A/N: SKYRIM! That's all I have to say. I've been playing the game on and off as of late, and I've noticed that there are really only a few good crossovers with this. Not surprising, considering how vast the Skyrim universe is, and how difficult it would be to merge with that of Naruto's. And this humorous little idea came out of it.

Do try not to laugh in the beginning...this is going to be one of my most epic works yet!

"You cannot defeat me, for you are not a dovah!"

~Alduin.

Arrival

"YOL TOOR SHUL!"

A thunderous belch split the starry skies of Skyrim, followed by a cascade of otherwordly flame lighting up the night like a fireworks. A Dragon, its scalers blacker than any shadow, its eyes the color of blood, swooped down from Bleak Falls Barrow roaring its fury for all the world to hear. And the world trembled. Because this was no mere mindless lizard, nor was it intent upon equally senseless destruction. This was Alduin, firstborn son of Akatosh, the World Eater. Men- even the mighty nords-quivered at the mere mention of his name. Women and children whimpered in fear at his passing.

Unfortunately, his latest prey-lest he actually begin to think of the creature in his stomach as a worthy adversary-was neither nord nor was he a child. Rather...he was something else. Something that was proving rather difficult to digest, and fighting him every bit of the way down. Something he was beginning to regret having eaten!

"Lemme outta here, dragonbreath!" A furious snarl erupted deep within his bowels, punctuated by another blinding haze of agony.

"Aaaaaaargh!"

Alduin yowled in pained surprise as something struck his stomach from within, damaging his intestine. His wings skipped a beat, forcing him to drift down toward the ground lest he collapse. He shot a withering glare at his quivering gullet, still trembling from his victim's latest escape attempt. By Akatosh, he was a stubborn one! Nearly three hours now the prey had been trapped in his stomach and still, these struggles only seemed to grow stronger with each passing atack!

"Be a good joor and digest reasonably!" He snarled at his own stomach as he beat his wings agains the air and tried to regain his hover. Impudent mortal! He would be digested, and then this whole sordid affair would be over!

His midday meal wasn't having any of it.

"Rasengan!"

Another bout of ear-splitting agony wracked Alduin from tail to snout, sending the mighty world eater to his knees. His forehead kissed the snow-covered ground as blow after blow resounded within his stomach, forcing him to bend double just to breathe. A groan snaked between his teeth. He never should have eaten that man! Had any been present to witness him, the almighty Alduin, suffering from an upset stomach, he would have roasted them where they stood. Thankfully none were present to witness his horrid state indigestion. None but himself.

And he himself despised every minute of it!

This had to be the first mortal to ever survive being swallowed whole-then be able to fight back from within his stomach!

Having laid waste to the village of Helgen -interrupting what might have been a splendid execution- he'd happened upon a rather belligerent blond wandering the wilds of Skyrim. His clothing tattered, his body bloodied and his skin marred countless wounds. At first he hadn't taken any interest in the poor fool's plight, save for the incredible power he sensed within him. That was when he'd recognized those strange, colored vestments, attire he'd seen once before, centuries ago. It had been another time, ages ago. He had been younger back then, not quite a hapless hatchling, but neither was he the almighty terror he was now. Ages before the Nords had come to these shores, in a time many had all but forgotten.

But not Alduin.

The beings of that time had been called Shinobi, and they had proved themselves to be a most troublesome lot. He'd tried to devour the world back then, but in the end he had failed, and was driven into forced slumber by Senju Hashirama for countless millenia. That had been...such a long time ago. The Shinobi were all but extinct. Therefore, one could imagine Alduin's surprise upon encountering the member of a long deceased race, wandering the wastes of Skyrim looking, for lack of a better term, like he'd just come out a meat grinder. A brief conversation with him had confirmed the World Eater's Suspicions, as did the language he spoke, flowing syllables that only he, Alduin, could understand.

Naturally Alduin had eaten him. Swallowed the man whole. After all, he was the World Eater! Even he had to eat and Shinobi-as he recalled from the time of the Shodaime Hokage-made most excellent meals. He hadn't cared how or whence the shinobi had gained access to this forsaken future, nor did he care. He had been hungry, and so, eaten him. And he given the matter a second thought. Until now.

"Let! Me! OUT!"

Each word was punctuated by another blow, each stronger than the last. These, Alduin could resist.

