The Unofficial Rules of Kiddy Grade

By: Sayaalv

(A/N: I own nothing and I saw some rather humorous ideas like this based to Bleach and even Sakura Wars so I decided to try my hand at it with Kiddy Grade. AU slight OOC, maybe a bit of Bashing or implied slash or femslash.)

If something breaks call Éclair to fix it…if it collapses you can safely assume she was being reckless again- Lumiere

1a. Hey! I'm not always reckless- pouting Éclair

1b. Yes you are!- everyone else

If Éclair can't fix it then throw it away and either make or buy a new one- posted by Un-oh and agreed by all but Éclair

2a. Huh why? And why call me to fix it in the first place?- confused Éclair

2b. Because you manage to fix nearly everything Éclair, I've seen you fix a whole in the side of the La Muse before with limited time and materials. It's just as strong and good as a professional could have made it too! – Posted by Lumiere and witnessed by Whirblewind, La Muse, and Eclipse.

If Eclipse ever snickers or grins you are safe to assume that she has either A) just completely fucked over someone sideways or B) joined Éclair and Viola during a prank. Either way it is safe to place bets or run for your sanity and/or lives – worried Mercredi

3a. or she just had a good date/ make-out session… - hinted Sinistra

3b. how the hell did you find out!? –shocked Eclipse

3c. your date/ make-out session took place at a café that Sinistra loves to get fruit parfaits from. –Explained Dextera.

3d…damnitt…

3e. No way?! Chief Eclipse has a date?! Who was it? – shocked Alv

3f. Is it really so shocking that I have a date? I AM a woman! – curious Eclipse

3g. Do you really want us to answer that Chief? – Tweedle Twins.

3h…I don't want to know do I?- wary Eclipse.

3i. No. – all but Eclipse and a confused Viola

Spill you two! Who's Chief Eclipse's date?- curious Tweedle Dee.

4a. You wouldn't believe us if we told you- Sinistra and Dextera

4b. Try us – curious Alv

4c. If you two even think about telling I'll make you both clean every toilet on Anise before going to the next planet on the list until you've cleaned every toilet in the galaxy – blushing Eclipse.

4d…we plead the fifth- Sinistra and Dextera.

4e. Éclair you seem oddly quite about all of this- observed Cesario.

4f. Oh I already knew – Embarrassed Éclair

4g. Spill! – all women but Eclipse and Éclair

4h. I act naïve and reckless but I am not stupid! Hell no I ain't telling – nervous Éclair

My private life is none of your businesses. So kindly stay the HELL OUT OF IT! – furious Eclipse

5a. aww I just wanna know – pouting Viola, agreed by almost all of the women.

5b. no means no so kindly stop stalking me! – exasperated Eclipse

5c. we just wanna make sure he's good enough for you chief – concerned Tweedle Dee

5d. I never said it was a he and you don't have to worry about that. – less exasperated Eclipse.

5e. YOU'RE DATING A GIRL!? – everyone minus Sinistra, Dextera, Eclipse and Éclair.

5f…shit I didn't mean to let that slip… -face-palming Eclipse.

I appreciate the concern and sentiment but I can take care of myself so kindly stop glaring at/ hitting any unknown females that get within ten feet of me! – amused Eclipse

6a. No offense chief but no way in hell is that going to happen. Aside from Alv most of us see you as the mom we either never had or as a second mom since ours is long dead. We aren't going to let anything happen to you or let some tramp try to take you from us- bluntly Un-oh

6b. Is this true? – shocked Eclipse

6c. yes – Tweedle Dee, Lumiere, A-ou, Sinistra and Dextera

6d. hell yeah – Un-oh, Tweedle Dumb, Viola, Cesario.

6f. sorry but we're about the same age so it'd be kinda weird to see you as a mom Eclipse, no offense – sheepish Éclair

6g. That's alright Éclair and everyone? …thank you… - touched Eclipse

6h. So did we butter you up enough for you to tell us the name of your girlfriend? – grinning Un-oh.

6i. No. – Deadpanned Eclipse.

6j. UN-OH! You ruined a perfectly good moment there! – Scolding Tweedle Dee.

