Hello people! I literally haven't even looked at this story in years, but it's 2:30 am, school's in four hours, and what else have I got to do?

Hello again, my friends! The note written above was made two months ago and I never got more than two lines done after writing it. It is currently 2:28am on August 6th, 2018, and there is not actually school in four hours. In any case, I'm not fu- *clears throat, straightens tie* I'm not good at this at all. Enjoy the absolute cringiness.

Well well well, we meet again! It is currently July fourth 2019, 3:33 PM, and school is not in four hours but I really should work on the summer assignment for my AP Language class... welp.

by the way that was totally a flex

(Disclaimer: I don't own Pendragon or Monty Python's Flying Circus or The Great Gatsby or anything else this atrocity might reference)

Lol anyways here you go-

Chapter 2:: National Silence Day

The night is quiet, not a sound to be heard. The waters of Cloral lap at the shore of the floating city, silently. Machine gears are silent, as are the people who walk hurriedly to their homes.

It is all very silent.

Spader (Sign Language): Hey, Pendragon, it's a pretty nice day outside, innit?

Bobby (Sign Language): Yeah, the only thing that could ruin this day now is a bar of butter.

Spader: ... What do you mean?

Bobby: Oh, you didn't know? I may be forced to face demons and quigs and the end of the universe, but my greatest fear... It's a perfectly rectangular bar of butter.

Spader: Well... I suppose I can understand that.

Saint Dane (Behind the door with a bar of perfectly rectangular butter in his hand): Hehehe... *Throws the butter into the room and runs away giggling*

Bobby: (Normal voice) NNNOOOOOOOOO!

And that was the day that the territory of Cloral blew up because someone disturbed the National Day of Silence.

John Cleese: And now for something completely different:

At the funeral:

Kasha: *Talking to the Travellers gathered* The police have promised to find whoever did this, although that might be difficult because the person who disturbed the silence likely blew up along with the rest of the territory.

Aja: What's the reward for finding whoever did it?

Kasha: A pound of sugar and ten milligrams of vodka.

Aja: SUGAR

Press: AH! NO, NOT SUGAR! SUGAR IS BAD! SUGAR WILL GIVE YOU A HEART ATTACK!

Patrick: Oh, heck. Didn't I say not to mention the s-word?!

Saint Dane: What s-word? Shi-?

Patrick: *Slaps him* No, you imbecile! Sugar!

Aja: Sugar? WHO SAID SUGAR?! I'll kill him!

Saint Dane: THIS IS A FUNERAL.

Patrick: Oh, yes. Excuse us.

*They all turn back to staring at the assembled coffins somberly*

Mark: Man... Booby Pendragon was quite a guy. I'll miss him.

Courtney: Yeah... Spader too.

*They continue to stare in somber silence*

Gunny: Welp, anybody up for some pizza?

Patrick: Count me in, ol' fella.

*They begin walking away*

Patrick: Say, should we go to that place down the street or that place down the other side of the street?

Gunny: Well, old sport, I reckon the place next to that old haunted asylum would be our best bet.

Patrick: Ah, yes. The ghost pepper cheese there is delicious.

*The others still stare*

Press: This is the beginning of the end.

Saint Dane: Yeah, you don't say.

*Still, they stare*

Press: *Twitching uncontrollably, hardly able to control his insanity*

Loor: *Headbangs lightly*

Osa: *Notices her daughter has earbuds in and rips them out, unblinkingly staring*

Mark: AH! (-fbomb-)! MY GOD(DANG) EYES!

Courtney: Shut up! Don't blink... *stares directly into camera* Don't blink...

*JUMPSCRAE*

Saint Dane: *Finger guns at camera* Gotcha, didn't I?

-Four hours later-

Spader: *Bursts out of the coffin which somehow hasn't been buried yet* Pendragon, all clear here!

Booby: *Also bursts out of the coffin* Man, credits to the author for finding a way to salvage our bodies from the wreckage of Cloral!

Spader: Ssh! Someone might be watching us...

*X-files*

Booby: Alright, sorry. C'mon, we gotta be sneaky about this. *slowly climbs out of his coffin* *Immediately triggers a tripwire*

Press: *Shrieks* I KNEW IT! THE DEAD ARE RISING; NO ONE IS SAFE!

Saint Dane: Holy fu- *clears throat, straightens tie* Holy crap, Press, will you shut the he...ck up?

Press: THE DEAD ARE RISING RUN FOR YOUR LI- *Tak decimates Press*

Nevva: Haha, bulls-eye!

*Everyone turns to stare*

Aja: *Comes running out of the local supermarket at a speed previously undiscovered by humans*

Everyone: *Watches her run as she imbibes several gallons of sugar*

Loor: I thought that woman was an intellectual.

Patrick: *Shrugs and takes a slice of pizza from his back pocket*

Gunny: Holy heck, old sport. Is that the new buffalo befapple golden edition?

Patrick: *nods* Cooked to perfection.

Gunny: Well I'll be goddanged, that really is a perfect buffalo befapple.

Mark: I like cows.

Gunny: But, do you like buffalos, son?

MArk: The hell is a buffalo?

Patrick (unintelligible through pizza): MMmnjdndsjnc scow

Marl: Oh. Thank you, Patrick.

Patrick: mmMMmrrmemwemlcome.

John Cleese: And now for something completely different:

Booby: So, Spader, what is your opinion on America's current political state?

Spader: *shrugs* Fuck Marxism.

Booby: Uhh..

Spader: Reagan sucks

Booby: *Silence*

Spader: The plebs need to revolt!

Booby: Spader put the fucking beer down you're goddamn drunk.

Spader: Me 'hole goddamm 'ouse got blown up, Pen'rragon. I'm allowed ta git drunk off me ass.

Booby: Yeah, more than your house got blown up, Spader.

Spader: Shurrup! *Spills drink* Goddammit, ya piece o' fuck, I spilt me drink! Go git me another!

Booby: No, Spader! No more drinks! *In tears* Can't you see your alcoholism is tearing this family apart?!

Spader: I ain't fucking gay, what fam'ly you talkin' 'bout?

Aja (typing on computer): Actually I've found like six stories on this site alone that refutes that.

Spader + Booby: Wait waht?

Aja: Yes, the pairing seems to be quite popular. *Clears throat*
"Spader sighed happily, letting his eyes fall closed.
"Bobby blushed; Spader looked rather appealing in the silver moonlight, his long black hair like the curtain of midnight."

Mark: *jealousy*

Aja: " 'You could sleep with me,' Spader offered slowly.
"Bobby blushed and both of them lowered their eyes... Spader looked up, his eyes catching Bobby's lips."
*Quickly reads ahead* This is damn good shit, Booby

Mark: *Jealousy* What about me!

Aja: *Takes a quick sip of sugar* Eh, whatchu mean?

Makr: *anime blush* Do I get a fanfic with Spader!?

Booby: ...Learned something new about you today, haven't we?

Spader: Jesus fuck... *Passes out*

Courtney: I thought we weren't supposed to be swearing?

Booby: Well who the fuck is swearing, Courtney?

Aja: Yeah watchu talking about, ye wanker?

MarK: We're all keeping it PG here, stupid cu-

Saint Dane: I haven't had a very big role in this chapter and it's kind of pis-

John Cleese: And now for something completely different:

End Chapter

The story Aja was reading I found really quickly it's called Misunderstood Secrets which sounds pretty edgy and it was written by Aero-Dragon's-Sky and by no means do I claim to own it or plagiarize it. Actually from skimming it it's not a bad story so go check it out!

~The FuturisticVampire