Chapter Fifteen

The thought of being able to finally leave the hospital kept Gail sustained over the next week. Her physical therapist was overly cheery, which kind of made her want to beat him up with her crutches. Unfortunately, that was frowned upon, and would have meant she'd spend even longer hobbling around. Fortunately, the word had gotten around that the sessions were driving her stir-crazy, which meant that she usually had some company.

Today, it was Steve.

'You did well today,' Doctor Steiner told her, as they finished up the session. 'If there aren't any more complications, I don't see why they won't let you out of here by the weekend.'

'Thanks,' Gail told Doctor Steiner, with hardly any sarcasm at all. She downed about half a bottle of water, using the rest to wash the sweat from her face and hair.

'Always kissing someone's ass, huh?'

Gail gave her brother a weak shove, but she was smiling as she did it. Not long ago, even breathing would have taken all her energy.

'Well I've got to do something to get some attention around here, don't I?' Her words weren't entirely farcical. As macabre as it sounded, she knew that dying in the line of duty would bring her more family honour than any promotion ever could.

It was something that none of the rest of them had already done.

Luckily, that was not something that it looked like she would have to worry about just yet. She could barely walk, and she couldn't quite lift heavy objects just yet, but she was unequivocally alive.

'Ready to head back?' Steve asked, making to sling her bag over his shoulder. 'Or do you want to walk for a bit?'

'Walk,' said Gail, almost immediately. Her hospital room (private though it was) was cloyingly claustrophobic. On some days, when she woke still semi-sedated, she felt like she was locked in Ross Perik's trunk all over again. Not that she was going to tell Steve that. Not that she had to tell Steve that. 'Hey,' she said, as they turned the corner down another hallway. 'Can I stay at your place when I get out of here?'

Steve looked at her, surprised. 'Why would you want to stay at my place? Don't you get a free turndown service at home?'

'Oh, very funny.' She didn't bother to point out that she was living with Dov and Chris now. 'You know how insufferable they'd be, Steve. I don't need anyone to look after me. I just need somewhere…quiet.' On some levels, she was more honest with him than she was with anyone else, but not by much.

'It'd only be quiet because I'm never there.'

'Exactly. I could watch whatever I wanted on TV without you deciding that Iron Chef was more important.' The last time she'd visited, his DVR had been full up with cooking shows, and yet he still wouldn't admit to being a foodie.

'Hey, Iron Chef is high quality television. But I guess that doesn't mean much to someone who thinks that hot dogs are the epitome of culinary achievement.'

'I don't think hot dogs are the epitome of culinary achievement.' She gave him a look.

'Gail, nobody likes Mac and Cheese Puff Pie.'

'Hey, just because you suck at cooking doesn't mean you have to project your insecurities onto me.'

'Yeah, that's exactly what I'm doing.'

Gail couldn't find the energy to shoot back a witty retort – it was getting a little hard to breath again, so she slowed her walking down to slightly slower than a snail's crawl. It was marginally better than the previous day's effort, where it had taken her what felt like seventeen years just to walk down one hallway.

Steve had been the constant representative of the Peck family, and Gail was immensely grateful for it. She did not begrudge her parents their busyness; anything more than a once a week visit would have sent even more insane than hospitalization.

Holly, too, had been coming less and less, and Gail wasn't entirely sure how she felt about that. On the one hand, she enjoyed Holly's company immensely, but on the other hand, it skewed the power dynamic of their...relationship, which was already complicated enough as it was.

The weekend came too slowly for Gail's liking. She had grown restless, and snapped all too readily at Dov and Chris when they stopped by with donuts on Friday night. Chris let her rant for a moment about the merits of chocolate over glazed before pulling out the second box. If Dov hadn't been there, she might have kissed him. The delusion wore off quickly, followed by the grumpiness. It was with a vastly improved mood that she woke late on Saturday morning, with Steve already waiting for her.

'I am so glad to see you,' she told him.

'I'm pretty sure that's the first time you have ever said that to me,' he grinned.

Gail dealt with the paperwork herself, and only complained a few times as the Steve wheeled her to the entrance of the hospital. Traci was leaning up against his car, arms crossed.

'Ready to go?'

Gail stared. She had been expecting Steve. She hadn't been expecting Traci.

