It's an evil grape-face!" Loki said.

"I don't want to be eaten!" exclaimed Thor. "Retreat, retreat!"

"What?" Thanos blinked. "Hey, I'm not done intimidating information out of you! Come back here!"

Sleipnir turned around and started bouncing away. Frustrated, Thanos yelled, "Chitauri! After them!"

The overeager-to-die aliens instantly perked up and started chasing after the intruders, screeching and shooting their energy guns.

Loki yelped as a blue streak flew past his ear. "They're shooting at us! Thor, return fire!"

Even though Loki couldn't see his brother, Thor's 'are you serious?' face bled right through into his words when he deadpanned, "With what?"

Wordlessly, Loki summoned a specially charmed gun from his room in Asgard and handed it to him.

"...Okay," Thor said, taking the gun and positioning himself so that he was facing backwards. He pulled the trigger, and a beam of green energy hit a chitauri warrior and turned it into a brightly colored flower. Casting a dubious look at the back of Loki's head, he asked, "Flowers, Loki?"

The trickster twisted his head around to give a smile like liquid sunlight—bright, warm, and dangerous in copious amounts. "You can't say that it doesn't make this rock of a planet look better," Loki said.

Laughing, Thor went back to shooting chitauri and turning them into roses, daffodils, tulips, and sunflowers, as well as some flora that Thor didn't know the names of. Meanwhile, Thanos watched in horror as his home (which he went to great lengths to keep looking as gloomy as possible) was quickly turned into a garden.

"INSOLENT PESTS!" the titan roared. "YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS VANDALIZATION OF MY HOME! YOU WILL—ACK!" He was cut off by Thor shooting him in the face and transforming him into a violet.

"Good one! Bro fist!" Loki cheered, offering a closed hand over his shoulder, which Thor bumped lightly. He turned back to continue shooting chitauri, but their time in that realm was up, in Sleipnir's opinion, and at the height of a particularly energetic jump, they disappeared with a familiar pop!

Odin hadn't moved very far from from the overturned box when he heard the telltale pop! and looked up to see Sleipnir, looking rather calm (for once), bounce back into his stable. A few minutes later, his two disoriented sons stumbled out, still feeling as if they were soaring up and down but very much firmly on the ground.

All drunken staggering seemed to vanish, however, when Odin growled lowly in his throat. Their heads snapped up in surprise and they stared for a short moment like they weren't expecting their father to still be angry at them.

The moment was soon over and Thor and Loki bolted.

"THOR, LOKI! GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT! YOU ARE BOTH GROUNDED UNTIL THOR'S CORONATION CEREMONY!"

For the second time that day, Loki and Thor were being chased by Odin. And where does one go when being pursued by a person with sadistic intentions involving ties?

"To the Bifrost!" Thor yelled between heavy breaths. "We're going on... an adventure!"

"Oh no!" Loki chimed in. "It's the garden wall! We can't... go under it... we can't go around it... we can't go over it... we'll have to go through it!"

Thor yelped, "What? Loki that's not—"

They went through the wall.

Odin's eye widened and he dug his heels into the ground to avoid the unpleasant fate of a busted nose. Hesitantly, he reached out to touch the wall...

...And his hand went right through it. In a shimmer of green, the 'wall' evaporated away to show the rest of the gardens.

Wordless in his rage, the only thing Odin could force past his lips was, "AAAAARGHBLAAARGH!"

He almost gave up right there, but the faint sound of mischievous giggling spurred him on, and he took off once more, too angry and out of breath to even scream threats at his wayward sons. Instead, he took off the heavy helmet that he had almost forgotten was on his head and tucked it under his arm. True, it was probably weighing him down, but his reasoning followed this train of thought:

Royal helmet = person in control.

Odin + royal helmet = Odin is in control.

So he kept the large, heavy, awkwardly shaped helmet that served as his crown with him and huffed and puffed after the princes.

Said princes, meanwhile, had taken off their shoes were running down the Bifrost, making the journey both more challenging and more fun. The shoelaces had been removed from the abandoned footwear and had been tied together across the rainbow road by two short stakes strategically placed before the Bifrost actually jutted out above the ground.

Thor tried to take a running start to slide on his soft slippers, but ended up almost falling on his face. Grumbling without anger, he pulled out a dagger and cut the toe ends off his socks so that his half his foot was bare. He ran lightly on his toes and slid on his still clothed heels to acquire the desired effect.

Loki's solution to the problem was simpler; he sat on his rump and held onto one end of a rope magic'd around Thor's waist.

"Cheater!" Thor said, even as his smile never waned. "You are—what do the Midgardians say? You are riding on my tunic tails!"

"No, it's 'riding on your coattails,' Silly!" Loki retorted. A loud, angry shout filled rode on the wind to their ears, and he added, "Hey, I think Father found our shoelaces!"

Thor glanced back to see Odin picking himself up off the Bifrost, looking even more pissed off than before (if that could be possible). "To the Observatory!" Thor cheered, picking up the pace.

"YOU... RASCALS..." Odin panted, putting on an anger-fueled speed boost to shorten the distance by a small amount, and Loki simply laughed, sparking another boost.

And so they went, Thor slipping and sliding and Loki goading their father into bursts of speed that barely brought him closer.