6k. Sorry but I don't handle mushiness well! I'm not good talking about feelings other than battle craze!- embarrassed Un-oh

Never ask Un-oh about feelings, you won't get a straight answer and if by some miracle you do get a straight answer he will ruin it somehow – deadpanned Alv

7a. Sorry but my father had taught me to never show or talk about any emotion but battle craze or battle lust whatever you wanna call it! – exasperated Un-oh

7b. What about your mother? – curious Dextera

7c. Never met her. According to my old man she ran off to get married to some other guy when I was a few weeks old – unconcerned Un-oh

7d. That's horrible – shocked female E.S. members

7e. What kind of mother could do that to her own child? – furious Éclair

7f. Not a good one obviously- sarcastic Tweedle Dee

7g. She better not still be alive or else I'll track her down and give her a… 'lecture' on how horrible what she did was. No mother worth calling a mother would do that to her child – growling Dvergr

7h. Agreed! – furious Éclair and Eclipse

7i. you guys… - touched Un-oh

Everyone please remember that while we may not be related by blood we are still a family! When one of us is happy, we're all happy. When one of us is sad, we're all sad. When one of us is hurt, we're all hurt. And if, whoever the hell is the creator of the universe forbids, one of us were to die and stay dead…a piece of us dies with them – Truthful Éclair

8a. that's right! We might not all be related like Alv and Dvergr or the Tweedles but damnitt we're a family! No one hurts my family! – Protective Un-oh

8b. Does that make everyone my big brothers and sisters while Eclipse and Dvergr are the mamas? – innocent Viola

8c. sure Viola. We're all brothers and sisters except for Dvergr and Eclipse, they're the moms… well to all but Éclair since she's the same age as them…- Smiling Tweedle Dumb

Never piss off the mother figures. Trust me on experience with that one – wisely Alv

9a. I agree with her. Pissing off the mother figures is never a good idea and never ends well for you – agreeing Chevalia

9b. Hey how'd you get ahold of this list? – surprised Un-oh

9c. Mother taught me more than just how to break someone's nose… - mysterious Chevalia

9d. What? Those kids at his school kept picking on my poor baby! Since I couldn't or wouldn't kick their asses I taught him how to protect himself, not my fault he got my right hook! – defensive Éclair

9e. I did something similar when Alv was a child in school…although it usually resulted in her breaking some other kids ribs on 'accident' – nodding Dvergr

9f. MOM! –Embarrassed Alv

9g. What it's true and it's nowhere near as bad as what I did when in school? I put one boy in a coma before and that truly was an accident. –confused Dvergr

9h. Nice most I did was put my high school math teacher into the intensive care unit when he tried to force himself on me – grinning Éclair

9i. My friend and somewhat sister is bonding with my mom over violence…am I the only one who thinks this is stranger than normal? – Disbelieving Alv

9j. No… - everyone else

Never piss off Éclair it won't end well for you – A-ou

10a. I said I was sorry! You really shouldn't have let Un-oh call me that though – defensive Eclair

Never steal Sinistra's parfait, he will go nuts – Posted by Eclipse on Dexteras suggestion.

11a. Nuts? He went friggin berserk! – shocked Un-oh

11b. My mother loved fruit parfaits and they are the only thing left that can remind me of her – admitted Sinistra

Never challenge Éclair to an arm-wrestling match. Even when holding back she will always win…and it usually ends in a broken arm – posted by Dextera, witnessed by A-ou, hospitalized by Un-oh

12a. I said I was sorry! I didn't mean to break Un-oh's arm! – defensive Éclair

12b. You broke my arm in five places! – furious Un-oh

12c. And that was with her holding back and with her lipstick off… ominous Cesario

Tweedle Dee and Lumiere are no longer allowed to hold a hacking contest. – Eclipse

13a. Why not? – curious Éclair

13b. Yes why not? – Curious Lumiere and Tweedle Dee

13c. You two had managed to completely shut down the main system of four whole planets with your last one that's why – Deadpanned Eclipse

13d. Good reason – idly Dvergr

Never try to use 'yo mama' jokes on Alv, it's not good for your health. – written by Éclair, witnessed by Viola, hospitalized by Un-oh

14a. You wanna use yo mama jokes on me I respond with the appropriate force, my fist! – protective Alv

14b. really Alv? – amused Eclipse

14c. When I was little my mama taught me that if someone said something I didn't like then I either do one of two things. I either A) ignore it and go about my way or B) if I can't ignore it I make sure they don't say it again – honest Alv

14d. You broke his jaw in three places! – shocked Viola

14e. Like I said make sure he doesn't say it again – unconcerned Alv

14f. That's my girl – proud Dvergr

Never challenge Chief Eclipse to a race you won't win weather she uses her ability or not. The only one who stands a moderate chance for a tie is Éclair and that's with her 'Power' at full force – Tweedle Dumb

Never challenge A-ou or Éclair to drinking contests, the only one who can beat either of them are each other…plus Éclair is more violent than usual when drunk – posted by Un-oh and witnessed by a laughing Alv

16a. No I'm not! – protesting Éclair

16b. Yes you are! You brought down half a neighborhood because one guy grabbed you and I have it all on video! – cackling Alv

16c. It's not like I meant too! I was just trying to get him away from me, not throw him through several buildings! – embarrassed Éclair

