Bonus Epilogue Chapter 1: Ascend

Dirk: Travel the Universe with Jake

Yeah, you're so ready to do that.

When you tell Dave your plan, he bitches for ten minutes nonstop. "—fuckin' hard enough dealin' with Karkat and his shit every day. Like fuck he was annoying before but I didn't have to actually talk to him on a daily basis, and now I'm finally getting to see what a douchelord he really is—" Dave rambles, pacing around his office while you and Jake sit on the black leather couch that is admittedly far more comfortable than the one you used to have in this room.

"Fuck you, Strider!" Karkat's voice drifts in from down the hallway.

"Not till you grow a bigger dick, Vantas!" Your little brother growls back loudly, and you can sense the deep frustration and annoyance behind his voice. "So I have to deal with that. And don't get me started on Betty—"

Dave finally stops when John pulls him into a tight hug from behind. His fairy boyfriend is more or less Dave's height now, and if it weren't for his bright blue pixie wings and unnaturally blue eyes, John would blend in beautifully with regular humans. "Dave, you're getting worked up," he murmurs, nuzzling his nose into Dave's shirt and lightly kissing his neck.

Your little bro realizes it's true and sighs in defeat. Then, he looks at you and asks, "why do you have to go? Can't Jake just take care of the universe on his own?"

"I could," Jake offers softly, placing his hand on top of yours.

"No," you say with a sense of finality. "I won't leave you to do this alone."

Dave sighs again. "I thought you'd say that. Fuck."

"Look, I know this job is difficult. I did it for centuries. There will be times you want to rip out your perfect hair in anger, but there will be rewarding times too. Remember that whole living thing? Yeah. That's pretty sweet sometimes," you tell Dave seriously. "Sure, all these guys can be a pain in the ass, but people like Karkat have your back. You know that they'll help you."

Jake squeezes your hand lightly. "You're so inspiring, did I ever tell you that?"

Your boyfriend's words leave a warm happy feeling in your chest like they usually do. "And with that, I leave you to it. Go for the gold, lil' man!"

You think you hear Dave swearing as you make a hasty escape through the Derse portal in the closet.

When you land in Derse, you're reminded that you haven't actually used this particular portal in a very long time. You land on top of a pile of stuff from Haven, before you burnt it down. Some of the things you know that you threw through here aren't here anymore. They're back in Haven where they belong. Dave must have come scavenging through your things at some point. But sitting on top of the pile of stuff is the last thing you remember throwing through.

With a small sad smile, you pick up the golden plaque with "BRO STRIDER" engraved on it. The one Dirk gave you long ago. The brother you will never see again.

Before you have a chance to feel too bad about losing him, you feel Jake's hand on your forearm. When you look up at him, you see Jake's own sad smile mirroring your own. "He's not gone, you know. Not really."

"English, if you dare get cheesy on me—" you warn.

Jake, naturally, doesn't listen. He does the cheesiest thing possible and places a hand over your heart. "Dirk lives on in here."

"I'd give you points for ironies, but that was totally unironic, wasn't it?" you sigh.

"You bet your bottom it's genuine!" Jake says, laughing lightly. You both share a quiet chuckle for a couple moments before his expression again settles into a complacent sadness. "You know I loved Dirk, and I still do love him, through you. You are him, and I will never stop loving both him and you."

This just got weirdly complicated. But you shake the feeling off and instead lean in to give Jake a quick peck on the lips. "Love you too."

You both stand there in that darkened room among all the junk from Haven you deemed worthy of saving. You stand there for quite some time, feeling Jake weave his arms around you and pull you close. Feeling the warmth of his love.

And finally, you decide it's time to move on. Dave can handle this now. Your baby bro isn't a baby anymore. He's a verifiable leader, and you have to trust that he will do the right thing.

You know he will. Dave's a Strider, after all.

"So, the horsehead nebula. Is that where you wanted to go?" you murmur.

You feel Jake hesitate for a moment, his fingers gripping your back a bit. Something isn't right.

Fucking damn it.

Just when you thought all of the kinks of your weird relationship were worked out. What the fuck is it this time?

"Jake, is there something you want to tell me?" you ask him slowly.

"I think, perhaps, there may be something you would want to know," Jake agrees in the most noncommittal way possible.

"Dish it out, bro," you encourage him.

Jake pulls away from you and looks around. "There is something I should tell you, but perhaps we could find a place that is more private? Dave could drop in on us at literally any moment."

He could. You don't put it past the little shit to cannonball into your pile of stuff like a kid at a pool. You nod and take Jake by the hand, leading him out of your junk room and through Derse's castle. "Yeah, I know a place."

As you walk through the purple hued castle, you wonder just what Jake could have to tell you. What could possibly be filling him with this trepidation that you feel radiating off him? Why is he suddenly scared?

You're not sure you want to know the answer to that question. But at the same time, you do. You want to know everything there is to know about Jake. You want to be everything to him the way he is everything to you.

You bring Jake to that room in Derse that the Condesce still reserves just for you. The room she originally gave your father. The room you let your brothers sleep 500 years of their lives away in.

Quietly you shut and lock the door behind you. Then you turn to Jake and say, "nobody will bother us here. Now, what's making you feel like you just lost the universe's biggest game of poker?"

Jake opens his mouth to speak, then closes it again. He scrutinizes the floor for a long time before finally looking into your eyes. When he does, there's a guilty expression that worries you further. "I'm afraid I haven't been completely honest with you, Dirk."

Oh fuck. You hate it when conversations start with that. It's never a good thing.

And really, you thought that you were past this point. You thought that after 1000 years of pining for each other, defeating Lord English together, and risking your very lives for each other, that there would be no more secrets between you.

And yet, here Jake stands, looking at you with pity in his vivid green eyes. "Dirk, when you said that you would travel the universe with me, I was—" Jake laughs softly, looking aside and shaking his head. There's a smile on his face and moisture in the corner of his eyes as he thinks of the memory. "I was overcome with happiness. It's what I've longed to hear you say since the day we met."

He pauses, and you decide to prompt him further. "I haven't changed my mind, if that's what you're worried about. I still want to go on that adventure together. It's long overdue."

