Lulu: yo~ i'm Lulu, and this is my beautiful Humanstuck Stabdads AU. why did I make this fanfic, you ask? Inspiration!...also, because I looked at too many stabdad AU picks and had to do it. Enjoy~

NOTICE: IF YOU HAVE ANY PROBLEMS WITH THIS FANFICTION, PLEASE DON'T REPORT ME; JUST TELL ME YOUR ISSUES WITH THE PARTICULAR FANFICTION, AND I WILL DO MY BEST TO FIX THEM. I REALLY DON'T LIKE HAVING TO LOSE FANFICTIONS AND REUPLOAD THEM ALL OVER AGAIN. THANK YOU

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HOMESTUCK, FOR THAT IS OWNED BY ANDREW HUSSIE. I ALSO DO NOT OWN THE STABDADS IDEA IN GENERAL, OR THE IDEA TO MAKE SOLLUX CAPTOR INTO TWINS; THE CREDIT BEHIND THAT GOES TO OTHER PEOPLE (if anyone knows who invented either of these ideas, then I apologize for using them without their consent, but I have no idea who the heck they are). ENJOY

WARNING: THE CHARACTERS IN THIS FANFICTION AND THEIR PERSONALITIES MAY NOT BE TRULY CORRECT; THIS IS BECAUSE THE AUTHOR (aka Me) MAY EITHER INTERPRET THEM DIFFERENTLY THAN THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE INTERPRETED, THEY MAY BE CHANGED IN ORDER TO FIT THE SPECIFIC AU, OR IN WORST CASE SCENARIO, THE AUTHOR (again, Me) MAY HAVE HAD THEIR PERCEPTION OF THESE SPECFIC CHARACTERS CHANGED DUE TO READING TOO MANY OTHER FANFICTIONS CENTERING AROUND THESE SPECIFIC CHARACTERS. PLEASE READ THIS FANFICTION WITH THESE THOUGHTS IN MIND.

POV specifically targeted in this chapter: Diamonds Droog (Midnight Crew).

There are many things in life that you simply just can't avoid; growing older, getting a job, visiting the doctor…all of these things can only be pushed farther away for a certain amount of time before reality sets in and you have to get off your ass and do them. You, unfortunately, have a situation exactly like this, and it's currently settling in your arms as you and your co-workers approach your boss's house; it was a poorly cared for one story house with dull gray siding, a black roof missing a few shingles, and a yard that was basically dead, excluding the mass amount of weeds that sprouted up in different places on the brown grass (in all honesty, it looked about the same as every other house on that block; your boss lives in a horrible neighborhood).

Your name is Diamonds Droog, you're a member of the infamous Midnight Crew…and this morning, you became a single father (Seriously, no joke; if it was, someone would be laughing by now). Four years ago, a miracle occurred at an average pub, in which no one bothered you. No members of the Felt, no cops, no one decided to pester your group…other than the four gorgeous girls that somehow lured the Midnight Crew into having a very fun time that night. (It may be ridiculous that you remember this night in detail, but c'mon, when was the last time that all of you got laid on the same night? Slim to none. You usually had a chance, and maybe Slick could too if Snowman was in the mood, but Boxcars and Deuce? they usually were the ones picking you up the next morning with aspirin and a brief review of whatever crazy shit you'd done the previous night).

Now, you weren't stupid when it came to these kinds of events, especially with how rare they are; you were smart enough to be safe (Slick probably wasn't, and Deuce wouldn't have been either…though the latter was extremely naïve and had a better excuse than Slick, who just didn't care), and thankfully you got no complaints in later months of any of those sex-transmitted diseases that you hear about occasionally on the news…however, judging by the fact that a 3 year old little girl was left at your doorstep, you figure that something must've went wrong somewhere.

When you called your co-workers, Clubs Deuce and Hearts Boxcars, later that morning, you learned that you weren't the only one that found a child at their door (Heck, Deuce found twins…that poor bastard). After a brief discussion about what to do next, you all agreed that the natural next step would be to bug your boss, Spades Slick, to see if he'd also be joining you in the wonderful world of parenting (you could've dropped them off at a hospital or an orphanage or a police station, but when has that ever been something that the villainous Midnight Crew would do? "Ah yes, I'm a member of the Midnight Crew, and I'm going to do something moral and return these fine children to somewhere where they can have the option of a happy, normal family instead of molding that child into the next generation of the Midnight Crew so that I'll have someone to pass the torch to one day. Nope, not going through with that genius yet immoral plan." Besides, bugging your boss was both an amusing activity and a given right of having to suffer with him as your boss in general).