'Wait, did you guys…'

Traci gave Gail a look. It was the "if you say anything else, I swear to god I will kill you look."

'She's just here to make sure I don't accidentally let slip about your surprise party,' Steve said, matter-of-factly. Traci thumped him on the arm.

'Really? Five seconds?' Traci was indignant, but Gail, however, was grateful. Steve more than anyone knew how badly a surprise party in her honour would end.

'What? You know she hates surprises. Did I ever tell you about the time when Gail was twelve–' Steve was mercifully interrupted by the sound of his phone beeping as he switched it back on. 'I have to sort something out – I'll be five minutes.'

He handed Gail's bag over to Traci, and left to make his call. Traci lifted the bag into the trunk of the car, and too late Gail realized that the zipper was half open. 'Wait,' she called out even as the folder was falling to the ground. She tried ineffectually to catch it with the ends of her crutches, which, really, had been a failed venture from the start. The last few weeks, it had been easy enough to hide it under her pillow whenever someone came to visit, but the current situation afforded her no such luxury.

'What is this?' Traci asked, as she bent to pick it up. '"The Secret Diaries of Gail Peck?"' To her credit, Traci didn't open the folder and look inside, though Gail knew she probably wanted to.

'Promise you won't laugh?'

'Come on. Why would I laugh?' The was a question Gail did not want to touch.

'I'm applying for the Detective rotation again. These are my...notes.'

'You're studying?' Traci seemed like she was trying not to let the disbelief sound in her voice, but it shone through clearly. Gail didn't blame her. She was a lot of things, but she had never really been a studier. 'You don't really seem like the academic type.'

'Yeah, that's why I didn't want to tell you.'

'Gail, I wasn't trying—'

'I know, I know. I'm working on my whole "taking things personally" shtick.' Gail paused. 'Do you remember what you said to me, right after you made it through?'

Traci blanked. Really, Gail couldn't expect the other woman to remember. It had been a long time ago, and yet it felt like it was yesterday. The words had cut deeply at the time, but it was only in Gail's head that they seemed to come back around hauntingly, every time she felt like she wasn't good enough.

'You said that you'd worked harder to become a Detective than I ever worked in my entire life.' Traci's eyes widened slightly.

'Gail, I-'

'Hey, I'm not trying to call you out on it. We're in a different place now. We're...'

'Closer?' Traci offered.

Gail shrugged slightly. 'I was going to say...more mature, but I don't know if that really applies either.' She was thinking not of Traci, but of Andy. The things that she had said and done that she couldn't really take back. She paused. 'It's just...I tried so god damn hard,and I still wasn't good enough. But even if I had gotten it, people still would have said it was because my Mom pulled some strings.' Traci said nothing, but there was a look in her eyes that was almost piteous, and Gail hated it. 'I just feel like I can be something more,' Gail said, and hopefully Traci didn't miss the tone of finality in her voice.

There was quiet between them when Steve returned, but it was a more comfortable quiet. A quiet of understanding.

Steve's street was unusually busy, so much that Gail couldn't help but roll her eyes. 'You think cops would be better at being discreet,' she said, and Traci laughed.

'Some people wanted to do it at the Penny, but then, that wouldn't have really been a surprise,' she said. 'Plus, you can't escape here.'

Gail bit her lip, and fixed herself to endure.

They didn't call out surprise, but they did greet her with an uproarious cheer, and the grin that followed was in no way fake. Whatever had happened, it felt good to be out of the hospital, good to be home, in one way or another.

She was set on with hugs immediately, all of them manoeuvring awkwardly around her crutches. It was funny the first couple of times, less so when it became evident that everyone needed to get a hug in.

'Let me put my stuff down,' Gail said. Ignoring Traci's silent protests, she slung the bag over her good arm, and slowly made her way to the spare room, pausing only to give Holly a slight nod of the head. No sooner than the bedroom door had clicked shut, and Gail set herself on the edge of the bed, the door opened again. Holly took Gail's face in her hands, and pressed a long, slow kiss to her lips.

'Hi,' Gail murmured, and she could not help but grin. Holly stroked her hair, and let fingers ghost over the still-healing wound at her shoulder. 'I'm out.'

'Yeah, I noticed.' Holly smiled. 'I got invited to the party and everything.'

