Prologue

He haunts me.

Every moment of every day. I am at a loss for words. My Lord, My Savior, My protector...I think of him constantly and Its becoming difficult to be in his very presence. Simple glances in my direction cause me to become weak in the knees. This is absurd. This should not be happening. He is my Lord, I his ward. Nothing more. Then why do I feel, The way I do? Why do I find myself imagining him holding me close to his chest? Or for once acknowledging my presence, not just nodding in my direction. Why do I berate myself with these questions? Why do I expect so much from someone who gives me so little? He is Lord Sesshomaru, The Stoic Demon Lord of the West, he cares for no one..Then why do I expect him to do so for me? Could it be that I am wasting my time on someone who clearly doesn't harbor such feelings as love?

He teases me.

Every second of every minute. He notices the changes in my hair and clothing, yet he says nothing. He notices that my body is no longer that of a child, but that of a woman, yet he barely looks at me. I am asked constantly for my hand in marriage, yet he declines them. He tells them that I am not to be wed until I so wish to...But who is he to make such a comment on my behalf? He does not know what I wish, want, or feel about the matter! He doesn't ask me. How can he decide who I will spend the rest of my life with? Yes, He resurrected me from the dead but, I didn't ask him to. I didn't ask him to bring me back to the cruel world that had already claimed my life. I was to remain dead. My remains to become one with the soil, And find peace in the after life with my family. That was my destiny...

He hates me.

Every day of every week. He talks about how he needs an heir, and how it has to be a full blooded demon such as himself. He always says that he should choose a mate soon, to ensure that if something were to happen to him, then there would be another in his place. He stares at me intently with his golden eyes when he says these things but, I dare not look. I do not wish to see the one I love, look at me with such a smug face as if to insult my humanity. I don't know what happened...He was never like this before...When I was a child he was so much nicer to me. He never really said much, or did anything special...But he wasn't so cruel as he is now. He treats me as if I am just some piece of furniture that he neither wants to keep or throw away, just something that he keeps just for the hell of it. He makes me feel like nothing...Less than a being, but more than dirt under his boots...

He wants me.

Every night of every month. He comes to my rooms down the hall from his. He waits until it is completely dark, and everyone is sleep. It is his palace, yet he sneaks around in the dark like some bandit in the night...Every night I pretend to be sleep, and when he enters my room, I make sure to slow my breath so that he will not notice the increase in my heart beat. I lay there and I listen. For a couple moments he just sits there and watches me 'sleep'. Then he moves the hair out of my face. I stir a little to make it look as though I am really asleep, and he takes the bait...just like every other night. And just before he goes he caresses my cheek and tells me that I am his only treasure, that I am every man's desire, that I am the picture of innocence...After his many secret confessions he stands up to leave and just before he leaves he calls me, beloved. Then, unbeknownst to him...In the darkness of the night...I smile...

He loves me.

I can see it. Every month of every year. The look in his eyes-uncertainty, doubt, fear. With every month I am a little older. With every year, I am a little closer to dying; and it kills him! Unsure of what to do: Love me, Take me! Or Deny me, Give me to another! He goes back and forth, I can see it in his eyes. I can see it in his movements, his actions. Its ridiculous! The Great Lord Sesshomaru acts like some kind of selfish insecure child! He cannot put it off much longer. Procrastination will only get him so far. He loves me and yet he...hesitates.

He loves me!

And yet...It scares him.