A/N I seemed to have become obsessed with the last two episodes of season 3 and because I am little surprised/disappointed that Henry was the only one to make a comment about Jamie being alive. And that Frank seemed more concerned with Danny being hit over the head with a bottle instead of Jamie who watched a woman jump of a building and having Vinny die in his arms. So I decided to write story following Vinny's death.

This two shot isn't related to my other one shots 'It's Okay' and 'Moving Forward'.

Henry sat silent in Danny's car, he and Danny were going to St. Victor's to bring Jamie back to the house. After getting a phone call from Baker and telling the family about Jamie and Vinny Frank had left the house and gone to his office. While Henry understood that Frank was kept busy by his job and that sometimes he had to make sacrifices as a father because he was the Police Commissioner and his sons in his Police Force, Henry didn't know why Frank had been keeping such a huge distance between himself and Jamie.

Earlier in the week when Jamie could only watch as a young woman jumped off a building holding her infant son Henry had ready a few bottles of beer and sat waiting for Jamie to come over. But Jamie hadn't come and Frank gave no indication that he had even spoken to Jamie. Henry the next day had then called Jamie to check up on him, he could hear in Jamie's voice that he was still processing what had happened. And this made Henry wonder why Frank hadn't spoken to Jamie, out of all the family members that had been on the force, Joe included. Jamie had always been the one who felt pain anytime he felt he had failed to help someone. Henry remembered all too clearly the emotional turmoil Jamie suffered after the shooting of Gavin Bryant and how Frank took Jamie aside and throughout the week offered Jamie advice and comfort. Frank had even offered Jamie advice and comfort when the 12th was threatened by former Officer Mendoza. So Henry was confused as to why Frank appeared to be avoiding Jamie when the young woman's suicide hadn't brought troubles from the media like the Gavin Bryant shooting had done.

Henry was pulled from his thoughts when Danny announced they had arrived. As they entered the E.R Henry's eyes darted across the room, he wanted to see Jamie. He needed to see Jamie. He had already buried one grandson and he knew how close he had come to burying a second. Even though he had made sure he didn't have favourites amongst his grandchildren, he had always been closer to Jamie. Henry had always thought it was because Jamie was a perfect mixture of the family. He had Mary's calm and quiet attitude, Frank's sense of right and wrong, Henry's (and Danny's) temper when the time called for it and the thing Henry loved the most about Jamie was Betty's caring attitude but also her stubbornness. Whenever someone argued with Jamie or tried to get Jamie to do something he didn't want he would get the same glint as Betty would in his sharp blue eyes that were a spitting image of Betty's. When he was on the second day of his ride along with Jamie, he could have sworn he was looking right at Betty's stubborn gaze. And what made Henry cherish Jamie so much was despite inheriting his grandma's stubbornness and his grandpa's temper (which could have been a deadly mixture if Jamie lost his temper like Danny) Jamie was still calm, quiet and a peacemaker like Joe. For Henry losing Jamie was not an option, losing Erin and Danny wasn't an option either, but Henry knew if the family lost Jamie then they would never recover because Jamie brought out the best in people. And when Henry closed his eyes he could still see the little boy sat beside him at Sunday dinner with wide anticipating eyes begging for another story and the wide grin that would break out over any little thing.

Henry spotted Renzulli and hastily walked over passing Danny. "Tony how is he?" asked Henry,

Renzulli sighed, "It's hard to tell"

"What do you mean hard to tell?!" demanded Danny, "either he's okay or he's not!"

"Danny" spoke Henry, with one word silencing his eldest grandson. "Tony?"

"It's just…he's got a bruise from the bullet hitting his vest and that's not what is worrying me. What's worrying me is that he hasn't said much. To every question asked he only gives short answers, sometimes he only answers 'yes' or 'no'" responded Renzulli scratching the back of his head.

Henry nodded and took a deep breathe, "Where is he?"

