Title: Reprecipitations
Rating: K+
Series: Star Trek: Voyager
Author: Singing Violin
Summary: It is never a good idea to second-guess Kathryn Janeway. Resolutions AU.
Disclaimer: The characters are borrowed, please don't sue.
Feedback: If you have read my story, and have something to say about it, positive or negative, please share. Corrections are especially welcome, and errors will be fixed promptly.

It wasn't long before she pulled away, squeezing his bio-suit slightly in her fists – as if to grab a bit of his essence for safe-keeping – before letting him go. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, trying desperately to stem the flow of tears.

She was suddenly aware of the dead bodies in the room…and their stench. She wrinkled her nose. "It smells awful in here." Of course it does. Rotting corpses stink.

"Yeah," he affirmed, feeling bereft of the warmth that had just moments ago been in his arms. "We should probably clean up. Give these good men and women a proper burial."

She nodded, looked around briefly, then bolted for the Ready Room, her hand covering her mouth.

"Kathryn?" he asked worriedly, following closely behind her.

He heard the unmistakable sound of retching behind the bathroom door. His heart clenched in his chest as he considered going to her. She had, after all, accepted his offer of help…in figuring out what to do next, nothing more, the cynical voice in his head elaborated.

It went on and on, and he started to worry.

Oh hell…what have I got to lose? Finally, he overruled his sense of propriety and opened the door.

It wasn't locked.

Of course it isn't…who has time to lock a door on their way to the toilet to vomit? That doesn't mean she's inviting you in.

She convulsed slightly, hunched over the commode, and he ran to her, silencing his internal naysayer as he approached.

He knelt beside her and began rubbing her back as she continued to heave.

He thought he heard her gasp when he first touched her, but she did nothing to resist.

Of course not. She's a little busy right now.

Still it continued, even with his tender ministrations. She must be exhausted. I wouldn't be surprised if she collapsed any moment now.

"Breathe, Kathryn," he tried suggesting, but that only seemed to make things worse, as she tensed at the sound of his voice.

So he waited through her prolonged agony, knowing it would have to stop eventually.

We have all the time in the world now.

Finally, gracelessly, she did collapse, falling against him and whimpering slightly. "I'm so sorry," she mumbled morosely.

"Don't be," he told her simply, wrapping his arms around her. "You do what you need to do."

She shook her head, still not turning to face him. Perhaps she feels she can't face me now. Have I humiliated her?

"Chakotay," she started, then swallowed harshly. "How are you handling this so well?"

He answered her with a question. "Are you done?"

She nodded. "I…I think so."

"Okay," he acknowledged. "Let's get you cleaned up, and then we can talk."

She looked down then, realizing she hadn't quite made it to the toilet, at least the first time. Her biohazard suit…at least, the part of it she was still wearing…was a mess.

He helped her to remove the remaining pieces of outerwear without further soiling the rest of her clothing. He also removed his own suit, and placed them both in the refresher. Then, he led her to the couch, motioning for her to sit down.

When she seemed settled, he walked over to the replicator and ordered a glass of water, a washcloth, and an empty basin, then placed the last item on the coffee table in front of her.

Tilting the glass, he poured a slight bit of the water onto the cloth, then offered it to her without a word.

She stared for a moment, then realization seemed to dawn on her. She grabbed the damp towel and silently wiped her face, then set it down on the table next to the bowl. He handed her the glass, then, and she tentatively sipped. He eyed the basin suggestively, but she didn't seem to need it.

"Feeling better?" he asked, gently patting her knee as he sat beside her.

She glared. "Not really."

He cleared his throat. "Right. So, you asked how I'm handling this so well."

She didn't speak, but her eyes begged him to continue.

Sighing, he contemplated how to explain. "Are you sure you don't already know?" he asked hopefully.

She shook her head. "I guess I'm just not as strong as you are," she uttered bitterly, the disappointment in herself dripping from every word.

His eyes widened. "No!" he stated emphatically, squeezing her leg for emphasis. "You are the strongest person I know!"

"Then what?" she asked weakly.

"Do you remember the legend I told you about?" he queried.

"The fake one?" she responded.

At that, he smiled slightly, despite the situation. "Yeah, that one. Well, I'm at peace now." I've got you, and that's all that matters to me.

"But how can you just…deal, when your entire crew has been brutally murdered?" She seemed to be desperately searching for something to cling onto, something to… to ease her burdens, idiot. Wasn't that supposed to be your job?

