Can I start off this chapter with an apology for not updating sooner? I really didn't mean for this to happen… I'm sorry to anyone that thought that I had abandoned this story. I'm definitely not the type of person that does, nor ever will be!

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It was now only a few minutes since the Dwarves had gotten into the major clash, (I had to bring out my first aid kit to treat Fili and Kili's nosebleeds) and since then the room had been filled with an unsettling silence (save for the movie that was still playing on my laptop, of course). The Dwarves glared into the movie screen as the movie showed the cinematography and the scenic views of New Zealand, and all the while Bilbo was the only one who appeared fascinated.

And when it came to the scene when Balin was retelling the Battle of Azanulbizar, I grew a bit nervous; the war of the Orcs and Dwarves was a very grave subject for the majority of races in Middle Earth, and hardily ever spoken of. The Battle of Azanulbizar, the last battle, was no exception. On the Dwarves' side, an estimation of two thousand was slain, including many from the Royal family like Thorin's younger brother Frerin. But the Orcs suffered much greater losses when their leader Azog was killed by Thorin, and they could hardily recover their strength for over a century. Although it is said that the Dwarves had victory, I believe that the only triumph they could achieve was revenge for the death of Thror. Other than that, the rest of the war had been the dwarves trying to take over Moria, which was a huge failure since the dwarves discovered the Balrog after the war, thus resulting in Moria to be useless to them.

But now as Movie-Balin went on with his account of the battle, many of the Dwarves began to mutter and shake their heads. When it came to the part when Movie-Thorin swung his sword and sliced Azog's arm clean off, book-Thorin smirked for a few moments and patted a rusty old sword that hung next to Orcrist on his belt.

When Movie-Balin had finished his story, and the big dramatic scene that revealed that they had been unknowingly discovered by Orcs came, everyone immediately leapt to their feet and shouted "NO!"

I nearly stumbled out of my chair in fright, but was able to make a quick move to pause the movie. "I know just as well as all of you how immensely unnecessary that was…" I said hesitantly. "But please save your anger for further scenes, because you haven't seen the worst yet. Any comments?"

"You're darn right that was unnecessary! During our journey all of the Orcs were hiding in the mountains like the cowards they are, and to add that we're being spied on by Orcs flips the whole original plotline of our quest upside down!" Dori shouted. Many of the Dwarves grumbled with agreement.

"Yeah! And why did they have to add Orcs into the mix? Was our adventure not interesting enough?" Oin said.

The Dwarves went on like this for at least twenty minutes, and by the time they were finished with their ramblings, I had three full pages of notes in my notebook. Many of the things that were said were so dirty that they could not be repeated by me. Of course there were many death threats for Peter Jackson involved, and a few even demanded that I write a letter to him so that they could give him a piece of their mind through me (but I haven't written any letter yet, and probably never will).

As I was about to start the movie again, I heard a sudden commotion outside of Bilbo's front door. There was a great deal of birds squawking, pigs squealing, dogs yapping, and a little bit of screaming from Bilbo's neighbors, which suddenly grew quiet very quickly as someone knocked on the door.

Instinctively, the dwarves grabbed their weapons and made a line in front of the door. "Is it a Mary Sue?" I whispered to Gandalf. The wizard laughed and shook his head. "No, that noise seems unlike a Mary Sue. There's only one person I know that can cause uproar with animals and terrify a neighborhood... Thorin, all of you! Move away from the door and let Radagast in!"

The dwarves took three steps back (though some of them looked a bit disappointed that they couldn't have the opportunity to kill a Mary Sue) and Gandalf walked by them and opened the door. Immediately, an old man with a long brown beard and a worn down traveler's cape jumped inside and slammed the door behind him.

"Gandalf, thank goodness you're here!" He gasped. "I came here as fast as I could; there's a Mary Sue in the Shire!"

"Oh really?" Gandalf said, winking at me from across the room. Radagast didn't seem to notice.

"Yes really! I've been hearing word for weeks of a young lady that's been spotted near the borders of Erebor and the Woodland realm; and in Rivendell I heard that the Elves gave that same girl directions to the Shire! There have also been rumors that she's hunting down all the characters from the Hobbit novel for who-knows-what-reasons! Gandalf, she could be really dangerous…"

At his last sentence, Radagast had glanced across the room and spotted me for the first time. For a while he stood frozen in horror, but Gandalf laughed and patted him on the back. "Radagast, I would like for you to meet Tatharwen315 from the fanfiction website. From what I've seen so far she's perfectly harmless, but she may have to explain why she was seen near the borders of the Woodland realm and Erebor…"

Gandalf narrowed his eyes at me in suspicion, so I made my way to the door and curtsied to Radagast (which is a very hard thing to do if you're wearing blue jeans) and quickly explained my actions.

"Gandalf is right; I am the same girl that was near Erebor and the Woodland realm a few weeks ago. I had tried to go into the lonely mountain and greenwood the great because I had been searching for the characters from the Hobbit for an interview that I could later publish onto my profile… but the Dwarves of Erebor aimed many crossbows in my direction as soon as I tried to step foot over the border, and the Elves of the Woodland realm actually did try to attack me. Both places allowed me to leave with a warning never to return, and I gladly never will."