"I'll show ya" Renzulli softly replied and he guided Henry and Danny to the last cubicle. Henry nodded his thanks as he drew back the curtain and his eyes immediately fell on the figure sat on the bed. Henry had to blink back tears seeing Jamie's shoulders slumped and Jamie staring blankly at the wall in front of him. Jamie was still in his uniform and Henry knew whenever Jamie put it on he always stood taller, so seeing Jamie look so defeated it tore at Henry's heart strings. Henry heard a gasp behind him and knew Danny upon seeing Jamie was feeling the same heart wrenching emotions that he was.

Danny edged forward slowly until he was stood in front of Jamie and crouched down so he and Jamie were at the same eye level. But to Henry it looked as if Jamie was looking straight through Danny, Henry found his feet couldn't move, he could barely hold himself together seeing Jamie like this.

"Hey kid, this is what the third time you've come here in six months? Do you want me to speak to Linda and see if any volunteer jobs are going?" asked Danny softly as a way of trying to get rid of the visible tension that Jamie was feeling. But the only answer Danny received was for Jamie's blank and unseeing eyes to blink once. Danny braced an arm on the bed beside Jamie and lowered his head for a few moments looking at the floor, and when he looked back up Henry could see his eyes were red from trying not to cry. Henry clenched his eyes shut finding it harder keeping his tears at bay seeing his grandsons like this.

Danny clenched his hand on the bed into a fist so he was gripping the bed sheet. "Jamie" choked Danny, "kid please you gotta speak to me, let me know you're alright!" pleaded Danny. But again Jamie remained silent. Danny's phone then rang and Henry tuned him out as he finally took a few steps closer to Jamie. But seeing those eyes, the spitting image of his beloved Betty's eyes, blank of all emotion and seeing no trace of the mischievous child Jamie used to be almost broke Henry.

"Damn it!" cursed Danny quietly, Henry was broken out of his trance and peeled his eyes away from Jamie and looked at a now standing Danny questioningly. "I've been put on the Bitterman case" Danny stated not looking at Henry but at Jamie.

"You'd better go then" commented Henry,

"But-" Danny's gaze snapped from Jamie to look over at Henry,

"No buts, I'm sure Renzulli will give me and Jamie a ride back to the house" assured Henry.

"But I can't leave him like this grandpa! He's my brother!" choked Danny,

"I know" responded Henry walking to Danny and placed a hand on Danny's shoulder, "but what will help Jamie the most is closure and that will only happen when the situation at the Bitterman houses is solved with Los Lordes behind bars. So to help your brother Danny you need to go back out there"

Danny stood silent for a few moments, then he nodded and knelt in front of Jamie again, "I'll see you later kid okay?" standing he squeezed Jamie's arm and when he again got no response from Jamie his look hardened and as he passed Henry he growled "those punks are dead" and then Danny was gone.

Henry watched as Danny disappeared through the curtain and looked back at Jamie when he heard a soft murmur "dead".

Henry rushed in front of Jamie, "Jamie?"

"Vinny's dead. And it's my fault" spoke Jamie in a broken voice.

"No it's not! You did everything you could" comforted Henry as he tried to ignore the bruise on Jamie's shoulder that was just visible.

"It wasn't enough" choked Jamie, Henry then sat beside Jamie on the bed and turned himself and Jamie so he had his arms wrapped around Jamie and Jamie's head rested on the crook in his shoulder.

Renzulli popped his head around the curtain and softly said, "The Doc says he can leave, I saw Danny leave do you need a ride?"

"Yeah thanks" responded Henry,

"Bay Ridge?" checked Renzulli, Henry nodded so Renzulli backed out of the cubicle.

"Come on Jamie I'm taking you back to the house" said Henry, it broke his heart further when he had to help Jamie to stand and when he had to guide Jamie out of the E.R, normally Jamie would be complaining that he didn't need any help. But now he remained silent with his eyes trained on the ground. Henry mused that the Bitterman houses had been given the right name because Vinny had lost his life there and Jamie seemed to have lost himself there. But temporarily, Henry was determined not to lose his youngest grandson to this unjust tragedy.