Do not give the Tweedles absinthe it will never end well for anyone – Eclipse

17a. I thought it was water! – blushing Tweedle Dee

17b. I thought it was sprite… - embarrassed Tweedle Dumb

17c. Aww the poor little terror twins can't hold their alcohol? – teased Un-oh

17d. Un-oh you are treading on thin ice by teasing them about this and I will not protect you or hide you in my office – bluntly Eclipse

17e. don't worry I'll just distract them with more absinthe! – cheerful Un-oh

17f. It will be in everyone's best interest to not tease the twins about absinthe, Un-oh was just sent to the hospital nearly half dead because he did so. – cackling Alv and Éclair

Do not let Chief Eclipse, Dvergr, or Éclair watch Disney movies at all let alone a marathon of them – Cesario

18a. Not like I knew they were going to react that way! –defensive Viola

18b. Is that why mom is twitching anytime she sees someone that looks like the movie characters? I thought I told you all about how crazy I drove her with those movies when I was little? – Curious Alv

18c. Is that also why Chief Eclipse is refusing to eat apples anymore? – confused Mercredi

18d…I will wager a guess that those movies are also the reason Éclair is hiding from Viola in our house while in the fetal position. – deadpanned Dextera

18e. So that's where she went! She took off just after we got done watching The Little Mermaid even though she seemed to like Pirates of the Caribbean. – exclaimed Viola

It is to be noted that during the girls night and boys night that occur at the same time every month, if Tweedle Dumb does not come to check on his sister every half an hour it is safe to assume the boys are doing something they aren't supposed too. In that scenario it is acceptable for the girls to go find the boys and, if the situation calls for it, give them the beating and scolding of a life time. – Eclipse

19a. The same also applies if Cesario does not come to check on Voila every half an hour – amended Lumiere

If Éclair tells you that 'you don't want to know' take her word for it and let the matter drop…trust me – Un-oh

20a. You insisted on me telling you! –defensive Éclair

20b. Yes and I regret it now! I did not need nor want to see that! – Un-oh

20c. Now I'm curious – Alv

20d. You don't want to know! –Éclair, Un-oh and Eclipse

It is to be noted that Éclair is an amazing cook and works as a chef at a small café on her days off… - Tweedle Dee

21a. Éclair can cook? – Surprised Sinistra

21b. Yes, she makes those fruit parfaits you like so much at that café you spotted me and my date at a while back – Eclipse

21c. Éclair I think I love you…please make me more fruit parfaits! – desperate Sinistra

21d. Haha. Sorry Sinistra but I'm taken. I'll make some parfaits for everyone at lunch though okay? – embarrassed Éclair

21e. Yay! – happy Viola and Sinistra

Just because Éclair is an amazing cook and baker does not mean that it is acceptable for anyone to kidnap her just so that she could cook for them…I'm looking at you two Viola, Sinistra – deadpanned Dvergr

22a. Sorry but her fruit parfait is delicious! – sheepish Viola and Sinistra

22b. You could just ask me to make more you know that right? – curious Éclair

I don't care what the Nouvlesse do to piss you off but please note that not only is it bad PR but also harmful to the poor little wild raccoon to paint it with the G.O.T.T. logo and let it loose in the G.U. meeting Hall – amused Eclipse

23a. One of them tried to grope me and another almost slapped a five year old girl for asking him if he wanted some flowers. They deserved it and more! – furious Éclair

23b. I know they deserved it but the raccoon didn't – snickering Eclipse

23c. Huh the Chief has a sense of humor…who knew? – surprised Alv

Please remember that although we are nearly impossible to kill and stay killed, it does not mean that we aren't humans too. All of us have feelings and emotions and it is never a good idea to bottle them up until the well runs over – Eclipse

24a. Try telling that to the bastards at the G.U. that think we're all their dogs. – Snarling Alv

24b. Calm down Alv it was just a minor wound – calm Dvergr.

24c. What happened? – worried Éclair

24d. One of those G.U. bastards ordered mom to stay still and when she stopped to give him a curious look, he shot her for the hell of it! – Furious Alv

24e. Prepare for a war with the G.U. They hurt one of our own for the hell of it. We won't take this lying down. – growling Eclipse

Never give Éclair soda. She gets sugar rush easily – traumatized Tweedle Dumb

25a. Hey! Not my fault! You gave me a sugar bomb! That thing is 100% sugar and was as big as my fist! – embarrassed Éclair

25b. You still were far to hyper, you managed to beat even Viola on a sugar rush, outrun Eclipse without abilities, bring down half a city, make the Nouvlesse take on a fetal position, and completely thrashed the cyborgs that broke into the lobby…all within ten minutes – amused Dvergr