A World Gone Mad

It was a done deal, Sandi thought with a smirk of triumph. Her plot to oust Quinn as any sort of a threat to her status at Lawndale High had been a smashing success. For years she'd been waiting for just the right opportunity-and in the form of Quinn's masseuse, life coach, cabana girl, whatever she was-that opportunity finally came! The whole school was talking about her showing up the redhead at last night's dance.
Thank goodness she only had to sacrifice her fashion sense for one night. That frightful straitjacket outfit was a risk, but a calculated one. Now all she needed was to find some way to discredit Daria-it wouldn't take much-and when she came back for senior year in September, the school would be as good as hers.
Now to find her remaining minions. Er, friends, that is.
As she shut her locker and began patrolling the halls, less popular ( and less crazy) students quickly moving aside, she was distracted by a cacophany of noise from the front entrance. It sounded almost like the barking of dogs, but slightly more self-aware and just a tad more sinister.
Sandi followed her ears, which were camouflaged effectively by her lovely hair. Ears were, after all, unfashionable. She wished every girl here took as much effort to hide them as she did. Perhaps she would make this a new rule of fashion, with Quinn and her more merciful sensibilities out of the way...

Upon reaching the entrance she found that her body had suddenly stopped, refusing to react to what she was seeing. Her mind was not doing much better at processing it.
"Er...what...I don't...guh?" she grunted.
Standing before her were not one, not two, but six familiar figures: all clad in what appeared to be real straitjackets, hair undone, eyes vacant, mouths open in unceasing laughter, appearing so utterly deranged that one could not imagine they had entered the school under their own power. And in fact, none of them had. They were being escorted through the front doors in wheelchairs. It was easily the most convincing picture of madness Sandi had ever witnessed in this environment. As she continued to stare and finally gleaned the identities of the "patients," the consequences of that finally began to sink in.
Daria, Jane, Tiffany, Stacy, Ed 'the Head', and worst of all-Quinn-were the ones sitting before her. The ones pushing their chairs, respectively, were Jamie, Jeffy, Joey, Upchuck, Brooke, and Mrs. Manson.
As Sandi tried unsuccessfully to retrieve her jaw from the floor, all six students were quickly surrounded by admiring crowds of students. They were crazy, figuratively or perhaps by association, about this latest and greatest display of mental illness at Lawndale High.
No one looked her way. No one recognized her. Last night's victory was immediately forgotten. Ruined. Everything ruined.
"No," she wailed. "Noooooo!"
She took off down the hall.

"I guess she just wasn't prepared for this degree of psychopathy, eh Quinn?" said Daria.
"Yeah! Wow, that's too, TOO bad," her sister grinned, and turned to her latest partner in crime. "Thanks for the backup, Mrs. Manson!"
The older woman cleared her throat, clearly uncomfortable with the charade. "Er...you're welcome, Quinn. Daria, I take it that..."
"...Your most unqualified and unprofessional decision to insert me in self-esteem class is forgiven? Yes." Daria finished with a hard look. "But watch yourself."
Manson nodded and delicately extricated herself from the throng.
"Well, friend of friends," Jane spoke up from Daria's other side. "Have you learned anything from this experience?"
"Other than that you're always right? Nothing at all." Daria said sheepishly.
"Good answer. Come on, fellow inmates! It's our last day in the asylum before summer. Let's celebrate it in style."
Daria gave Quinn a reproachful look. "Are you going to go above and beyond and actually pay back some of the attention you'll receive today? You know, in class?"
Quinn giggled and returned the twinkle in her eye. "Ohhh, DAH-ria. What do you think I am, crazy?"

THE END