What he could not stand, however, was the sensation of teeth grinding against his innards, of his digestive tract being torn asunder, ripped apart, eaten...eaten?! Alduin lurched, his eyes bucking in shock, surprise, then anger. Cruel, unholy anger. Was this joor...this mortal...actually trying to devour him?! To take his power for his own?! Already he could feel it, the almighty, godilike strength that was his own...slowly sapping from him like blood from a leech, before being absorbed by the mortal man in his stomach, growing stronger with each passing second...

Finally Alduin he could take it no more.

"Very well!" He snarled, his words dripping with derision. "I release you!"

Alduin gagged his massive body doubling over; his mouth producing a horrid, wretched sound. Jaws of razor sharp teeth opened wide, fangs capable of severing plated steel creaked open as one, divulging the contents of their stomach onto snowy ground of Bleak Falls Barrow with a mighty belch. The hapless prey was sent tumbling into the snow, body still steaming from the acid of the dragon's gullet, and lay still. For a moment, the whole of Skyrim seemed to hold her breath, and in that breath, Alduin dared to hope his prey had finally given up the ghost, and in doing so. Scowling, he raised a talon overhead, prepared to crush his tormentor into a bloody pulp upon the frost-covered ground.

"You fought well, mortal." he commended the blonde's inert form. "As a reward, I shall grant you a swift death before my power takes hold."

Ba-dump.

A hand shot up from the snow and seized his claw at the last instant, stopping him from dealing the final blow. Alduin balked, muscles strained taut, but to no avail. What devilry was this?! Try as he might, he could not bring his talons to move another inch, not even a centimeter towards the man's scarred neck.

Dripping in a gout of green goup the young man, covered in digestive fluids, gasped out a breath. His clothes-what little remained of them-were rags ruined by his stay in the dragon's stomach. Blue eyes fluttered open in a pained squint. whiskered cheeks pinched in disgusted annoyance and aggravation. And then, as mortals often did, the joor surprised Alduin. Still holding tight to the World Eater's claw, the namelesss stranger drew himself up to his full, towering height and spat an unfamiliar curse.

"You...fucking...asshole!" he gasped, chest heaving with exertion. "I coulda died!"

Alduin leered down at the prey with his large, red eyes. He glared at him, this human-this mortal!-who had withstood his Thu'um, emerged unscathed from the fires of his throat-from the acid of his stomach, and dared still to mock him thus. This was absurd! Ridiculous! He was the firstborn son of Akatosh! How then, could this mere mortal survive his wrath?! His long neck and head swung over to look at the human, lips drawing back to expose razor sharp teeth, a scowl of scorn.

"Who are you, boy?" he rumbled the question; not in the tongue of Nords, nor in the language of Dovah, but in the blonde's own tongue. Blasted joor still had hold of his claw! Alduin tried to tug his talons free, but alas, the mortal was not so foolish as to release him. Covered in foul-smelling goup he might be but he was certainly no fool. The whiskered blonde stared at him a moment, uncomprehending. He closed his eyes and blinked rapidly; his eyes fluttering open and shut with all the rapidity of a hummingbird's wingspan. Finally, he frowned, his lips pursed into a thin line.

"Alright, I must be dreaming." the deadpann was barely concealed.

Alduin arched a scaly eyebrow. Where was the harm in indulging him? He'd be dead soon enough.

"What makes you say think this is a dream, mortal?"

To his credit, the nameless blond did not release him.

"Three things." He held up the fingers of his free hand and began to count them off, one by one. "First, its not mortal. The names's Naruto. Uzumaki Naruto. Second, I know there's no such things as dragons. Third, and even if dragons did exist-and they don't-they certainly don't talk!"

"Is that so?" Alduin lowered his head, his snout now mere inches from the blonde's visage. "You seem to be out of your element then, little joor."

Face with his fetid breath the blonde frowned, a touch of uncertainty creeping into his tone.

"Why's that?"

"For I am Alduin, the World Eater!" Alduin snarled, the words booming deep and loud in his throat. And this is no dream. It is your end!"

Without another word, he drew back, reared his head, and spat.

"TOOR SHUL!"

The blond flung up his free hand with a shout, as though he could somehow ward off the inferno. Incredibly, he did. Even as he raised his arm the flames parted around it like the Red Seas; refusing to harm him. Alduin blinked, frowned, and shouted once more, pouring every ounce of his being into the all-consuming destruction of his Thu'um. Yet again the shout flowed past Naruto-refusing to touch him, melting the snow at their feet but leaving him very much untouched all the same. Alduin snapped his jaw shut, flabbergasted. This...did not bode well.

"See?" The blond nodded to himself, still unconvinced. "This has to be a dream. You can't hurt me!"