Unfortunately, he wouldn't fucking answer the door (you saw no kid there, so either there was a higher power that clearly recognized the fact that there was no way someone like Spades fucking Slick could ever be responsible enough to be a father…or the kid somehow broke into the house, maybe through the window connected to the basement of the house), but you had broken into the backyard and discovered that the ground-level window attached to the basement was wide open (bingo), so you waited for Deuce to squeeze his way through the window while Boxcars tried the front door again.

Your job was to watch the kids; you had your own daughter resting on one of your arms, meanwhile the other arm was occupied with the head of one of the twins (you think that it's Sol; the kids referred to themselves as Sol and Lux, and from what you've gathered, Sol is extremely hotheaded and dare-devilish, and there always needs to be someone guarding him so that he doesn't go off to play in traffic), while the other two kids (both boys; one of them being the other twin, while the other is Boxcar's little boy; their difference in size is extremely surprising, as you expected him to be at least taller than Deuce's kids) stood by your legs, waiting patiently like good little children.

While you had time to spare, you got a good look at the kids. Your daughter, Aradia, had curly dark brown hair that easily flowed down her back, and dark brown eyes that were reminded you of two decently-sized chestnuts (both of these features were from your genes of course; she did, however, have lightly tanned skin and slight facial features that reminded you of her mother. She was half-Japanese as well, something else that she inherited from her mother). She was calm and collected, much like you were, but she also had a light smile that didn't seem to disappear, and a tendency to giggle when it didn't seem to make much sense (she also seems to be distracted by things that aren't there…you'll deal with that later). She was wearing a scarlet red dress that ended at her knees with puffy sleeves and two red buttons on the front (the buttons were most likely for decoration, as there was a zipper on the back). Her shoes were black, but she wasn't wearing any socks or stockings…one of the many things you'd fix later.

Boxcar's son, Tavros, had a few more differences than similarities when it came to his father; both had skin that was tanned by a combination of the sun and mere genetics, while Boxcar had dark brown hair and light brown eyes, Tavros had the opposite, with his own light brown hair styled in a Mohawk (the rest of his hair that wasn't in the Mohawk was mere peach fuzz) and a remarkable amount of innocence in his dark brown eyes. He was extremely shy from what you could tell (he clung to your pant leg, but he didn't have the courage to look you in the eyes, instead focusing on random parts of broken concrete), and out of the few words you've heard him speak since he got here, most of them have been in Spanish, but he seemed to be trying hard not to cry at least, so you think he'll probably improve in that sense someday. He was wearing an orange shirt, black jeans, black shoes, and a black leather jacket that he'd probably grow out of in a few months (whoever had raised Tavros beforehand at least knew how to dress their kid…and yes, you, Diamonds Droog, were the fashion expert of the Midnight Crew, because it'd be a bit odd if that title went to Boxcars).

Lastly, the twins, Sol and Lux, were almost completely identical to Deuce; all three had light brown hair (though Sol and Lux had theirs a bit spikier and in a shorter cut than Deuce's, which was merely straight and flat) and fair skin, and even Sol had Deuce's dark brown eyes (Lux, on the other hand, had light blue eyes that almost looked gray). While they seem to be completely and utterly identical (with stoic looks on their faces made to permanently piss those with less patience than yourself), you've come to realize in the few minutes that you've known them that Sol is extremely over-confident, loud, and obnoxious (and really good at annoying you), while Lux on the other hand was quiet, most likely self-loathing, and entirely pitiable. Both were wearing black and yellow stripped t-shirts, black shorts, white socks, and black tennis shoes, and though both had shades, Sol had red shades while Lux had blue (that was basically one of the few ways you were ever going to tell them apart for years to come).

It didn't take long for the door to open (Boxcar proceeded to break the lock before Deuce could get inside and simply open the door for him), and you all strolled in like it was your home (you passed Sol to Boxcars, who had a stronger grip and a lot more patience than you could ever hope to grasp, but kept Aradia with you). The interior of Slick's house is very open concept; the living room, dining room, and kitchen are all connected to each other, and there's a hallway leading to the two bedrooms and the one bathroom in the house. There was also a crummy basement that Slick stored his junk in (mostly because his attic was too small to hold too many things in it, but also because Slick had a tendency to sometimes collect weapons and antiques, though most of what he found was utterly useless to you).

As expected, Slick was passed out on the couch, reeking of alcohol. The kid, which surprisingly or unsurprisingly actually existed, was also easy to find; he was watching TV in front of the couch.

