Your name is Cronus Ampora and you finally got Rufioh alone. Usually, Horuss is just a few feet away, smiling that positively horrifying, psychotic grin and flexing his impressive yet slightly horrifying muscles, but you don't see him anywhere. You even threw your glasses on for a few seconds to totally make sure. You've slipped up before, and Horuss Zahhak is probably the worst troll you want thirsting for your blood. Well, after Kurloz.

When Rufioh sees you, you can tell that he sort of wants to leave, but he doesn't actually make a move for it. He just looks around nervously. Go him for not running away.

"Hey," you say, biting down on the end of your cigarette and smirking. He manages a smile that looks similarly awkward and totally fucking hot. "How's it going, hot stuff?"

"Oh, wow..." he says, rubbing the back of his head with one hand. "Uh... not bad, I guess..."

You decide to just skip the small talk. You can save that for someone who's more likely to hit you if you go straight for it right away. Like Meenah, or Latula, or Porrim. You usually don't skip the small talk there. Actually, you usually don't even get to finish the small talk, because they usually leave.

"So, how's your sex life?" you ask. He flushes a light brown, eyes widening a bit. "Sweaty? Need a little less sweat and a little more something else?"

"Less sweat would be nice..." he says, almost like he's talking to himself. "Yeah, it's definitely pretty sweaty... don't know what else I would want... I'm pretty sure you're going to tell me, though..."

You grin, putting your hand on the tree he's closest to and leaning in closer to him. He takes a few steps back. "How does less sweat and more Cronus sound?"

He just looks at you.

Damn, you thought he got around, shouldn't he know when he's being hit on? You're pretty sure he does, but why doesn't he respond? Is he seriously that used to being hit on that it just doesn't affect him anymore? You're so unbelievably jealous.

You can just go with some pickup lines.

You get real close - he tries backing away more, but eventually his back hits another tree and he has nowhere to go - and lean down to his ear. You wonder which one to go with first, but hours researching this has given you quite a few great finds, so you just go with the first one you think of.

"Do you have a mirror in your pocket, because I can see myself in your pocket."

"Uh," he says, staring straight at you. "You're really clo-"

"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"

"Wow, this is-"

"Nice shoes, wanna fu-"

"Fine," he says, sighing. You pause.

"Huh?"

"I mean, it's been a long time since I've had sex with someone who... you know, didn't sweat out his body weight every hour... and if he catches us then I can break up with him... unless he just blames you and murders you, which would be okay, I guess-"

"Hold up, that would be okay?" you ask, and he pauses, looks at you, and shrugs.

"Yeah," he says. You have never been so insulted in your life. Okay, you have. But still. Ouch. He says he's going to have sex with you, though, so that's cool. It doesn't matter that he's basically going to use you as bait once his huge, muscular, sweaty boyfriend finds you.

There's just one problem.

You don't actually know what to do.

You stay close, but you're just sort of looking at him, and he's looking at you, fidgeting a little.

"Are you going to do anything, or..."

"I um," you say. You're screwing this up. What are you supposed to do? Should you just... kiss him? Is that a thing you can do? You can do that, right? He won't like, hit you or anything? Horuss won't pop up from the nearby bushes and beat you into ground meat?

Well, there's no telling that Horuss won't do that, but you're pretty sure he's nowhere nearby. He's probably with Meulin.

You swallow. Rufioh's really, really hot. You already knew this, but still. And he's just looking at you, lips slightly open, wow you don't know what to do.

Eventually, he gets tired of waiting, because he kisses you and wow this is the best thing that has ever happened to you. Your knees are slightly weak. Yeah, you might collapse or something right about now. You kiss him back as well as you can, trying to ignore the fact that you're totally blushing right now.

He takes control pretty quickly, steering you back against another tree. You just go with whatever he wants, totally loving the feel of his mouth against yours and his hands on your hips. Wait. You should be doing something with your hands, right? You have no idea what you're doing. He's doing all the work because you don't know what to do, but he seems to be enjoying it, and you're sure as hell enjoying it, so it's cool.

He slips his hand down your pants and you squeak. He pulls away, grinning a little. You're blushing even more now.

"Shut up," you say, and he shakes his head.

"It's cute..."

You're pretty sure your head is going to burst into flames.

His hand inches back to where it just was and you really want him to, you really want him to. You close your eyes, just focusing on the feel of his hand against your skin.

Ten seconds later he's ripped away from you. You open your eyes only to see Horuss in front of you, sweating heavily, breathing hard.

Shit.

i don't even know man i like this ship and i wanted to write something for it but then i started running out of time and decided to bring in conveniently there horuss