For perhaps the first time since hatching, Alduin felt a very real touch of fear. The blond had taken more of his power than he'd first thought. Not even the fires of his Thu'um could touch him. He very much doubted the blond suffered from the same restriction. But that didn't mean he couldn't crush him to a bloody pulp!

"We shall see about that, joor!"

Alduin's tail snaked out, lashing the ground between them sweepingthe blond from his feet, forcing him to relinquish his hold upon the dragon's claw. Freed from the man's hold the mighty World Eater beat his wings in an attempt to ascend. That attempt was cut painfully short as the joor grabbed hold of his tail. Ordinairily, this wouldn't have impeded Alduin in the slightest; he would've simply shaken him off. But this joor was strong where others were weak, mighty where nords faltered. And try as he might-beat his wings into flight-Alduin could not escape him.

"Alright," Naruto groaned, standing woodenly, "Not a dream. If that's the case then...

He dug his feet into the snowy soil and held fast, muscles bulging from the exertion. Alduin scowled down from his hover.

"What now then, boy?"

"Then I am the reification of mankind's anger!" Sapphire snapped into slitted scintilating shade of scarlet, one the World Eater knew all too well. Those eyes reminded him of an old adversary, a creature nearly his equal in size and strength, but more than his match in terms of intelligence. Those eyes reminded him of a fox. Of Kurama. That blasted creature had injured him more times than he cared to count, and the thought of facing those eerie red eyes for a second time was met with some pause. For a moment, just a moment, Alduin hesitated. It cost him most dear.

"ORA!"

Movement.

Alduin had just enough time to proccess it, to comprehend this before the battered blond stepped forward and hurled him over his shoulder. Over. His. Shoulder. The world blurred like never before as Aludin felt his feet leave the snow, claws dragging against the ground, then the drifts, then empty air as his massive form hurtled through the sky like a speeding arrow and slammed into Bleak Falls Barrow. The impact itself did not harm him in the conventional sense-stone was no match for the protection afforded by dracon scales-but his pride had suffered a mortal blow nonetheless.

To be thrown by a mortal...it was infuriating!

Alduin levered himself up with a furious roar, eyes ablaze with fire and fury. He beat his wings furiously, buffeting the barrow with a mighty gust, scouring the snows from the ground. Enough! No more of this! He would entertain this foolishness no longer! He would not entertain this mortal any longer! With shriek that made the heavens themselves quivier he erupted upwards, abandoning the ground for the safety and sanctity that the heavens offered.

"Pahlok joor!" he roared in his native tongue as he took to the skies. "Hin kah fen kos bonaar!"

Arrogant mortal! Your pride will be humbled!

Naruto cocked his head, and to the dragon's disbelief, it appeared as though he actually understood him. Perhaps that snack in my stomach did more than just impart some of my power to him, Aludin mused with a bit of bitterness. He may yet be able to comprehend our language now. He remained aloft a moment longer, sneering down at this impotent mortal. Mighty though this joor was, he could not fly, and he lacked a bow, with which to harm him and...oh?

As Alduin looked on, the blonde proved himself to be full of surprises. He braced himself and offered a hand to the heavens. A strange, golden glow began to emanate from him, engulfing his body, to spread outward in a shroud of golden flame. That same energy coallesced within his palm, hissing and spitting in the epicenter of his hand, forming what, from this altitude, looked like a large, round discus of sorts. The World Eater could feel the energy within that strange shape tugging at him; trying to pull him donward. He fought it with all his might, his greath leathery wings beating fiercely to maintain his elevation. What the devil did that joor think he was doing...?!

"RASENSHURIKEN!"

By some instinct, Alduin chose to swerve to the left and ascend as the blond brought his arm back to throw. Not a moment too soon. A blur of air whistled past where he'd been hovering only an instant before-shrieking through the empty air to obliterate the peak of a nearby mountaintop, eviscerating all evidence that it'd ever been there. An uneasy silence passed between them, man and dragon. In that silence, the latter begrudginly acknowledged a wary respect to the former. Such power! Well, the joor had certainly surprised him with that one, but he would not have a second chance to do so. He understood now. This boy housed another entity, a being he loathed more than this world itself.

The joor housed Kurama; the source of this ungodly strength.

Interesting.

"Get your ass down here, scales!" Naruto shouted up at him. "I'm not done with you yet!"

"And what will you do, puny mortal?" Alduin scoffed down at him. "Do you honestly expect to fight me? The mighty Alduin?! Even with your tenant, you stand no chance!"