"Oh, quite so! I definitely agree," Jake laughs lightly again, then turns his gaze back up to you. "But I'm afraid that is not possible."

The words crash into you like a cold ocean wave. That terrible feeling of dread hits you, like you're dreaming and running away from something awful but you just can't move. That's how you feel, frozen in place, standing in your old Derse room and staring at your boyfriend with his mournful expression. "No, Jake—no." Your own voice sounds foreign to you as you mutter those words, strangulated, as your throat constricts with worry. You can't lose him. Not after all this time.

"I'm afraid it's so. I don't doubt that you wish to go with me, and believe me, I want you to come along more than anything but," Jake says, his words rushing out like a fervent apology. "—but I didn't think about the logistics of things. I didn't think about the fact that you—if you travel with me you—"

Jake gets choked up, and now you do see tears forming in his eyes. You feel the grief welling deep inside him, and it isn't hard for you to guess what he's going to say. Still, you force yourself not to pick the thought out of his head. Instead, you let him finish on his own. "I'll what, Jake?"

He looks into your eyes, and they're the saddest you think you have ever seen them. The only time he looked quite as distraught was after you had both been locked away by the Midnight crew in that doomed dimension. Right before he released Lord English on the world, sacrificing himself so that he could save you.

"You'll die," Jake finishes, his voice barely a whisper.

Silence settles in between you both for several long seconds. Jake's words linger in the air like a thick impassive cloud.

"Look, I know you said that there are terrible things out there in the universe, but believe me, I can handle myself," you say in a somewhat chiding voice. "Remember that whole killing Lord English thing we did together?"

Your inner sarcasm has come out. You feel the Dirk from long ago rising in you, the petulant child who would angst the night away to get his way.

You can't help it. You don't want to break down in front of him, but that's exactly what you feel like doing because fuck you are not going to lose him again! After all this time, after all this heartbreak, you are NOT losing Jake English again.

"That's not what I meant. I know you can fight. I know that you will be invaluable in keeping peace in the universe, but Dirk, you can't," he shakes his head and murmurs. "You are an incubus, and in this unrealized state, your body won't last."

The cold wave comes back again as Jake hugs you suddenly, burying his face into your chest and clinging to you like his life depends on it. Your arms go around him instinctively, and you bury your own face into his dark hair.

You breathe him in. You love him. You never want to let him go.

And after a few second's worth of self-pity, you finally force yourself to think. Something about what Jake said felt a little off to you. Like there's something you might be able to do after all.

Finally, you pick it out. "Unrealized state? What do you mean by that, Jake?"

"Dirk, do you know how long the average incubus lives? Barring death from accidental and extraneous causes, of course," Jake asks you, pulling back so that he can see your face. When it's clear that you don't know, he sighs and answers, "a very long time. Hundreds of thousands of years. Why, by incubus standards, you are still very young!"

"Are you callin' me a kid?" you ask him wryly.

"No I'm not!" Jake laughs softly. "What I'm saying is, incubi typically progress further in their abilities as they age. I'm certain you noticed the difference between the younger version of you that you raised, and you yourself now."

Jake pauses for a moment, as if checking off a list mentally. "Yes, that statement was correct. You're quite complicated, Dirk. Did you know that?"

"I did," you agree, still trying to place together his meaning. "So, I imagine there is a reason you brought this up?"

"Yes," he agrees. "Did you notice any differences in Damara, a succubus of your species, from when you first fought her compared to when you last fought her?"

You dig back into your memory, and slowly nod. "She always had horns and claws, but this last time she also had wings."

"Did she?" Jake marvels. "I'm afraid I didn't get to see that, but my, she has evolved quickly."

"Damara is thousands of years old. I think," you murmur. "I'm not really sure just how old she is. She wasn't exactly forthcoming with that information."

"I would agree with you," Jake says. "Gauging from her level of abilities, I would place her around 25,000 years old."

"Damn, that bitch has been around a long time," you murmur.

"She's been after Lord English for ages," Jake sighs in agreement. "Fortunately, that is no longer a problem."

"We're getting distracted," you remind him.

"Ah, yes," he agrees. "My point is, a succubus with Damara's abilities still would not be able to withstand universal travel. If she had perhaps another couple hundred thousand years, she might gain those abilities."

It takes you less than half a second to do the math. "You want me to wait 225,000 years before I can travel with you?"

"I—" Jake murmurs weakly.

"No," you say firmly. "Fuck no."

"Dirk, I didn't mean to upset you, but—" he attempts again, but you don't let him continue.

"I'm not waiting that long to go with you! Do you realize how hard it was to wait 1,000 years?" you ask, certain that the frustration and anger is bleeding into your voice now.

Sure enough, Jake's eyes widen a bit with surprise. "I understand! Truly I do! But I don't want to lose you, Dirk! I can't let you die!"

You see the panic in Jake's eyes, and you're ashamed to say that part of you is glad. You want him to feel as terrible about this as you feel now.

But an instant later, you can't believe that you had that thought. You love Jake and don't ever want to see him hurting like he is now.

Instinctively, your arms go around him again. A moment later, you feel his circle around your torso and pull you close.

You hold each other for a very long time, neither of you willing to say a word.

Finally, you murmur, "there has to be a way. You said Damara progressed quickly. There has to be a way I can too."

Jake's breathing stills, and you feel the tense aura around him. He scrutinizes your words, and you can't help it. You're diving into his thoughts like a champion Olympian. But even though you have the skill to read his mind, it doesn't mean that you can make sense of it.

In fact, you can't. Jake's thoughts are something unique to Jake, you think. His ideas are complex and revolve around things you have never heard of. Things that don't have a name.

Not in your language anyway, or any that you have heard of.

Things that only have a name in Jake's language.

Things that apply solely to Jake.

Part of you is excited about the concept that your boyfriend is so different from you. So vastly learned and with a very exclusive set of abilities. Part of you is terrified for the exact same reasons.

Realizing that there is so much out there that you don't know makes you uncomfortable. Knowing that it's about your boyfriend drives you crazy.

Finally, his whirlwind of thoughts begins to recede into a gentle calm. When he looks into your eyes, it's with a look of apprehension. But behind that nervous smile is an overwhelming amount of hope.