He couldn't help himself. "It wasn't my crew, Kathryn…it was yours. I gave my people up to you two years ago. I mean…I still cared for them, and looked out for them, but they were no longer my responsibility, except as much as you delegated that to me."

She pulled her knees up to her chest then, suddenly feeling cold and vulnerable. "So, if you were the captain, you'd be as much of a wreck as I am?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I don't think anyone can predict how they might react to something like this."

"We go over scenarios like this in the Academy," she said, and he understood that she was speaking mostly to herself, so he didn't interrupt. "The Kobayashi Maru, for one." Her contempt for herself was becoming increasingly evident in her tone. "Any cadet can handle this better than I can."

"No, Kathryn," he admonished. "They know it isn't real. You knew it wasn't real, then. I'm sure you handled it just as well as everyone else."

She shook her head again, and made a startling admission, sotto voce. "I cried for three days after the Kobayashi Maru. I never told anyone that before, but it really hit me hard. I didn't like having no way out. I just kept thinking about all those people, and how I must have missed some way to save them. But I was afraid, if I told anyone, that they'd never let me graduate. So I just hid in my room and came out when I finally got control of myself."

He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, breathing deeply, knowing how difficult it was for her to confide in him. At once he was abundantly pleased that she was finally opening up to him, and intensely worried about her well-being.

"Thank you for sharing that with me," he said, his voice trembling a bit as he contemplated something comforting to say next. "And I can't speak to what they would have done if they'd known, but honestly, I think your compassion for the crew…your determination to protect them…saved more than a few lives in the course of our journey so far."

She squinted slightly at him, as if to say you've got to be joking. "I didn't save ANY lives…they're all dead. Every last one."

"Kathryn," he spoke, trying to draw her out of her guilt-infused reverie. "You saved us, for one. Without that cure…"

"We'd still be happily on New Earth," she finished for him. "Alive, well, and still thinking the same of the rest of the crew."

"That wouldn't bring them back to life either," he pointed out. "Just our not knowing."

"Wouldn't it?" She laughed bitterly. "Schrödinger's cat…"

He had to smile at her reference, but quickly focused back upon the task at hand. "You weren't with them. If you'd been here, you could have saved them."

"But I wasn't, Chakotay! I didn't find that cure fast enough…I screwed up, got bitten by that bug, and then wasn't there to save them."

"Hey!" he practically shouted. "I got bitten too. It is NOT our fault. We also told them not to contact the Vidiians. They disobeyed orders, and it got them killed."

She searched his eyes for a moment, clearly mulling something important. "They disobeyed my orders," she repeated. "They disrespected my authority. What kind of a captain was I if I couldn't command the respect of my crew?!"

Her feet hit the floor then, and she leaned forward as if to rise. He knew she intended to pace, but he held out a hand to prevent her from getting up.

Again, she glared in his direction.

He lowered his voice. "You're not well, Kathryn. I suggest you get some rest. Here or in your quarters. I can walk you there. Afterwards, I'll get started with the cleanup duties."

"I should help," she responded. "I want to help…I have to help. As you said, they're my crew." Even if they did completely disregard my orders.

"All right," he conceded, taking her hand and squeezing it. "But I'll be right by your side…" Easing your burdens, just as I promised. "Should I activate the doctor and get you an anti-nausea hypo for the smell?"

"I think I'll be all right now," she uttered unconvincingly. "There's nothing left in my stomach, anyhow."

You were dry-heaving for at least ten minutes, so I doubt that'll stop you.

Chakotay bit his tongue, and they went to work.

They'd gotten most of the bridge crew into burial pods when her eyelids began to droop, and he caught her as she almost fell over.

"Whoa, there," he remarked. "I think it's time to call it quits for the night. Come on, let's go."

She followed him into the turbolift and leaned heavily against him while they waited to arrive at their destination. When they reached her quarters, he was torn between dropping her off at the door and inviting himself in.

She made the decision for him. "Will you stay?" she asked shyly. "I know it sounds silly, but with all the bodies about, I feel like the ship is haunted. I…" She gulped before continuing. "I don't want to be alone."

He nodded. "Me either. It is rather eerie. I'll take the couch."

She seemed comfortable with that arrangement, and disappeared into the washroom to prepare for bed.

When she returned, he was already asleep.

"Thank you," she whispered, squatting down to kiss his forehead. She then collapsed into her bed and fell promptly into dreams.