a little like drowning

A Free! oneshot

by mew-tsubaki

Note: The Free! characters belong to Oji Koji-sensei, not to me. Hmm, I decided they needed angst. XP Read, review, and enjoy!

- ^-^3

The first week was coming up sparkles.

Makoto was too stunned at first. It had just slipped out, had happened like one of those clichéd manga Ran liked to read.

He and Haruka had been playing a new videogame at his house. They were playing co-op and Haruka had covered his six in a bad situation and Makoto had just laughed with relief and blurted, "Ahh, this is why I love you, Haru."

Then he'd realized what he'd said—and so had Haruka, since he'd gone and paused the game.

For one terrible, terrifying minute, they'd simply stared at each other.

Then Haruka asked, "That's the only reason?"

Makoto had blushed…but then… "Wait, you—"

Haruka's cheeks had barely been colored, and he'd said nothing. He had waited for an answer.

"No…," the brunet had begun slowly. "There are a lot of things…" He'd looked to the raven-haired boy.

"So tell them to me."

And that was that. Makoto had confessed and Haruka had accepted so easily and then they'd returned to their game. But nowadays Haruka played while sitting right beside him, as if they kept holding each other up.

The first few days had been mesmerizing, and they'd kept them to themselves. It was so sparkly, Makoto thought, because every time he touched Haruka now, it was that stupid cliché Ran bought into and Ren made fun of—it was electric.

- ^-^3

The second week, they told their friends.

Makoto thought they ought to know. Haruka was just tired of having to scoot or pull away from Makoto any time one of the others came over, whether it be on the roof or at the pool.

"Hah…?" Rei had been flabbergasted.

Nagisa had had one of those glints in his eye. "About time, Mako-chan, Haru-chan."

Makoto had gaped at the blond, and even Haruka had turned to look at him.

"Isn't it obvious?" Nagisa had said with a straight face. "I've known you guys forever. I could see it plain as day that you cared that much for each other."

"Hah…?" Rei had repeated.

"Mah, Rei-chan, for someone so smart, you can be so thick sometimes," Nagisa had grumbled to the blue-haired teen.

"Good for you guys" was all Kou had said. She was glad for them, but she was more focused on the swim club than on their personal lives.

They didn't exactly tell Amakata-sensei or Coach Sasabe, but the adults acted as if nothing had changed.

Rin had found out accidentally when he'd walked over to their school one afternoon to hang out, Nitori in tow, and he'd seen Makoto and Haruka holding hands. "Oi, oi—what age are you guys, four?"

Nitori's face had lit up and flushed slightly in the light of the setting sun. "Ah, Matsuoka-senpai, Matsuoka-senpai!"

"Eh?" Rin had followed where Nitori had pointed to Makoto's stupid grin. The redhead's shoulders had slumped. "Oh, for crying out… Makoto, I'm supposed to worry about my little sister and guys—not my best friends!" Yeah, he'd accepted it.

So yeah, that second week had been thrilling and fun. Telling their loved ones had been a bit scary, because any of them could've reacted any of a million ways. But they were fine to let Makoto and Haruka be happy. And that was that.

- ^-^3

The third week felt like a dream.

They hung out together more than usual, which was just… Makoto couldn't even decide on a word for the feeling.

Their proximity these days, too… It wasn't what it had been. Now they were always aware of each other, which sometimes drove Makoto crazy.

Haruka seemed unfazed. It was as if he'd been waiting a long time for them to happen. That thought made Makoto even happier.

Then came the day—

"Ah."

Haruka had bumped into Makoto in the locker room, after everyone had showered. It was just a simple brush and Makoto already had his shirt on and Rei and Nagisa hadn't even paid attention because they were so focused on setting out for their run home before it got too dark—

Haruka had locked on to Makoto with that sapphire stare.

Suddenly Makoto couldn't wait for Rei and Nagisa to leave…

…but nothing had happened.

It was as if it simply had been a passing moment, something meant only to have been caught right away.

They had walked home after, and it had been uncomfortably quiet for the first time since they'd begun dating. At Makoto's home, Haruka insisted on dropping him off—he'd insisted that he get to walk Makoto home sometimes, instead of it always being the other way around.

Makoto had searched for something to say. But nothing had come to mind.

It turned out that nothing had to: Haruka lightly pecked his lips, and that had enough words for them both.

That was the third week. And Makoto wished he had tugged on Haruka's sleeve and not let him go then…

- ^-^3

…but then the fourth week arrived, and Makoto had begun to feel uneasy.