The first thing you noticed was the pure similarity between this kid and Slick; they had the same black hair that was a tangled, spiky mess that'd probably never met the end of a hairbrush (Slick always tried to slick his hair back, but the best he could really do was put on his hat and hope no one would notice his half-assed job at keeping his hair down), the same ghostly pale skin that'd be burned in a matter of minutes if either of them spent too long in the sun. Even their almost permanent scowls matched each other perfectly; there was, however, one difference. Slick has eyes as black as coal (probably just as black and vile as his heart, or at least, that's what he claims when he's drunk off his ass), but this kid's eyes, though just as filled with anger and fury, were a different color; they were an extremely bright neon red color that caught your attention immediately.

The kid was silent, staring at the TV like it was the most interesting thing in the world, but you knew that he had sensed your presence (he probably didn't see you as much of a threat…either that, or he's scared stiff. Both are equally possible). He was sitting with his knees pressed to his chest, wearing a black sweater that covered most of his body and ratty gray jeans. He was small, barefoot, and somehow one of the most intimidating kids you'd ever seen…and yet somehow, you were the first one to talk to him.

"Hey, kid, is your dad going to wake up anytime soon?" you ask the boy. He finally turns to look at you for a moment, confused about something, and then he looks back at Slick and seemingly remembers something.

"The fuckass wouldn't wake up before, I fucking doubt he will now" the boy's voice was surprisingly loud, making him seem bigger than he actually was. This, unsurprisingly, gets Slick to wake up, a groan of complaint coming from his formerly unconscious body. Slowly, Slick lifts his head, you exchange glances, and he flinches at the light coming from the TV…and then gives you a look of confusion when he sees the boy.

"Remember that night four years ago?" that was apparently enough information, because he sighs and begins to rub his temples.

"Dammit…" he turns to the boy, though he probably isn't focusing well due to the TV's sharp light. "Hey kid, what's your name?"

"Karkat Vantas" the boy replied, though his focus had once again returned to the television.

"Where's your mother?" you ask, though you're not really sure if you're going to get an actual answer.

"What's a mother?" While that answer would make any other man curl up into a hole and die, you kept your composure as you tried to think once again about why you distinctly cared at all for these children (most likely because whatever organization you have going on now would need a second generation...also, because chicks like guys with kids. Symbolizes a willingness to commit or something). Eventually you ignored your thoughts and focused more on the motherless brat still watching television.

"How did you get here?" you tried again, hoping to get an answer that wasn't emotionally soul-crushing.

"Was driven. The car was black and shiny"

"Who drove you here?"

"Don't know. It was a weird guy" Hmm, weird guy…you'd have to investigate that later.

"Who took care of you before?" the boy went silent for a minute, and you thought that briefly that maybe he went from house to house, but finally he muttered "Crabdad", wrapping his arms around his knees and hugging them closer to his chest. That was the most you'd gotten from him, because after that, he went silent. The other kids joined him in watching cartoons, while you and the rest of the Crew sat in the dining room and talked.

After an hour of "discussing" (mostly arguing), you all decided to just raise the kids yourself; how hard could it be? Probably extremely difficult from what you've seen with the Felt and their kids (they somehow had children that were all pretty much the same age as yours), but you were the Midnight Crew, and if you enjoyed anything, it was a challenge.

Your name is Diamonds Droog, and today is your first day as a parent…and hopefully, your kid will still be alive by the time it reaches adulthood because you seriously have doubts about your parenting skills.

Lulu: End~ and now, just to make sure everyone understands who has which child (because I changed a few things from the ideas I got on tumbler), I will put a parent-child relationship thing down here:

Midnight Crew: Spades Slick - Karkat, Diamonds Droog - Aradia, Hearts Boxcars - Tavros, Clubs Deuce - Sol and Lux

The Felt:

Trace x Fin - Eridan (adopted)

Crowbar - Roxy (adopted; Rose and Roxy's Mom was a friend of Doc Scratch and Crowbar. She died and Scratch and Crowbar, pitying the children, took them in. the idea of Crowbar and Roxy was originally from asymmetricalOverdose from Archive or Our Own)

Snowman - Vriska and Terezi (it's a secret about whether or not the two are twins, and Snowman refuses to tell anyone the truth)

Stitch - Kanaya (this immediately clicked in my head)

Sawsbuck x Cans - Equius (again, adopted)

Doc Scratch - Rose (see explanation at Crowbar - Roxy)

Lord English - Gamzee (adopted), Calliope and Caliborn

Families outside of the Midnight Crew or the Felt:

Dad - John, Jane, and Feferi

Bro - Dave and Dirk

Grandpa - Jade, Jake, and Nepeta

Lulu: and to answer any questions from readers, yes, the mysterious man that drove Karkat to Slick's house was Andrew Hussie (because I said so). Thank you for reading~