Your heart melts a little. You couldn't love him more.

"Dirk," he says tentatively. "I think there is a way I can make that happen. It's risky, but I think I might be able to help you ascend faster."

Correction. You could love him more.

And you do. Right fucking now, you do.

"I don't care if it's risky. You know I'd risk everything to be with you," you tell him firmly.

Jake nods, as if he were expecting you to say that. "Very well, we'll need a place to work—" he murmurs, his eyes darting furtively around the room. They land on the bed and his eyes light up with excitement. "Ah! Perhaps the bed."

The same bed you put yourself and Dave to sleep in 1000 years ago. The same bed your father probably slept in after long days of demon hunting. You don't know much about your dad, but you've guessed at a few things over the years. This bed has a lot of history.

Time to make more.

Hesitantly, you sit on the bed and look up at Jake for guidance. You don't think you've ever been this uncomfortable on a bed before. Usually this is your fucking territory. You're an incubus. You call the shots. You run the whole business.

But right now you have no idea what Jake has planned. You couldn't even comprehend the thoughts that were running through his head. "Is this ok?" You ask him tentatively.

Jake nods, taking a seat beside you. "That should be fine. I've umm—" he murmurs, glancing away for a second before glancing back at you. A light blush dusts his cheeks most adorably as he says, "I've never done this before."

"That makes two of us," you respond with a small chuckle.

He laughs back softly, making his eyes crinkle in a way you absolutely love. "I shall do my best. Please be aware that this may be a little uncomfortable. The ascent will change your body in many ways. You have seen some of what it did to Damara. There will be more."

You're tempted to ask what, but you keep your mouth shut. You have a feeling that if Jake isn't telling you, you may not want to know just yet. You'll find out soon enough anyway.

"A-also," Jake stammers, his flush deepening. "You may want to remove your clothing. Your sunglasses as well. I would hate for any of it to get wrecked."

You look at him wryly and murmur, "Jake if you wanted to get me naked, all you had to do was ask."

"Getting you naked is not my primary objective!" he exclaims loudly enough to make you smirk.

"But it's one of your objectives," you point out. You're a pro at removing clothing now, and you get yours off in a matter of seconds. You slide off your shades and place them atop the pile on the floor.

Your smirk grows as his blush manages to spread further. "That has absolutely nothing to do with the case at hand! If you would please refrain from your sexual innuendos, we might actually accomplish something today."

"I'd say every night is an accomplishment," you murmur, laughing as Jake growls and shoves you over on the bed.

He starts looking at you curiously, and you start to wonder if he actually does want sex. Your hopes are dashed when he speaks again. "Actually, could you get fully onto the bed?" Jake asks. You hear thoughts of whatever he is planning to do in his head again and quickly comply.

Once you're on the bed, he shifts and lays in the bed beside you. When you are both on your sides facing each other, he takes your hands in his own. Gently, he laces your fingers between each other's and presses your palms together. You can feel the warmth of his overpowering viridian energy welling beneath his skin as he concentrates, gathering it together.

It excites you and scares you just a little. Whatever Jake is planning is going to be big.

Jake looks at you, and his eyebrows furrow slightly, regret in his voice as he quietly cautions you, "Dirk, this will probably hurt quite a bit. And I might not be able to control how fast this changes you. If it gets out of hand you could—"

You sense the sadness building in your boyfriend and you can't take it anymore. Quickly, you lean in and kiss him gently on the lips. He returns the kiss like his life depends on it. It's a little ironic, you think, seeing that soon your life will be completely in his hands. Literally.

"Jake, I trust you," you tell him simply. "I always have and I always will."

You half expect Jake to break down and cry like in a TV soap-opera, but he doesn't. Of course he doesn't. He's your Jake, and you've been through thick and thin together. He only smiles sadly at you, his way of saying that he understands.

"I love you Dirk," Jake whispers.

It's the last thing you hear before you feel his familiar emerald energy invade your body. And that's exactly what you would call it right now. You love Jake and his delicious energy more than life (or death) itself. You never thought you could get too much of it.

You were wrong.

You can't help the screams that leave your throat as the lava-hot fire of his energy courses through your body, traveling through the natural pathways of the veins and arteries and deep into your very cells.

Though it's Jake's energy, something feels different about it this time. It's as if he's changing it, modifying it to behave in a certain way that you can't explain. You try to read his thoughts. You try to stop screaming. You try to do anything logical at all.

You can't.

Only the ever present loving pressure of Jake's hands on yours keeps you grounded to reality. Your fingers are still laced together, and you feel his thumb rubbing against yours reassuringly.

You try to open your eyes, but you can't do that. You want to see him so badly. You want to see Jake and know that he's there and that everything is going to be all right.

Just when you think it can't get any worse, it does.

Suddenly, lightning-caliber pain shoots through your bones again and again, settling into the top of your head and working its way all the way down your spine. You feel the bones of your skull shifting first, a dull grinding pain that erupts into a pounding headache as something twists out of your head.

Then, the lightning pain travels down your spine to your back, where again you feel your bones shifting and cracking as they reconfigure themselves into a tight hard mass around your mid-back. The pain and pressure builds and builds. You're certain that the Condesce must hear your cries of agony all the way down in her throne room by now.

Your throat is already raw from screaming, but you cry out anew when something pushes out of your back, suddenly existing and being another source of feeling and pain. As the things flop on the soft bed, it feels as if you were dipping them into a vat of acid.

It burns. It hurts. It's the worst pain of your life.

And it's still not over.

You feel the electrically laced emerald energy travel down to the end of your spine, creating yet another source of torment. Somehow your spine extends, breaking your skin and making another outlet of anguish. You don't have time to focus on it, though, because that tormenting energy that you hate and love is moving on.

You think you hear Jake talking to you. You can't tell what he's saying, but you can feel the sorrow and sympathy pouring out of him. His hands never let go of yours as his energy surrounds you, infiltrating every pore of your skin, spreading and thickening your spiritual energy around your body everywhere until you can't stand it anymore.

You're going to break. You're literally going to break apart if this keeps up any longer.

Your body can't take it anymore.