At first, they'd taken fragile steps: holding hands, leaning on each other more often than not, stealing soft kisses when they were comfortable and when no one was looking.

Then, somehow, they'd come to the point of being nearly unable to wait until they got home. The wanted to touch more, kiss more, sense more, experience more.

In a way, it almost made sense, Makoto thought. They'd spent their whole lives doing the things that couples normally took ages to get through. But they didn't need that. He and Haruka already knew each other. Sure, it had been in a different capacity, but all the same they knew each other deeply, intimately.

And that was when Makoto first felt as if he were suffocating.

It was a tingle in his chest and then a worry in his mind and then the clamminess of his hands as he clumsily dragged his fingertips up and down Haruka's arms.

Since when had he felt nervous about Haruka?

Makoto scolded himself. It was such a stupid thought, honestly. Nervous about Haruka, his Haru!

But maybe…maybe it wasn't nervousness.

As the days passed and the feeling not only didn't disappear but grew in size and weight instead, Makoto gave up on trying to figure it out. He simply tried not to let it get to him, but it was hard when he spent every week, every day, every hour, every minute, nearly every second with the one he loved—

It was as if those blue eyes never drifted away from him. Ever.

…

Ah.

It clicked for Makoto then. The only problem was deciding whether to tell Haruka…

"Makoto."

The fifth week was nearly upon them when Haruka came to a halt outside his house. Makoto had been so lost in thought that he'd walked all the way up to Haruka's house.

"Tell me what's wrong."

So many words for someone of so few… It hurt Makoto to think that he'd forced so many syllables out of Haruka. "It—"

Haruka gave him a long hard stare, as if to say, "Don't tell me it's nothing."

But that was it—the stare. Haruka's stare. It was always his stare, with those blue eyes that reminded Makoto of the ocean—of which he was no longer supposed to be scared, but he couldn't help it, not with Haruka, not with how they'd done a near one-eighty, not with how much closer they'd become, not with how Haruka hovered over him and flowed beneath him with those unmoving baby blues.

Haruka closed his eyes. He took the pressure off and pursed his lips. Only his ears were listening to Makoto.

"Haru, I… I feel like I'm drowning in this…" The words tasted bitter on his tongue. "You always say how much you love water, but, Haru, you're the ocean to me. There's so much of you, everywhere. It's scary. I—I find that I'm unsure about my surroundings. With you in sight, there's no land, and I—I panic."

The dark-haired boy remained silent.

Makoto fretted. Had he expressed himself clearly?

"…I see," Haruka said at last.

"It doesn't—"

"No, I know." His tone told Makoto what his words didn't: I know this isn't a breakup. You'd tell me if it was.

Makoto's shoulders slumped. "What now?"

"Take things slow?" his boyfriend suggested.

"Maybe…"

Haruka came up to him and put his arms around Makoto's neck. He leaned his forehead against the brunet's. "I don't want you to drown. Not in the ocean, and certainly not in me."

Makoto nodded, but he felt better now, more comfortable. He wrapped his arms around Haruka's waist and simply breathed him in. "For now…this is enough. This is enough for me."

Haruka nodded and pulled away a smidge. He pecked Makoto's cheek and looked him in the eye.

…or maybe it wasn't. Makoto stared back. It was good that they could still be as honest as the day they'd first met as children. Makoto had complete faith in Haruka and trusted him, and he knew Haruka felt the same way. So maybe the only thing bothering Makoto was that he'd kept his uncertainties to himself—

It in no way meant that he was uncertain of Haruka, though.

Makoto leaned forward a bit, and Haruka obliged and closed his eyes. It was so much easier to kiss when they were focusing on feeling instead of seeing. In that way, things clicked into place for Makoto. They'd been feeling things as best friends before, and then seeing too much as they'd announced their love to the world. They'd forgotten to feel.

They wouldn't forget again.

- ^-^3

Hmm, a tough fic… I had to come back to this after a couple of weeks, and now I think I like it and like how I ended it. Makoharu is something as natural as air, I think, so I believe it would be tough for them to adjust to their new titles, to move on from "best friends" to "boyfriends," which is why I feel this fic works. Who's to say they'd never have any worries? Plus, it's too easy to rush into things. :O I love them, though. *ship, ship, ship* -w- Oh, and cover photo by me. I like the blue of the sky—it reminds me of Haruka's eyes a bit, *lol*.

Thanks for reading, and please review! I should be writing an English paper right now, after all. ;P

-mew-tsubaki :)