AN: It's the final countdown...and I still don't own a single number of it.

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The graduation ceremony was joined with a memorial service and would have made Nyota heartbreakingly sad if she hadn't been in that state already. She cried out all of her tears some time ago, and during the graduation, she was simply staring numbly ahead.

After that, she went to see her parents for three weeks. Her mother was very emotional, about the danger she had been in as well as the fact that she would leave for space soon. She was, indeed, assigned to the Enterprise, to serve under Kirk as the communications officer. A month ago, she would have been thrilled.

Fortunately, the recent tragedy provided a good reason for her emotional state. And it wasn't entirely an excuse, the destruction of Vulcan, deaths of her schoolmates and death of Lady Amanda weighted greatly on her mind. It just wasn't the only thing that bothered her.

She tried to feel guilty about that. Billions of Vulcans died with that planet. What was one little heartbreak compared to it? It shouldn't be as much as worth mentioning. She wasn't even dating him, she shouldn't feel so forlorn at having no future prospects with him. But the thing was, only now was she beginning to appreciate how deep her feelings really ran.

Nyota had known before that they stemmed from friendship and so it was no mere crush, but because she had to constantly tamp down on her emotions when he was her teacher, she never realized how much she truly felt. It was probably for the best, it wouldn't have changed the logic of his decision – which she approved of, really – and it would have just made it more difficult. Like it was more difficult right now. She was looking forward to going to space, hoping it would distract her. She dreaded the boring shifts he mentioned. That was the time when depression would set in. The depression she'd thought was gone forever when it didn't come that spring. It would be back, and it would be worse, because she found her chance and she let it go. Logically, it was the correct decision, but then her depression was not based on logic.

Her mind was a cage she couldn't escape. When she tried to forget about Spock, there were the faces of her dead friends in her mind, and when she turned from them, it was the picture of Vulcan being destroyed that was burned in her retinas. And when her thoughts tried to find something else to dwell on, there was the absence of Spock to catch their attention. There was only darkness everywhere.

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Nyota spent the first two weeks in Africa in this vicious circle without any improvement, in sleepless nights or nightmares and days spent by crying. After two weeks, she firmly decided to pick herself up. The people who died were gone, there was nothing she could do about it, and crying would not help them. And as for Spock...she told him to go to New Vulcan, she told him she understood, and it was true. His duty lay with his people. She was not going to mope about it, she wasn't some damned pathetic heroine. She would prepare for her new job instead.

Her parents noticed the change in her and were joyful, and she was sorry she caused them worry and hadn't even realized it. She tried extra hard for them, and the last week was almost pleasant. It was only on surface, of course – she couldn't command her deeper emotions that easily and there were still waves of despair overcoming her, and nightmares, but at least she didn't show it, and that made her family happier.

There were many tears shed in the parting, and then it was a week before the launch of the Enterprise, and Nyota was back in San Francisco. She shared some girl talks with Gaila, to whom she could talk about their dead friends as well as Spock, and Gaila would comfort her and tease her out her bad mood, mainly by pretending to be jealous of her bridge position. And one moment Nyota became worried that she actually was jealous, but Gaila just laughed.

"I wouldn't want to be on bridge. I don't know if I'll ever want to be there, and certainly not now. It's too much stress and responsibility. I am content as one computer engineer among many."

And then the time for Nyota's first real space job came. In the morning, there was the ceremony for Kirk's commendation and commission, for which almost every cadet who was on the Enterprise during the Nero crisis, and some younger ones too, came back to the Academy. Nyota was happy for him, but at the same time couldn't help feeling that there should be a ceremony like that being held for Spock, too, and that it was deeply wrong that there wasn't.

When she sat on the bridge of the Enterprise later in the day, she was trying to awaken in herself some enthusiasm. This was what she'd always wanted. This was the fulfilment of her life's dreams. A bridge officer at 27. That was surely impressive (though not as impressive as Kirk's captain at 22, of course. He skipped four ranks. But still.) And on the Enterprise, of all starships. She should be able to feel happy and accomplished, she thought, irritated, as she reported to Kirk that dock control was ready. Dwelling on the bad things was just...it was just not logical. Well, no matter. She would overcome this in time, or at least suppress it, which was enough for most practical purposes. The springs would probably get a bit worse, but she would be able to handle it, in time. She just had to be patient with herself and concentrate on her work.

And then there was the sound of the turbolift arriving, and she turned to see who it was, and her heart stopped.

What...? How...? She didn't know or understand, and she only half heard his application for the first officer position. But then he walked past her to his station and just looked at her, she smiled brightly and felt that everything, absolutely everything, was going to be well.

THE END

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AN: Forgive this slight reference to my other fandom. :)

So, this is it, guys. I did say this story ended when the film ended, didn't I? It ends precisely here.

But, well, I'm not quite that sadistic, so...the first chapter of the sequel, Finding Balance, is already posted, and hopefully it will be a bit more satisfactory than this ending. :)