You can't—

You can't—

And suddenly the burning agony recedes. The lightning-like pain slowly vanishes, leaving you feeling paresthesia, numbness, and tingling all over your body. It's a welcome contrast to the previous misery. Somehow you stop screaming and lay in a limp pile on the bed.

Your body feels like a boneless puddle of ooze. Your brain is fried past the point of recognizing anything around you.

But slowly, you begin to come back to yourself.

You notice the hands on yours first.

Jake's hands. Warm, holding yours tightly.

And you hear his voice, gentle, calm, speaking slowly to you. It doesn't make any sense, though. You're only catching parts of his words. "—irk—love you—ease don't—please Dirk—come back—"

You moan softly and feel Jake's hands tense on yours immediately.

And slowly, you open your eyes.

The first thing you see are Jake's bright emerald eyes looking at you. He's so beautiful it should be illegal.

Slowly, your vision spreads and you see him lying beside you, feel his fingers rubbing your hands gently. You see him smile tentatively and say, "Dirk?"

Instantly, you feel the gravitating need to have Jake. It grips you and pulls you deeply from within and fuckyou need him now.

It's so sudden and so strong that you're shocked and actually pull away from him quickly. It makes your whole body suddenly convulse in residual pain, and you remember that things happened just a few minutes ago. Or hours ago. You're really not sure how much time passed. You're not even sure what really happened.

You want to ask Jake how long it was, but when he looks at you with confusion in his eyes, you are so overwhelmingly drawn to him that you can't help crashing your lips together forcefully. You're quick to deepen the kiss, yearning for his touch, his taste, his everything.

You need Jake. Your body is aching for him. Craving him.

And Jake's giving it to you. You can sense him trying his hardest to give you the energy you so crave from him as he kisses you back. It's not until you notice this reaction from Jake that you realize just how ravenous you are.

Whatever Jake did, it left you starving. You don't hesitate to reach down and grab him through his clothes.

"D-Dirk!" Jake exclaims, tearing his lips from yours for a moment. He places his hands flat against your chest, stopping you from claiming his lips again. "Wait Dirk!"

Why? Why should you wait?

It isn't until after several moments of glaring that you finally realize you're growling at him. It's a low, deep rumble that sounds downright predatory.

You force yourself to stop. It's difficult, much harder than you thought it would be, but you make yourself let go of him too. Slowly, you release him from your grip, and even though you don't need to breathe, you find yourself taking several ragged breaths, trying to calm yourself down.

But you can't. Something inside you is keyed up to high gear. Like the continuous ticking of clockwork machinery, it keeps chipping away at your resolve, making you want Jake more and more.

And suddenly, you're scared. What the fuck is happening to you? This is different than your usual hunger. This is something else. Something that is making you want to claim Jake. To make him yours. To take him and dominate him.

"I know you want sex right now—no, I know you need it, but please wait," Jake pleads, his eyes growing sad. You can tell that it's difficult for him to keep going, but he continues to beg you. "Right now, you're not you, Dirk. And if we have sex before you come back to yourself, you might not ever be you again. Please— please wait."

He's talking to you, telling you these things, but you don't think you fully understand. What's wrong with having sex now? You feel fine.

Jake's voice becomes more desperate, more choked up, as he continues to try and explain this to you. "It's part of the risk every one of your species has, every time they get closer to their final form. Every time something changes, there is a tendency to sway towards darkness, to letting the demon within take control of you completely."

Why the fuck is he still talking? Why won't he just fuck you?

"And I just pushed you into going through all of those at once," he says. Slowly, his fingers curl lightly into your skin and moisture again appears in the corner of his eyes. "I knew your body could handle the change because you're just… you're just so stubborn like that!"

He laughs, but you see the beginning of tears in his eyes. Fuck, you want him but something in you is pinging at you from inside. Like when Hal used to ping incessantly in your shades. Something about this isn't right.

"It's your mind that I was worried about. Your personality. You," he murmurs again, holding you back when you try to reach for him again. "I knew that there was a chance I could lose you to your inner incubus."

Lose you? Why is Jake worried about losing you? You're right here.

"I know what it's like to be controlled," Jake says quietly. "It's terrible. I don't ever wish that for anyone. Especially not you."

Why is he telling you about being controlled? What is he going on about?

"Dirk, I can tell you don't understand what I'm saying," he says sadly, removing one hand from his chest so that he can gently caress your cheek. "You're lost right now, but you can find your way back. I believe you can. I wouldn't have even tried this if I didn't think you could."

The look in his eyes becomes pained, the tears threatening to spill from his eyes. You want to kiss away those tears, to tell him it will be all right. But as soon as the thought hits you, it leaves, and once again you're overcome with an overwhelming need to have him.

"If you were never to find your way back, if you were to become one of those demons we used to hunt together," Jake pauses, his voice becoming choked up. He closes his eyes, shaking his head. "I couldn't do it Dirk. I don't think Dave could either. Please. Please don't leave us with this decision."

Decision? What is he talking about?

"Please come back to me, Dirk," Jake says sadly. When he opens his eyes, looking at you imploringly, a single tear falls down his cheek. "I don't want to lose you. I love you."

Suddenly, you're overcome with a strange sensation. Your heart reaches out to Jake, but at the same time, you're filled with an overwhelming anger. You hate that something is making Jake feel this way.

You love him, and you don't ever want to see him crying like this. Especially not over you, and you have a feeling this is over you.

The room is filled with sound, and after a few moments you realize that it's your own deep throated growls. You're hyperventilating again, and your body is shaking as you finally start to fight something inside you.

You won't let it take control of you. You're stronger than this. You're a fucking Strider.

That's right. You're a STRIDER.

You're DIRK STRIDER.

You close your eyes and your world is filled with sound.

Finally, something within you begins to even out. Jake's words are starting to drift back to you, and they're beginning to make sense. But you don't sense a demon within you. You are that demon. And you aren't.

Fuck, your life is so confusing.

Slowly, you open your eyes, and he's there again, just like he was before. But he's so much more beautiful this time. His bright green eyes are filled with feeling and it's like his sadness and hope is exploding out into you. You've always been able to sense his emotions and feel them, but now it's as if his feelings are truly your own.