After arriving at the house Jamie had remained completely still and stood rigid as the other members of the family hugged him. But Henry could see that Jamie was looking for Frank and Henry could see the disappointment in Jamie's eyes when he realized Frank wasn't there. Once the others had let go of Jamie it was as if a switch had been turned on and Jamie had rushed up the stairs to his old bedroom. Erin had wanted to go after him but Henry had shook his head and had followed Jamie himself. Henry entered Jamie's room to see Jamie sat on his bed rubbing his hands together.

"Jamie what are you doing?" asked Henry softly nearing the bed.

"There's still blood on my hands" Jamie replied in a broken whisper as he looked down at his red tinged hands.

Henry held out a hand, "Come on" Jamie looked at Henry's hand and then took the offered hand. Henry then led Jamie to the bathroom and turned on the tap and put Jamie's hands under the flow of water.

Grinning Henry held up the soap, "this is the soap your grandma swore by, she claimed it was the best soap that would clean anything, grass stains or blood, off of kids". So Henry began to gently scrub Jamie's hands and within minutes the slight red tinge on Jamie's hands faded.

"Guess grandma was right" commented Jamie quietly,

"I knew that she and I used it enough times on you to know she was right! You were the most accident prone child we ever dealt with! You even called the soap the 'magic soap'" chuckled Henry recalling all the times Jamie was covered in cuts and scrapes asking his grandparents for the 'magic soap' to make the cuts and scrapes stop hurting. Jamie's mouth twitched slightly as if he was about to smile. He didn't smile and it wasn't anywhere near Jamie's normal wide grin but given all that Jamie had been through this week Henry would take whatever he got and counted it as a win. Jamie was on the road to getting back to himself.

Half an hour later Henry got a call from Garrett that if Jamie wanted to he could accompany Frank and his CO to go and see Vinny's parents. Within minutes Jamie was stood outside the house with Henry beside him waiting for Frank's detail to arrive.

"Grandpa should I be going?" asked Jamie not looking at Henry and wondering if he had enough time to back out of going to see Vinny's parents.

"Why are you asking Jamie?" questioned Henry with a frown.

"It's just…I don't want to cause them anymore pain" admitted Jamie quietly.

"Jamie you won't be causing them anymore pain" responded Henry trying to catch Jamie's gaze.

"But their son is dead and I was with him and I'm not dead!" choked Jamie finally meeting Henry's gaze.

"Jamie they won't blame you" soothed Henry,

"How can you be so sure?" asked Jamie brokenly,

"Because I have done enough condolence calls in my time to know" Henry replied. Before Jamie could say anything the detail arrived and Henry walked with Jamie down to the street, the door of the SUV was opened and for a second Jamie hesitated. Henry smiled encouragingly and gave Jamie a small nudge. Jamie nodded and then climbed into the SUV, after closing the door Henry turned and went back into the house.

Inside the SUV as Jamie took a seat he found himself sat opposite his CO and dad.

His CO, Captain Brooks, gave him a small smile, "Reagan"

"Captain. Commissioner" responded Jamie nodding respectfully.

"You did well in trying to save Officer Cruz" said Brooks as Frank just looked at Jamie.

"Thank you sir" Jamie replied finding it difficult keeping his voice neutral. All he wanted was to be a kid again when he could go to his dad at any time with anything. Now he had to sit silent in front of his dad and only speak when invited to. Soon enough they arrived at the Cruz's which was a small, but pleasant house. He remembered after meeting Hector and Vinny revealed he had grown up in the Bitterman houses Jamie had asked if his family still lived there because Jamie knew Vinny didn't. Vinny had then explained that soon after he had joined the Academy his parents had finally had enough money saved that they, with Vinny's younger sister, moved out of the Bitterman houses and didn't look back.

