An hey here is the first revised chapter sorry it's taking so long to get new material up my story is fighting with me. Hopefully once I finish editing the eairlier chapters the next peice of story will come to me,

I dont own the twilight universe or the characters i just play with them :-).

I've just returned from hunting, I leap across the river and make my way up the garden towards the kitchen door, I glance up to my bedroom window I can see the back of bellas head, she is sitting in the sofa against the window, she moved in a week ago in preparation for the wedding and I am on my way upstairs to find her , I focus my vampire hearing in what is happening inside, and I can hear pages being turned, bella is probebly reading a book borrowed from Carlisle's library, I walk in the back door and cross the kitchen. As I enter the living room my eyes scan the space automatically. At first I don't register anything out of the ordinary but then my eyes lock on the sofa and I freeze. Carlisle is sitting on the sofa with esme they are tangled in a Intimate embrace kissing. Off the top of my head I can't remember ever seeing them kiss before, i scan my perfect memory and realise that in fact they have never kissed publicly. It seems strange, vampires are creatures of habit we don't usually make changes to our behaviour, i wonder why they have, Suddenly all that vanishes from my mind and I am over come with jealously. It it hits me forcefully like a wave, occurs to me that I want to be the one tangled in Carlisle's arms. No wait that can't be right, I can't want Carlisle?! But I do, something's wrong with me I'm engaged for pity's sake. I need to think. I head for the stairs but instead of going to my and bellas room I go to the library. I have to figure this out,. I walk into the library and shut the door behind me, I go over to my favourite chair a deep red heavily cushioned seat by the back window, I sit down and stare out into the Forrest delaying my analysis of the events downstairs. After about ten minutes I realise that I have to face this sooner or later and force myself to think of it again, , for some reason i was jealous of Esme, but i cant want to be with Carlisle surely i can't, for a start he is my father. But then I consider that for a moment. I realise that although he sees me as his son and We pretend to be father and son to make it easier to interact with the human world I have never seen him as a father. he is My maker, my teacher, my guide, my companion and my friend but never my father. Which makes me wonder if I could possibly have feelings for him. My first instinct is to think no. But I am beginning to wonder if that answer is just a reflex. I think back over the last century there was definitely nothing romantic at first I'm sure of that. Gratitude for saving and teaching me, and friendship but nothing more. Then I think about when esme joined us and I remember having a similar spike of jealousy then but at the time I buried it without thought or analysis. I study the following decades in detail and I consider how exactly seeing Esme and Carlisle kissing made feel. And I am forced to accept something something that a part of me has known for a long time something I have denied to myself but can't deny any longer something that threatens to turn my world upside down... I love Carlisle.

I love Carlisle. I realise that now But what am I going to do. he certainly doesn't feel the same way and I am engaged. I love bella. She is my mate my other half. Isn't she? Don't be stupid I tell myself of course she is. I do nothing I decide. I ignore these feelings pretend they don't exist. They have been buried for decades they can be buried again. A part of me wonders if that will work or if now that i have accepted how I feel if it is too late but I ignore that thought. Then the door opens and Carlisle walks in.
"Oh sorry Edward I didn't realise you were in here"
I look at him as if I am seeing him for the first time. His blonde hair shimmering in the light from the hallway. His firm muscular chest barely hidden beneath his t-shirt he is gorgeous. I look back to his face and his eyes capture mine golden deep and beautiful. Stop it I tell myself forcefully he's still the same Carlisle stop looking at him like that. It's been 2 seconds since he spoke and I hear in his thoughts him wonder why I haven't replied.
"No its fine Carlisle I was just thinking do come in"
He comes over and sits next to me.
"Are you alright. You seemed upset when you left the lounge and you have the strangest expression on your face"
He places his hand on my shoulder. It feels like molten fire seeping through my shirt and suddenly I want his hands all over me and I want to feel every inch of him under my hands. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP I scream at myself inside my head, those kind of thoughts are totally inappropriate.
"You know you can talk to me about anything that's bothering you don't you"
Yeah anything but this i think but instead I say "yes I know don't worry I'm fine."
I stand shrugging out from under his hand.
"I'm going to go and find bella. I haven't seen her all day"
I leave the room and make my way to my bedroom. I walk in and see bella sprawled in the bed reading a book. She hasn't noticed me enter, I look at her study her She is beautiful of course but I realise in that instant that what I feel for her is a fraction of what I feel for Carlisle. And suddenly I don't know wether I can go through with the wedding. I don't know what to do. I stand frozen for 30 seconds Bella still hasn't noticed me then I hear Alice gasp downstairs she has had a vision and I have to know what it is.