It's disorienting, and you wince. Slowly, you reach for his hands. He looks a little doubtful, but he allows you to remove them from your chest and your face. Finding a bit of strength deep inside you, you squeeze his hands and smile.

"Dirk?" Jake asks tentatively.

"Miss me?" You murmur softly. Your voice is hoarse, scratchier and deeper than before. You almost don't recognize it. Of course, you have been screaming for a while now.

Gingerly, he inches closer to you and says, "is it really you?"

"You think anyone else could be this sexy?" you laugh back at him lightly.

You're expecting him to admonish you for that, but it never comes. Instead, there's only a look of pure unadulterated joy as he says, "you have no idea how worried I was." Slowly, he leans in and captures your lips in a sweet kiss.

This time, when you kiss him back, you feel the familiar flame of love flicker within you. Like usual, you want him. It's stronger than normal, but it isn't overwhelming and uncontrollable like it was earlier.

Still, Jake notices your hands shaking a bit with want as you restrain yourself. He pulls away, and that sadness that you never want to see again is back in his eyes. "I'm sorry I made you stop, Dirk. Each ascention takes quite a bit of energy, and you just did them all at once. I know you must be starving. But I knew if we—mated while you were in that state, that you might never have come back."

"It's ok, Jake. Don't apologize," you say, punctuating your statement with a light kiss on his lips. You feel the ravenous pull of hunger again, and you can't stop from wincing a bit. "I'd never want to put you and Dave in a position where you had to kill me either. This whole living thing is kind of nice."

Jake laughs, and you can tell that it's laughter of relief. He's so happy that you're back. "I completely agree."

There are no verbal cues between you two. Nothing is spoken or communicated, but somehow you both instinctively know to lean in. Your lips meet again and your kiss is one of tender love. You can't restrain yourself from pulling Jake's energy to you, because you are a starving incubus, after all. But Jake doesn't seem to mind at all this time. And as you place your hands at his waist, drawing him closer to you, he mirrors the action.

You realize that to get any further, Jake will have to remove his clothes too. But when you slide your hands down, ready to help him out of his pants, something unusual happens.

Your fingernails get caught on something. You think it's Jake's shirt. What the fuck?

Unhappily, you break your kiss and look down. Your eyes widen with surprise.

Your skin is dark gray. How did you not notice that before? And at the end of your fingers, you don't have nails.

You have claws. Sharp, deadly looking black claws.

Fuck! How are you supposed to pleasure Jake with these?

Jake notices you looking at your hands and smiles with bemusement. "I think you should stand for a moment and look at yourself in the mirror," he suggests.

You really don't want to leave his side. You're quite addicted to the warm loving energy you're pulling off him through your close contact, but you feel inclined to do what he says. Grudgingly, you get up, finding that your center of balance is a little off from before. You have to lean forward a little more. You think you know why.

When you make it to the mirror above the dresser, your suspicions are confirmed.

You have wings. Two dark leathery wings trail behind you looking every bit as bat-like and demonic as you thought they might. You had hoped for soft feathery angel wings, similar to what Roxy and Jane have.

Nope. No such luck. Your wings remind you of the demon you are.

So do your bright orange horns, which stick out from your skull in a way that makes you glad you stopped wearing that hat. You don't think your horns will ever fit underneath any hat. Not even one of those ten gallon hats in old western movies.

Fuck. You can't go out in the public with these horns and wings. Or that skin or those claws, and oh shit is that a tail?

It is. When you try to move the appendage, your new tail whips up quickly and smacks you in the back of the head. It wraps around the top of your head, and the tiny black barbed end dangles in front of your face. You frown at it, picking it off your head carefully with your newly clawed hands.

Jake giggles from the bed, where you are pleased to note he's now sitting naked. "You'll get used to it, I assure you!"

"Tell me there's a way to undo this," are the first words you say.

"There is," he agrees, the mirthful smile still on his face. "But it will take some time to learn. Why do you want to change back?"

"This is ridiculous. I look ridiculous," you deadpan back at him.

"On the contrary!" he declares, smiling at you brightly. "I'd say you look quite fetching!"

"Fetching?" you ask, taking out an imaginary notepad and pen. You pretend to scribble onto your hand. "Hang on a sec while I add that to the fantastical vocabulary of Jake English."

"Oh come now! Fetching isn't such an unusual word!" Jake laughs back. Then, he fixes you with a look that makes your heart want to flutter and beat. "Now, are you going to waste more time on my vocabulary or shall we satisfy that hunger of yours?"

You're next to the bed in a flash, faster than you think you've ever moved before. You stop, leaning over with your hands on either side of Jake, your face only a couple inches away from his. Jake looks a little surprised, and even though you don't think anything you do could scare him anymore, you still feel a little apologetic.

"Sorry," you murmur, clenching your claws into the bed sheets on either side of him. "I'm really fucking starving, and when you make offers like that, they're hard to resist."

Jake swallows, and you can tell he looks a little nervous. You wonder why, considering just how much sex you've had already. "You don't need to restrain yourself anymore. You're free to do as you wish. You know. With me."

He's so fucking adorable it's sinful. You grin at him and before you can stop yourself, the words are out of your mouth. "I wanna fuck you into this bed until you're screaming my name so loud all of Derse hears."

Jake's cheeks go a deep shade of red, but he doesn't disagree. "If that's—what you want to do. Then by all means. I know incubi have certain—needs—regarding the method of having sex and certain—positions? And that as a fully realized incubus you will have that need more often every now and then. And, oh bully! This is rather awkward to talk about!"

"Then, with your permission, let's stop talking about it and just do it," you suggest, your voice sounding more gravelly than usual.

"My permission?" Jake asks, his interest piqued. "Why Strider, you've never asked me for my permission before."

"Because I wasn't whatever the fuck I am before," you sigh, feeling your new wings flutter behind you in annoyance. You don't even realize it as your new tail curls around, the smooth side caressing Jake's cheek like you want to but have been restraining your hands from doing.

Great. It's got a mind of its own. Fucking tail.

Jake chuckles a little, "I quite like what you are now. Especially this affectionate tail of yours."

