AN: It's been a very, very long time since I published (or wrote) any Star Trek stuff, I know...I blame two things: 1. Harry Potter plot bunnies, 2. Real Life. I have not written anything for most of the last 6 months, I've only just started writing again, so I am quite out of practice.

This will hopefully be a collection of amusing oneshots, featuring our favourite Crew in various AUs. Please suggest AU situations! I will try and write all of your suggestions.

~TheGirlWhoRemembers

Sixth Year Jim Kirk bit into an apple as he leaned against the low courtyard wall, his Gryffindor tie loosened and robes slightly askew.

'Hey, Jim!'

Kirk looked to his left, to see his fellow Gryffindor, Fourth Year Hikaru Sulu.

'Hey, Hikaru. What's up?'

The Asian boy grinned.

'When are you holding trials?'

Kirk was Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Hikaru played Chaser.

'Probably sometime next week. Chill out, man! The year's barely started!'

Sulu shrugged.

'The Slytherins have started already, and we are so not losing the Cup to them!'

A female voice spoke out to their right.

'Keep dreaming, Gryffindors.'

They both turned. Jim was first to speak.

'Why, hello to you too, Uhura. How about a little wager? If Gryffindor win the Cup, you tell me your first name?'

He'd been trying to get her first name since the first term of First Year. (He hadn't paid any attention during the Sorting. He'd come to regret that.)

The Sixth Year Slytherin Prefect rolled her eyes.

'Even if you were a chance for the Cup, no.'

She looked over his sloppy uniform disapprovingly.

'And be grateful that I'm not docking points for your uniform. Do your tie up, and tuck in your shirt.'

She swept away gracefully.

Sulu stared at him.

'Seriously, man? Chasing after a Slytherin? Chasing after the Ice Queen of Slytherin?'

Kirk grinned.

'Well, what can I say, Hikaru? I don't believe in no-win situations.'

'More like he just can't get it through his thick skull that a girl is immune to his charms.'

Leonard McCoy, Seventh Year Hufflepuff, dropped his bookbag beside Jim, who simply took another bite of his apple.

'That's because no girl is, Bones. It's only a matter of time. I'll have her name by the year's end.'

McCoy rolled his eyes.

'Damn it, Jim, did anyone ever teach you not to talk with your mouth full?'

'Bones, did anyone ever ask how in Merlin's name you ended up in Hufflepuff?'

McCoy was the grumpiest Hufflepuff Hogwarts had ever seen.

'Beats me. Ask the stupid Hat.'

Jim took another bite of his apple.

'Well, gentlemen, I swear on my magic, I'll get Miss Uhura's name.'

Sulu grinned.

'Ten galleons you don't get it by June.'

'Done. Be prepared to lose, Sulu.'

McCoy snorted.

'Ten galleons you don't get it by graduation.'

'Aww, come on, Bones, have a little faith!'

'Ain't got none, Jim.'

Jim pouted.

'Not even after the Porthos Incident?'

The Porthos Incident had occurred the year before, when a Seventh Year Ravenclaw by the name of Montgomery Scott had accidentally Vanished Porthos, Professor Archer's beloved Crup, while testing some sort of theory. A term later, the Crup had reappeared in the middle of the Transfiguration classroom, none the worse for his weeks of non-existence.

'Nope. Not an ounce.'

In the end, Jim ended up winning 20 galleons.

Ravenclaw won the Quidditch Cup, because damn it, their Seeker, First Year Pavel Chekov, flies faster than a speeding Hippogriff.

After a long, long shower in the Gryffindor change rooms, Jim was trudging back up to the Tower, when he passed the Charms classroom. The door was slightly ajar, and he could hear voices.

'...I believe that you owe me my winnings.'

'Indeed I do, Spock...'

Jim peeped into the classroom.

His eyes bulged.

Ravenclaw Head Boy, teacher's pet, model student, rule- following, I've-got-a-wand-up-my-arse Spock was snogging Uhura. The girl that he'd been chasing for years.

'...I believe I now understand why the majority of the student body enjoys engaging in gambling, Nyota.'

At least the 20 galleons and the looks on Sulu and Bones' faces did help to cushion the blow to his ego.

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek or Harry Potter. In fact, I don't own anything that will feature in this chapter, or any following chapters.