'I missed you.

'I didn't want to crowd you,' Holly admitted. Those words alone were enough for Gail to pull the other woman awkwardly down on top of her. There was a dull ache in her wounds, but it was tempered by the painkillers still coursing through her system.

'You really want to do this in your brother's spare room?' Holly whispered, trying not to laugh.

'Well it's more appropriate than doing it in his bathroom,' Gail reasoned. She could have gone a long time without sex – before Chris, she had gone a pretty long time. But Holly was here, and they were alone, and a couple of weeks in hospital felt like a lifetime.

Since Holly seemed to be making no move to do anything, so Gail grabbed her hand, and moved it somewhere a little more promising.

'Are you sure?' Holly asked. She seemed to be concerned for Gail's welfare.

'When the alternative is breaking my stitches trying to get myself off, yeah.' That, more than anything, seemed to sway Holly's mind. Minutes later, they were both short of breath, lying against the ridiculous amount of pillows that had overtaken the bed.

'We should go back out there,' Holly said. 'People are probably starting to wonder where the guest of honour is.'

'Let them,' Gail said, sleepily. 'I got shot; there's only so much time you can use that as an excuse for things.'

Holly didn't say anything right away. 'Do you like fish?' she asked, and Gail did a double-take.

'Like...fried?' she asked, confused.

'I mean the animal,' Holly clarified. 'When you were in the hospital, you told me you wanted to go scuba diving.'

'Scuba diving?' Gail repeated. 'Why would I tell you I wanted to go scuba diving?'

'Well, you were a little high at the time.'

'Oh.' A few months ago, the thought of doing anything that was outside of her comfort zone seemed unheard of. Today. Well, a few months ago the thought of having a girlfriend was insane, and yet here Gail was sneaking away from her own surprise party to make out with her. 'Well, I mean...I don't hate fish. They're kind of pretty. And as long as I get to wash my hair afterwards...Hey. I have a question for you.'

'Yeah.' Holly had an almost curious look on her face.

'Move in with me.'

Holly raised an eyebrow. 'Into your bedroom…?'

'No, genius.' Gail nudged her softly. 'When your lease ends, I think we should find a place. You know…together.'

'Seriously? You want to perpetuate that stereotype?' Holly sounded amused, but not in a bad sort of why. Gail wasn't even sure why she'd said anything, only it had seemed like a good idea at the time.

'Please. I can't afford a Jacuzzi on just my salary, and you make way more than I do."

Holly kissed her. 'A bar, too, right?'

'A bar, and a Jacuzzi, and…a really nice TV.'

'I have a nice TV.'

'Then an Xbox. And some nice plants. We can't have the whole place taken up just by your stuff.'

There was a knock on the door. 'Are you two coming out, or should I just send everyone home?' Traci called out. Gail couldn't help but break into a fit of giggles, and Holly followed suit.

'We're coming,' she said. 'Get me a drink ready.'

With Holly's help, Gail made sure her clothes were all buttoned up the right way, and together they made their way back into the fray. Thankfully, nobody seemed overly suspicious of their absence; apparently Traci and Steve had both run interference.

'Here you go.' Traci handed Gail a cocktail glass, complete with pink umbrella. 'Virgin, before you ask.' There was a joke in there somewhere, but neither of them made it.

Drink in hand, Gail did the rounds, taking in a few dozen different variations of how glad they all were to see her out of the hospital.

Andy, somehow, was less insufferable than usual. Maybe, Gail decided, the other woman was acting the same way she always did, and it was just Gail's perception of her that had changed. There were still "conversations" to be had, but Gail was far too tired, and far too apathetic to want to do it now. It was tomorrow's problem.

One by one, they left, until finally, the only people left were Steve, Traci and Holly. Now they were all but alone Gail had taken Holly's hand in hers, and she didn't want to let go. It seemed a given that she would be staying the night, and Steve rummaged around until he found enough clean towels.

Gail showered and dressed with Holly's help, a gentle, and patient touch. She was everything Gail wasn't, and maybe that was why Gail found herself so enamoured.

The lights went out, and the doors shut, and Gail settled herself in bed. The last thing she felt before her eyes fluttered closed was Holly's lips against her neck.

The nightmares didn't come.