You're about to remark on that, but when Jake leans up and kisses you, he draws all of the words from your mouth. Lovingly, he curls his fingers up into your hair and lies back onto the bed, pulling you down with him.

You're quick to lean in, capturing that warm mouth, tasting him, feeling him.

Jake is yours. All yours. And you're never giving him up.

In a way that you feel is almost feline and predatory, you crawl over to him, leaning down to claim his mouth again, pressing your body against his. His dick is hard against yours, and you couldn't be happier that you still turn him on.

Slowly, tantalizingly, you grind your arousal against his, and you watch as he shudders at the contact, ready for more. Wanting more of that delicious reaction, you press yourself against him again and again. You smile as you feel Jake's need growing.

He's ready to be fucked. Ready to be claimed. He's yours.

Your tail is already curling around his thigh, lightly circling his butt and giving away exactly where you want to go. But now you're faced with a little dilemma. Claws. It won't be easy to prepare your lover with these talons on your fingers.

Fortunately, you're more than just a one trick pony.

Smoothly, you lean back down, grasping him by the ankles and pushing his legs up. When he tries to lift his head up to see what you're doing, you place your hand on his chest, the tips of your claws making light contact with his skin. "Stay where you are," you command in a low almost sultry voice.

You hear Jake gulp and rest his head back against the bed. Gently, you lift his feet up onto the bed and spread his legs apart, giving you a generous view of his delicious ass.

"Keep your legs here," you command again, and Jake exhales a shaky breath. You feel the vibrations on the bed as he fervently nods in affirmation.

Careful not to puncture his skin, you spread his perfect bulbous butt cheeks apart with your hands and lean in to gently lick the hidden puckered ring of muscle beneath.

Instantly, Jake tenses, clenching around you, but you force his cheeks to stay open with your hands. Your claws dig a little deeper into his tender skin, but not deeply enough to draw blood. "Relax," you tell him, trying to sound a little more gentle than before. You don't think you really do. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"I-I know Strider, but this is so bloody awkward! I've never had another man—or anyone—lick my ass before!" Jake stammers, clenching his hands on the bedsheets beside you nervously.

"I know, just do your best," you coo to him before leaning in and licking him again. Jake tenses a bit, but not as much as last time. After circling his entrance with your tongue a few times, coating him in a generous helping of your saliva, you dip your tongue inside.

Jake gasps and tenses at the strange sensation. You can feel his unease through his skin, as if his feelings were your own. You always had that ability, but now it's grown a thousand-fold. You may as well be Jake English, laying on the bed, getting a rim-job from yourself.

Fuck it feels weird. It's not like you've never experienced this before, but Jake hasn't. And even though this sensation isn't new to you, it's new to Jake. It's like you're feeling another guy's tongue in your ass for the first time again.

It turns you on so fucking much.

You take your time, stretching Jake out and filling him with your saliva. You don't want this to hurt him, and since you can't use your hands on him, your tongue will have to suffice. You'll have to take the time to slowly make sure he's ready.

For a starving incubus, you're actually quite patient. Temperance and time has taught you to take things slowly and enjoy the feelings you reap off your lover. And you are so glad that you are taking the time to feel Jake.

You feel every time you enter Jake. You feel when your tongue manages to brush against his prostate. You feel that confliction between awkward pleasure and a burning desire to have more.

Finally, you feel Jake's hand on your shoulder, rubbing you gently. "Dirk—I think I'm ready," he murmurs to you.

If he's ready you are more than fucking ready. In a flash, you've withdrawn your tongue from him and moved back into position, leaning over him and placing the tip of your dick at his now dripping entrance. "You mean that?" you rumbly lowly at him. "This is your last chance to back out."

You wondered if Jake would be hesitant to kiss you after what you just did, but he seems to have no qualms as he captures your lips with a tender kiss. "I'm never leaving you again."

Filled with passion and burning dedication from the alluring sound of his voice, you return the kiss and slowly press into him.

Jake shudders against you, his body pressing against yours and his fingers grasping wildly at the skin of your back. You pause for a second, thinking you might have hurt him, but when he whines in protest, you keep going.

It takes so much longer than the last time. Last time you took Jake was over 1000 years ago for you. It wasn't quite as long ago for Jake. Of course, last time Jake didn't waste any time sitting on your dick. This time, you know that it's going to take longer.

Because you've realized something else came along with your final incubus form. Something that wasn't apparent right away like your wings and your tail.

Your dick is bigger. You suppose that comes with the territory of being a fully realized incubus. You actually feel bad for your poor lover.

But Jake seems to be taking it like a champ. He holds you tightly, making tiny little sounds as you continue to enter him bit by bit. You hold him gently, running your claws through his hair and whispering to him about how well he's doing. You listen to the way he breathes, holding his breath for just a moment or two every time you move a bit. When he relaxes back into his usual pattern, you know you're clear to keep going.

And finally, you're in. All the way in. And Jake's still alive. Not broken in half or bleeding.

You can tell that he's a little uncomfortable, but he isn't in pain. That's what matters. You have a feeling his discomfort will go away soon, but you keep yourself still inside him anyway and murmur, "you ok?"

"P-perfectly fine!" he stammers, managing a small laugh. "I daresay—you've grown a little since the last time we did this. And it isn't as if there was anything subpar about you before."

"I'd hate to be subpar," you murmur apologetically. Though it's meant to be a little sarcastic, you actually do feel a little bad for Jake right now. You don't think most of your former lovers would have been able to handle you as you are now.

But Jake's only response is more laughter as he says, "Dirk, nothing about you is ordinary. I wouldn't have you any other way. Now shall we get to it, or are we going to laze the day away?"

Jake's words make you smile. Even though he's clearly a little nervous about this, he's eager to share this experience with you. And quite honestly, you're tired of holding yourself back from sharing it.

Slowly, you start to move inside him, watching his expression carefully for any signs of pain, and keeping your senses closely in-tune with his. You can sense the shift in Jake's feelings as you move inside him. His discomfort is your own, which you expected.

He needs to relax a little more if he's going to fully enjoy this. Without a second thought, you carefully slide your hand between your bodies and firmly grasp his dick, careful not to let any of your claws scratch him.