The blond seemed to shudder then; a chill came over him. When next he spoke, his voice was no longer his own; nay, those words-that tone-could only belong to one creature. Alduin exhaled a furious hiss as he felt an recognized the prescence of his old enemy. Kurama. Two souls, sharing one body. How...amusing.

"Fight you?" The blond sneered. "No...I want to kill you."

"I invite you to try the next time we meet, you foolish fox!" Alduin scoffed, as turned and began to soar away. Now, was not that time. He would satiate his vengeance later when he was recovered, when these wounds inflicted upon his internal organs had healed. He trusted his regeneration to fuel the proccess and make his recovery a speedy one. And if he need devour a few lives to hasten it, then so be it. Then, and only then, well after he'd returned to his full strength, would he end this beleagured boy and his arch rival.

Vengeance would be his!

Naruto watched the black dragon dissappear over the mountains, refusing to tear his gaze away until he was certain it was truly gone. Then, and only then, did he allow himself to collapse; allow his body to topple back in a heap, allow the chakra cloak to dissipate from his body like so much mist. The snow was soft and cool against his back and the starry night sky lay there to greet him with open arms. But he did not sleep, although the temptation did haunt him. He was still trying to figure out why he was here. The last thing he remembered was that Bijuduama going off in front of the three of them; himself, Sasuke, and Minato. Then there was a great blackness, a terrible darkness, the sensation of falling...

And now he was here, having just survived being swallowed whole by a fucking dragon. A dragon whom he'd managed to throw over his shoulder and later drive off. That he was still alive was something of a miracle, in and of itself. Where the hell was here anyway? He had the succinct feeling he wasn't in the Elemental Nations anymore. His body ached for comfort and begged for warmth; these tattered rags did little to provide either in any case.

"Its been awhile since I've seen that dragon."

Neither did Kurama.

"I take it the two of you know each other?"

"You...might say that. A couple thousand years ago."

"Say what?!" Naruto nearly lurched upright, only for the pain to force him back down. He was healing from the acid burns garnered in Alduin's stomach, but slowly. What little chakra he did have left was being used just to keep his mind in a semi-lucid state. Wounded as he was his mind was nearly broken, warring between a tenuous grasp of sanity and a full grip on madness. Kurama's previous statement did precious little to shift the balance in the former's favor.

"Meaning...?"

"Kit...I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."

"The fuck is Kansas?!" Naruto shivered, rubbing his bare shoulders in a vain attempt to warm himself. He needed to find some warmth, and fast. Before frostbite set in.

The sound of iron boots crunching against the snow drew Naruto's attention, as did the growing light of a torch. Someone was fast approaching; having been attracted by the commotion, or having borne witness to his fierce fight with Alduin. Probably the latter. He craned his neck as a figure stepped out of the shadows-he couldn't make out much with all that iron armor-and posed a question toward him.

"What in Oblivion was that?" They asked, trudging forward in his direction. "Are you alright?"

Naruto blinked. Frowned.

"Did you get that?"

Kurama shook his head.

"Nope, didn't understand a word of it."

"So apparently...

...they don't speak our language."

"Lovely."

Battered and beaten, the blonde slowly-gingerly!-picked himself up off the snow and turned his head to regard the newcomer in the torchlight. One thought pushed itself to the forefront of his mind, one all-consuming, all encompassing inkling that demanded attention above all else. And it would not be denied.

"Who in the nine hells are you?"

A/N: And there you have it! Not my best take on the world of Skyrim, I know, but it IS my first. And definitely one of the most amusing. I almost feel bad for Alduin, trying to eat Naruto! Everyone knows he's too damn stubborn to digest! This chapter took place shortly after he ravaged Helgen, which means the Dovahkin-Dragonborn-is still alive and well, though I haven't the slightest idea was to who they're going to be. I leave that to you, dear reader!

The pairing is still very much up in the air, so I haven't the foggiest of what its going to be. But how did Naruto find himself launched so far into the future? He's obviously been in a battle of sorts, but that isn't the problem. NO ONE IN SKYRIM SPEAKS JAPANESE! Talk about your language barrier...

And with that may your mind be left to wonder, to think of what will happen now that the chaos that is Uzumaki Naruto has come to Skyrim! That newcomer we see at the end of the chapter, yeah its the Dragonborn. I leave it to you, dear readers, to decide who he/she shall be!

So...in the immortal words Atlas...

...Review, Would You Kindly?

R&R! =D