"See?" Gandalf said. "She's a bit foolish, but definitely not like a psychotic fangirl."

I hoped that Gandalf had not intended to insult me, and had been instead trying to convince Radagast that I was nothing to worry about. Thankfully, Radagast relaxed his shoulders and shook my hand.

"If that's the case, then it's a pleasure to meet you Lady! You've caused the majority of Middle Earth quite a stir ever since you've got here, but if Gandalf trusts you then that's all that's needed for everyone to calm down."

I remembered my manners and smiled in a polite way. "I hope I haven't caused too much trouble here, Sir. I'm sorry that you had to come all this way just to warn Gandalf about me."

"No no, that's fine! It isn't a problem now!" Radagast said.

At this point the Dwarves had shuffled back to their seats and were continuing to watch the movie. Radagast and I sat down on wooden chairs next to Gandalf and talked.

"So, have you heard of the recent movie adaptation of the Hobbit?" I asked.

"Heard of it? I've watched the whole movie ten times!" he said.

"How?" I gasped.

Radagast snickered. "The elves never told you that they have WIFI in Rivendell, didn't they?"

I sighed. "They did, but they refused to tell me the WIFI password. Why would they have WIFI if they don't have any Laptops?"

"They do have Laptops, but they probably hid them from you while you were there. You see…" and he leaned over and whispered, "I'm probably the only one in Middle Earth that knows how to install WIFI. And the Laptops that they have were all bought from me."

My jaw dropped. "How… where do you get the laptops from?"

"Well…" he smiled wickedly, "You know how some advanced Mary Sues use their Laptops to teleport here?"

I sheepishly glanced at my laptop and nodded.

"Many of the Mary Sues get lost in Mirkwood trying to find Legolas, and if the guards don't find them first then I take care of it. I usually get my animal friends to track them down, and when they do, they tell me where they are. I follow their trail for a few days or less, and I wait for them to fall asleep at night. And then, I take all of their stuff. Some Mary Sues don't carry very much, just their Laptop and food, but others like to bring things like their cellphones, ipods, ipads, MP3 players, jewelry, makeup, wallets, and other stuff. I've made a fortune selling their things!"

I was speechless. If I had gotten lost in Mirkwood, who knows what would have happened if Radagast had taken my Laptop? But I calmed down and asked, "Is Rivendell the only place in Middle Earth that has WIFI?"

Radagast shook his head. "I've actually installed WIFI in several places. But I can't tell you where because the people don't want for any of the Mary Sues to find out. But I can say that there are many lands that have refused to have WIFI like Gondor, Rohan, Erebor, and Mirkwood; but many places, like the Shire, still don't know that WIFI exists. But Rivendell is the only place in Middle Earth that freely tells anyone that they have WIFI, probably because they hold a lot of business meetings there."

"I guess that makes sense…" I said. "If you've seen the movie several times, can I ask you a few questions to find out your opinion?"

Radagast shrugged. "Sure, go right ahead."

Coincidentally, Radagast's first movie scene was playing through the laptop. For my first question, I asked, "Do you think that Peter Jackson, who in case you didn't know is the director for this movie, made an outrageous mistake for your outer appearance?"

Radagast snorted. "I would call it more than outrageous! Why did he think that covering part of my hair in bird filth was a great idea? And the idea of having an entire family of birds live under that ridiculous hat without suffocating is idiotic!"

(I should probably note right here that Radagast's real outer appearance was very different to what Peter Jackson, and what even I had imagined. I had expected him to look pretty rugged for one who spends the majority of their time running around with animals in the forest, but in truth he looked similar to Gandalf, except slightly younger with a more gentle appearance. The only rugged thing about him was his muddy boots and the dead leaves that clung to the bottom of his brown traveling cloak. But I will admit that he smelled like skunk spray and cat urine. But that was the only thing that I had expected from him.)

I wrote down Radagast's response in my notebook, and then asked, "Are there any parts about the movie version of you that you like?"

I could tell from the look of surprise on Radagast's face that he had never thought of that until right then. "Well, let's see…" he said, scratching his beard. "I'm not positively certain. Whenever I look at their version of me, I can't help but feel slightly insulted. It's like I'm only in that movie for the sake of comedy relief, you know?"

I nodded, but deep down I was taken back by his response. It wasn't until right then that I realized how much the movie had destroyed Radagast's reputation amongst fans. Instead of thinking about him as a wise wizard that could communicate with nearly all forms of nature while deeply caring for it, the first thing that fans will think of when they hear his name is bird poop and his bunny sled. It just wasn't fair.

As I wrote down his response, I looked up and saw that the movie was getting ready to move to the troll scene. Radagast looked up and chuckled.

"Well this will be interesting."

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I repeat, I am very, very sorry for not updating. Some feedback on this chapter would be greatly appreciated.

~Tatharwen