The condolence call to Vinny's parents was worse than Jamie ever imagined, they didn't blame him. No. They thanked him. Thanked him for doing everything he could to save Vinny. Jamie would have preferred them shout at him and hate him for surviving when Vinny had lost his life. But Mrs Cruz just embraced him and said Vinny was lucky to have a friend and partner like him and said she was glad he had got out unharmed and called him a hero for getting to Vinny risking his own safety to do so. Hearing this Jamie slipped into a daze his mind being assaulted again and again with images of Vinny dying.

The drive back to the house was silent, and still Frank said nothing to him. Jamie began to wonder if he had done anything wrong. Was his dad angry that he didn't stop Vinny from entering the Bitterman houses without backup as they were supposed to? Jamie wanted to ask this but he wouldn't dare with his CO sat in front of him. The SUV stopped outside the house and Jamie was brought out of his daze and realized his hands were shaking, he clenched his hands into fists but knew it was pointless he could see his dad and Brooks had noticed his shaking hands.

"The funeral will be on Tuesday" spoke Brooks gently, "and you will be back on duty on Wednesday so try to rest up a little alright?" Jamie looked at Brooks' eyes and could see genuine sympathy and concern, but when he looked at his dad all he saw was the Commissioner mask.

Jamie cleared his throat and nodded, "thank you sir. Captain, Commissioner" and then Jamie clambered out of the SUV not feeling Garrett's gentle pat on his shoulder. Jamie kept his eyes fixed on the house and tried with all he had to stop his hands shaking. Just before he reached the door it opened and stood in the doorway was Henry, his small smile disappeared when he saw Jamie.

Henry looked at Jamie and didn't know what to say, Jamie was pale, had a pained look across his face, his shoulders were tense and he was trying to stop his hands from shaking.

Henry ushered Jamie inside and closed the door and turned to see Jamie with shaky hands trying to undo the buttons on his uniform. Henry was thankful he had got Linda and Erin to leave with the kids because he knew seeing Jamie like this would only hurt them and Jamie needed space to sort through his emotions.

"Jamie what's wrong?!" asked Henry trying to keep the worry and concern out of his voice.

"Mrs Cruz" answered Jamie struggling to undo the first button.

"What about her?" asked Henry as he gently nudged Jamie's hands out of the way and undid the buttons and gently removed the jacket of Jamie's uniform off of his shoulders.

"She called me a hero for getting to Vinny" said Jamie in a broken voice looking at the floor.

"You are-" began Henry.

"No I'm not!" bellowed Jamie grabbing his hair, "I'm to blame! I should have stopped him! We shouldn't have gone into the Bitterman houses without backup and I didn't stop him! It's my fault! And I'm sure dad is thinking the same thing!"

"Wait! Hold on there! What gives you the idea your father is thinking that? What has he said to you?" demanded Henry.

"Nothing. He hasn't said anything to me since before the suicide" mumbled Jamie.

Henry felt fury bubble up inside him. He loved his son fiercely but sometimes he wanted to bash Frank's head against a wall. It was obvious Jamie would have been pale and had shaking hands in the ride back from the Cruz's. So Henry was angry that even though Jamie's CO was with them Frank should have spoken to Jamie protocol be damned. If it was any other Officer Frank would have said something. But because Jamie was his son he had to be careful to make sure he didn't appear to be giving Jamie special treatment. But in this situation would anyone really think that? No they wouldn't.

"Well it isn't your fault Jamie. Never think that!" commented Henry firmly.

Jamie nodded and then said, "Captain Brooks said I'm off duty until Wednesday. What am I doing until then?"

"Stay here" responded Henry. Jamie nodded and walked up the stairs, not arguing like he would have normally done. Henry looked up and softly murmured "Betty. Mary. Joe. Give him the strength he needs to get through this. We can't lose him"

TBC