It's like magic. As soon as you begin sliding your hand sensually up and down his stiff arousal, Jake's breath begins to hitch, but this time in a good way. It's not from pain or discomfort, it's from gentle licks of pleasure he's feeling.

Slowly, Jake relaxes. As his body becomes more accustomed to yours, his discomfort fades away and is slowly replaced by the gentle canting of his hips. Your boyfriend is eager for more of you, and you are definitely willing to give it to him.

It's admittedly a little bit of a guilty thing, wanting Jake to feel good. You love the way he looks when his eyebrows raise and contort as he feels varying levels of pleasure. You love the way his mouth twists into all sorts of amusing shapes as he grapples with the feeling of having you inside him. You love how his eyes vacillate wildly between focusing on your face with determination and gazing off into the distance, lost in those pleasured feelings.

You love him. Everything about him. And it makes the acts of love that you share indefinitely better than any other.

As you lean into him, feeling his warmth, his love, his pleasure, a deep feeling inside you begins to rise. A familiar need, gnawing with want. A gaping void, desperate to be filled, and for once, you aren't referring to your ass.

Your thirst.

It's something you can usually ignore until a convenient time, like when you're not boning your boyfriend. But after going through all of those metamorphic changes, your body is craving it. You crave something to drink like a dying man in the desert.

And unfortunately, you aren't craving just any drink.

You need blood.

You need Jake's blood.

You need it NOW.

You whine into his ear, trying to stave off the sudden overwhelming feeling. It's so hard not to give your body everything it wants right now, because you're so parched for everything.

For Jake. For love. For sex. For blood.

At some point, you teeth have grown long and sharp, and you feel the telltale twin fangs pressing against your lower lip, begging to be used.

Despite currently being railed and half aware, Jake notices the change in you and reaches up to gently rub your shoulder. "What's—what's wrong?" he murmurs to you, his voice coming out in short rasps between your thrusts.

"Jake I'm—" you begin, then stop as the overwhelming need to drink from him courses through you again. You find yourself licking his neck before you can stop yourself, but with a deep growl, you pull your head back up and kiss the shell of his ear instead.

"You're?" He asks, threading his hand up into your hair and grasping the strands near your neck. "Dirk what's wrong?"

"I'm gonna—" you gasp again, managing to swallow away the need a few seconds longer. "I'm gonna bite you."

Your lover's breath stills for a second in surprise, but then he relaxes and nods against you. "It's the change isn't it?"

You whine and nod against him, feeling the unrelenting need pulling you.

"It's ok," Jake murmurs, gently pulling your head down to his neck. "Go ahead."

He understands. Thank the fucking stars above he understands.

You can't hold yourself back any longer. With another low deep growl you lick his neck again, easily finding the most desirable vein. In less than a second, you sharply pierce his skin with your fangs. It's hard to control your impulses right now, and you sink them in deeper than you probably need to.

His blood feels like it's electrically charged as it hits your tongue. You drink from him needily, filling your destitute body with Jake's warm rich life's essence. As you drink from him, you're struck again with just how powerful your boyfriend is. You've never drank First Guardian blood before.

It's nearly overwhelmingly strong. You feel so much energy coursing through your body that it's almost painful, but you can't stop drinking. You need this. You need him.

You drink while you fuck him, and life is more beautiful than it's ever been before. Jake is moaning hotly in your ear, his hips moving along with you and his dick swelling until it's painfully hard. You know he loves this just as much as you do.

You drink from him a few seconds more before Jake finally starts to tug at the back of your head gently with his hand. "Dirk, please… you'll be hurt if you take much more."

Jake's right. You can already feel the staggering power rushing inside your body. It's almost too much to handle. Despite feeling like you could drink from him all day, you force yourself to pull your teeth from his neck, licking the wound closed.

Jake knows what happened. Somehow he knows that his blood is too strong for a demon like you to drink in excess. Knowing Jake, you're certain that he has a story or two for a later date, but the look in his eyes tells you he has other things on his mind right now. "Are you all right?"

"Better than all right," you answer him truthfully. You can feel your body assimilating that raw power from Jake's blood, making it your own. Your body is healing itself, and now all it needs is that last burst of sexual pleasure from your lover to finish it off.

He laughs and shakily says, "G-good because I'm—I don't think I can—I can hold back much more!"

"Come for me, love," you murmur to him, then lean down and capture his lips in a ravishing kiss. You love tasting him. You love feeling his dick hard and hot in your hand. And you love feeling the warmth of his body all around you.

Your tail wraps around his torso of its own volition, pulling Jake closer to you, and you don't even try to stop it. You smile into the kiss as you feel his dick harden even more in your hand. He's so close. And you can't wait for him to come.

"Nnnn—aaaHH!" he cries into your mouth as he spills himself in your hand and on his own stomach.

His pleasure is so bright, it's nearly blinding even with your eyes closed. The heat of his energy is brilliant as the green sun within him. Its warm rays wash over you, filling you with its radiating warmth. And in the center of it all you feel the best thing of all.

Jake's love.

It's yours. And you're going to keep it forever.

You hold him tightly in your arms.

He's yours.

He's yours.

Jake's yours.

And with that comforting thought in mind, you come, surrounded by your boyfriend's warmth and love. You fill him with your desire, noting that it's more than usual. Somehow you doubt Jake will mind.

Your thoughts are hazy at best as you come down from the high, not bothering to pull yourself out of him as you lay lazily on top of your lover. Your wings fall down on top of you both, like a giant leathery blanket. Your tail is still curled around Jake's body. You're not sure how long the two of you lay there, peacefully letting the world drift by while you remain connected with each other in every sense of the word.

Time passes. You remain content to be surrounded with Jake, and you sigh softly as he lightly runs his fingertips through your hair and down your back. He pauses for a moment before continuing to the juncture where your wings are now.

It makes you shiver when he dances his fingertips across the leathery membranes of your new wings, tracing the angular bones and prodding lightly at the soft but durable flaps between them. "I take it, you're feeling all right?" he finally murmurs to you.

"More than all right," you agree, kissing his cheek gently before removing yourself from his body. It fills you with a bit of pride for some reason when he whines a bit at the loss of contact. You quickly fall into his arms again when he reaches for you. "Fuck, Jake, your blood. It's—I feel like I've got too much energy."