However, the Bifrost was very long indeed, and those little inches added up so that by the time his sons had reached Heimdall and the Observatory, he was right on their tails.

As soon as the two little devils ran into the golden dome, Odin stopped and fell to his knees, weakly ordering, "Heimdall... do not... open the... the Bifrost..."

"Heimdall, open the Bifrost!" Thor said, discarding the rope Loki had tied around his waist.

"I have been forbidden to grant you passage," the stoic gatekeeper replied.

"What?!" Thor spluttered. "But, but he's right behind us!" He turned around and pointed at the half collapsed Allfather to make his point, but amended, "Well, he will be, once he, you know... once he actually can."

Before Heimdall could say anything, Loki lay and hand dramatically over his forehead and said, "It's no use, Thor! We have no choice... we must jump off the Bifrost!"

"Oh, no you don't!" Heimdall growled. He opened the bridge and threw Thor and Loki through it before they could insist upon taking the long way down.

Odin's head snapped up as he heard the Bifrost open, and, all fatigue forgotten, he jumped to his feet and ran inside. "Heimdall!" he yelled. "I forbade you! How dare you betray me?!"

Heimdall thought for a moment before answering. He could say, "Maybe I'll listen to you more if you give me a pay rise." He could say, "I'll listen to you when you actually respect me." He could say, "I'll do what I want, because you can't fire me! I'm the only one with my gifts!"

Or he could give the truth and say, "If I didn't let them through, the would have disobeyed the rules of the Bifrost."

In the end, he took too long deciding and came up with, "..."

"Nevermind! Just put me down wherever they are!" Odin snapped, striding past to stand at the back of the dome. Heimdall obeyed with a sigh, and Odin was sent down to New York on Midgard where he had dropped the princes off.

One day, Heimdall decided as he settled himself to watch Odin chase Thor and Loki some more, one day, he would go on strike.

Thor and Loki had all of thirty Odin-free seconds to flop on the ground and rest before they had to jump jerkily to their feet start running again.

Having been set down in a large field of neat, orderly green grass (which now had a smoking design of the Bifrost in it, making it not quite so perfect), they began running for a random tree to take cover in. Unfortunately for the princes, though, they were tired after running across the entire length of the rainbow bridge, and Odin was able to grab them by the backs of their shirts with one more speed boost.

The Allfather opened his mouth to start yelling, and a different voice said, "YOU ARE ALL GROUNDED!"

Turning with both sons in hand, Odin saw a man with dark skin similar to Heimdall's somehow managing to hold on to the five strange children he had seen on his last visit to Midgard. The most remarkable thing about the man was the eyepatch that covered his left eye.

Nick Fury looked up and saw Odin, and, as if reading each others' minds, they both dropped their charges and stalked forward so that they were eye to eye—literally.

"Petty mortal," the god said, "how dare you make a mockery of the sacrifice I paid for wisdom*?!"

"Idiot old man," the director growled back. "You are a disgrace to the Eyepatch Club."

Meanwhile, the Avengers and Thor and Loki watched with something akin to shock. "...You have an eyepatch wearing babysitter, too?" the maybe-robot asked.

Thor looked confused. "No, he is our father, not our babysitter."

"...You know, I think we got off on the wrong foot last time we met," a tall blonde said. "My name's Steve Rogers, and our guardian is Nick Fury."

"My name is Loki, my brother's name is Thor. Our father is Odin," Loki introduced. "And the rest of you?"

"Tony Stark," the boy who had spoken first said, lifting the front of his 'face' to show a normal flesh and blood one. "The dude who turned all big and green last time is Bruce, the kid with the bow and arrows is Clint, and Natasha's the redhead."

"We could have introduced ourselves, you know," Clint muttered.

Just then, Odin yelled, "MY EYEPATCH IS PRETTIER!"

Fury yelled back, "MINE IS MORE BADA$$!"

Silence on the kids' parts.

"I AM A GOD!"

"I'M A BADA$$!"

"Say, do you want to ditch the adults with us?" Clint added.

"For the love of Asgard, yes!" Thor exclaimed with relief.

So, while their respective guardians (*cough*babysitters*cough*) screamed at each other, the seven of them relocated to a nearby coffee shop, where Tony bought them all pastries and himself a black coffee, Thor told Asgard's cheesiest jokes, Steve hated the rap song playing, Clint made an H in arrows fired into the wall, Natasha and Loki exchanged their respective stories about the stupid things the boys and Thor had done, and Bruce didn't Hulk out.

It was instant friendship.

*I'm using the comic and mythology explanation for how Odin lost his eye, the explanation being that Odin sacrificed his eye for knowledge while he hung out in the world tree for an extended period of time. This is instead of the movie!verse version, in which Odin lost his eye to Laufey in the big Frost Giant war.

Yay! Now that the Avengers and Thor and Loki are friends, they can go on crazy adventures together! X3 Odin and Fury need to watch out; their charges have united against the common threat of babysitters! }:D

As mentioned in the author notes of the last chapter, this has no updating schedule. I will post whenever I have a gift chapter for my sister. So please don't ask me to "update soon!" because I will be doing so at my own pace.

Thank you so much for reading! Please leave a considerate and helpful review in the box below. C: