Chapter 10: Home

"Elizabeth?" John calls her name as he gently shakes her in his arms but there is no response. He lifts her closer to him and places his head on her chest and waits.

He hears nothing. There is no beating thump of her heart; her chest remains motionless as the lungs aren't taking in any oxygen. He gently lays her on the ground and starts pressing down and up. He wipes the blood away from her nose with his thumb and opens her mouth and blows air into her body.

No response.

"Come on Elizabeth!" His voice is ragged with emotion, sweat falling down his face as he once again begins the process of pumping her chest, to keep the blood moving, keep her from slipping away from him. He breathes another supply into her mouth and he feels the tears begin to prickle at the corner of his eyes.

Still she remains lifeless.

"Damn it Elizabeth!" He tries using his commanding voice but it breaks miserably at her name. His hands are shaking as he places them on her chest, starting CPR for a third time. "You can't leave!" More pounding on her chest, though it's a fine balance trying not to break her ribs through his desperate attempts. "It can't end like this!"

He prays to whatever gods may be listening as he breathes air into her mouth one last time. He places both his shaking hands on either side of her head. Holding her as he watches for any sign that she's comes back to him. Her face remains lax and she actually looks truly peaceful for the first time in years.

John doesn't know where the desire that seems more like instinct comes from. But he doesn't refuse to ignore it this time. He leans in close to her face and watches it for a moment, memorising everything little detail he can about her. Then he closes the distance between them and gently presses his lips to hers. It is a slow, gentle, caress of a kiss. The kind of kiss that says hello, not goodbye.

He barely pulls away from her, his heart breaking piece by piece. He waits and prays and waits some more. When the harsh reality sets in that she is indeed dead he feels everything at once. Incomprehensible to understand; he simply loses all sense of anything.

His arms wrap around her and he lifts her so she's embraced in his arms once more. "You can't die." He manages to choke out as he starts to rock them back and forth. Tears run of their own accord and he doesn't care that he's sat in the middle of a field, on a strange planet completely exposed.

"Come back." He whispers and gently kisses the top of her head and places her in the crook of his neck. One hand strokes through the tendrils of her hair, almost as a mother would do to comfort a child. "Atlantis needs you, for without you who will lead us?"

John was hoping for a miracle in which she would answer him in a raspy voice and tease him about always getting into trouble. Unfortunately this reality is such a cruel twist of fate.

"Please." He rasps out as he stops stroking her hair and moves it to cup her cheek. His thumb slowly moving over the smooth skin that is still warm for the moment. "I need you."

John just sits there with Elizabeth in his arms for minutes or hours he doesn't know. He's trying to find the strength to get on his feet and carry them both back to Atlantis. No matter how hard he searches for the energy to move, he doubts he'll ever find it.

After a while there is a hissing sound and a flash of light behind him, indicating that someone or something has just activated the transport mechanism. In all honesty he doesn't care if it was the Wraith, maybe then the guilt and shame would cease to be.

"Look! Over there!" Teyla's voice is like a blessing and a curse to John's ears. He hears that are several different foot falls headed towards him. He doesn't know how he's going to through the next few minutes let alone anything longer into the future.

They will judge him; say he failed their wonderful leader. They will hate him for allowing her to die when it was his duty to protect her. Perhaps it would have been better if they had never found him.

"Sheppard!" Lorne calls with relief as they approach him and a deathly silence befalls on them all when they see Elizabeth in his arms.

He doesn't lift his gaze away from her face as they surround them. He knows they are in shock and disbelief that the friend that ultimately brought them all together is no longer with them.

After a while Teyla finds her voice again "How did she -?" She starts but allows the question to trail off.

"I didn't try hard enough." John replies unable to say anything more on the subject. He tries to stop the tears from falling in front of his friends but it is a futile effort.

"The machine!" Rodney exclaims and clicks his fingers as he pieces things together. "Obviously it's a faster acting one than the one I encountered back in Atlantis but then why didn't she Ascend?" His voice started out clear and focused but when his eyes fell upon the lifeless Elizabeth his voice broke.

"What happened to the Wraith that was meant to be here?" Ronan asked as he scanned the vicinity for any threats. It was a tactic of his to distract himself from feeling the whole in his gut from expanding.

"Elizabeth chose to save me. She dispatched the Wraith like they were nothing." John groaned out as he continued to look at her. He still couldn't fathom why she would to save his sorry ass when she could have saved herself instead.

"Wait, how do you know about the Wraith?" John finally turned his gaze away from Elizabeth and looked at each of his friends in turn and they all shared the same look of misery. Except for Rodney who appeared to be staring at the teleportation structure with an all too familiar expression.

"We managed to decipher the text on the ruins." Teyla answered as she knelt down next to him and went to touch Elizabeth's shoulder but stopped as if the act would solidify that she had lost a dear friend.

"Why didn't the machine work on Sheppard?" Radek suddenly blurted out as he kept flicking his eyes from John to the structure.

"Radek that's it!" Rodney practically jumped up in the air with pure joy. "Come on, bring Elizabeth. I have an idea!" Without waiting for anyone he grabbed Radek and Lorne and ran as fast as they've ever seen him and transported the three of them back to the other side.

They didn't need to be told twice as Ronan helped Teyla up and turned round to take Elizabeth from John. "Let me take her."

"I've got her." John bluntly refuted and offered a grimace that was meant to be a small smile. "She's my responsibility." It was a little awkward getting onto his feet without dropping her but he was stubborn and dedicated to carrying her.

When he was eventually standing, Teyla and Ronan gestured for him to go first and bring up the rear. They both couldn't help but think that there was far more to it than mere responsibility but chose not to say anything about it. Though they did quickly glance at each other and give a knowing smile.

Transporting back to the ruins where this entire mess originated felt a little cathartic about the events of the last couple of days. He had no idea what Rodney was planning when he found the three men with lots of cables attached to the pillar and their tablets and some spare.

"Connect this up to Elizabeth, on her temples and one on her chest above the heart." Rodney instructed as soon as they arrived.

Ronan helped John put her down on the ground and Teyla attached the wires offered by Radek and nodded when the task was complete. Lorne then came up to Sheppard holding a scanner moved it up and down as Rodney started to explain what he was hoping to do.

"Seeing as you didn't get transformed by the genetic modifier to allow you to evolve rapidly to Ascend. It made sense that you might carry the signature to reverse the process as you were transported at the same time as Elizabeth." He didn't look up from inputting commands into his tablet.

Lorne seemed to finish at the same time as the explanation and gave the scanner to Rodney who then typed in the information required.

"I'd take a step back just to be safe." Radek informed them and they all went over to stand by Rodney on the opposite wall. "We don't know the width of the transference beam." He added when Ronan gave them an incredulous look along with a raised brow.

As if on cue the bright light appeared once more and engulfed Elizabeth's form and dissipated in a matter in seconds. Her body convulsed violently as it returned to normal and life flooded her veins once again.

Her eyes flew open as she gasped for breath, trying to fill her air with lungs that they had gone for too long without. They all rushed to her side and John and Teyla placed firm yet comfortable hands on her shoulders.

"Easy Elizabeth." John voice was soothing and she looked round at everyone utterly confused as to what had happened.

"We lost you for a moment." Teyla supplied and fought back the tears as her eyes glazed over as the relief washed over her.

"John?" Was all Elizabeth could ask as she took in the sight of him in one piece and relatively unharmed. She felt the overwhelming desire to hug him just like she had done during the siege of Atlantis. It was a brief embrace because everyone was watching and naturally after that she had hug Teyla just so it seemed John didn't get special treatment.

"We'll explain it all once we're back in Atlantis." Lorne spoke and started packing up the equipment and the team seemed to get the message that everything could wait when they were all safe and sound.

They got to their feet and just smiled at one another. John offered his hand out to her which she gladly accepted.

"Let's go home."

Hours later when they had been given the all clear by Carson and had the mission debrief. Elizabeth found herself standing out on her favourite balcony watching the ocean reflecting the stars, losing herself in the calmness of the night.

Lorne had been thorough on how he and Radek had been called to join the team when they had gone missing. He had also explained that whatever she did with the structure when she had wiped out the Wraith, it had allowed them to travel through to the prison. The structure was now being destroyed by another team so no one else could fall victim to it.

Then Rodney and Radek had explained how they had scanned John for traces of the small energy signature that had transformed her biology to begin the Ascension process. She still didn't understand it but she was glad that they at least know how it worked. All she got was that it was pretty much the same thing Carson had done to save Rodney back here in Atlantis.

The part about John not being affected was something to do with the human incentive to protect and make a selfless act that apparently helps with Ascension. Personally she just thought the idea was sadistic.

As for John himself, she wasn't actively avoiding him but she wasn't seeking him out either. Her emotions were swirling around her and it was damn confusing to say the least. There was also the weird sensation she got when they brought her back from the dead. Her lips had been moist and when she spoke she tasted something that immediately made her think of John.

They had definitely grown closer over the last couple of days. But just how close could they get before things started to get complicated?

The doors to the balcony opened then and she knew it was him without having to turn round. She had always been able to sense him, even from the early days of the expedition. Then the scent that she couldn't really describe that was uniquely him, pleasantly assaulted her nose. Unconsciously she licked her lips and she was certain it was the same flavour as those on her lips.

"Couldn't sleep?" He asked her softly. He came to stand next to her, leaning against the railing facing her but keeping a respectable distance.

"That obvious?" She asked him back as she placed her hands on the railing, one foot on the ledge the other a little behind her. It was a strangely comfy position and often help her think when she needed some alone time.

"It seems to be a pattern. Everyone does it so I wouldn't worry about it." He gave her a lopsided grin, trying to cheer her up but furrowed his brow when he saw it had no effect. "Want to talk about it?" He offered gently.

"I'm not sure how to explain it." She started then paused while she figured out the right words to say. Thankfully John was never one to press about these things, allowing her all the time she needed. "I feel as though I should things differently, having nearly Ascended but I don't."

"No grand epiphany then?" He joked and edged a little bit closer to her. Though she noticed he was being overly cautious around her and eager to lighten the mood which made her suspicious.

"Afraid not." She retorted and reluctantly met his steady gaze. She wasn't entirely sure what she saw in those hazel eyes of his but it strengthened her resolve. "It was worth it though." She smiled a little though turned her head away from him when the intensity between them seemed to increase tenfold.

"You mean dying? Almost permanently?!" He was amazed that his voice only raised a few octaves instead of outright shouting at her. "It was stupid and completely reckless!"

"You're mad at me?!" She was astonished at the audacity of it all. "So what, I should leave all the stupid and completely reckless life saving actions to you then?" Her voice was didn't hide the undertone of anger though she had kept it low which was probably worse than her raising it.

But John wasn't thinking when the next words flew out of his mouth "Yes if means you're the one going to get killed!"

Whatever she anticipated him saying it most definitely hadn't been that. To say she was flummoxed was an understatement; she had absolutely no brain capacity to fathom his meaning.

His eyes widened at the same time as hers and the air around them thickened. He wasn't really sure what he was trying to say. So he didn't say anything and moved instead. He closed the short distance between them and placed his hand over hers, not once breaking her gaze. Slowly he gently pried her hand away from the railing and entwined their fingers together.

"Don't ever scare me like that again." His voice was heavy and thick with emotion and though he hadn't said anything specific it was still meaningful.

"I won't if you don't." She smiled at him and was just glad that they had both found a way home.

A/N: The end! So that's it folks! Let me know what you thought of it, sorry for the delay but I struggled how to finish it without making it ridiculously mushy or out of context. But I hope you enjoyed it!