"I did try to warn you," Jake laughs. Then with a wink, he says, "how about we use up some of that energy?"

You look at him with surprise. "Again?"

"Not sex, old chap!" He laughs and swats your shoulder lightly. Then, with a mischievous twinkle in his eye, he suggests, "flying. Haven't you ever wondered what it would be like to fly? Why don't you try your new wings?"

Words cannot describe how much you love Jake right now. Kissing him one more time, you fling yourself off him in a flurry of energy and toss his clothes at him. "Get dressed. We're going flying."

Then you frown at your own clothes, wondering just how you're going to get them back on with all your new—appendages. Namely your wings and tail.

Jake's dressed and by your side before you even work your pants back on. You decide to skip the boxers. He laughs and says, "A couple holes never hurt anything! Just tear a few and we'll have Kanaya make you some fabulous new duds soon!"

You have to agree with Jake. Kanaya is the best seamstress you've ever met, and you don't see any alternatives right now. So after slicing a few well-placed holes with your new claws, you manage to work your tail and your wings through your clothes. Without a second thought, you sweep Jake up in your arms and jump out the room's window.

And then you realize you've never used your wings before and have absolutely zero coordination with them. Jake looks mildly alarmed as you both plummet toward the ground.

You stretch out and test one wing, then the other. And finally, right before the dark purple hued cobblestone of Derse's ground meets with your head, you spread both of your wings and fly.

Jake laughs as you both soar through the sky. He loops his arms around your neck and holds on tight. "I knew you could do it! Never doubted you for a second!"

"Sure you didn't," you answer wryly, then turn your attention back to gliding through the air. The castle quickly becomes small below you, and all of the streets and homes shrink down to a sprawling grid-like pattern. It all glows in that mystical purple hue that is even more beautiful from up above, like highlighted neon lines on a spider's web.

In Derse, it isn't too uncommon of a site to see a demon flying around in the skies, but you know that you'd never be able to do this in some places, like back in the city where your little brother is probably just about to head back home with his boyfriend. You can only imagine how beautiful the ground below would be back home.

Still, Derse or no, you find that you love the feeling of soaring through the air. You've talked to some of your demonic friends who could fly before. They all told you they wouldn't trade their flight for any other abilities.

You didn't get it before, because you thought some other abilities were pretty sweet. The whole healing really fast thing. Living pretty much forever. Super speed. Super strength. The list continued on and on.

But now you're starting to understand why they loved their ability so much. This brings your perception of the world to a whole new level. You thought you were fast before, but now you know that nothing can stop you. You wonder if you can use your flash abilities with flying, but you decide promptly that you won't experiment while Jake is still in your arms.

Speaking of Jake, he seems perfectly content to cling to you, and he stares at the ground below with that happy toothy smile of his. You spend at least an hour or two flying around, testing your new ability, and working off some of the excess energy from Jake's blood. But Jake doesn't seem to mind at all. Quite the opposite, after the initial enthusiasm he shared, he slowly relaxes more and more into your arms, leaning his head against your shoulder with a happy sigh.

Your hands are full, but your tail twirls around Jake and gently caresses his cheek. Jake laughs and kisses the appendage softly. "I think I quite like this tail of yours," he remarks. "It does everything you haven't the gall to do."

"Hey, I have lots of gall," you retort, sighing as your tail decides to entwine around Jake's arm and hold him close. You'll make your tail behave someday.

Eventually, you fly back to the window you left. Gently, you deposit Jake on the bed and climb in after him. You're still buzzing from the excitement of flying around, and from everything. Your new body, your new abilities. But mentally you're worn from it all.

"Dirk, I do believe a brief respite is in order," Jake murmurs, snuggling closer to you and lightly pressing a kiss to your jaw. "This day has been a bit exhausting!"

Jake seems to be sleepy too, and you remind yourself that he did expend a good deal of his own energy to help your metamorphosis and to feed you. You don't fully understand everything he had to do, but you know that it couldn't have been easy for him either. He also had to suffer through that uncertainty of whether he had lost you. He took a risk by helping you tonight, but you are glad that he did.

"Yeah, let's take a little break. We have a whole lifetime to explore the universe," you murmur. You curl up next to your lover and pull him close to your body, then you draw the bed sheets over both of you. Affectionately, you press a kiss to his lips, and you feel that happiness that always fills you when he kisses you back.

"I agree," Jake murmurs sleepily. "Tomorrow I'll show you… my favorite little city in the galaxy. I wonder if… that delightful little restaurant is… still there?"

You think that question may have been rhetorical, because Jake is asleep before you even get a chance to answer him. Instead, you smile and press one more kiss to his forehead, drawing him close.

You don't know what tomorrow will bring, but one thing is certain. With Jake by your side you know that you can take on anything the universe throws your way. The rest of your life will be one very exciting adventure.

You can't wait.

LateNiteSlacker's Notes:

Happy Update Thursday and Happy Holidays to the best readers ever! That's you! =)

At the end of the story, which was roughly 4 months ago, I left you with some deep thoughts. I heard from several of you that you were inspired by the story and wanted to start your own ventures. It gives me no greater joy as an author than to hear that! I truly hope that you have been able to grasp life by the reigns and accomplish everything you wanted to do!

But I'll follow that up with this thought: don't be discouraged if the things you wanted to do haven't happened yet! (Or if they aren't perfect.) It takes time to make a good product, whether that's a story, a work of art, or anything really. The first step is opening up that word document, picking up a pen, or even quite literally taking a step outside your door.

The world's a big place and it's constantly changing. There's still plenty of time for you to do the things you want to do, so don't ever feel like you're limited.

For my part, I do have a couple more bonus epilogue chapters planned, but I have no idea how long it will take me to write them. In the meantime, check out the new story I've started with Sachi-sama! It's called "Blood and Coffee" and it features vampire Dirk and coffee-shop barista Jake! It's cute, I love it, and I hope you'll love it too! For now, it's only on AO3 so check out the link in my profile!

As always, I'm here for anyone who wants to talk! My email and tumblr are both in my profile.

Love, peace, and best wishes for a happy and prosperous new year!